Barely Legal

99

Mario was skeptical. “You don’t have the money?”

“I have the money. I don’t have it now.”

“That’s the same as you don’t have the money.”

“Not at all. I have the money, and I will give it to you. Not next week. Not tomorrow. Today. I will give it to you today because today is payday and you are Mario Payday, and you are the one who gets paid.”

“That is a lot of fancy talk for a man who doesn’t have the money.”

“Let me explain.”

“I don’t want to hear you explain. I just want the money.”

“I quite understand. Do you understand? Your business, I mean. Do you understand your business?”

Carlo took a step toward Herbie, but Mario stopped him. “I understand my business perfectly. I do not need a lecture from you.”

“You understand your business perfectly from your point of view. You don’t understand it from mine. What kind of a guy borrows ninety thousand dollars from Mario Payday?”

“You didn’t. You borrowed it from Vinnie the Vig.”

“Exactly. And more to the point, what type of guy borrows ninety thousand dollars from Vinnie the Vig?”

“He’d have to be pretty desperate,” Carlo said.

Mario gave him a look. It was bad enough listening to the guy’s talk. He didn’t need his own boys helping him.

“You’ve got to be a pretty bad risk to borrow from Vinnie the Vig,” Herbie said. “You need to be at loose ends because the interest is going to kill you more often than not. To put yourself in that kind of hole, you must be a hard-core addict, the type of gambler who can never walk away from the table a winner because as long as he’s got any cash at all, he’s going to bet it. You know that type of guy? Of course you know that type of guy. That type of guy pays for all your fancy suits.”

“I’m not amused, Mr. Fisher. You’ve got two minutes before you’re out the window again. I wouldn’t waste them.”

“You know what it’s like with an addict. One drink, and they’re back on the sauce. Or one hand of cards. Well, that’s me, and that’s how I ran through my money, and that’s why I have a conservator. He was put in charge of clearing up all my past debts, and making sure I didn’t accrue any present ones. Well, this is a past debt, and he has to honor it, which he is willing to do. The only problem is he won’t give me the money.”

“Hey,” Carlo said, “what kind of runaround is this?”

Mario put up his hand. “Mr. Fisher, my boys are getting impatient. You say you can get the money, then you say you can’t. While I certainly appreciate the circuitous logic you’re spewing, if it does not end with me getting the money, it would be very unfortunate for all concerned.”

“Of course you get the money, and you get it today. I’m just explaining why it isn’t in my pocket. My conservator wouldn’t give me ninety thousand dollars to pay you because he knows I am an addict, and you don’t give ninety thousand dollars to an addict. He knows I’d go straight to the track.”

“That would be most unwise, Mr. Fisher.”

“To try to double my money before I paid you off? To an addict like me that would seem like the wisest thing in the world. But that’s not going to happen because my conservator won’t give the money to me, but he’ll give it to you. Which frankly would be a big relief. I would like this matter resolved as much as you would. So what do you say? Let’s go get it.”

“Who is this conservator?”

“My uncle Henry, who was put in this position because he was a hard-nose, pain-in-the-ass stick-in-the-mud who won’t make a move without a second or third opinion. You can be assured he has looked you up, knows you are who you say you are, knows you have a reputation, and knows you are not the type of man to forgive a debt. He has come to the conclusion that you have to be paid, though I must say, he is not happy about it.”

“The happiness of your uncle is not my top priority.”

“I understand. Unfortunately, it’s one of mine.” Herbie gestured to the door. “Shall we?”

Mario Payday frowned. “Are you sure Uncle Henry has the money?”

“I just got off the phone with him.”

“Why can’t he bring it to us?”

“He doesn’t like traveling with that much cash.”

“And yet he has it with him. That makes no sense.”

“He lives near the bank,” Herbie said. “He doesn’t live near you.”

Mario Payday took a puff on his cigar. He exhaled a billow of smoke and nodded to the goon who was his driver. “Bring the car around.”