Girl Online

Chapter Forty-One

The first thing I do when I get up the next morning is go and sit at my dressing table and stare at the photos again, absorbing the positive memories like a battery recharging. After about ten minutes, I feel ready to go downstairs. Tom is already up and sitting at the table.

“I’m going to give you a lift to school,” he says as soon as he sees me. “And I’m going to wait outside in the car all day, in case you need me.”

“What? You can’t do that!”

“Oh, yes I can.”

“But won’t you die of boredom?”

Tom grins. “Probably. I’m going to bring my laptop and finish off my uni assignment.”

I smile back at him. “Thank you.”

Tom puts his arm around me. “You can do this, you know.”

As I walk into school, I keep reciting his words like a mantra. I can do this. I can do this. I feel like I have a neon sign above my head saying SILENCE because everyone I walk past stops chatting within seconds. But I don’t mind silence. Anything’s better than the abuse I was getting yesterday. Even when people nudge each other and stare at me, I don’t mind too much. It’s really weird because I’ve spent most of my school years feeling invisible, living in the shadow of Megan’s spotlight. But not anymore. Now, everywhere I go, people seem to notice me. Even kids in other years seem to know who I am. As I walk down the corridor to my form room I think of Tom, parked outside school in Dad’s car. I’m so glad I didn’t persuade him to go home.

As soon as I walk into my form room, everyone stops talking and stares at me. But that’s OK. It’s like the walk through the school was a warm-up for this moment. And at least I won’t have to face Megan and Ollie until drama, as they’re in different form groups. I go to the table next to Kira and Amara. They’re both looking at me like I’ve grown another head.

“Hi,” I say as calmly and confidently as I can.

“Oh, hi,” Amara says. “How are you?” She looks genuinely concerned.

“OK.” I pull my chair back and sit down.

“Are you sure?” Kira says, leaning across to me.

I nod and bite down on my lip. Their obvious concern is giving me the urge to cry.

I become aware of everyone else looking at us and my face starts to burn.

Kira pulls her chair even closer to me. “Is it true? Did you . . . ?”

I shake my head. “No.”

“It’s not?” Amara whispers. She and Kira exchange glances.

“No. Someone told a load of lies to that website.”

“So you’re not Girl Online?” Amara says.

“Yes, I am. I was. But the rest of it isn’t true. Not the way they’re saying.”

“I can’t believe you’re Girl Online. I love Girl Online,” Kira says, smiling. “I found it when I was doing a Google search for Snooper’s Paradise. That post you did about potholes was hilarious!”

“I love it too,” Amara says, nodding enthusiastically.

“Really?” I feel a prickle of hope. They’re being so nice. They don’t seem to be judging me at all.

The twins move their chairs so they’re right up to my table.

“So, was Brooklyn Boy someone else then?” Kira asks.

I take a deep breath. “No. He was—is—Noah Flynn but”—I fight down a wave of embarrassment—“I didn’t know who he was. He didn’t tell me he was a musician and I’d never heard of him before anyway.”

“I hadn’t either,” Amara says.

Kira shakes her head and sighs. “So he lied to you?”

I nod. I wonder how long it will take before I can acknowledge this fact without feeling sick to my stomach.

Amara places her hand over mine on the table. “That’s so horrible.”

I swallow hard. I mustn’t cry now. Not with everyone looking.

“We couldn’t believe it when we found out,” Kira says. “I told Megan there was no way you would have done something like that. I didn’t even believe that you were Girl Online. But then it went all over the Internet and—”

“All right, you horrible lot, holiday’s over. Let’s have some order, please.” We all turn to see our teacher, Mr. Morgan, standing in the doorway.

The twins take their chairs back to their table and fumble in their bags for their planners. But I sit there motionless, with Kira’s words on repeat in my mind. “I told Megan there was no way you would have done something like that. I didn’t even believe that you were Girl Online. But then it went all over the Internet . . . But then it went all over the Internet . . .”

I barely register a single thing during form period. All I can think is, how did Megan know about my blog before the news broke online? Ollie could have told her I’d met Noah but he didn’t know anything about my blog. For a second, I have the crazy notion that Elliot must have told her, but that is truly insane. But if Megan somehow knew about the blog and Noah before it got out online, could she be the one who leaked it? Form period goes torturously slowly but as soon as the bell finally rings, I’m over at the twins’ table like a shot.

“When did Megan tell you about the blog?”

“On Tuesday night,” Kira says, putting her things back in her bag. “We were at Costa and she showed us it on her phone. She didn’t realize we were already subscribers!”

“I hope you’re going to carry on blogging,” Amara says. “You know, once all the fuss has died down. I love the things you write about.”

I give her a weak smile. “And what did she say about—about Noah?”

“She said that he’d cheated on Leah Brown with you.”

“I had a right go at her when she said that,” Kira says, giving me a shy smile. “I told her there was no way you’d do something like that. Not intentionally, anyway.”

I smile back at her. “Thank you.”

“To be honest, I’m not really sure I like Megan all that much anymore,” Kira says. “I couldn’t believe she posted that video of you on Facebook after the play.”

I feel the sudden urge to hug Kira but I’m way too scared it will make me cry.

“Come on, ladies. Haven’t you got lessons to go to?” Mr. Morgan calls to us from the front of the class.

“See you at lunchtime?” Amara says.

I nod.

“Don’t worry, we’ll take care of you,” Kira says.

“Yeah. You’re Girl Online,” Amara adds. “We’re your biggest fans.”

The glow from my conversation with the twins lasts as long as it takes me to get to the drama department—about two minutes. As I walk down the corridor toward my class, the thought of seeing Megan and Ollie has my stomach tied in knots. I’m late getting there and everyone has gone in, but there’s no sign of either of them.

“Pen!” Call-Me-Jeff exclaims as soon as I walk in. “How are you?”

I can tell immediately that he knows and I feel twenty-something pairs of eyes boring into me. I picture my room in the Waldorf. I remind myself that this is my life, not theirs, and I know the truth.

“I’m fine,” I reply, and as I go to sit down I feel as if I almost mean it.

By lunchtime I’m feeling even more relieved. Megan and Ollie are both off sick and all the people I thought would give me the most grief about what’s happened are actually showing me a grudging respect. Maybe it’s that they don’t quite know how to handle it, or maybe Leah Brown just doesn’t have too many fans here. Either way, Kira and Amara are lovely and everyone else leaves me alone. Before I go back for afternoon lessons, I pop out to see Tom. He’s fallen asleep over the steering wheel. I knock on the window to wake him up.

“What’s happened?” he says, instantly looking panicked.

“It’s OK—you can go home,” I tell him.

He rubs his eyes. “Are you sure?”

“Yes, everyone’s being fine. Seriously. Go home. Get some proper sleep—in a bed.”

Tom frowns. “OK, well, I’m going to leave my phone on so if you need me just call and I’ll be straight back down here.”

I smile. “Will do.”

I watch Tom drive off and I’m about to go back into school when I feel my phone vibrate in my blazer pocket. I take it out and see that I’ve got a text from Elliot. My heart starts to pound as I open it.

Please don’t hate me. My dad confiscated my laptop and phone and I only just got them back. We were in the middle of a massive argument when you called and I couldn’t face seeing you. PS: I’ve run away

I study the text for clues as to whether Elliot leaked the story about me. When I don’t find any, I send a reply getting straight to the point.

Did you tell that website about me and Noah—and about the blog?

What website? No, but I feel terrible about the comment I posted on your blog. It’s been so horrible at home, I wasn’t thinking straight. PS: I’VE RUN AWAY, AS IN RUN AWAY FROM HOME!!

Elliot didn’t do it. He didn’t leak the story. I feel overcome with relief that he didn’t, and guilt that I ever thought he could.

What do you mean you’ve run away? Where are you?

On the pier

You’ve run away to the pier?!!

No!!! I’ve run away and I happen to currently be at the pier. I need to see you xxx

I start walking down the road away from school, texting as I go.

I need to see you too! xxx

Can you come and meet me? Please? I’ll even play that stupid 2p game . . .

On my way