Give Me Tonight

4

THE BUGGY PULLED AWAY FROM THE MAIN HOUSE AS Watts clicked to the horse, and Caroline settled more comfortably in the wicker seat. "Caro, is this going to jolt you too much?" Adeline asked worriedly, fussing with the pillows and sliding another one behind her back. "If it's at all dangerous for you to be going to town with me, I'II-"

"No, I'm not that far along yet. And I just have to get away from the ranch for a little while or I'll scream. Don't you remember how I was with Leah? I could go anywhere and do practically anything up to the last week. No, maybe you don't remember too well. You were just ten years old. Isn't it funny, that Mama had us ten years apart and I'm havin' this one ten years after Leah? She'll probably be a second mother to this baby just like I was to you. "

The two women spoke in near-whispers to keep from embarrassing Watts, the ranch hand who was driving them to town. Babies and childbirth were women's matters, ones that men liked to hear about as little as possible. If Watts heard anything they said, he didn't let on. He was a quiet man, a few years older than Addie, a little less than average height, but stocky and broad-shouldered. His dark blue eyes were often filled with equal parts of mischief and malice. Though he'd been perfectly polite, Addie was vaguely uncomfortable whenever she spoke to him directly. He treated her with such overdone respect it almost smacked of contempt, and she had no idea why.

"Have you decided on the names for the baby yet?" she asked Caroline.

"If it's a boy, Russell. And if it's a girl, Sarah. After our great-grandmother."

"Yes," Addie said, feeling a lump of pleasure-pain in her throat. "That's a pretty name." That was the right name. Her mother's name. But she won't be my mother anymore. Not if I'm already here. Not if I'm Adeline Warner. What an intriguing thought. Maybe she would be around to see Sarah grow up, come to know her as she never had been able to before.

Every now and then Addie wondered still if she were in the middle of a dream. In this moment, as she looked into Caroline's pretty flushed face, she knew it was real. The sun on her back was real. The jostling of the buggy and the mounted figures of cowboys in the distance weren't the products of a dream. She couldn't deny what was in front of her eyes. But could she ever stop grieving for the loss of the life she had known?

It was difficult to know how she felt about the Warners. She liked them, she felt a casual sort of affection for them all, but she certainly didn't have the kind of love for May and Russell that a daughter should have for her parents. Cade and Caroline were both likable, but she felt no strong attachment to either of them. She didn't know them.

"As soon as I have the baby, Peter and I are going to move our little family to North Carolina," Caroline said. "And I can hardly wait."

"Do you have to?" Addie protested. "North Carolina's so far away."

"Mama's people already have a job lined up for him, and we'll get a real nice welcome from them. And I know Leah will love it there."

She won't. She'll come back to Texas someday. "Couldn't Peter do something in Dallas, or someplace closer? I know he doesn't like ranching, but there are other things in Texas he could-"

"It's Texas we want to move away from, Adeline. Oh, you look like Daddy did when I told him that! I'm just not a Texan at heart. I don't see the same things in it that the rest of y' all do, and neither does Peter. This land looks barren to me. It's desolate… lonely… and sometimes it's so boring I could die for want of something to do. Don't you think of it as a mournful place?"

Addie looked out over the endless plains of summer grass and tried to see it that way. But the sky was brilliant with sunshine, and her eye kept moving from red-orange clusters of Indian paintbrush to cottonwood and mesquite trees. Further out were fields of yellow-eyed bluebonnets, rippling like a violet ocean when the wind blew. The men were working hard on the land, tending the cattle. This land, this life, held an irresistible attraction for them. Addie hadn't understood it before, but she was beginning to.

Any other place in the world would have been too crowded. Here the men had a huge expanse of range to ride, where they worked until they were bone-weary, and when their day was over they came back to the mess-house and the appetizing smells of sourdough bread and meat smoked over mesquite wood. If the night was warm, they brought their bedrolls and mattresses outside and slept under the open sky. The cowboys didn't find this life unbearably lonely. It was as civilized as they could stand. And for the family there were weddings, picnics, barbecues, quiltings, dances, and shooting tournaments, almost no end of excuses to see people and call on neighbors if you got lonely for company.

"No, I never think of it as a mournful place," she said thoughtfully. "Or boring. There's always something to do and something happening. I'd rather be in Texas than anywhere. "

"Even after you went to school for two years in Virginia? I don't understand you, Adeline. How could you choose this dusty old ranch over a civilized place to live in, with lots of people around and modem conveniences…"

Addie stopped listening as Caroline continued to talk about the wonders of city living. She could picture Sunrise as it would be fifty years from now, replete with modem conveniences Caroline couldn't even imagine. Had that Sunrise she had known been preferable to this? Maybe not. You could be just as lonely with lots of people around. Being happy was more than that, more than having stores and automobiles and movie theaters close by. Being happy was something that had always eluded her, and would continue to, until she found the answers to questions she had only begun to ask herself. I think I'd be happy if I had someone to share things with. Someone who needed me. And then maybe she wouldn't care where or when she was living.

"… there's no future for Peter here," Caroline was saying. "He's not the kind of man who'll be happy on a ranch. He needs a nice job in an office somewhere, where he can earn a living with his mind, not his hands. He's not interested in a bunch of mangy old cows, and there's no point in him trying to be. The only man capable of filling Daddy's shoes is Ben, and everyone knows it."

Confusion again. Always that first clutching sensation of confusion when she thought of Ben and Russell. Why was she cursed with the knowledge of their destinies? She wished she didn't know. Knowing was a terrible responsibility, the responsibility of preserving Russell's life and maintaining her guard against Ben at all times. But how, how could Ben have done it? There must be two men living in his skin.

"Look over there," Caroline said, and Addie saw a rider approaching them at an easy canter. Even before she saw his face, she knew it was Ben by the familiar tilt of his low-crowned felt hat. The front of the brim was angled low over his forehead in a way that meant business. Only a tenderfoot or a dandy wore his hat on the back of his head.

Ben rode his horse parallel to the buggy and slowed to a walk, touching the brim of his hat in a respectful gesture as he nodded to Addie and Caroline. "Well, if it isn't the two prettiest women in Texas."

"Hello," Caroline said, smiling sunnily, while Addie pretended interest in the scenery on the other side of the buggy. "What are you up and about this mornin', Ben?"

"Work as usual." He smiled raffishly. "But if I had the time, I'd take you to town myself and buy you the tallest glasses of lemonade you've ever seen. "

A full-blown simper appeared on Caroline's face in less than five seconds. "Oh, you slick-tongued rascal. Isn't he a honey, Adeline?"

Addie turned her head to regard Ben impassively. He looked impossibly virile, clad in the standard uniform of Levi's, boots, and a worn shirt. The sunlight glowed in his eyes and along the edges of his cheekbones. He was one of the few men on the ranch who shaved every day, but his beard was so dark there was always a shadow of bristle on the lower half of his face. She wondered how his jaw would feel against her fingertips-smooth in one direction, sandpapery in the other. It was part of what made him so dangerous, his vibrant attractiveness. Why couldn't he have been ugly?

"Aren't you supposed to be working?" she asked curtly.

"Adeline, how rude," Caroline said in protest.

"Well, around this time he's usually roping, dehorning, or debogging something. Are you taking a rest today, Mr. Hunter?"

Ben smiled and reached in his shirt pocket to pull out a white slip of paper. He handed it to the cowboy at the front of the buggy. "Watts, this is a list of supplies for you to pick up in town. Just charge them to the General Store account."

" Alrighty." Watts pocketed the list.

"Mrs. Ward," Ben said to Caroline, "it's going to be a hot day. Are you sure you're up to it?" Which was a tactful way of referring to her pregnancy. As he addressed Caroline, his manner was so friendly and concerned that Addie was surprised and perhaps even a little resentful. He never behaves that way with me. He was always mocking her. Just once I'd like him to ask me something in that tone of voice!

"I'm just fine, thank you," Caroline replied, daintily twirling the silk-wrapped handle of her sage-green parasol. "Just eager for a change of scenery. Don't worry 'bout me."

"In that case, I'll be getting back to work. But I have to leave you with a warning, Mrs. Ward."

"Oh?"

"Keep a close eye on your sister. She's mighty hard to keep track of in town. She'll disappear before you can blink twice."

"Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't," Addie said. "It depends on the people I'm with."

Ben smiled sardonically while his eyes made a thorough study of her. He noticed the hat perched on top of her piled-up hair, a frilly little hat decorated with artificial strawberries and pale pink netting. Slowly his gaze wandered from the little white collar of her dusty rose princess dress to the rows of tiny folds that demurely emphasized the fullness of her breasts.

There was a spark of challenge in her eyes and disdain in her expression. Did she know when she looked at a man like that, it made him want to tame her? If the two of them had been alone together that very minute, he might have shown her a remedy for her haughtiness.

Knowing herself to be the object of such an overt inspection made Addie indignant and strangely warm. She forced herself to stare right back at him, her eyes dark and velvety above her pinkening cheeks. A lock of hair, the glistening color of brown sugar, blew across her face, and slowly she reached up to pull it aside. It was a purely feminine gesture, unconsciously alluring. And Ben was aware of that, as he was aware of everything about her. Every move she made set something alight in him, like flame and dry tinder. It filled him with powerful consternation.

Women had never been a mystery to him. He was the kind of man who instinctively understood a woman's needs, and he'd always made good use of that knowledge. An impudent girl just out of her teens shouldn't be able to have this effect on him. But Adeline was a mystery, and he was drawn to her even as he resented her hold on him.

"I'll see you later," he said abruptly. "Behave yourselves."

"We'll try," Addie replied, her voice withering, and she and Ben exchanged an unsmiling glance before he touched his hat and rode off.

"He's quite a man," Caroline murmured, watching Ben's departure with admiring eyes. "If I weren't married, I just might have given the women of Falls County a run for their money."

"I don't think he'd want a respectable woman."

"I've heard he visits a woman in Blue Ridge pretty regular."

“ A lonesome widow?" Addie asked sarcastically.

"I don't know. That's a good question. Do you suppose-"

"I don't care to suppose anything about him. We've got better things to talk about. "

They changed the subject and began to discuss other things, and their animated conversation lasted throughout the day. They had a pleasant time in town, shopping and talking to people they passed on the sidewalk. After her initial shyness, Addie discovered she and Caroline had a similar sense of humor, as well as a similar way of looking at things. It became much easier to think of Caroline as her sister.

They could talk comfortably about almost anything, even the most private matters. With each minute they spent together, Addie felt herself confiding more and more. When they arrived back at the ranch, they were still deep in conversation, and they decided to sit in the front-porch swing, unwilling to go inside just yet.

"I don't see Ben anywhere around here," Caroline said, her eyes twinkling. "Guess it's safe to stay around you a little longer."

"What do you mean?" Addie rested her feet on the porch while the swing rocked and creaked gently.

"Only that my nerves are frazzled whenever you're near each other."

"Why?"

"Why? Because I'm always ready for an explosion between you and Ben. You were terribly rude to him this momin', Adeline. And the way he looked at you why, I'm surprised your hat didn't catch on fire!"

Addie laughed. "He was just trying to intimidate me by glaring."

"No, that wasn't glaring." Cautiously Caroline glanced around and lowered her voice. "That was looking. Peter used to look at me like that before we were married. Believe me, there's no doubt about it. Ben's taken with you."

"Don't be silly. I'll admit he likes to argue with me, but-"

"He'd like to do more than argue with you. I tell you, Adeline, if you tried bein' nice to him once in a while, you'd have him eatin' out of your hand."

"I don't want him eating out of my hand. I don't want him anywhere near me. "

"This isn't the first time I've noticed him lookin' at you like that, either. I've seen it before today."

Addie's nonchalance dissolved rapidly. "You have?"

"Mmmn-hmmn."

Suddenly Addie was intensely curious. Underneath his sarcasm and coolness, did Ben really harbor some kind of romantic interest in her? The thought should have appalled her, but somehow she was foolishly pleased by it. She was embarrassed to hear her own sheepish snicker.

"When?"

"I can't believe you haven't noticed! During dinner the other night, I asked him to pass the salt, and he was so busy watchin' you I got the pepper instead. I didn't say anything, of course-just took it like it was what I asked for-"

"Watching me? What was I doing?"

"Just talkin'. He pays attention whenever you start talkin'. And he listens to everything you say. Peter was trying to ask him some questions, and Ben just kept turnin' his head to listen to you, and finally Peter gave up. If you sweet-talked Ben a little, Adeline, you'd have him on the hook, and you could reel him in just as easy as-"

"Why would I want to reel him in? I've got Jeff Johnson. I thought you all wanted me to marry him."

"Wellll… you and Jeff make a good pair," Caroline conceded. "I've always thought so. But between the two of 'em, I'd choose Ben Hunter in a minute."

"Choose him for what? To be my beau? That's a ridiculous idea. And even if I didn't think so, Ben would laugh his head off at the notion. You heard Mama the other morning. Ben's a loner. He wouldn't want a relationship with a respectable woman."

"I don't know 'bout that. Mama likes to exaggerate sometimes. She's just tryin' to steer you clear of Ben because she doesn't want you to wind up married to that kind of man. She thinks he's too much like Daddy."

"What's wrong with that?"

"Mama told me once that even though she loved Daddy, it would've been easier if she'd married one of the beaus she'd had back east and stayed there. She's never really liked livin' out here, y'know. She won't ever feel like she really belongs. She comes from different stock. "

"Daddy said something like that to me the other day," Addie said absently.

"Daddy's a strong-willed man. I guess Mama never realized how much, until it was too late. She always thought she could kind of bend him to her way of thinkin'. But she never could. So she wanted it to be easier for us than it was for her, which is why she encouraged me to marry Peter. And for the same reason, Mama's tryin' to marry you off to Jeff. They're both nice men, but kind of… soft. Do you know what I mean?"

"Soft? But Caro… you love Peter, don't you?" Caroline hesitated almost imperceptibly. "Of course I do. He's a good man, a good husband and father. He's steady and loyal, and sweet-natured. But there's no vinegar between us."

Despite the serious nature of the conversation, Addie couldn't help smiling. "Vinegar?"

"You know that trick Mama taught us, about putting a little vinegar in when you're making pecan pie, to keep it from bein' too candy-sweet? That's what I'm talkin' about. Adeline, this is private talk, just between two sisters. I just don't want you to make a mistake. The kind of mistake that I… " She stopped and shrugged helplessly.

"I'm listening," Addie said, afraid Caroline wouldn't finish what she was trying to say. And she wanted very much to know what it was. She and Leah had never had this kind of talk. Leah had never known much about marriage, and Addie hadn't been especially interested in the subject until now.

"Well, I don't want you to get the wrong impression. I'm very happy, Adeline. Very happy. I'm just sayin' you need to be careful when you choose the man you're going to be with for the rest of your life. Don't pick someone you can manage too easy. You especially you-need a little vinegar in your marriage. "

"Are you saying you don't think I should marry Jeff'?"

Caroline sighed and laughed a little. "You're so direct sometimes! Just as blunt as Daddy. No, I'm not sayin' anything about Jeff in particular. I'm telling you to marry someone who makes your heart pitter-patter. Mama and Daddy always taught us marriage is somethin' you have to calculate and plan. I… sometimes I wish I hadn't taken it to heart quite so well. No woman should be cheated of marryin' the man she loves, Adeline. There's no compensation for it later, no matter what they tell you."

"Caro, you look so sad."

"Sometimes I am, when I think about the mistakes I've made."

"Was there ever someone you… still think about?"

"Maybe there was. A long time ago."

"And you felt special about him?"

"Oh, yes. I felt special about him." Caroline smiled remin-iscently, all at once looking younger and terribly wistful. "He and I were at each other all the time, like cats and dogs. Like you and Ben. Seeing you two reminds me a little of what it was like. He was Daddy's trail boss. He was the kind of man that Daddy and Ben are. Very charming, but he liked to get his own way. Very stubborn. I thought I hated him at first. I felt so nervous around him. He always thought he knew everything." She slipped one foot out of her shoe and wiggled her toes with a sigh. "Lord, my feet are tired. "

"What happened between the two of you? You have to tell me the rest," Addie said eagerly, intrigued by the thought that Caroline, with her wholesome face and picture-perfect manners, had been romantically involved with Russell's trail boss. What an odd pair they must have made!

"You can't talk about this to anyone else, ever. You have to promise. "

"I swear I won't. On the Bible. On anything you want me to."

"All right," Caroline interrupted, smiling slightly.

"The rest of the family knows about it-exceptin' Cade-so you'd most likely hear about it sooner or later."

"I didn't know you'd ever been interested in anyone but Peter."

"I met Peter durin' my two years at the academy in Virginia. He was going to military school, and we noticed each other at a dance. He looked very good in a uniform-what man doesn't? We struck up an acquaintance, and began to write each other, and he took me to meet his parents durin' one of our last vacations. He was so kind and sweet-natured, and everything just fell into place. We got engaged. Then I came home for a spell, and that was when I met Raif Colton. You were just a little girl. Do you remember him?"

"A little," Addie lied. "I guess I was too young to notice much about him."

"As soon as we met each other, Raif set his sights on me-wouldn't leave me alone-which made me furious and sent Mama into a tailspin." Caroline shook her head and made a wistful sound. "Raif was so… so… I can't describe him. I felt like a different woman around him. I'd always been the quiet one. Russell Warner's oldest daughter, so well-behaved, so proper. No man had ever tried anything with me-y'know? But Raif cornered me in the house one day when no one was around, and…' Caroline looked at Addie's expectant face and blushed hotly. "He let me know flow he felt about me. He was so tender, and frightening, and exciting. And after everything was said and done, I knew he loved me. But I was all set on marryin' Peter-the smart thing to do, the sensible thing. Mama knew about Raif, and she did everything in her power to keep us apart. All summer Peter and I stayed engaged, and plans for the wedding were made, and Raif did his best to convince me to marry him instead. "

"Did you love him?"

"I loved both of them. I loved Peter with my mind. I was safe with him. But I loved Raif with my heart. I loved his passion, his wildness. It was impossible to choose."

"But you ended up marrying Peter."

"Yes. I was afraid to take a chance on Raif'."

"What happened to him?"

"After the marriage, he stayed on at the ranch for several months. I begged him to leave, but he wouldn't give up, even after he found out I was going to have a baby. It was hell-you can't know… Lord, you can't imagine. I had no peace, not for one minute. I found out the difference between loving a man with your mind and your heart. I came to realize the mistake I'd made, and I wanted to die of misery. I made a decision, that I'd run away with Raif. Nothin' was as important as he was, not money, family, honor. Not even Peter. We were goin' to leave together, after he came back from drivin' a thousand head of cattle up to Dodge. But one night on the trail, the longhorns got spooked. Crazy animals-they'll stampede at anything, even a sneeze. And Raif was killed."

Addie was flooded with sympathy. "Caro… I'm sorry…"

"That was ten years ago. Enough time has passed by to make it tolerable. I couldn't bear it at first. But I had Peter, and I've always loved him in a certain way. That gave me enough strength to live through the grief. I'm married to a special man."

"I think you're special," Addie said softly, and meant it.

"Me? Why?"

"Because of the way you've survived."

"Oh, there's no trick in that. You might be surprised by the things a person's able to survive through. There's always somethin' to hold on to. There's always someone that needs you, somethin' that needs your attention. It takes your mind off feelin' sorry for yourself. "

"But it makes me afraid of loving someone, the thought that I'might lose him."

"You can't let yourself worry 'bout that. It's better to have love for a little while than not at all, isn't it?"

Addie laughed huskily. "I guess. I'm not sure." Caroline regarded her for a long moment. "Right now I like you more than I ever have, Adeline. For a little while I thought Daddy had finally done itspoiled you rotten to the core. But he hasn't. You're a sweet girl. "

"Thank you, " Addie said, her eyes suddenly bright. For the first time she felt as if the two of them were family. She realized that she did care about Caroline. She felt a bond between them, of trust and affection, so strong that it seemed it had always been there. She felt as if they were sisters. It had happened all at once, like the flip of a coin. How short a distance it was from indifference to love.

Caroline leaned closer. "I'll tell you somethin' only Mama and Peter know," she whispered.

"You don't have to tell me any of your secrets."

"I want to. I want you to remember what I've told you. Don't ever be afraid of lovin' someone, or you'll make the mistake I did. I don't let myself think of the might've-beens. It would hurt too much. But I have something very special to remember Raif by. More than memories. The greatest treasure he could've given me."

Addie went very still. "Leah?" she asked inaudibly, her mouth barely framing the name.

Caroline nodded and smiled tremulously. "You've been so sweet to her lately, spendin' time with her. You have a special feelin' for her, don't you?"

"Yes. Oh, yes, I do." Addie leaned over and hugged her tightly.

"Before I was married to Peter, Raif and I had a few days together," Caroline whispered. "He never knew it was his baby. I promised Peter I wouldn't tell him. But just lookin' at her reminds me how much Raif loved me. Every woman should be loved like that, Adeline, at least once. "

"Sometimes I wish for that," Addie said humbly, while she burned inside with longing and hope, and relentless doubt. Involuntarily she thought of Ben, his sensual smile and threatening charm. "And sometimes I want to be unattached forever." Like Leah had been. Leah had had a fulfilling life in spite of being unmarried… she'd been happy… hadn't she?

Not always, a small voice whispered inside. Leah had worried that Addie would turn out to be a spinster too. And she had been so wistful sometimes. There had been many lonely, quiet hours for her. Yes, there had been a part of Leah that must have wished for a husband and a real family.

"Unattached forever?" Caroline repeated. "I wouldn't want that for you, Adeline. Think of all you'd miss out on."

"But what if I fell in love with the wrong man?"

"Wrong by whose reckonin'? Mama's? You'd most likely be best off with the kind of man she doesn't want for you. Someone like… well, like Ben."

"Why do you mention him?" Addie asked, suddenly irritated. "What do you see in him that I don't? If you're hoping that something will develop between Ben and me, you're going to be disappointed. I just plain don't trust him. How do you and everyone else know that he won't go bad? How do we know he won't turn mean, or turn on Daddy, or something else just as awful? He's attractive on the surface, but inside… why, there's no telling what he's really like."

"Is that what you think about him?" Caroline looked surprised. "Well, I s'pose he might be different on the inside than he seems. I just always took him at face value. But I'll tell you somethin'. The only way to find out what he's really like is to get closer to him." She peered at Addie quizzically. "There a chance you might be interested in him?"

"Maybe," Addie admitted reluctantly. She thought of Russell, and her mouth tightened. "For certain reasons."

"Then take a chance on him! Spend some time with him! You might be surprised how much you and Ben have in common. He'd be so nice to you, if you'd just let him. I'm sure of it. "

As Addie thought over the idea, she began to see the sense of it. Spend some time with Ben, get to know him, try to gain his friendship. If she could make him like her, that would make him a little vulnerable to her, wouldn't it? Wouldn't it be easier to outsmart him if he trusted her? It made no sense to make him think of her as an enemy. Then he would always be on his guard when she was near. And she was the only thing that was going to stand between him and his plan to kill Russell. But how plausible was her attempt to befriend him going to seem?

"He wouldn't be nice to me," she said doubtfully.

"He'd only laugh at me if he thought I was interested."

Caroline smiled with satisfaction. "Now, that's one thing you'll never get me to believe."

Addie received her first opportunity to be nice to Ben much sooner than she'd expected. Late in the afternoon he and two line riders were entangled in the first serious confrontation between Double Bar and Sunrise men. Ben came to the main house with a battered face and a tersely worded report for Russell. Russell's roar could be heard across three counties. The fight between the cowboys had been about his "bob-wahhr" fence, and he was livid at the suggestion that he didn't have the right to fence in his own land. Why, how was he going to keep control over his cattle and stop them from drifting where they shouldn't? How could he protect his property from thieves and rustlers?

"Now, Russ, hold on," came Ben's voice from behind the door as he and Russell talked in the office. The rest of the family stood in the hallway and eavesdropped unabashedly. "I know how you feel, but you can't blame them for being angry when one of their horses was killed by that damn fence. The animal was cut to pieces. It was the worst godawful mess I've seen in a long time."

Russell was not disposed to see their side of it. "I don't care what made ' em mad. They attacked three of my men, including my foreman, and cut up my fence! Well, it's goin' back up, with five strands instead of four. If Big George wants a war with me, he'll find out quick that he's bitten off too much this time!"

There was a short silence. Then Ben spoke, and although he sounded casual, there was an undertone in his voice that commanded attention. "We fenced in some public land along with our own, Russ, not to mention a considerable amount of water. That makes us unpopular with just about everyone. There's a lot of sympathy out there for Big George. They all need water and grass for their cattle, and some figure we've got more than our share."

"Is that what you think, boy?" Russel demanded furiously. "You think we've got more than our share?"

"I think you know when it's time to be diplomatic. I've seen you slick down a lot of ruffled feathers when too many tempers were high. We're the biggest outfit around here, and that makes us an easy target. It's going to get worse, Russ. Fence-cutting is just the beginning. "

"We're not some greasy-sack outfit they can push around. We can take whatever they're fixin' to dish out!"

"Possibly. But do we want to? We've got enough on our hands just taking care of our own business." Ben's voice softened as he spoke persuasively. "The system's always worked without fences. We all depend on each other. You can't turn us into an island. We can't survive alone. I say we start putting that money we've been spending for reels of barbed wire and kegs of staples into hiring more line riders. We can't afford the trouble those fences are going to earn us."

Addie could almost see the bullheaded expression on Russell's face as he replied, "I say I'm the top man around here, and I decide where to put my money. Tomorrow I want those cedar posts stuck back in the ground and strung with five strands of wire. "

Ben swore softly, and then there was the sound of his booted feet as he walked toward the door. The family scattered, all darting out of the hallway and finding various tasks to busy themselves with. Addie met Ben at the front door as he started to leave the house. She felt a reluctant twinge of pity as she saw the bruise on his jaw and the faint shadow underneath one eye.

Ben looked at her stonily. "I've had about enough of the Warners for one afternoon. So if you'll excuse me-"

"You're going to have a black eye."

He pulled the handkerchief from around his neck and dabbed at the bloody corner of his mouth. "Lady, that's the least of my problems."

"I know." She risked a smile and inclined her head toward the kitchen. "Come with me. I'll get you something cold for that." As he followed her into the kitchen, she picked up a clean dishrag and threw a glance over her shoulder. "Stay. I'll be back in a minute. "

While he waited in the kitchen, staring after her restlessly, she went downstairs to the stone-floored ice cellar, where the perishable food was packed tightly with ice, straw, and sawdust. It was dark and blessedly cool down there. Addie wasted no time in filling the dishrag with ice and hurrying back upstairs. Ben took it from her, hesitating before applying it to his face.

"Put it on your eye," she said impatiently, and indicated a nearby chair. "And sit down. I want to see to your jaw, and you're too tall." She wet another cloth at the sink. "How are the other two men?"

"About the same." Ben sank down in the chair with a sigh, while the aches and pains in is body began to make themselves known. "They visited Cook and had him see to them as soon as we got back. I didn't have time." He turned his face into the ice, relishing its coldness. "We were lucky it didn't turn into gunfire. Ow!" He winced as Addie pressed the cloth to the comer of his cut lip. "Careful with that thing!"

"I'm sorry. I know it must hurt. "

"Damn right it does. "

She smiled into his baleful green eyes and took care to be even more gentle in her ministrations. She knew from her nursing experience that men were stoic and silent about their wounds until they were assured of a woman's attention. Then they started complaining and demanding to be fussed over.

"Would you like something to drink?"

"I had a drink when I came in to talk to Russ."

"I… we… couldn't help overhearing some of your conversation."

He smiled sardonically. "With your ears pressed to the keyhole, I guess you couldn't."

"When he calms down and thinks about things, he might change his mind. A little common sense will make him see that-"

Ben snorted at the suggestion. "You know him better than that. This isn't a matter of common sense to him. It's a matter of pride. He won't back down."

"What are you going to?"

He shrugged, looking away from her. "Put the fence back up."

"Even though you don't believe in it?"

"I've told Russ what I think. That's my job. He's made the decision. That's his job. Whether or not I like his decision, I'm going to live by it. The alternative is to leave, and I'm not ready to."

"Why not? There are other ranches that would hire you in a minute."

"I get the feeling you're hoping I'll go." Ben didn't miss the way she blushed and looked away. His eyes were cool and watchful as he continued, "Why won't I? Because I like Sunrise. And I gave my word to Russ that I'd stay as long as he needed me."

"You're very loyal to him, aren't you?" Addie asked. There was a fine edge to her voice that must have been unfathomable to him.

“He's one of the best men I've ever known. And one of the few I've ever met who deserves complete honesty. It would be easier just to tell him what he wants to hear. But I respect him too much for that."

"He thinks of you as an adopted son." The way she spoke made it sound far from a compliment. "What about your own family? What about your own father?"

"I've got a nice family in lllinois. And a respectable father, who's worked at a bank for the past twenty-five years." Ben grinned, his mood lightening. "Every time I'm anywhere near my father, he goes into the early stages of apoplexy. We don't have much in common, he and I."

"With a Harvard education-if you really got one you could have gotten a job back east. Why did you decide on Texas?"

"The only place I'm not wanted by the law… yet." His deadpan assertion was so close to what she had been thinking that Addie started. Then she saw the dance of mischief in his eyes. He was taunting her. She scowled at him, unamused, forgetting her intention to be sweet to him.

"I never know when to believe anything you say!"

"Poor Addie. And here you are, dispensing your charity and goodwill to a wounded man-"

"Oh, stop it," she said, thoroughly disconcerted by his sarcasm. "I don't know why I tried being nice to you. And you're not wounded, either. You're just a little beat-up."

"A real angel of mercy, aren't you?" He reached up experimentally to touch the comer of his mouth, which had stopped bleeding. She bent closer to peer at it.

"It doesn't look too bad to me."

"Only because you're not the one wearing it." His mouth tilted roguishly at the comers. "Don't I get a kiss to make it better?"

She snorted at the question, knowing he didn't really mean it. "You’d probably die of shock if I did."

Slowly he set the ice down on the table. He decided to take a gamble. "Try it and see," he invited softly.

Addie stared at him in amazement. Her heart jerked as if it danced on the end of a string. Surely his last words had been the ultimate mockery. She knew she was staring at him, but she couldn't help it. He didn't mean it… oh, he couldn't mean it. But… he looked as if he did.

I can't. I just couldn't. He 'd make fun of me if I took him up on it. He 'll make fun of me if I don't, too. He 'll say I was afraid… he has too much of an ego to accept that I just didn't want to kiss him.

But she did want to.

Look at him sitting there, just daring me to make a move. He looks good even when he s dirty and messed up. Leah always said she figured the Devil would be a mighty handsome man.

Why is he so tempting? It s the bad in me. The bad in him appeals to the worst part of me.

What would it feel like?

Ben appeared to be relaxed, but she knew he was as alert as a cat. She wished he didn't look so predatory. He had issued the challenge; now he was waiting for her response. She forced herself to smile carelessly. Bending quickly, she brushed her lips across his in the lightest of touches, too fast for him to respond.

"Feel better?" she asked in a sugar-coated voice, and he eyed her sardonically, the moment of tension almost broken. But not quite.

"Hardly."

"Well, what were you expecting?"

Now the challenge was thrown to him. He accepted it without hesitation. Standing up in a swift movement, he caught her waist in his hands and backed her up until the edge of the table pressed into her buttocks. She didn't know what to do or where to put her hands. Her palms came to rest on his upper arms, on the hard swell of muscle that tightened at her touch. And she looked up at him, confused and excited, and curious. Just this once it wouldn't hurt. She would let it happen, and she didn't care what he said or thought afterward. He lowered his dark head and nuzzled her ear, and the touch of his hot breath in the hollow behind her earlobe made her shiver.

"That's a good question," he said. "What should I expect from a woman like you?" He heard her swallow convulsively, felt her body tense as he drew closer. She wasn't trying to move away, although they both knew he would have let her go easily had she made a move to be free. The skin of her arms was soft underneath his fingers.

Suddenly she seemed very fragile to Ben, someone to be handled gently and treated with tenderness. He'd never felt that for anyone in his life, or held a woman who trembled at his touch. He was accustomed to women who were comfortable with men, well-versed in the ways a man liked to be pleased. But there was a vast gulf between their knowledge and this woman's. Despite her attempts at sophistication, she didn't have much actual experience, of that he was fairly certain. There was no way her shyness, her uncertainty, could be manufactured. Why did it arouse him so?

“Addie, " he murmured, and her breath caught as his mouth began to wander to the edge of her jaw. "Don't pretend with me. Not ever."

"Wh-what? "

"I hope I'm not imagining you. Am I, Addie?"

"No-"

"It doesn't matter if I am." His hands urged her upward, gently forcing her to rise on her toes. "Don't pull away, Adeline."

She wanted to pull away, but her body was thrilling with exhilaration, guilt, and fear. Her face turned that necessary half-inch, to an angle that aligned with his. She was lost in the deep green sea of his eyes. His arm slid around her back, trapping her, keeping her close, and suddenly both of them were aware of her breasts pressed snugly into his chest.

As he bent his head to kiss her, she held her breath and her eyes closed. Just as their lips met, there was the sound of footsteps outside the kitchen door, and Russell's imperious voice.

"Addie? Addie, where are you?"

They broke apart in a startled movement. Addie flushed and spun away from Ben, touching her mouth with her fingertips as if he'd left a brand. There had been no time to feel anything but a delicious hint of warmth… but that was more than she ever should have known of Ben Hunter.

"We're both in the kitchen," Ben replied, swiping up the dripping cloth full of ice and holding it to his face as he sat down abruptly. He and Addie stared at each other for one burning moment until Russell strode into the kitchen.

"I see she's got you fixed up good," he said, seeming not to notice Addie's discomposure. "Adeline, there's a thing or two we got to talk about."

"Oh?"

"That Johnson boy-well, things hafta change between you and him."

"What do you mean?" she asked warily. "The quarrel is between you and Big George. That doesn't have to affect my friendship with Jeff. "

'The quarrel's between the Warners and the Johnsons. Which means there's no more friendship between you and Jeff. You're not goin' to see him anymore, or even talk to him. Understand?"

If he had approached her in a different way, she might have tried to understand his viewpoint. But the way he said it, as an order for her to follow, a command for her to obey, fired her temper as quickly as if he'd set a match to gunpowder.

"It looks like we have a few things to discuss," she said evenly, trying to keep calm."

"There's nothin' to talk about."

Ben cleared his throat. "Looks like it's time for me to leave."

"Stay," Russ commanded without looking at him.

"This won't take long."

"But then again, it might," Addie said tersely.

"Because you seem to think that all you have to do is dictate orders and watch me rush to obey. But I'm an adult, and I have some say in this."

"Now, Addie, don't be stubborn, or-"

"Or you'll send me to bed early? Or give me less pocket money? I'm not a child to be disciplined. I'm an adult."

"You're my daughter."

“I have the right to take part in the decisions that affect me."

"You sure as hell don't!" Russell exploded. "Because I'm the one who makes the decisions, and I'm damn well not going to come to you for advice about my business-"

"This is my business too! You and Mama have been pushing Jeff at me for weeks. Half the time I've gone to see him only because I wanted to please you. Now suddenly I'm supposed to turn my feelings off and give him the freeze because of some arbitrary whim of yours. But I can't do that."

"Dammit, why are you so all-fired anxious to cross me?" Their eyes met in challenge, and Addie saw his anger increase as he realized she wasn't going to bow down easily. But he was canny, and he decided to change tactics. "Honey," he said in a conciliatory voice, "we'll get someone a lot better than Jeff for you. Any man in Texas would give his left… would give a lot to have you. Ain't that right, Ben?"

"Don't drag him into this!" Addie snapped, saving Ben the necessity of replying. "And I won't be pacified by having the prospect of some other man dangled in front of me like a new toy."

"Then what the hell do you want?"

"For you to stop treating me like I'm something to be moved around and managed and maneuvered, just like your cattle. Just like Mama and Caroline. "

His face turned purple. "As long as you live under my roof, eat at my table, and live off my money, you'll do what I say. Just like they do."

Addie felt tears of fury spring to her eyes. "And talk to whom you tell me to? And marry the man you choose for me?"

"That's right."

"It's not right," she said huskily, thinking in a split second of Caroline and the man she had lost. "It's not right at all. You wouldn't let someone run your life like that. Why do you expect it of me?”

Russell's face was hard. "Because you're a woman. Smart, yes. Too smart for your own good, and damned spoiled. But you're still just a woman, and there's no gettin' around it. I 'll give you rein when I can, Adeline, but not this time."

“But-”

"You want a woman's privileges and a man's rights too. But you can't have both. Look at you. Tears ready to fall. You can't hold 'em back-that's because you're a woman. Do you think a man would do that? You stick to your female weapons, honey, and let me make the decisions. You got your place and I got mine. "

"Don't you think I have a sense of honor? Of pride?" she demanded hoarsely, struggling to hold back the humiliating tears. It was a sign of weakness, one he had taken good advantage of. "Being a woman doesn't mean I don't have sense and intelligence. It doesn't mean I don't need freedom." There was a terrible pressure behind her eyes. She wadded the back of her sleeve against her nose, needing a handkerchief. Although Ben was silent, she was afraid she would see mockery in his eyes. She didn't look at him. As she stared fixedly at Russell, her heart burned with resentment. 'I'll see Jeff if I want to," she said in a muffled voice.

"You do that, little girl, and I'll bring you to heel so damn quick you won't believe it."

Addie was too angry and humiliated to say anything. She felt trapped as she stood there, cornered, and she had to break free or choke on her own helplessness. Striding through the kitchen, she yanked open the door and fled down the back steps. It was dark outside, and the shadows offered refuge.

Ben looked at Russell, his green eyes expressionless.

"What are you gonna say?" Russell demanded hotly. "She's my daughter, damn you. You think I wasn't fair to her?"

"You already know," Ben said, turning to leave.

"You stay away from her. Let her lick her wounds in private. I won't have you two commiseratin' behind my back. And I just might be tempted to fire you if you take her side against me!"

Ben arched an eyebrow, turning his head slowly and staring at him. They both knew he was completely indifferent to Russell's blustering. "I'll leave whenever you give the word, Russ."

Russell cursed under his breath as the other man went to follow Addie.

She stopped in the shelter of a storage shed, leaning against the rough wooden planks and crying wretchedly. She had never felt so lonely or helpless. If only there was some sanctuary she could find, even a temporary one! If only she could go to sleep, and wake up to hear Leah calling to her… her Leah, not that little girl!

It was an intolerable idea to be sentenced to stay here forever. But it was intolerable, also, to think of going back to a place where she had no one at all. What am I going to do? she thought, and pressed her wet cheek against the shed as she began to cry even harder.

She heard a voice right behind her ear, a voice laced with sympathy. "It's not that bad, darlin'."

Turning around, she looked at Ben while the moonlight silvered the watery trails down her cheeks. You don't know how bad it is, she wanted to say, but she couldn't. He was so close they were almost touching, his powerful body casting a large shadow. The earth seemed to shake under her feet as she reached out for him blindly, and then he pulled her close into the protection of his body. Her head fell against his shoulder, and she wept at the infinite relief of it. Senseless, to feel safe and warm in his arms, but the sweetness of it flowed through her veins like strong wine. Illusion or not, every moment of it was something to treasure-the heat of his body, the smell of him, the abrasion of his unshaven jaw against her temple. After a while she tried to explain herself, feeling somehow that he would understand.

"I can't stand being t-told what to do all the time. I want to run… but th-there's nowhere…"

"I know. I know." He stroked her hair, his fingers trailing through the warmth of it.

A wild impulse came to Addie, to tell him some of the secrets that swelled so painfully in her heart. If only she could. She wanted to be close to him, but that couldn't be reconciled with what she knew about him. She should be terrified of him. Why was the wanting becoming so much stronger than the fear? How tired she was of questions that had no answers. Wearily she pushed all of it out of her mind and let herself be held a little bit longer.

"For a few minutes I hated him," she said after a minute, her voice catching.

"You and the rest of the county," Ben said quietly.

"He's not making himself too popular these days."

"He wants me to be like Caro and Mama."

"No. He doesn't want you to change, no matter what he said back there. He's so damned proud of you, Addie. You're the only one around here who won't let him bully you."

"Except you."

"That's because I don't like the alternative."

She sighed shortly. "I felt about a foot tall in that kitchen. Especially when he-"

"He's just on a rampage. You know better than to wave a red flag at him when he's in a contrary mood."

"I shouldn't have cried in front of him," Addie whispered, and her eyes smarted at the memory. "I hate myself more than him for that."

"Don't."

"I proved him right, acting like a child-"

"Addie…" He pried her face from his neck and looked into her reddened eyes. "Stop it. It didn't prove anything. No one likes to have his pride stomped on like that, especially not in front of someone else. Some men would have cried too."

He paused for a long moment, his thumb moving in a caress from her cheek to her temple. "I did the last time I saw my father."

"You?" she asked, bewildered. "Why? An argument, or-"

"Always. I never had a civil conversation with him. We always used to argue. It was our way of showing we gave a damn about each other. But the last year at the university I didn't see him even once. I was told to stay away from him. I was bad for his health. I went to visit him after I graduated, to set things right between us and tell him I was going to Texas. And I realized after I told him that he didn't care. Indifference… well, that hurts worse than hatred. That was why I cried. In front of him. And I hate myself for it. "

"Do you still?"

"No. But God knows I'll never forget. And neither will he." He smiled down at her, his teeth gleaming white in the darkness. He looked so invulnerable, it was impossible to imagine him caring about what anyone said or did to him. She couldn't imagine him crying. Why had he entrusted her with such a revelation? Merely to bolster her up? To help ease her own shame?

"Ben," she said tentatively, her heart beating a little faster, "sometimes you're very nice."

"Never without a reason, honey." All at once he changed, his tenderness melting away to reveal a mocking smile. His eyes seemed to bum right through her clothing.

"I didn't think so," she said, suddenly nervous.

They were going to pick up what they had started before Russell had interrupted them in the kitchen. The taste of anticipation was sweet on her lips. "What was your reason for being so nice tonight?"

"Maybe I want something from you."

"Too bad you won't get it."

"Oh, I will eventually."

"Not if! can help it," she parried, wondering why he wasn't trying to take advantage of her.

His smile widened as he saw that her lips had parted.

"Liar. You're dying for me to kiss you."

She tore herself away from him and gave him a shove. "If you ever try to kiss me, the only thing you'll get is a swift kick, you self-important jackass-"

"What a temper," he said, and laughed, catching her loosely in the circle of his arms. "Don't flyaway just yet, Addie. I'm still planning to finish what we started back there."

"You leave me alone!" She wedged her arms between them, preventing him from drawing her closer. "If you feel the urge to be with someone, go visit your woman in Blue Ridge."

There was ruthless amusement in Ben's smile. Addie could have bitten her tongue off as she realized she had sounded jealous.

"What makes you think I have a woman in Blue Ridge?"

"Caroline said you did."

"How would she know?"

"She listens to gossip-"

"Seems to be a family habit."

"Do you visit a woman in Blue Ridge?"

His voice was silky. "Now, why would I want to do that, when I've got you here?"

Addie twisted away from him with an infuriated sound. Ben laughed and blew her a kiss as she stomped off to the house, his eyes following her alertly until she disappeared from sight.