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JEH

DOCUMENT INSERT: 7/9/60. Official FBI Telephone Call Transcript: “Recorded at the Director’s Request”/”Classified Confidential 1-A: Director’s Eyes Only.” Speaking: Director Hoover, Special Agent Kemper Boyd.

KB: Good afternoon, Sir.

JEH: Kemper, I’m peeved at you. You’ve been avoiding me for some time.

KB: I wouldn’t put it that way, Sir.

JEH: Of course you wouldn’t. You’d put it in a way calculated to minimize my rancor. The question is, would you have contacted me if I hadn’t contacted you?

KB: Yes, Sir. I would have.

JEH: Before or after the coronation of King Jack the First?

KB: I wouldn’t call the coronation a sure thing, Sir.

JEH: Does he have a delegate majority?

KB: Almost. I think he’ll be nominated on the first ballot.

JEH: And you think he’ll win.

KB: Yes, I’m reasonably certain.

JEH: I can’t dispute that. Big Brother and America have all the earmarks of a fatuous love affair.

KB: He is going to retain you, Sir.

JEH: Of course he is. Every President since Calvin Coolidge has, and you should temper your distancing process with the knowledge that Prince Jack will be in office for a maximum of eight years, while I shall remain in office until the Millennium.

KB: I’ll keep that in mind, Sir.

JEH: I would advise you to. You should also be advised that my interest in Big Brother extends beyond the confines of wishing to keep my job. Unlike you, I have altruistic concerns, such as the internal security of our nation. Unlike you, my primary concern is not self-preservation and monetary advancement. Unlike you, I do not credit the ability to dissemble as my single greatest skill.

KB: Yes, Sir.

JEH: Allow me to interpret your reluctance to contact me. Were you afraid I would ask you to introduce Big Brother to Bureau-friendly women?

KB: Yes and no, Sir.

JEH: Meaning?

KB: Meaning Little Brother doesn’t entirely trust me. Meaning the primary campaign schedule was hectic and only left me time to procure local call girls. Meaning I might have been able to house Big Brother in hotel rooms with standing Bureau bugs, but Little Brother has been around law enforcement for years, and he just might know that co-opt bugs like that exist.

JEH: I always reach a certain point with you.

KB: Meaning?

JEH: Meaning I don’t know whether or not you’re lying, and to one degree or another I don’t care.

KB: Thank you, Sir.

JEH: You’re welcome. It was an appalling compliment, but a sincere one. Now, are you going to Los Angeles fur the convention?

KB: I’m leaving tomorrow. I’ll be staying at the downtown Statler.

JEH: You’ll be contacted. King Jack will not want for female friendship should he find himself bored between accolades. -

KB: Electronically-adorned friends?

JEH: No, just good listeners. We’ll talk about some co-opt work during the fall campaign, if Little Brother trusts you with travel plans…

KB: Yes, Sir.

JEH: Who assaulted Ward Littell?

KB: I’m not sure, Sir.

JEH: Have you spoken to Littell?

KB: Helen Agee called and told me about the beating. I called Ward at the hospital, but he refused to tell me who did It.

JEH: Pete Bondurant comes to mind. He’s involved in your Cuban escapades, isn’t he?

KB: Yes, he is.

JEH: Yes, he is, and?

KB: And we talk as Agency business dictates.

JEH: The Chicago Office was satisfied with Bondurant’s alibi. The alibi-giver was a reputed Heroin trafficker with numerous rape convictions inside Cuba, but as Al Capone once said, an alibi is an alibi.

KB: Yes, Sir. And as you once said, antiCommunism breeds strange bedfellows.

JEH: Goodbye, Kemper. I very much hope that our next communique is at your instigation.

KB: Goodbye, Sir.