Alfie in the Snow

Tiger was gone but Christmas was coming. George and I were silent as we observed the house being decorated. We didn’t talk about Tiger, neither of us were ready yet. I needed to see our friends, but for now I wanted to be silent in my grief. And from what I could see, George felt the same, so I was showing him I was there for him, whilst trying to hold myself together.

Our house looked beautiful with its big tree in the living room that Claire insisted on putting up on the first day of December. It took Jonathan, Matt and Tomasz to carry it in the house, which elicited a lot of words that neither children nor cats should have to listen to. And then they discovered it was too tall for the room, so Tomasz had to saw off the top. Although it wouldn’t be Christmas if it all went smoothly! Claire was so happy about the tree that no amount of Jonathan’s moaning could ruin it for her.

Despite the fact that we were miserable, we tried to enjoy the occasion the way we would most years. The children were so excited as they helped decorate it, as was fast becoming a Christmas tradition. It looked a little bottom heavy as a result but it also reflected our family. There were homemade decorations from both Summer and Toby, their favourite coloured baubles, which they were allowed to choose, and an abundance of tinsel. Toby even begged George not to try to jump into the tree this year. As George had done this every year since he’d been with us, we weren’t confident. Even though he said he would try his best, I had a sneaking suspicion he wouldn’t be able to resist. Our living room had a sudden explosion of tinsel, lights and brightness, and it couldn’t fail but to cheer us up. It was a burst of colour in our very black and white life.

Claire then did as she’d suggested she would and put out lots of candles. I wasn’t sure about them – candles, cats and children weren’t a good combination – but she said this was her nod to ‘hygge’. She hadn’t quite grasped what else it meant so to her it was just far too many candles and, as Jonathan said, ‘turning our house into a fire hazard’.

Claire had also written most of her Christmas cards and she put one through the door at Sylvie’s saying she hoped that they could have a drink over Christmas. Claire, like me, didn’t like giving up, so she was trying to come up with ways to get Sylvie back into our Edgar Road fold. Jonathan told Claire to leave it but she rarely listened to him. I agreed, not just because we liked and cared about Sylvie, but also because both Aleksy and Connie were still being kept apart. I knew (via Hana and George) that Connie was still crying most nights, and Aleksy was miserable without his friend (via Dustbin).

Hana told George that Sylvie had found out that her ex-husband was having a baby with his new woman and that had set her off into deeper depression. He’d even suggested Connie going to spend Christmas with them but Sylvie couldn’t bear to lose the only person she had left in her life. I understood. We were lucky with all the people we loved, despite losing Tiger, but she had no one. It was beyond sad.

I saw her in the street and tried to get her attention but she seemed to look through me as if I was invisible. I really was worried about her and her state of mind. It wasn’t good, I could tell. I needed to do something, and through habit I went to see Tiger, momentarily forgetting that she was no longer there. I was alone to come up with a plan. I wanted to get Hana out of the house, but again, nothing. I thought if I got George in then that would be something, but they didn’t even leave the top windows open any more, so I had no chance. There was literally no way in. George offered to see if he could fit through the letter box but even I knew that wouldn’t work.

I was trying to make my list, in my head. Tiger, gone, but I wasn’t ready to let go. Aleksy, missing his first love, and we all knew what that was like. Connie, isolated and angry with her mother. Sylvie, upset about her divorce but taking it out on the wrong people. Hana, a poor cat caught in the middle. And George, who was still disappearing regularly, still not quite talking to me the way he used to, and obviously hurting but refusing to let me comfort him. It was a lot.

Thank goodness for Christmas. The only speck of happiness on the horizon.

I sat with Claire as she made even more lists. She explained to me she was making a list of presents to get.

‘Everyone likes getting gifts, Alfie, so I am going to make sure I put a lot of thought into it. It’s how us humans show we love each other.’

Ping, I had a brainwave. Gifts, of course. That was the answer. I would win Sylvie over by getting her gifts. I went off for my afternoon nap and to try to make my own list of what I could get her.

‘I am never speaking to him again,’ I heard Toby shout as the front door opened and, along with a gust of icy wind, Claire, Toby and Summer burst in.

‘Toby, calm down,’ Claire pleaded. She chewed her bottom lip, worriedly. Summer was looking a bit startled, after all she wasn’t the one being dramatic for once and she didn’t seem to know how to handle that. Toby’s face was red and angry. Oh no, what now, I thought. This was not good. Our Toby was such a star. He had come to us age five having been adopted, and not having had a great start in life. At first he’d had nightmares, which George had stopped, and then he’d had a fear of being sent away. But finally, he now seemed to feel, to believe, he was the important part of the family that he really was. It was both heart-breaking that he’d been through that but heart-warming that he had us now and we had him. We all loved him so much. Just as much as Summer.

‘I will not calm down. It’s not fair.’ He sounded a bit like Summer as he stamped his foot. I guess he’d been taking lessons. I was glad for once that George was out; this scene would have definitely upset him. None of us liked it when Toby was unhappy, although I didn’t recall seeing him this angry before.

‘OK, but Tobe, you have to tell me, because you just sulked all the way home and neither you nor Henry would speak. So can one of you please let me know what’s going on?’ Claire ran her hands through her hair. Toby and Henry were best friends, inseparable, so I didn’t like the sound of them falling out.

‘I will not.’ Toby crossed his arms and then looked a little unsure what to do.

‘Oh Mummy, what happened is this,’ Summer said. ‘They announced the Jesus play people in assembly today. I’m a star. Daddy says I’m a star anyway, so I think that’s why they cast me.’

‘I am guessing you mean nativity, and Summer, yes you are a star, but please can you tell me why this has made Tobe in such a bad mood.’ Claire tried to hug him but he slipped out of range.

‘He’s Joseph, who is baby Jesus’ daddy, but not his real one because Mary was a virgin.’

‘Oh God, Summer, who told you the nativity story?’ Claire asked, although it was a little off point.

‘Daddy.’

Claire rolled her eyes. ‘But Toby, that’s the main part, along with Mary of course, that’s amazing, you should be very proud. I’m very proud.’

I was very proud too, look how far Toby had come.

‘Well I’m not, because I have to hold hands with Emma Roper. She’s Mary and I don’t like her. She’s a girl.’

‘I’m a girl,’ Summer pointed out.

‘You’re my sister, that’s different,’ Toby said.

‘True.’ Summer nodded.

I saw Claire look between them, unsure where to go with this, and I have to say I wasn’t sure either.

‘OK, so you don’t want to hold hands, but what has this got to do with Henry?’ Claire asked.

‘He’s the donkey,’ Toby said.

‘Ah,’ Claire said.

‘I wanted to be the donkey. Everyone knows the donkey is the best part ever.’ Toby burst into tears and ran up to his room.

‘What on earth am I supposed to do about this?’ Claire asked.

‘Leave it to Daddy, he is so much better at all this than you,’ Summer said sagely, and leaving Claire open-mouthed, and me a little bemused, she went to join Toby.

‘He’s really not,’ Claire said.

‘Meow,’ I agreed; he really wasn’t.

‘I hope that she’s only saying that because she’s such a daddy’s girl,’ Claire added, stroking me.

‘Meow,’ I agreed. Claire and I would probably have to sort this one out, just as we sorted everything out.

The doorbell rang and Claire opened it to find Polly on the doorstep.

‘I left Matt with the kids, but had to come and see you. Is Toby alright?’ Polly asked, coming in and picking me up, taking me to the kitchen with her.

‘I was about to go and see, but Sum’s up there with him. He’s really upset.’ Claire’s lips twitched, as did Polly’s, and to my great surprise they both burst out laughing. What kind of parenting was this?

‘Oh, I’m sorry Claire, but Henry was so pleased with himself. He kept saying how everyone wanted to be the donkey and he was chosen for his acting skills and the best thing was that everyone knew that donkeys didn’t have to hold hands with girls.’

‘Poor Toby is so distraught. I told him he’d got the main part but he wasn’t having it. He said he doesn’t like the girl who plays Mary, or he doesn’t like any girls actually.’

‘Poor girl, she’ll get a complex. Anyway, Emma’s a sweetie, she was at Henry’s last birthday party remember, and they all seemed to be friends then.’

‘Oh, how things change in the minds of our babes. But what do we do? Summer thinks Jonathan is going to sort it all out.’

‘Really? She’s delusional when she comes to him.’

‘Is Martha like that with Matt?’

‘No, she knows he’s hopeless at sorting things out, stemming from when he was out of work that time and I was at work most of the time. Things were chaotic.’ Polly shuddered, as did I. It had been a bad time for all of them and Polly was right: the house was a mess, and everyone was struggling. It took Matt quite a while to learn how to cope with the children and the house. No one knew why he was so hopeless, although he’s much better now.

‘Anyway, I better put the kids’ tea on, but what are we going to do?’ Claire asked. ‘Henry has always been such a good friend to Toby, and I couldn’t bear it if they fell out.’

‘Oh, kids fall out all the time, they’ll be best friends in no time, and you know Henry can’t hold a grudge, he doesn’t have the attention span. A bit like his father. But anyway, what I will do is tell Henry to convince Toby that being Joseph is a really good thing. I’ll bribe him somehow if I need to.’

‘Oh thanks Pol, it would be amazing if we could sort this out. And I’ll tell him that Joseph is an amazing part – oh, I’ll say the sign of a good actor is pretending and if he can pretend to like the girl then that will show how amazing he is.’

‘Perfect. Thank goodness for us. I’ll bring Henry round before school tomorrow, and if you like I’ll walk all the kids to school for you.’

‘Oh, that would be fab. Now if only we could sort out Sylvie as easily.’

‘I think that might take a bit more. But we’ll come up with something.’

‘Meow,’ I shouted. They meant I would.

‘Yes, Alfie, you’ll help us as well,’ Claire said, stroking me. Helping? Actually, it would all be down to me.

Toby sulked all through tea, despite Claire trying to convince him that he must be the best actor the school had ever seen. Summer thankfully agreed with everything her mum said, and I could see Toby wavering. He was listening, but he was also refusing to budge just yet. He did remind me of George.

That night I put the first phase of my plan into action. Giving gifts isn’t easy for cats. We don’t have money or go to shops, we certainly can’t gift-wrap. But when I first moved to Edgar Road, I’d tried to win Jonathan over with my version of a present. He’d pretended he hated them but it must have worked because look at us now. So, confident in my plan and with a thought for how proud Tiger would be of me, I waited until everyone was asleep and went to find one of the street’s nocturnal cats. I didn’t spend much time with them, seeing as I was pretty much always asleep at night, but we were all friendly enough on our street. I found Lucky, a big black cat, and told him what I needed. I didn’t have to wait long before he presented me with a juicy mouse, who unfortunately was no more. Despite my feelings of distaste, I took it to Sylvie’s doorstep and left it by the front door. When she opened her door in the morning and saw the gift I’d left for her, she wouldn’t be able to help but feel wanted on the street.