Alfie in the Snow

It was hard to tear myself away from Tiger, but she needed to rest. While I was with her, she was still my Tiger, she was still here. I knew the minute I was alone, thinking about losing her, I would fall apart. And we still had the problem of George to contend with. My poor boy. My heart was breaking for me but, more than that, it was breaking for him. His first taste of loss was going to be one of the worst, and I wished with all that I was that I could protect him from it. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t protect either of us from this one.

I’d discovered a lot since becoming a parent but this was another level. I knew that not only could I not protect him from Tiger dying, I couldn’t stop the devastation he was going to feel. There was a terrible feeling of hopelessness, there was literally not a thing I could do. For a cat who believed there was a solution to all problems, knowing that there was nothing any of us could do to stop this was horrific. It was the worst feeling ever.

I wanted to wallow, of course I did. I wanted to lie in my bed and cry, and yelp and brood and feel sorry for myself but I couldn’t. Until we told George, which we hoped to do the following day, I had to put a brave face on. I licked my whiskers, and prepared to act as if everything was alright, when in fact at the moment it was exactly the opposite.

George came home just after me.

‘Where were you?’ I asked, hoping my voice sounded normal.

‘I went to see Rocky and he and I chased around a bit then I went to see Hana, who was very pleased to see me in fact,’ he said proudly.

‘I bet she was. Did you have a nice time?’

‘Yes. Dad, your voice sounds funny.’

‘I might have a bit of a furball,’ I said, hoping he would believe me. He nodded and seemed to accept it.

‘Anyway, I want to tell you that there is trouble next door,’ George said.

My ears pricked up. Trouble? Not more, not today. All my energy was going into trying to stay calm, to not fall apart, I had nothing left for trouble.

‘Hana said that Sylvie and Connie had a big row last night. It seems that Connie has been seeing a boy, whatever that means, and Sylvie said she was too young and it had to stop.’

‘Do you mean she’s got a boyfriend?’ I asked. I had learnt a lot about the complexities of human relationships in my time. We cats had relationships but we were far more sensible about it. Though not always, I admitted, thinking of George’s first crush. There was nothing sensible about that.

‘I think so. Hana said that Sylvie was so angry and Connie said she hated her mum, before storming off. Apparently Sylvie took her phone away from her.’

‘Gosh,’ I said, thinking of Aleksy. ‘To a teenager that’s like chopping off one of their limbs.’

‘Well, she couldn’t see what was on the phone as it was locked and Connie refused to unlock it for her. She even threatened to call her dad.’

‘Who, Sylvie or Connie?’

‘Sylvie. Then Connie shouted that her dad didn’t care about her, so to go ahead and she stormed upstairs and slammed her bedroom door, so even Hana couldn’t go and see if she was alright.’

‘Well I’m sure they’ll sort it out, parents often row with their teenagers,’ I said, thoughts of Tiger weighing heavily on me. ‘But if they need help we’re here,’ I added, as brightly as I could.

‘That’s exactly what I said, Dad.’

I tried not to think about Tiger, and how much losing her was going to affect us all, but as I looked at my lovely boy, it was, in fact, all I could think about.

George was playing with Summer and Toby when Franceska called round. She was on her own and Claire let her in, giving her a warm hug. I rubbed her legs, Franceska was one of my favourite people. She was so calm and loving normally but today she didn’t look it.

‘You don’t mind me dropping in?’ she asked, chewing her lip anxiously.

‘Don’t be ridiculous, Frankie, you’re family. Anyway, what’s up? You look worried.’

‘I am stressed. Tomasz is off early today so he’s with the boys, and I had to get out. My Aleksy, my lovely, sweet, sensitive boy, has turned into a monster and I don’t know what to do with him.’

‘OK, first wine, then tell me everything.’ Claire poured out two very large glasses and they sat at the kitchen table. I was just wondering if there was something in the air – just as everything seemed tranquil in my life a bulldozer came and disturbed it, all of it. I was trying to focus on what Frankie was saying and I was worried, of course I was, but my head was so full of thoughts of Tiger, I was struggling to follow.

‘He just doesn’t talk to me any more. I’ve said it so many times but now we’ve had a big row. I asked him about school, he didn’t look at me and said, “Fine”, and I got angry, shouted at him that I was his mum not a stranger and he needed to talk to me. I said I cook and clean and buy his clothes and he shows me no respect. Even Tomasz intervened and told me to calm down which is why I am here. I think he threw me out!’ She started laughing and then she started crying. Claire leant over to give her a hug.

‘Frankie, you never get angry,’ she said, which was for the most part true.

‘I know, but you know he’s so infuriating. I know everyone says it’s just a phase and he’ll grow out of it, but I miss my boy.’

‘I know, I’m dreading it when mine grow up, I can see how hard it is. Aleksy is changing and it’s confusing. He probably has temporarily forgotten how to speak to adults. He’s discovering girls and trying to find his place, being a teenager, trying to fit in, can be really hard too.’

‘I know and I am pushing it, which is wrong. Tommy is still so much fun, I guess that just makes me miss Aleksy more. And also then I worry Tommy is going to be like him soon and I can’t have two of them ignoring me in my own home.’

‘You have to try to give him space, and Sylvie is going through the same.’

‘Yes, but with Connie I understand it more. She’s had to leave her home country, her friends and her dad and start again, right at the wrong age, but Aleksy, well nothing has changed for him, or nothing major.’

‘I know, I feel so bad for Connie but then I also feel bad for Sylvie because she’s struggling too.’

‘Oh goodness, I am such a foolish.’ Franceska’s English was perfect but sometimes, when she got stressed, she got her words a bit muddled. ‘I have Tomasz, who is amazing, I have the restaurants, which are all great, and I have Tommy. And one day I will get my Aleksy back. I should be counting my blessings, not moaning.’

‘That’s not what I meant but when you put it like that,’ Claire laughed. ‘You know Aleksy is so handsome and clever, and he’s kind, he’ll find his way back to you.’

‘Oh Claire, how do you always know to say the right thing?’

‘Meow.’ I had taught her well.

Franceska helped Claire get the children ready for bed and was about to leave when Jonathan came home.

‘Hey ladies,’ he said kissing Claire and giving Franceska a hug. ‘How are we?’

‘Good, and about to leave,’ Franceska replied. ‘You know, before Tomasz sends out a search party. Thank you again, Claire,’ she said, as she kissed her cheek, then she petted me before going.

‘What was she thanking you for?’ Jonathan asked.

‘Oh, she’s worried about Aleksy. You know, the terrible teenager.’

‘Yeah, Tomasz mentioned it. If you ask me he’s discovered girls.’

‘I did think that. Do you think he’s got a girlfriend? He’s only fourteen after all.’

‘Fourteen, going on twenty. They start young these days.’

‘You won’t be saying that about Summer,’ Claire pointed out.

‘No, I’m locking her in the house until she’s thirty,’ Jonathan said, and I wasn’t sure if he was actually joking or not.

But, later, when I was in bed, I got to thinking. Yes, I was consumed with thoughts of my beloved Tiger and how on earth I would cope with losing her, but I couldn’t help thoughts about Aleksy and then Connie popping into my head. And I knew that as soon as I’d visited Tiger in the morning I needed to make a trip. I would go and see Dustbin. Because, if anyone knew what was going on, it would be him and if he didn’t he would help me find out. And perhaps it would distract me from what was happening with Tiger, although at the moment it didn’t feel as if anything would.