Girl Online

Chapter Twenty-Eight

I once read a magazine article that said every dream has a hidden meaning. Like if you dream that you’re running up a hill but you never get to the top, it means that you’re stuck in some area of your life, and if you dream that your teeth are falling out it means that you’re feeling really insecure—or did that one mean that you’re pregnant . . . ? I can’t remember. Anyway, there are people, kind of like dream doctors, who will analyze your dream and tell you what the secret meaning is. As I wake up on Christmas Eve, I wonder what on earth a dream doctor would make of mine last night. Basically, I was trapped on a train with Megan and Ollie and every time we went through a station the train announcer would read out an embarrassing fact about me. So instead of saying, “Ladies and gentlemen, we will shortly be arriving at . . .” he said things like, “Ladies and gentlemen, did you know that Penny Porter once flashed her knickers to the entire world?” And all the time Megan and Ollie just sat across the table from me, laughing their heads off. And every time I tried to get up to leave, they made me sit down. And then the chair I was sitting on turned into a cake and I ended up getting chocolate icing all over my bum.

I sit up and turn on my bedside lamp. I hate dreams. I hate the way you can forget all about the things and people that have hurt you, but then a dream brings them flooding back. I pick up the china doll from the pillow next to me and hug her. It feels so weird to be thinking of Megan and Ollie again.

I get the sudden urge to check Facebook and YouTube to see if people are still talking about the video. Then thankfully I have a reality check. Why would I do that to myself? Especially as I’ve done so well since I got here, putting all of that to the back of my mind. I look around my room and feel a pang of sorrow. It’s my last morning in the Waldorf Astoria. It probably sounds weird to say this but I feel so attached to this room. This was where my life became like a fairy tale. This was where I finally realized that I can actually control what happens to me. I decide to take some photos of it so that I can treasure the memories forever.

First, I take a picture of my unmade bed, with my doll sitting perched on top of a pile of pillows. Then I take a picture of the whole room from various different angles. Then finally I take some shots of the view from the window and one of the chair with the blanket draped over it, to remind me of the night I spoke to Noah on the phone and the moon turned orange. By the time I’ve finished, I feel way better. It’s as if looking at the room through my camera has, literally, helped me to refocus. Megan and Ollie, the play . . . everything that happened is in the past. I need to keep focused on the present, and that means New York and Noah.

As my excitement starts to build, I feel the urge to dance. I grab the remote and turn on the TV. MTV is playing nonstop Christmas tunes. I start dancing around the room to “Santa Claus Is Coming to Town.” I dance and dance until I’ve shaken off the horrible residue from my dream. Then I collapse down onto my bed and grin at my doll.

“Happy Christmas,” I whisper to her breathlessly.

Thankfully, Elliot is back to his usual cheery self this morning.

“I’ve come up with a plan,” he whispers to me over the breakfast table, “a plan so dastardly that it would make the Riddler blush.”

“What is it?” I whisper back, pouring some maple syrup on my pancakes.

“It’s called Ten Ways to Ruin My Evil Parents’ Christmas,” he says with a glint in his eye. “By the time I’ve finished, they’re going to wish I was still here with you guys.”

I start to laugh. “What are you going to do?”

“Number one: tell them that I’ve decided to drop out of school and join a hippie commune. Number two: tell them that from now on I will only be answering to my new hippie name, Rain Water.”

By the time Elliot gets to number ten in his evil plan (“Tell them that I’ve got an American Hell’s Angel boyfriend called Hank”), we are both cracking up laughing. Mum and Dad, who’ve been busy talking about the plans for the party, are now staring at us.

“What’s so funny?” Dad says with a grin.

“I’m not sure I want to know,” Mum says.

“Trust me, you don’t,” I say, grinning at Elliot.

After breakfast, we leave our luggage with the hotel reception and take Elliot to the airport.

As the cab pulls into the terminal, I look at Elliot anxiously. “Will you be OK, flying on your own?”

He nods and grins. “Actually, I’m kind of looking forward to it. I think it will give me a real air of mystery. I can just imagine all the other passengers thinking to themselves, who is this young man, traveling alone? What could his story be?”

I laugh and shake my head. “Yeah, well, you’ve certainly dressed for the part.” Elliot is wearing his favorite vintage suit, a dark grey pinstripe, with polished brogues and a pocket watch on a chain—and his New York Yankees cap. Somehow, he manages to make this look totally cool.

Elliot gives me a hug. “I’m gonna miss you, Pen-face.”

“I’m gonna miss you too.”

“Enjoy your holiday romance.”

“Yeah, whatever.”

“No, seriously.” Elliot pulls back and looks at me. “You deserve to have some fun after everything you’ve been through lately.”

I feel myself start to well up. “Thank you.”

“And I’m going to be demanding all of the deets as soon as you get back.”

I laugh and nod. “OK.”

And then Elliot’s flight is called. I watch him striding through the gate with a weird mixture of sadness at him leaving, and excitement at what is to come.

“You OK?” Dad says, hugging me to him.

I nod.

“I just got a text from Sadie Lee,” Mum says. “She says to tell you both that she’s just baked us a batch of brownies and we’re welcome to get there as soon as we like.”

I feel my own phone vibrate and my heart leaps at the sight of a new message from Noah.

Morning! Tell me, how good are your tree-decorating skills? N

Grinning, I quickly reply.

World-class. I’m actually Champion Bauble Hanger in my home town—three years running

Only three? Shame! I guess that’ll have to do. Hurry up and get here, Inciting Incident, Bella and I need your help

At first my mind goes blank when I see the name Bella, but then I remember—Noah has a sister.

In the taxi on the way to the airport, I’d been so focused on keeping Elliot’s spirits up, I hadn’t gotten anxious at all, but going back to the hotel to pick up our luggage is a different story. By the time we pull into the Waldorf, I want to leap from the cab and walk all the way to Brooklyn. As I go into the hotel for one final look around the grand lobby, I tell myself to get a grip. “You can do this,” I tell myself. “You’re Ocean Strong.” But my superhero name doesn’t seem to have the same effect without Elliot here. I think of him sitting on his own on the plane and I feel a hollow ache. Then I remember the exercise Noah told me about.

“Ready, Pen?” Dad says, as he and a bellboy come over with our luggage piled up on a trolley.

I nod. “Yes.”

As soon as I get back in the cab, I try to picture where in my body I feel the most anxious. As usual, it’s the tightness in my throat. I close my eyes and try to picture it as a color and shape. I see a red fist clutching at my neck. At first it makes me feel even worse and I want to open my eyes but I force myself to take a deep breath and just allow it to be there. Nothing happens. The tension in my throat is still there; it hasn’t gotten any better—but it hasn’t gotten any worse either. I take another deep breath. It’s OK, I say to the image of the red fist. I don’t mind you being there. I take another breath. In the background, I can hear Mum and Dad chatting to the taxi driver but I’m so focused that I don’t hear what they’re saying. I try to picture the fist of tension again and this time it’s more pink than red. It’s a little bit smaller too. It’s OK, I say to it again. The rest of my body starts to relax. Now it just feels as if there’s a knot in my throat rather than a huge fist. I take another breath and it’s much easier this time. It’s OK, I keep saying over and over again inside my head. It’s OK. As I keep focusing on the image of the knot, it fades until it’s snowy-white and then it completely disappears.

“Penny, look at the bridge,” Mum says, nudging me.

I open my eyes and see that we’re on the Brooklyn Bridge already, about to go under the first arch. On the other side of the river, the Brooklyn skyline stands solid and brown against the pale sky. My panic has passed, like a cloud skimming across the sun.

Once we get to Brooklyn, the cab pulls into a residential side street lined with trees. The houses are all four stories high and made of brownstone. We stop outside a house halfway down. A flight of steep stone steps leads up to a bright red door. A Christmas wreath made of holly and mistletoe hangs in the center of the door, and a miniature stone Santa is standing at the top of the steps, grinning down at us.

“Oh, it looks so lovely,” Mum says, speaking my thoughts aloud.

But as I get out of the cab, my head fills with fearful thoughts. What if you and Noah don’t get along? What if it’s really awkward spending Christmas together? However, before I can torture myself any more, the door of the house opens and a little girl comes flying out. Her shiny dark brown hair is so curly it falls around her face in perfect ringlets. She looks at us shyly through huge brown eyes.

“Have you come for Christmas?” she says in the cutest New York accent ever.

“We certainly have,” Dad says.

Sadie Lee comes out onto the steps. She’s wearing a flour-dusted floral apron over her dress. “Hello!” she cries. “Welcome! Welcome!”

Noah steps out after her and we instantly make eye contact. “Hey,” he says softly.

“Hey,” I say back. Then I start busying myself with my suitcase to try to hide my embarrassment.

“Let me get that,” Noah says, bounding down the steps. When he gets to Dad, he stops. “Hi, I’m Noah,” he says, holding his hand out.

“Pleased to meet you, Noah,” Dad says, shaking his hand. “I’m Rob.”

I give a sigh of relief—so far, so good.

“Are you Penny?” Bella says to me as I come up the steps after Noah.

“Yes, I am. And you must be Bella.”

She nods and grins shyly before turning to Noah. “You were right, Noah.”

“Shhh,” Noah says instantly.

“Right about what?” I say.

“She looks just like a mermaid,” Bella says.

“Man! I thought you said you could keep a secret!” Noah says, winking at me.

Noah’s house is straight from a cozy feel-good American movie. The hallway is the size of a living room. A beautiful grandfather clock stands in the corner next to a wide staircase. Noah and Sadie Lee lead us through an archway on the left, into a huge but really homey kitchen. I breathe in the rich smell of chocolate brownies.

“So, you guys will be sleeping in the spare room,” Sadie Lee says to Mum and Dad. “And, Penny, you can go in with Bella.”

“You have to have the top bunk,” Bella says to me gravely. “I don’t like the top bunk cos I’m scared I might fall out.”

“The top bunk would be great,” I say, smiling down at her.

She takes hold of my hand. “Do you want to come see?”

“Yes please.” I look at Noah and he grins at me.

“OK, but don’t be long. We have a tree to decorate, remember?”

“Oh yes!” Bella squeals, and she starts tugging me by the hand. “Come on, let’s go.”

Bella’s room is on the second floor of the house. She leads me across the landing to a door with a handmade sign stuck to it, saying: ALIENS KEEP OUT! (AND PIGS.)

“Noah made that for me,” Bella explains. “I don’t like aliens—or pigs—so that’ll stop them coming in.”

“Good idea,” I say, trying really hard not to smile.

Bella’s bedroom is possibly the greatest kid’s bedroom I have ever seen. The main wall is covered with a mural of famous fairy-tale characters, from Snow White and her dwarfs to Dumbo the elephant and Little Red Riding Hood.

“My daddy made that for me when I was born,” Bella says, noticing me staring at it. “But now my daddy’s in heaven.”

“I’m really sorry about that,” I say, crouching down in front of her.

“My mom is too,” Bella says matter-of-factly. “I think she might be an angel.”

“I’m sure she is,” I reply.

“This is my bed,” Bella says, turning and pointing at a set of bunk beds next to the opposite wall. The bottom bunk has a curtain going all the way around it.

“Cool bed,” I say, really meaning it. “I love the curtain.”

“Me too,” Bella says. “Sometimes I pretend it’s a tent. I like your voice.”

“Thank you.”

“You sound just like Princess Kate. I love Princess Kate.”

I take my case over to a space in the corner of the room and open it to get out a sweatshirt.

“Is that your doll?” Bella says, looking at the china doll lying in between my clothes.

“Yes, it is.”

“Cooool!” Bella runs over to her bed and dives through the curtains. She reappears clutching a beautiful rag doll. “This is Rosie,” she says, holding the doll up to mine. “Can they be friends?”

“Of course they can.” I pull the sweatshirt over my head.

“Hello, I’m Rosie,” says Bella, putting on a high-pitched doll voice. “What’s your doll’s name?” she says, turning to me.

“Oh. She hasn’t got a name.”

“She hasn’t got a name?” Bella looks at me wide-eyed, like I’ve committed the worst crime known to doll-kind.

“Why don’t you give her one?” I say, trying to redeem myself.

“OK then.” Bella frowns for a moment, then she picks up my doll. “I’m Princess Autumn,” she says in a grand voice. “Autumn’s Noah’s name for you,” she whispers to me. “Only I’m not supposed to tell you. Do you love Noah?” She tilts her head to one side.

“Oh, well, we’ve only just met each other so—”

“I think he loves you,” Bella interrupts. “He was writing a song about you last night. He never writes a song about any other girls. Grandma said he was acting all love-struck. ‘Love-struck’ means being hit in your heart by the emotion of love. That’s what Grandma told me.”

This time, I can’t prevent myself from laughing. And the more I laugh, the harder it gets to stop. I feel giddy with happiness. Noah has a pet name for me. He was writing a song about me! Sadie Lee called him love-struck!

Now Bella’s giggling too—so hard it’s making her ringlets bounce.

“All right, what’s going on in here?”

We both jump at the sound of Noah’s voice—and carry on laughing.

“Don’t tell him,” Bella whispers through her giggles.

“I won’t,” I whisper back.

“Are you guys gonna help me decorate this tree or what?”

“Yes, yes, yes!” Bella cries, and she runs from the room.

“Well, you two sure seem to have bonded,” Noah says, looking at me quizzically.

I nod and go over to join him.

“I’m so glad you’re here,” he says.

“Me too,” I reply, and for a second I think he’s about to kiss me. But then Bella races back across the landing and grabs us both by the hand.

“Come on, slow coaches!”

And as Noah grins at me and shrugs apologetically, I feel hit in my heart by an emotion very close to love.