Beloved

Chapter Four

I step out of Raven’s building into the warm air, but a chill settles over me. I can’t believe what happened in the meeting. Of all the possible scenarios I was prepared for, Neil being the other publicist and Piper being a consultant was not one of them. I heard she’d been busy with her firm, but her attempt at surprise when she saw me was complete bullshit.

Then to have my research stolen by Neil? I’m at a loss on what to do. All I know is there’s no way I’ll allow him to get away with this. I’ve never been aggressive with him—I was always the perfect girlfriend, quiet and supportive. Good thing I’m not his girlfriend anymore. I deserve an explanation for this, among many other things.

I stand off to the side of the main entrance, waiting for Neil to exit. I hear him before I see him. He’s talking on his phone as he walks out, so I stand and wait. With each passing second my anger grows more and more. Who does that to someone? It’s so unethical. So … fucked-up. I’m about to lose it. He continues talking to whoever’s on the other line while I stare incredulously at this man I loved with every fiber of my being. The man with warm brown eyes, a smile that could light up a room, and soft sandy brown hair, which I used to run my hands through to put him to sleep. That was then. Right now all I see is a liar and a thief. I’m ready to get this confrontation over with. I walk over, grab his phone out of his hand, and end his call.

“What the—” Neil starts to say, whipping his head up. When he realizes it’s me, his mouth quirks into a self-satisfied grin.

That’s all I need to release the fury I was barely holding on to.

“How dare you? You son of a bitch!”

“Now Cat, you need to calm down. I’m not sure why you’re so upset.” A red haze begins to take over my vision.

“Not sure? Are you stupid? Oh wait! I already know the answer to that, you prick!” The scales deciding whether or not to inflict bodily harm are tipping decidedly toward inflicting. If I were on a seesaw, I’d be on the downside, heading to hell.

He looks at me as though I’m insane. I’m sure I appear to be to anyone passing us on the streets of New York City.

He raises one eyebrow and smirks. “You should really be more careful. I hear it’s very easy to forget things when you’re not paying attention. Like the funny way passwords save when you login on someone else’s computer.”

“Wow! You have some balls. You hack into my email, steal and use my presentation, and this is what you say to me? No ‘I’m sorry?’” I’m trying to control myself, but each time he speaks the fight is leaving me.

“Well, love, it’s not hacking if I have a password. Plus, we were going to share a life together. I didn’t think you’d mind sharing a few statistics for old times’ sake,” he replies smugly.

That’s it. I raise my hand, rear it back, and slap him across the face, enjoying the bite as it connects. The sound reverberates, causing a few people to stop and stare. My palm stings, but it reminds me that this is real. I’ve hit him. Finally. I’ve done what I wanted to for far too long and it feels damn good. Considering I had to sit through a two-hour meeting next to his self-righteous, project-stealing ass, I’ve earned the right to do a lot worse.

The shock blankets his face before he recovers, rubbing his now reddened skin. “Well that wasn’t very nice.”

I continue forward, pure hatred flowing through my body—it’s red, ugly, and can no longer be controlled. He’s quick, though, and anticipates my next move. His arms wrap around my shoulders, pulling me against him. Using whatever strength I have, I punch him in the chest over and over again. I know I’m not causing any damage, but I can’t stop. Each blow is a release of the pain he’s inflicted on my life. The cheating, stealing, lying, and the way he makes me feel worthless expels with each fist I land.

“I hate you! Don’t touch me! You asshole!” I scream and continue my assault. Neil grabs my arms, pinning them to my sides so that I can’t hit him any more. I’m flush against his body. My brain ceases to make rational decisions as I sink into him. Memories of being in his arms surround me. I remember the strength and love they once held for me, the way they used to hold me for hours after making love, how he would wrap them around me from behind when I would do dishes. Why am I leaning into him? I close my eyes, pretending I’m his fiancé again and that the last three months were just a misunderstanding, a bad dream. As angry as I was a few minutes ago, it’s gone now, morphed into pain and sadness. I wanted him to love me. I needed him. He promised to cherish me. I inhale, taking in the scent that’s all Neil—cinnamon and coffee. Losing myself in the past, a tear falls from my lashes and slowly glides down my cheek to rest upon my lip.

I turn my head into his chest as his grip tightens around my arm. “You don’t hate me. You’re just pissed because you want me back.”

The words force me to remember he’s not the man I loved—this is the man who destroyed my world. He took from me and made no apologies for hurting anyone. This person has allowed me to spend my time wondering what I did wrong and why I wasn’t worthy while he moved on with Piper. He’s not a man—he’s a coward.

Gathering the hate and anger I previously held, I shove back against him. “No, Neil, that’s where you’re wrong. I want to be around when karma finds you so I can sit back and watch with a big bowl of popcorn.”

“You should save your energy, love. You’ll need it if you think you’re going to get this account,” he scoffs.

I lean in close and whisper, “Let’s be crystal clear, you cheating bastard. You fuck with me again, I’ll ruin you, love.” I kiss his cheek and lift my knee straight into his balls. With him hunched over and clutching his junk, I turn and walk away before he can reply.

I start walking as adrenaline floods my system. Oh my God, I physically assaulted him. While I’m relieved that I stood up for myself, I can’t believe I actually slapped him, punched him, and then kneed him where it hurts. I’ve never in my entire life hit someone, and I’m not sure how to handle the high I’m on right now. I need Ashton and I need a drink.

I walk another few blocks, letting my pulse return to normal, before I hail a cab. Once my hands are steady, I grab my phone and text Ashton.

Me: I swear you’re never gonna believe this shit!

Ashton: You got the account???

How I wish that were the case. It would at least make this day worth it.

Me: No decision yet. Will you be home tonight?

Ashton: Be there by 6 xoxo

I call Taylor and let her know I’m going home instead of heading back to the office. I can do a few things remotely anyway. She almost goes postal when she hears Piper was in the meeting. I relay the turn of events to a stunned Taylor—everything from Neil stealing my presentation to our showdown outside the building. There are times in your life you wish there were a reset button—this is one of those times. My anxiety is starting to rise again. What if Piper’s involved with the entire project? There’s no way I could deal with her day in and day out, pretending she doesn’t bother me. I head to the station, anxious to get home and glean some wisdom from Ash. She always knows how to talk me down.

With perfect timing, I catch the train back to Hoboken—luckily, there was one leaving in five minutes. I have a three-seat row all to myself, which almost never happens. I’m usually crammed in a middle seat, trying to avoid people touching me. However, this ride I’m going to stretch out and enjoy the peace.

The conductor’s voice comes overhead, informing us the train will be delayed. Fine by me. I close my eyes and sink into the seat. I’m spent from the meeting and my confrontation with Neil. He deserved to be dealt with, even if it did cost me the account and my possible promotion. Whichever way the account goes, this day has been overwhelming. I’m going to use this time to relax, not think, and clear my mind of all the drama I just endured.

“Hello.” I hear a familiar voice and open my eyes. Scanning the train car, I see him. Jackson. He’s one row back, and he’s staring right at me with a dimpled grin.

This day keeps getting better and better.

“I’ll call you back,” he says into his phone. He ends the call and stands, smiling over at me. “I thought that was you.” The timbre of his voice travels straight to my core.

God, he’s even more handsome than I remember. The sight of him dressed in dark blue jeans and a tight olive green T-shirt, which makes his eyes more green than blue today, causes my heart to flutter in my chest. He reaches up and grabs his bag from the rack above his head. As he moves, his shirt lifts so I can see his ripped abs.

Wow.

“Mind if I join you?” he asks, snapping me out of my dreaming.

“Ummm, sure. I have room.” I scoot over to the window, looking down and allowing my hair to create a veil. If I can control my blushing, I’ll be shocked. Hiding my emotions has never been something I’ve excelled at outside of work. Hard as I try, people usually see right through me. The last three months have given me some practice, but here I sit, red-faced and wide-eyed because of him.

“Thanks. I’m Jackson, in case you forgot.” Jackson’s hand extends, his eyes soft and warm as he waits to shake my hand.

“Catherine. I remember you, though,” I say, placing my tiny hand in his.

My arm feels like it’s been shocked—the current running from his body to mine feels as if I’ve grabbed a live electrical wire. I gasp and pull my hand from his. The sensation was so strong and intense that my fingers are tingling.

I look to Jackson, who is opening and closing his hand. I wonder if he felt it too.

“So you do have a name. I like it. Nice to meet you again, Catherine.”

“Yes, what are the odds?” I seem to be on some kind of eternal karmic payback plan. Why not? Keep piling more on top of my already ridiculous day. At least if it all comes on at once, I can get a reprieve … eventually.

Jackson clears his throat, which draws my attention to his beautiful face. “Fall into any more handsome strangers’ laps since I last saw you?” His grin is playful. It seems to melt any irritation I’d begun to feel over my luck.

“Who said you’re handsome?”

“Lots of people. What do you think?” Jackson asks and I burst out laughing.

“I think you’re … ” I look around, trying to appear allusive before responding, “Funny.” There. He can take that however he wants.

“You know, I’m more than just handsome and funny.”

“I bet you are, but I never said handsome.” I smile and shake my head.

Jackson shifts in his seat. “Yes, but you haven’t said I’m not.” His brow rises. “Well? Any more casualties?”

“Anyone ever tell you you’re a pain in the ass?”

He shrugs and leans closer to me. “I’ve been called worse.” His voice drops to a low rasp. “I didn’t mind having your ass on me. It’s not every day I get to save a beautiful woman.”

“I wasn’t talking about my ass. I was saying you are an ass.”

He’s an expert at twisting my words. Typically, I can banter better than most people. Sarcasm is my first language. I’m either off my game today or Jackson’s thrown me—I’m not sure which.

Jackson smirks and his gravelly voice stirs the butterflies in my stomach. “I think you’re afraid of how handsome I am.”

“I think we can add frustrating to the list of your attributes.”

Jackson clears his throat. “So where’s your ring?”

“Oh, ummm, I left it home.”

The train starts moving. I only have about ten more minutes with him before we arrive at my station. I’m hoping there will be another delay so I can talk to him longer, or stare—either works for me.

“So what’s his name?” I scrunch my brows, confused by his question. “Your fiancé?”

“I should’ve said I left it home because he’s not my fiancé anymore,” I reply.

“Sorry to hear that, but I’m sure he’s much more sorry than I am.” Jackson grins, showing me that adorable dimple of his. For the first time, I get a strong whiff of his cologne. Why didn’t I notice it before? Now that I have, the thought crosses my mind that I could inhale it all day and be perfectly happy.

“Thanks. I’m not so sure he’s sorry at all, but I appreciate you saying that.” I smile.

His face changes and his now serious gaze locks on mine. It’s intense, so much so that I can’t look anywhere but into his captivating eyes. “I can assure you, Catherine, if he’s not sorry yet, he will be someday. Any man would be an idiot to let someone as gorgeous as you go,” he says, and his eyes dart to my lips.

“Jackson,” I say in a breathy whisper, unsure of whether or not I can say anything more than his name. My mind is scattered, invaded by thoughts of his lips touching mine, the feel of his mouth on mine, and all the ways I want to explore him. No one has ever confused me like this. I don’t know anything about him, but I crave his touch, his words, his presence. Something about him stirs feelings deep within me. Maybe it’s not something at all. Maybe it’s just him.

I turn to say more, but the train stops. Shit!

“I have to go. This is my stop.” I fail to keep the disappointment out of my voice.

I step past him into the aisle. As I’m about to walk away, he grabs my hand and places a kiss against my knuckles. “Until next time.”

Though I only have a minute before the train leaves again, I have to say something. I go with the only reply I’m capable of. “Good-bye, Jackson.”

I exit the train feeling off balance. Between Neil’s antics and seeing Jackson unexpectedly, I need to talk to Ashton more than ever. I feel like I’m one of those Stretch Armstrong dolls being pulled so taut I’m about to snap. I’m digging through my bag, looking for my keys, when someone grabs my shoulder, startling me.

I gasp and turn only to be gazing back into Jackson’s eyes.

“Hey.” He smiles and drops his hand.

“Hi,” I reply, bemused.

“Sorry, I realized you dropped your keys. Didn’t want you to have another disaster.” Jackson smiles warmly.

“How noble of you to save me again,” I say, moving through the parking lot toward my car.

“I guess this is our thing.”

“Oh, we have a thing, do we?” I ask with a smile.

“Are you asking about my thing?”

I gasp, immediately feeling my face flame red. “What? No! I never said anything about your thing.”

He laughs out loud, full-on belly laughing at me. After he recovers, his voice drops as he says, “So you do want to see my thing.” He winks and leans in close to me. So close I can smell the mint on his breath. “I wouldn’t mind.”

I take another step toward my car, flustered by him and my incapability to handle him. “Again I revisit the list—definitely a pain in the ass.”

“You just have to ask.”

My pulse is so loud I’m sure he can hear it. “I guess it’s a good thing I’m not asking,” I manage to reply. I wonder if I sound as frazzled as I feel.

Jackson takes a step closer to me, stalking me like I’m his prey, and I counter with another step back. Once my back hits the car door … that’s it. He has me pinned and we both know it. He raises his arms, placing them on the frame and caging me in.

His lips brush against my ear when he whispers, “Oh, but your body says otherwise.” His body closes in on mine and the last remaining space between us disappears. Heat floods my core, my face, my body—my lids flutter closed and I take a shaky breath. “Open your eyes, Catherine.”

I submit to his command, watching how his pupils dilate as his eyes seem to go from solid to liquid. Colors blend together in a sea of blue and green lust. He leans forward, removing one of his arms from the car and placing it on my arm. Slowly his fingers trail my bare skin. The current flowing between us is even more powerful than before. While my common sense dies a slow death, every other part of me is alive under his touch. My body and mind are at war with each other, both trying to gain the upper hand—right now my body is winning.

He licks his lips slowly, torturously, until I’m unable to take another second of this suffering. I snap, grabbing his shirt and yanking him toward me. My lips meet his with a passion that borders on hostile. He pushes us backward, pressing me against the car. The cold metal bites through my shirt, but I don’t care. I can barely feel it. His tongue licks the seam of my lips, and when I grant him access, he plunges it in. With every swipe of his tongue against mine, he’s igniting the lust I was smothering.

I’m losing myself in his incredibly skilled mouth, feeling lighter, as though I’m floating away. The only thing tying me to this earth is Jackson. He’s taken over every part of me. All that exists are his hands and his lips and him, but I want more. I kiss him deeper and harder as he moans against me. Releasing his shirt, I run my hands down across his chest and then lower over his abs, taking in every dent and ridge. His arms pull me tighter, securing me against the front of him. I gasp at his excitement pressed against my stomach, and his mouth moves to my ear.

“Next stop Hoboken Station.”

“What?” I ask breathlessly as his nips at my earlobe.

“Now arriving at Hoboken Station.”

My eyes flutter open, expecting to see Jackson’s sexy face, but … no. I’m on the train.

Holy shit! I was dreaming. It was so real. My palms are sweating and my pulse is racing, and if I’m being honest, I’m panting a little. But none of it happened. Oh, how I wish it had.

I gather my belongings, grab my keys out of my purse, and head out to my car. That drink is looking better and better.