Angelica Lost and Found

Chapter 44. Dos Arbolitos, Endlessly Rocking

I gave Dr Levy notice and moved on to my third shrink, Dr Long. Dave Michnik, one of our painters, said he was a no-bullshit guy. Dr Long worked out of a houseboat called Dos Arbolitos at Sausalito. The dancing ripple pattern on the ceiling was reassuring and the gentle lapping of the water endlessly rocking made me feel sleepy and safe.

‘Dos Arbolitos,’ I said. ‘Two little trees.’

‘You know the song?’

‘I’ve got a CD with it but all I remember is the title and the fact that it’s a huapango. Is there a story behind that name for your houseboat?’

‘There’s a story behind everything but let’s talk about you.’

Dr Long was a tall man in jeans and a denim shirt. He had startling blue eyes and a long face that always seemed ready to — and frequently did — break into a half-smile.

‘You don’t look like a shrink,’ I said.

‘I charge like one though,’ he said. ‘What can I do for you? If anything.’

‘I have a reality problem.’

‘That’s called life.’

‘But I’m living in two realities. Maybe more.’

‘And?’

‘I’m trying to understand them, trying to define what they are.’

‘Why?’

‘So I’ll know, so I can deal with them.’

‘Knowing won’t help. That’s a waste of energy. Get practical.’

‘How?’

‘It doesn’t matter how many realities there are or what they are; just handle them one at a time and do whatever needs to be done.’

‘That’s theory; practice is something else. I want to talk about Volatore Two.’

‘But you haven’t told me about Volatore One yet.’

So I told him all there was to tell about Volatore.

‘And I still don’t know if it was real. I mean, how can a woman have sex with an imaginary creature that only exists in a book?’

‘Everything is real — try to remember that.’

‘Even a hallucination?’

‘Even a hallucination. You experienced it; whatever it was, it happened to you and is part of your reality.’

‘You’re batting a thousand, Doc. I’m ready to throw away my placebos. Have you read Orlando Furioso, by the way?’

‘Yes, I have. Did you make up the name Volatore?’

‘No, he, the hippogriff, told it to me.’

‘Are you in love with him?’

‘Yes, but I want him to be somebody I can walk down the street with, and he can only assume human form if he takes over someone else’s body. I’ve told you all that.’

‘What if you did walk down the street with him in his original hippogriff form — do you think other people would see him?’

‘I’m afraid to try that experiment. Can we move on to Volatore Two?’

‘OK.’

‘He had the same smell and he knew about the painting of Ruggiero and Angelica in El Paso. He himself did a weird painting while in a sort of trance, then he came out of it, didn’t remember doing the painting, and hasn’t painted since. I keep wondering if Volatore played any part in that.’

‘Where is the original Volatore now?’

‘I don’t know. Somehow we dropped out of the Ariosto story and now we’ve lost touch.’

‘Have you tried to contact him?’

‘No, this double-reality stress got to be too much for me and I’ve just been trying to get my head straight for a while now.’

‘Do you want to find him?’

‘Yes, I do.’

‘So will you try to reach him now?’

‘Yes, I will. It’s something I have to think about.’

‘What is there to think about?’

‘How to do it.’

‘Don’t you know how?’ The ripple pattern on the ceiling was moving faster, as if speeded up by his voice.

‘It’s a trial-and-error thing,’ I said, ‘and I’ll have to do it in my own time if you’ll allow me.’

‘You sound defensive.’

‘Yes.’

‘Why?’

‘I feel attacked.’

‘I’m not attacking you.’

I looked at my watch.

‘Isn’t my time up?’ I said. ‘You probably have someone coming for your next session.’

Dr Long shook his head.

‘Is it possible,’ he said, ‘that you’re not altogether sure you want to be with Volatore again?’

‘I have to go now,’ I said. ‘I’m expected elsewhere.’