Beloved

Chapter Twenty-Nine

~Seven days later-Afghanistan~

“Fuck. I didn’t miss this shithole!” I glance over at Mark, who’s looking out at the village on the left, checking for anything out of the norm.

“Need to clean the sand out of your vag, Muff? Does Kitty know you’re this big of a pussy?” Mark taunts like the douchebag he is.

I scoff at his sorry attempt at a jab. “Kiss my ass. Try not to sparkle too much while we’re here. You might draw some hijab attention.” I give him the finger and he starts laughing. “Also, don’t talk about Catherine.”

“Touchy. Have you told her yet?”

“No,” I say with no room for further discussion. He’s already told me I need to tell her about my past, but I wasn’t going to drop that shit on her lap and rush off to deal with the mess here.

Mark and I didn’t speak for the first leg of the trip, both of us dealing with the loss of yet another member of our team. This shit is fucking with both of us. We started with six—and then there were two. When you’re active duty, you know your time is numbered. Once you’re out, though, that’s not how you think anymore.

I look to the left, take a deep breath, and regret doing that immediately. The Humvee smells like shit, but we’ve been traveling for five long ass days, so we aren’t any better. We flew into Spain and waited there for two days. Rota reminded me of the trouble we got in during the last deployment here. It was a fucking joke. We drank, ate, drank some more, and worked out. Made bank and went home.

Then we flew into Dubai for another two days. At least in Dubai there’s a ton of shit to do. Of course, it was only supposed to be a five-hour layover, but when you’re flying on Navy equipment, you expect the unexpected. Which is a nice way of saying prepare for that shit to break.

Since we’ve hit the sandbox, it’s been nothing but constant bullshit. Our convoy never met us at the base we flew into. I had to call a bunch of old friends to get someone to come get us, then take us to Camp Victory so we could claim Aaron’s body. Normally that’s not how it works, but I don’t give a fuck. He’s our brother and we weren’t leaving him to fly alone. Mark had to pull a few strings to get it done, but he felt the same way. We owed Natalie that much.

Now we’re heading to the IED site. Another favor I cashed in. Whatever. At this rate, I just want to get some damn answers on how they fucked this up.

“By the way, asshat, this doesn’t count as my vacation,” Mark lets me know through the mics on our helmets.

I adjust my Kevlar so I can breathe. This shit didn’t get any lighter. We’re fully loaded and tacked out. “You said you wanted the sun and the sand. I delivered.”

“Funny.” He laughs.

We approach the site and my guard instantly goes up. I slip right back into battle mode.

I get out first.

“Hey, Muff, watch your six,” Mark says seriously. We’ve done enough missions together to know when the tone changes, it means something’s not right. “I have a bad feeling about the mountains up on the left,” Mark says, pointing to the rocky terrain.

“Yeah, I have a bad feeling about this whole fucking place. Cover me.”

I hear the door close behind me. The debris is cleared for the most part. Considering we’re a week behind, a lot of the intel I could’ve gotten is pretty much gone, but you never know. I’ve seen insurgents sing like canaries for a soda. Everyone has a price and today, I’m the banker.

I scan the area. So far there’s a few kids playing soccer and a woman standing by the fence, talking to another child. Ahead of me I see what looks like some pieces of the explosion. I lean down right as a ball comes flying in front of my face. The kids are laughing at the almost collision. I grab the ball and smile—I’ve just found my bargaining chip.

I crouch low to the ground and sling my gun onto my back. Probably not the smartest move, but I need the kids to come close. Plus, Mark’s behind me along with the other two guys we grabbed when we rolled out. “Want the ball?” I ask, holding it out.

The two kids nod and walk over.

This might be too easy.

I hold the ball out and the little girl gives me a huge smile. She’s cute as hell. I place the ball between us and pull it back. She giggles and reaches out. We do this four times before I hand it over. “Do you speak English?”

We didn’t bring a translator with us, so I’m on my own. We may have to draw pictures in the dirt.

She nods but doesn’t speak.

“I’m Ja—Muff. What’s your name?” I almost told her my real name like a fucking idiot. It’s bad enough we’re in uniforms with our names on them. I get to walk around bumfuck Afghanistan with my last name on me. Perfect.

She stares at me and finally responds, “Cat.”

My eyes go wide. What the fuck? Cat? I don’t know if it’s her name or if it’s the only English word she knows.

I shake my head and go back to the little girl. “Your name is Cat?”

She holds her ball and nods her head yes.

I smile and think about Catherine, going back to the day I left. The way she looked. How I was so blind with rage I couldn’t even talk to her. She has no clue what it was like for me to walk away from her. It was bad enough when she pushed me away, but to know it’s me this time—it’s fucking killing me. She captivates me, makes me want to try again, to feel things I swore I’d never allow myself to feel. Those brown eyes get me every time. It’s only been a week, but I miss her. I wish I could hear her voice and beg her to take me back. Something’s kept me from calling her, though. It’s better this way. I don’t care if someone thinks it makes me a pussy. I’m far from it.

Suddenly the little girl turns and runs back to her brother, who’s screaming her name.

Fuck.

I turn back to Twilight, who’s staring off at the perimeter. I kick myself for thinking the little girl would give us any answers. Mark was right when he said this was stupid. There’s no court of law and no one gives a damn here, but I couldn’t let it go. Again, because of me and my choices someone else’s blood is on my hands. It was my fucking mission—I sent him. I made him go, even though his wife was seven months pregnant, because I was dealing with the stupid cosmetics shit—which I never wanted in the first place. It was never supposed to be my job. It was for her. Now it’s my goddamn mess. Running one company was responsibility enough, but two?

As I walk to the detonation point, the air shifts.

My entire body goes still. Not a muscle moves.

The hairs on my arms rise. I take a breath as everything around me becomes crystal clear and moves in slow motion. The tree on my left is moving. A bird flies to the north. A sense of calm washes over me as the sound barrels toward me.

I can count the seconds. I know it’s coming.

The heartbeats of time pass.

Until it hits.

The bullet rips through my skin and muscle before exiting the other side. I jerk back from the impact of the gunshot. Everything stops as my body registers what my mind was prepared for. I’ve been shot.

Pain. Numb. Pain. It crushes together.

I hunch over as another bullet shreds through my body. I buckle and crumple to the ground as the agony becomes too much. Holy fucking shit! I curse and yell as the sound of bullets rains down.

“Shots fired! Shots fired!” I hear from a distance.

Yeah, no shit shots fired.

“He’s down!” I hear Mark call out from behind the Humvee.

The bullets hit the ground around me. The sound of each one bouncing on the dirt just inches away from me vibrates in my head.

I start to crawl toward the truck for cover.

Another bullet hits.

“Fuuuuuuuuuuuuck!” I scream out as it tears through me.

“Don’t move!” Mark yells franticly as I try to roll and grab my gun.

“On the roof! Sniper on the roof,” I cry out.

Pop. Pop. Pop. I hear them over and over. Heavy gunfire fills my ears as Mark continues to yell at me. All I see is red. My vision fades in and out.

Black.

Red.

White.

“Kill them and let’s go!” Mark’s loud voice says over the sound of bullets. “Up on the ridge. There’s another one!”

I return fire, trying to shoot my way to safety. The sounds of screaming and gunfire are all I register.

“Muff!” Mark calls out as my vision starts to fade. The pain is unlike anything I’ve ever felt before.

Everything becomes foggy. My eyes. I’m so tired. But then I see her. She’s beautiful. Her dark blue eyes pierce through the pain, giving me numbness. Her long blond hair is exactly as I remember. She walks toward me with her hand outstretched. “Madelyn.” Her name rolls off my tongue effortlessly. She steps closer as I extend my arm. Closer and closer, her eyes stay locked on mine.

“Jackson, no! Stay with me,” I hear. Catherine’s voice. The sound of it jolts me and I drop my hand.

“Catherine,” I call out to her.

Opening my eyes, I see Mark’s face contort as he continues to shoot. “Motherfucker! Move!” Using my arms, I try to crawl closer.

I see him throw his gun down and rush toward me.

“Mark,” I croak. My vision is hazy.

I’m weak. I can’t hold on.

The pain is taking over and I can’t fight the black.

I close my eyes. There’s no fight. I’m too tired. She’s here, waiting for me with her long brown hair and chocolate brown eyes—she’s perfect. It’s too much. In the dark, I see her. In the dark, there’s no pain, no guilt—just her.

I focus on the warmth in her eyes and succumb to the numbness.