Give Me Tonight

6

THE WEDDING WAS HELD OUTSIDE IN THE COOL MORNing air. Addie sat through the entire ceremony without hearing a word of it, her mind feverishly occupied with questions. Until now she had been certain about Ben's guilt and her own innocence. It had been so easy to picture him as the villain, and herself as the heroine who would save the day. But nothing was black or white anymore. Ben wasn't all good or bad, just as she wasn't. And the most horrifying thing of all was that if he wasn't guilty of plotting to kill Russell, she might be. She couldn't forget what Russell had said to her about the will.

"Aw, honey … I know you're prob'ly a mite disappointed at gettin' Sunrise in trust instead of all that money … you'd be a rich woman if I did that … you'd have enough money to do whatever you wanted for the rest of your life …

A rich woman.

How badly had she wanted to be a rich woman? If only she could remember more about the things she might have done in the past. If only there weren't so many shadows crowded in her mind.

She cast her eyes over the congregation until she saw Jeff's hatless head, his mahogany hair shining in the morning light. He hadn't even looked at her this morning. Boyish, blue-eyed Jeff. Had he really been that clumsy drunken stranger in the blacksmith shop last night? She could hardly believe it. It seemed like a dream.

Ben was just a few seats away from her. She was astounded by the strange part he had played in all of it. He was the last one she would have cast as her rescuer. His head turned in her direction, and she looked away before their eyes met. She couldn't look at him, not after what had happened between them.

Wincing, Addie couldn't dispel the picture that flashed through her mind, the two of them writhing on the floor of the blacksmith shop. She could feel her cheeks burning with embarrassment as she bent her head to hide her face. The way she had let him touch her, the way she'd encouraged him… no, she could never bear to meet his eyes again.

In the last twenty-four hours she'd become a stranger to herself. Addie smiled bitterly as she recalled how this unwanted nightmare had begun. How full of fire and conceit she had been, so eager to convict Ben, so certain she would be Russell Warner's savior. But last night she had found herself clinging to Ben like a wanton, drunk with desire for him, with no thought of Russell or anything else to sober her. It had never been like that before, not with anyone. After her first resistance she had made no effort to push Ben away. So much for herself-righteous intentions.

And what Leah had said later that night in the privacy of their room was more disturbing than anything else so far. Addie hadn't forgotten a word of it. It made her more than a little afraid. What had Leah overheard her planning with Jeff? What had she and Jeff been conspiring to do?

No, I wouldn't have planned anything that would have hurt Russell, she thought frantically. Not my own father. I may have been different then, but I would never have done something that horrible.

Addie was alerted by the burst of happy cries from the congregation when the ceremony was over. Blinking as if newly awakened, she raised her head and looked at the people standing up around her. Caroline tapped her on the shoulder after Peter helped her to rise.

"What are you daydreamin' about?"

"Nothing," Addie said quietly, rising from her seat and fussing with the sleeves of her dress.

Caroline was in a mood to tease. "Maybe you were thinkin' about the wedding you'll have someday."

Ben, who was standing just behind Caroline, happened to overhear. "A wedding?" he repeated, looking over Caro's blond head and making Addie the target. of a polite, faintly curious glance. "You fixing to marry someone soon, Miss Adeline?"

As she looked at him and flushed, his green eyes flickered with a subtle light she couldn't mistake. Suddenly the whole world was filled with nothing but the two of them and the private memory of those sweltering minutes in the blacksmith shop. Addie felt trapped, as surely as if she'd been chained to him. Ben caught her look of alarm, and he smiled, allowing just a touch of smugness to shine through.

Addie longed to spit out some words that would wipe the masculine smirk off his face. "At the moment there's not a man in the world I'd agree to marry," she said sharply.

"Glad to hear it," he commented lazily, appreciating the way the sun struck off her honey-colored hair. She was unbearably tempting, all bristled up and uncertain, her mouth pursed and her brows drawing together.

Caroline eyed the pair thoughtfully and then turned to her husband with-a smile. "Peter, take me into the house, please. If I don't have a glass of water in the next minute, I'll die of thirst. "

Ben gave them an absentminded nod as they left, and re-turned his attention to Addie, while the excited crowd milled around Ruthie and Harlan. He noticed the shadow of a bruise on Addie's wrist and frowned, reaching out to catch her forearm in his hand. She made no move to pull it away as he looked down at her delicately veined wrist.

"From him or me?" he asked gruffly.

"I don't know." She sounded much calmer than she felt. "Does it matter?"

"Yes, it matters." Though his voice was laced with irritation, his thumb was gentle as it stroked over the bruise. "I didn't intend to hurt you."

Her breath shortened. The movement of his fingers on her skin, there in the middle of hundreds of people, caused her heart to drive crazily against the wall of her chest. This couldn't continue. She had to make certain things clear, about what she would and wouldn't tolerate from him.

"Ben, what happened last n-night can't… You and I… just can’t.”

"Yes we can," he returned softly. "And will as soon as I get half a chance."

"No, Ben-"

"You look a little tired, darlin’." His eyes caressed her strained face.

"That's your fault. I couldn't sleep after we… after you… I spent the whole night tossing and turning."

"I wish I'd been there to join you."

"Hush up! Someone will hear, and please don't touch me like that!"

He released her wrist with deliberate care, and Addie knew the wisest thing to do would be to turn around and leave as quickly as possible. But something rooted her feet to the ground, keeping her there, close to him but not quite touching.

"When are you leaving?"

"Soon." Ben laughed quietly. "You're not anxious for me to go, are you?"

"Yes. Oh, stop looking at me like that. I think Mama just noticed us talking together-"

"So?"

"She doesn't want me to associate with someone like you."

"I know that. But what do you want?"

She took a deep -breath and looked at him directly. "I want us to forget about last night. It was a terrible misunderstand-ing."

"Not at all," he countered. "I think we understood each other quite well."

"Do whatever you want. I'm going to forget it ever happened. "

"Do you actually think you can?" Ben raised his eyebrows and folded his arms across his chest as he peered down at her. "No. It's going to be there between us from now on. Every time I look at you I'll remember the taste of your lips, the feel of your-"

“Damn you," she whispered, now more worried than before about the mess she was in. She could manage him when they were fighting, when he was angry, but not when he was gentle and teasing. Not when he was looking at her with a gaze that seemed to burn through her clothes. She could remember the taste of him, too, and the devastating touch of his hands on her body. She was shaken by the urge to wrap her arms around his neck and press her face against his throat and simply breathe in the smell of him.

"I want you to stay away from me from now on."

"Don't tell me you don't want me to hold you ever again. Or kiss you, or-"

"Never again!"

"You want it right now," he said, smiling at her appalled expression. "Just as much as I do."

"Ben, stop it," she hissed, aware that people were beginning to turn around and look at them. Picking up her skirts, she brushed by the rows of chairs and headed toward the house, discarding her pride in order to beat a quick retreat. Ben was right on her heels. Aware of his presence behind her, the long, measured strides that carried him so much farther than hers, she turned to face him as soon as they reached the veranda.

"You don't make any sense at all, Ben Hunter! All of a sudden you've decided you want me, when you wouldn't have me on a silver platter that day in the barn. What changed your mind?"

"Damned if I know. I haven't bothered to analyze it. "

"Of course not. Like any man, you chase after the nearest female whenever the urge to rut strikes you. I seem like a good prospect this week, is that it? Well, you won't be welcomed in my bed, not ever, so set your sights on someone else."

"If the urge to bed someone was all that concerned me, Addie, I wouldn't look to you to satisfy it. Knowing who you are, do you think I'd be fool enough to wait at your heels, hoping for a quick tumble? I haven't been deprived of a woman's company in a long time. If I wanted to sleep in a woman's arms tonight, I could find one easily. Someone a hell of a lot more experienced than you, and not half as much trouble."

"Then what do you want from me?" she whispered.

His smile was designed to annoy her. "Haven't I made it clear?"

"No," she groaned miserably. "Ben, you've got to stop. You're turning everything upside down. You're making me miserable out of pure meanness. You know any kind of relationship between us is impossible."

"Why?"

She couldn't tell him why. Hastily she racked her brains. "I d-don't know what kind of person you are. I don't know you. I don't think anyone around here does. "

"I could say the same about you. But that's something we can change. We don't have to be strangers. Unless you're afraid of what'll happen if you let me get closer. Is that it?"

She stared at him in confusion, her heart turning over at the soft sound of his voice. "I don't know what to do, or what to tell you-"

"Nothing, for now. Nothing at all." A movement to the left of them caught Ben's eyes, and he glanced at the approaching figure before turning back to Addie with a wry smile. "It looks like we'll have to continue this later."

"Why?"

"Take a look."

May was wearing a distinct frown as she walked toward them. There was no mistaking the perturbation in her voice and on her face. She didn't even look at Ben, but addressed Addie instead, her blue eyes cool and unnerving. "Adeline, I don't like you runnin' off without sayin' a word to me about where you are going. There are people askin' after you, people we haven't seen in a long time. "

"I'm sorry, Mama-"

"My apologies," Ben interrupted. "I shouldn't have taken her aside. Please don't hold Miss Adeline accountable for my selfishness."

"I know what to hold my daughter accountable for," May replied, looking at him with displeasure. "And she knows she's keepin' you from the things you should be doing. You were planning on returnin' to the ranch as soon as the wedding was over, weren't you?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Then don't let us detain you."

Ben nodded respectfully to her and glanced at Addie with gleaming eyes.

"Good-bye," she said in a hushed voice, her pulse racing.

After Ben strode away, May fixed Addie with a suspicious stare. "Why is he lookin' at you that way? Something's happened. Has he made any advances to you? Surely you haven't allowed him to take any liberties, Adeline.'

"I… why… of course not," Addie stuttered.

"We were just talking. Why do you seem so set against him all of a sudden?"

"Because I know what kind of man he is. And if you let him, he'll take advantage of you, of your innocence, your trust, and especially your vanity."

"Mama-"

"I'm going to speak frankly, out of concern for you. I wondered how long it would take before this conversation would be necessary. I knew it would come sooner or later. Ben is a handsome man, and he has a way about him. I understand what an impression he must make on a girl your age. And you're attractive to him for many reasons-your looks, your money, but most of all because you're Russell Warner's daughter. I know Russ likes to fancy Ben as another son, and Ben does his best to take full advantage of that. ',

Addie found herself in the unexpected position of having to defend Ben-she, who should have gratefully welcomed any censure of him! "I don't agree. He doesn't need to chase after me or anyone else for money. He's well-educated, and too proud to take advantage of-"

"For all his education, he was a mavericker before he came to Sunrise."

"So was Daddy, once."

"I want better for you than that. And I won't allow a man like Ben Hunter, a man just like your Daddy, to have my daughter."

Addie stared at her in amazement. There was an undertone of steel in May's voice, a strength in her face Addie had never noticed before. Underneath her blond prettiness, there was more purpose and tenacity in May than she'd suspected.

"There's no chance of anything happening between Ben and me," Addie said slowly. "But why don't you want me to marry someone like Daddy?"

"I promised myself I'd do everything in my power to see that my girls had a better life than I did, that you wouldn't repeat my mistakes. Why do you think I insisted on both of you being sent to the academy? Why do you think I've tried so hard to make sure you have manners and fashionable clothes, and an education? Finally my dream for Caro has come true. She and Peter are movin' out of Texas. But if you're going to be buried here for the rest of your life, away from decent people and civilized places, I refuse to give you away to a man who won't treat you half as well as the cattle he owns. And that's what will happen if you settle for some ranch hand."

"But I don't want a different life from this. I don't want to be pampered and spoiled. I won't care if it's a little bit rougher than folks have it back east-“

"A little bit rougher," May said, her voice catching. "You don't know anything about the kind of life you could have. I was brought up in a beautiful home, among people with gentle manners, in a house with servants. I had my choice of beaus. And I came out here ignorant of the filth, the roughness of these people, the men wearing guns all the time, even at the dinner table. There are times when I still have to work harder than some of the servants in my mother's home. "

"Mama-"

"The men out here won't shelter you from things no woman back east would ever have to tolerate, the crudity and the work, the county swarming with criminals and Indians-"

"It's not exactly swarming with them. Aren't you exaggerating a little?"

"Don't you use that tone with me, Adeline! I've been through horrors you know nothin' about. Just after I had Caroline, I begged your father to hire a nurse to help me look after her. I had to work all the time, cleaning, washing, and cooking, and I couldn't care for a baby every minute of the day. And he certainly did get a nurse-a Tonkawa girl to take care of my firstborn-an Indian. Imagine, after all I'd heard of them stealing white children, and then to walk into the nursery and see one of them holding my baby! A woman of one of the most cruel and merciless tribes-"

"They're not all like that. Caro told me that some of the women in the county have some friends among the women of the Indian settlement near here. They talk and share meals-"

"Is that what you would like to do? Visit with those… creatures… rather than be among your own kind of people? I insisted you go to the academy in Virginia because I wanted you to see what it was like there, how much better than here."

"I don't see what's wrong with having friendships with them, or living here, or marrying a cowman. I like it better here than anywhere else. I'm not like you and Caro. I'll probably never move out of Texas. And I don't want to be sheltered."

May's eyes glimmered with unhappiness. "You've always chosen to learn things the hard way. I know how useless it is to talk to you when you've decided to be stubborn. But for your own sake, you must think about what I'm tellin' you."

"I will," Addie said uncomfortably, ducking her head and looking away, unable to repress a short sigh.

"I don't understand why you married Daddy, if he wasn't the kind of man you wanted."

May's expression was infused with bitterness. "Your father went east to find a wife and bring her back to Texas. He courted me in North Carolina. I didn't know what kind of life he'd be takin' me to, and didn't much care at the time. I thought love alone would be enough to make me happy. A woman in love makes foolish choices, Adeline. And I don't imagine you'll be any different from me in that respect."

As was common for any large social function, the crowd was served plenty of good liquor, which helped to fuel the general carefree spirit. Some of the men conglomerated in small groups and proceeded to slap each other on the back heartily, talking about their land and businesses with seeming carelessness. Others freely admired the women, who were beautiful in their brightly colored dresses and masses of ruffies.

The younger people, who had eagerly awaited the night of music and dancing, busied themselves making new acquaintances and behaving as they thought grown men and women should. The steps they knew were not fancy or intricate, and the music provided by the cowboy band was not exactly elegant, but it was played with enthusiasm.

Addie found to her annoyance that she was keenly aware of Ben's absence, in spite of being claimed for every dance by a different person. What was wrong with her, that she couldn't keep herself from comparing Ben to every man she met and finding them all wanting? The most handsome ones here were unremarkable when compared to the memory of a man with black hair and vivid green eyes. No one else could stop her heart with his flashing smile, no one else dared to contradict and tease, and taunt as boldly as he did. She thought about him more while he was gone then she would have had he been there.

Occasionally Addie saw Jeff's face in the crowd among the lanterns and shadows, and she stayed as far away from him as possible. Occasionally he would ask someone to dance, but he kept his eyes on Addie as she was whirled around in time to the music. Her bluegreen dress emphasized the whiteness of her skin and the rich dark blond of her hair, attracting many a masculine eye.

When Addie wasn't dancing, she stayed close to Russell, finding comfort in the fact that a silent truce seemed to have developed between them. She had no intention of apologizing for the argument they'd had, and neither did Russell, but they'd made an unspoken decision to go on as if it hadn't happened. So far they'd managed to recapture some of their former easiness with each other.

Well into the evening Addie's feet were aching from the fast round-dancing, and she was relieved when the music slowed down to a pace that the less spry members of the gathering could enjoy. She managed to wheedle Russell into a dance, pestering him with questions as they moved around the floor.

"As far as I can tell, no one's mentioned anything about the fences to you," she said, and Russell chuckled, both annoyed and admiring of her daring in bringing up the subject.

"Not at a weddin' dance, honey."

"But that's just for tonight. What about after the wedding's over and we're all back home again?"

Russell shrugged, deciding not to answer. Addie took it to mean he expected trouble later on, and a chill of premonition stole over her. "Daddy, I've been thinking about some of the things Ben had to say about that barbed wire."

"What kinda things?" Although his voice was quiet, there was a menacing note in it. "Ben been talkin' against me behind my back, talkin' against my decisions?"

"No, no," she said hastily. "Just explaining to me. I didn't understand why everyone's so stirred up about your fences. It's because you've enclosed the water supply, isn't it? All the nearby grassland that the Double Bar owns isn't worth anything without the water rights. I didn't realize that before."

"It's my water. I was here long before Big George Johnson and all the rest of them. Before the war started, 'bout twenty-five years ago. I couldn't get a town job, so I came out west and claimed the land on both sides of it-which means all the range around it is mine. It always has been. But folks like the Johnsons started movin' in, pushin' in the boundaries of my ranch, expectin' half the water rights, when the river was always mine to begin with."

"I've heard you started out as a mavericker," she said, and he chuckled.

"Nearly everyone got his start that way, with a runnin' iron and a reata, Everyone did a little rustling, even the first sheriff of these parts. It was more respectable then. They didn't hold it against a man like they do now. But the price of cattle's gone up, and now a lot of folk think mavericking should be punished same as horse stealin'."

"They say that Ben-"

"Yeah, he was a mavericker, Almost got himself strung up for it by a vigilante committee before I hired him.”

"Really?" Addie's eyes widened in fascination. "I don't remember that."

"You were away at the academy."

"What made you decide to off him a job?"

"Ben came ridin' up to the main house with a hot-tempered crowd not ten minutes away, all of 'em bent on stretchin' his neck as soon as they caught up to him. I gave him two minutes to speak his piece. I'll bet he's never talked so fast before or since."

Addie grinned. "I wish I could have seen it. He must have been sweating bullets."

"Little cat. Don't you have any kindly feelin' for him a-tall?" Russell demanded, laughing richly.

"Yes, but he's always so in control of everything. I just like the idea of seeing him a little shaken up."

"He is every time you're around, punkin. I reckon you're the only woman who…" Russell stopped suddenly and looked at her as if a brand new idea had occurred to him. He opened his mouth and closed it, as if he wanted to ask something but didn't know how.

"What?" she prompted.

"Oh, nothin'." He shrugged with elaborate carelessness. "Just wonderin'… what do you think about Ben, honey?"

Startled, she stared at him with a sagging jaw. He'd never had that particular gleam in his eye when mentioning Ben to her before. Hurriedly she collected herself. "I think he's a good foreman-"

"As a man. You ever think about him that way?"

She shook her head hastily. "Daddy, what a silly question. And don't you dare think about asking him what he thinks about me. There's absolutely no chance of that kind of feeling developing between us."

"Don't see why not. Less you don't like his looks?"

Addie turned even redder. "There's nothing wrong with his looks."

"Nice-mannered and smart too."

"Y-yes-"

"And he's the kind women take to."

"Yes, but… Daddy, stop this. I don't want to talk about him."

"S' all right with me. Just askin"." Russell appeared to be satisfied now that the subject had been brought to her attention. The music ended, and he walked her back to where they'd been standing before. Addie couldn't help noticing Jeff watching from several feet away, his eyes locked on her, catching her every movement and expression. Russell noticed too. "That Johnson boy's eyes are gonna fall outta his head," he remarked grimly.

Addie surprised him by laughing lightly. "He's the kind who never wants something badly until he knows for certain he can't have it."

"You still sweet on him?"

"I never was, in that way. He's never been anything but a friend to me."

"Then why the hell did you get so mad when I told you not to see him anymore?"

"Because I don't like to be ordered around, by you or anyone else."

Russell stood still and looked down at her, shaking his head and sighing with rueful pride. "Damned if you aren't me all over again. Don't see why you weren't born a boy."

Coming from him, that was a sizable compliment.

Addie smiled pertly. "I like being a woman just fine, thank you. And getting back to the subject of Jeff, when are you going to change your mind about letting me see him?"

His good mood evaporated. "When it's safe. Which might be a long time from now."

"Safe," she repeated slowly. "Do you suspect we're in some kind of danger from the Johnsons?"

"We are from everyone." He seemed to forget she was his daughter as he talked to her with the frankness of one man to another. "We always have been, always will be. Not one man here who doesn't hate our big profits, not one who wouldn't try to tap into them if he thought of a good way to do it. I fenced in what I own in order to keep what's mine. No one likes that. 'specially not the Double Bar. Until lately I hoped we'd be able to git along with the Johnsons. When you're as big as we are, 'f a man's not your friend, he's your enemy. But now they've made the choice, and it's gonna get a lot worse than this."

"You sound as if you're getting ready for war," Addie said, thinking of the danger that was in store for him. "I guess it's not a bad thing to be prepared. You're going to be careful, aren't you? I don't want anything to happen to you."

"Don't want anything to happen to any of us, honey."

"But people are mad at you," she said, and suddenly she wanted to throw her arms around him, protect him from the world. He was her father. And in spite of his roughness, explosive temper, and the overbearing manner that seldom failed to set her teeth on edge, she loved him. "You're the one who's got to be careful. Daddy, are you listening?"

Although he nodded, she could see he wasn't listening, not as she wanted him to. There was no way she could confess what she knew and what she feared. Her chest felt tight as she realized the number of enemies he had. All of the ranchers around here, not just the Johnsons, hated Russell's power, his wealth, and most of all, his fences. She was inadequate-to protect him. She wasn't strong enough to do it alone. She wished she could run to Ben for help, even though she knew the thought was pure insanity. No amount of wishful thinking would change what he was.

Ben was there to help unload the' carriage the day the Warner family returned to the ranch. They were all relieved to arrive. Caroline was exhausted from traveling, Cade was fidgety and eager to stretch his legs, Russell was anxious to get back to work, and the rest were merely happy to be where there was privacy and the comfort of well-established routines. Addie was the last to emerge, having been squashed in the comer of the seat for the entire journey. She avoided Ben's gaze as he helped her down, disconcerted by her own crushed and rumpled appearance. They were unseen by the others, who were heading toward the front door of the main house.

"How was it?" he asked quietly, his hands lingering on her waist after her feet had touched the ground.

"The trip back home? Terrible. "

"No, I was referring to the dance, the parties… the two days you spent out of my sight. Jeff give you any problems?"

She looked up at him then, undone by the note of concern in his voice, and saw no censure or mockery in his green eyes, nothing but warmth. Silken ribbons seemed to tighten around her heart. It was good to see him. She felt as if it had been weeks rather than days since she'd been near him.

"Jeff didn't bother me at all," she said, making an effort to sound nonchalant. "He didn't say a word to me the entire time. Of course, he stared a lot-"

"You should be used to that by now."

"I haven't been around him in a while."

"But he's not the only one who likes to stare at you."

Addie set her mouth sternly in order to prevent a smile. "I'm getting tired of this game. It's ridiculous. You're even causing Daddy to have strange ideas about the two of us."

"I've got a few in mind myself."

"I don't want to hear them."

His hands tightened on her waist when she would have moved away. "There's no way you can get out of it."

"Don't bet on it, slicker," she said in the tart manner of a flapper, and he grinned at the change in her voice.

"Every now and then you sound like… " He paused and shrugged. "I don't know what it is. But I have a suspicion there's more behind those big brown eyes than anyone else imagines."

"You'll never find out."

"Not for lack of trying," he assured her.

"Ben!" came Russell's voice from the house, and immediately Addie was released.

"He wants a report on everything that happened while he was gone." Ben's mouth twitched in amusement as he looked toward the window of the room Russell used as an office. "We'll talk later."

"Did anything happen?" she asked, touching his arm in an unconscious gesture, her eyes dark with concern. "Any trouble?"

The muscle underneath her fingertips tensed as if he'd received a small shock at her touch. Ben went very still, looking down at her with an intensity that weakened her knees. "No trouble," he said carefully. "Only when you're around, darlin'." Her hand trembled, but she didn't let go of him, overwhelmed by the yearning that had swept over her. Did Ben feel the ache of it too? He stared at her for what seemed to be hours, his face hard. All the forbidden longing in her heart was released in a torrent.

I could love him, she thought dazedly, if I let myself. And she already would, if he were anyone else in the world.

Lord, what am I going to do?

There was another roar from the house. "Ben, did you hear me or is somethin' blockin' your ears?"

"I'll be there in a minute," Ben called back with an impudence no one else in Texas would have dreamed of showing to Russell Warner.

"Go,"Addie said thickly, releasing her grip on his arm, and he hesitated.

She would have expected him to make some sardonic remark. But there was nothing playful about his manner as he spoke to her huskily.

"I want to hold you, Addie."

She couldn't deny him, or deny that she felt the same. "Please go," she whispered. He nodded slightly, his eyes moving over her face. There was no need for further words. They both understood all that was left unsaid.

It was a fundamental part of the ranchers' code that when cowboys came to visit, they were welcome to a free meal, lodging, and whatever else the host's hospitality might include. Although the half-dozen men who appeared at the Sunrise Ranch were strangers, it was obvious by their appearance and smell that they'd lived in the saddle all summer long. The women of the household were busy all afternoon, distributing towels and soap for the men to have much-needed shaves and baths. Then there were piles of soiled clothes to wash and mend, so many that the air was pungent with the scent of lye and hot water.

By the time the visitors were seated at the table, May and Caroline were almost too exhausted to enjoy their own dinners. Although Addie had worked just as hard as they had, she wasn't tired at all. She was filled with a nervous energy that wouldn't subside. Methodically she ate everything on her plate, hardly tasting anything, listening while Russell involved himself in a conversation with the cowboys.

She and Ben tried to ignore each other. But a steady flame of awareness burned inside her. She was conscious of every movement he made, every word he spoke. And when she looked up from the intent perusal of her plate and caught a wayward glance of his, she was filled with a surge of delight.

When the meal was over and they were all replete, the men remained at the table and talked while the women discreetly cleared away the dishes. After most of the work was done in the kitchen, Caroline put a hand to her lower back and sighed wearily.

"I'm too tired to wiggle. Mama, would you come upstairs with me and help me out of these things? Peter won't go to bed for a good long while, but I've got to have some rest."

"Would you like me to help you?" Addie offered. "That's all right," May said, patting her shoulder gently. "I will. After all you've done today, you should get to bed early."

"Yes, Mama."

Feeling strangely lost, Addie wandered out of the kitchen and into the hallway. The sounds of the men's voices, the flap-flap of cards and the clinking of bottles and glasses were clearly audible. For them, the evening was just beginning. Addie glanced at the stairs. The thought of going up to her room and closing herself inside four walls was unbearable. She looked at the front door, craving the freedom beyond it, and slipped outside before she had second thoughts.

The air was soft and sweet, the sky like black velvet. Hesitantly Addie walked down the front steps with no destination in mind, wandering alongside the house. On nights like this she and Leah used to sit with the windows open to catch the breeze, and they would listen to the radio for hours.

The ghost of a song went through her mind. I never knew… a heart could ache like this … I never knew … I'd miss your sweet embrace … Straining to remember the rest of it, she stopped walking and stood still. I know I won't forget you, can't accept we're through … Until the day you left me, dear, I never knew. …

Something stirred in her heart, the memories of sitting cross-legged in front of the radio and daydreaming… walking into Leah's room and sharing gossip… tinting her mouth with sassy red lipstick before going on a date with Bernie… making Leah laugh by doing a modified Charleston in the middle of her bedroom. Strange, how difficult it was to picture Bernie's face, or Leah's face. How faded the image of the house at the end of Main Street was, and the rooms inside, and the hospital where she'd worked.

Absently she hummed the rest of the song. Now every night. .. I close my eyes and dream of you. .. I never knew … how sweet a dream could be … I know I can't expect you to regret we're through … Until the day you left me, dear, I never knew. …

Addie folded her arms around her middle and sighed. It was impossible to believe that the house she had grown up in was gone. Leah was gone, and Addie would never be able to go back to the Sunrise she had known. And what did she have instead? That was an interesting question. Thoughtfully Addie considered her newfound circumstances. She had a brother and a sister, a mother, a closet of pink dresses and a bad tempered horse, a reputation as a breaker of hearts, an ex-boyfriend, a father who loved her, and a man who wanted her. A man she wanted in return.

Don't you understand what you're doing? Stop thinking about him, stop dreaming about him, for Russell's sake if not your own. You don't belong with each other.

There was the sound of booted feet on the stairs, moving with incredible quietness, and Addie froze. Her pulse drummed as the footsteps drew closer and she saw it was Ben. He stopped right next to her, his eyes translucent in the darkness. She knew, what he wanted.

Don't let it happen, she thought in panic, but there was a sense of inevitability about it all. Their coming together was as natural as the sun rising and falling.

Ben didn't move or speak. There was a hollow sensation in his stomach, a feeling he'd experienced only a few times before. He'd been aware of it as he went home to face his father the day after graduation, and once again while being chased through the county by a noose-brandishing mob. He'd never been nervous because of a woman, not even his first one. But Addie wasn't just any woman, and he wanted her as he'd never wanted anyone else. He needed her too much for his own good-he knew that, but there wasn't a damn thing he could do to stop himself.

No man could withstand the temptation of her sleek body and silky hair, and a face that was at once wholesome and sensual. And there were other things that attracted him to her just as forcefully. She was strong willed, forthright in expressing her opinions, a woman who would stand by a man in times of trouble. Sometimes she was vulnerable, wearing an expression of loneliness that started an ache in his own heart. He wanted her to trust him, give him the right to comfort and protect her.

"How did you know I'd be here?" she asked. "Because I wanted you to be."

"The others-"

"Are concentrating on a bottle of deadshot and a deck of cards. The game didn't interest me."

Addie made an effort to sound flippant. "I'm sure they'll miss you."

"Not as much as you would have."

"You're so conceited. I w-wouldn't have missed you."

"Just the same, I couldn't let you stay out here alone underneath all these stars."

"I wouldn't have minded being alone," she said, her breath catching as his hands slid behind her neck. "I've never minded it."

His palms traveled up to the hollow beneath her jaw, coming to rest on either side of her face. He couldn't keep from touching her any longer. "Then say you want me to leave. Go on. Say it."

She closed her eyes, fiercely willing herself to say the words, but they wouldn't come out. "I can't," she whispered in despair.

"Because you belong to me."

"No, not to anyone. I… I don't know why I want you. I don't even like you."

He smiled and brushed a kiss on her lips, so light she could hardly feel it. The hint of warmth was enough to make her gasp. Then he waited patiently, waited while seconds dragged by, silently daring her to make the next move. Finally her face nudged past the frame of his hands and her mouth came in search of his. Her lips were soft and seeking, and Ben made a low sound in his throat, tightening his arms until she was forced to stand on her toes. Hungrily she answered the pressure of his kiss, the movements of his tongue, knowing she would never get enough of the taste of him.

He slid one hand up to the back of her neck and pushed his fingertips into her hair, wanting to bury himself in the softness of her. Addie touched him as she had dreamed so many times, moving her palms in circles across his back, straining her fingers through his hair, rubbing the pads of her fingers across his face and savoring the rough-smooth surface of his jaw.

"Finally," he breathed when their lips had parted, and she nodded, understanding his infinite relief… she felt it too.

"Don't look at me like that," she said, her fingers drifting across the back of his neck.

"I can't help it." One comer of his mouth lifted in a half-smile, and she smiled back at him unsteadily.

"It makes me nervous. You look like you're about to swallow me whole. "

He pressed his mouth to her forehead and then strung kisses from her hairline down to the tip of her nose. "I've got better things in mind, darlin'."

She was overwhelmed by the pleasure of being close to him. "This is… just awful," she said, her voice catching. "What am I going to do?"

Nothing could stop Ben from kissing her again, with a need that had built up in him for weeks. Her mouth shifted under his, alternately playful and demanding. Their passion burned hotter than before, and he lost all awareness of everything but her. A shudder escaped him, and he fitted his hands over her hips, clamping their bodies together.

Addie wrapped her arms across his broad back.

Wrong or right, she couldn't deny him, when her entire being begged to be filled with him. She could feel his hands skimming over her back and waist, but the sensation was blurred by her thick corset. Never had she resented the prison of laces and stays so much. All she wanted was to be naked in bed with him, learning the secrets that lovers shared.

Suddenly she realized how far she had traveled, the distance between what she'd once been and what she was now. With a shiver she pulled her mouth away, resting her forehead against his shoulder to keep him from finding her lips again.

"Addie?" he breathed, and she shook her head, gasping. He hooked an arm around her slender neck. "Tell me," he said, his mouth close to her ear. "Tell me."

"This isn't right."

"Oh, yes it is. It was meant to be like this between us. "

"I sh-shouldn't. Not with you."

"Why not?"

"Something tells me I should be afraid," she said in a stricken whisper.

"Of me?" he asked, becoming so gentle she hardly recognized him. "Why darlin'?"

"B-because wanting each other this way isn't enough. Once the desire is satisfied, there'll be nothing to keep us from tearing each other apart. And I won't survive it. Don't you understand?"

"No, I don't. Do you think I'd turn on you someday? Is that it? I'd never hurt you, Addie-I couldn't if I tried. You have to believe that. "

She looked up at him and nodded, her eyes glittering in the moonlight. The sight took Ben's breath away.

"God, you're beautiful.".

"I'm not." Self-consciously she tried to turn away, but he caught her chin and stared into her eyes.

"You are. Sometimes I can't take my eyes off you.

I can't sleep without dreaming about you."

"I dream about you too."

"And about this?" He cupped her breast in his palm and low-ered his mouth to her neck. She sighed and nuzzled her face into his shirt, pressing her cheek against the hard muscles underneath. Shivery delight raced through every nerve as he bit gently at a sensitive place on her throat. His thumb rushed over the peak of her breast, teasing, drawing pleasure from her body with every stroke.

"Does that feel good?" He caught her more firmly against him, continuing to fondle her lightly. "Does it?"

"Yes," she choked, knowing the admission was an invitation for him to do more. Ben kissed her again, his heart thundering. He was drunk on the taste and feel of her. Her scent seemed to follow a pathway from his nose to his loins. Now that he'd had a taste of her, he'd never be satisfied with anyone else. There was a natural combustion between them, the kind of affinity some people never found despite a lifetime of searching.

Addie molded against him, thigh to thigh, chest to chest, and still it wasn't enough. Wanting to climb inside him, she slid her arms around his waist and clung fiercely. Suddenly he broke their kiss with a low sound, pressing his mouth against her temple.

"Wait. Shhh… be quiet."

"What-"

"Hush darlin'. "

She realized he was listening for something, that he'd heard something, and she went still. There was a shuffling sound in the darkness, the scrape of unsteady footsteps across the well-packed dirt, the hum of a muffled monologue. Ben looked toward the noise intently, willing his mind and body to cool down.

Addie sensed him drawing away from her, and she couldn't help making a sound of distress. "Hush," Ben whispered, stroking her back in a soothing motion, staring in the direction of the darkness beyond the corral. After a minute she let herself rest against his chest, her ear pressed to his heartbeat. She heard him sigh in exasperation.

"What is it?" Addie asked thickly.

"It's one of the boys walking a few feet off the ground. Watts."

"You mean he's had too much to drink?"

Ben grinned in spite of his frustration. "Give or take a quart."

Reluctantly he reached behind his neck to disentangle her arms.

"What are you doing?"

"I've got to see to him."

"He can't see us," she persisted as he unlocked her hands with gentle insistence. "He'll go away if we just ignore him."

He laughed and bent his head to kiss her swiftly. "I can't let him wander around the ranch like that, honey. He needs help."

Addie realized how shameless she had sounded, and how selfish, and she colored. "I'm sorry-"

"Don't start that or I'll be another ten minutes. Just go on inside. " Ben loosened his arms from around her and started to leave her, swore softly and stole one more kiss.

Addie stood still, watching him stride off to the staggering cowboy. The night seemed cooler now, the blackness of the sky overwhelming. Instead of going into the house, she drew deeper in the shadows, her eyes dilating as she stared after Ben. He reached Watts and laid a hand on his shoulder to stop his pacing. Watts stumbled.

"Whoa, boy," she heard Ben say. "I see you had a good night in town." She couldn't make out the other man's mumbled reply, but it looked as if he would fall without the support of a steady arm. "Why don't you head in the direction of your bunk?" Ben turned Watts to face the bunkhouse. "You're gonna have a hell of a morning tomorrow. Might as well get a little sleep."

Another slurred remark from the cowhand, louder than the first.

"Jis… bin doin' little sshelebratin'…"

Ben laughed quietly. "Yeah, I can see that. Come on, pardner. No more celebrating tonight."

Suddenly Watts tore away from him and swiveled in a drunken lurch, cursing as he tried to stagger away.

Addie frowned in disgust, having a low opinion of men who liked to drink until they couldn't see straight. Having no further interest in the scene, she headed toward the front steps. But a new note of concern in Ben's voice stopped her. "What in the hell's gotten into you tonight? I've never seen you this soaked."

Abruptly the cowhand's muttering disintegrated in a long groan of pain. Addie gripped the railing on the side of the steps as his mournful wail sent chills down her spine.

"Aw, Bennn… why'd she hafta do it… why… " Ben gripped him by the shoulders and shook him slightly. "Who? A lady-friend? What happened?"

But Watts merely buried his face in his hands, and Addie realized with surprise and a sense of embarrassment that he was crying. She wished she had gone into the house, wished she hadn't been a witness to his private grief. Slowly she crept up the stairs, wondering what could have made him break down like that. She couldn't make sense out of his sobbing, but Ben seemed to understand it. She heard the compassion in his voice as he murmured to Watts.

"It's not your fault. Dammit, you should've talked to someone about it before filling your guts with forty-rod. No, there was nothing you could have done to stop her…"

Addie reached the front door and turned the handle. She glanced back and saw Ben's arm slung over the other man's shoulder. It struck her then, how unafraid he was of other people's weakness, how ready he was to share his strength with someone who needed it. Most men would have shrunk from such a scene. But Ben wasn't afraid of emotion, or of being needed.

Her eyes stung as she stared at him. For the first time she saw him as the man he was, not as she had feared or dreaded him to be. Ben looked up then, becoming aware of her presence on the steps, and his brows drew together in a gathering scowl. He hadn't expected her to be there. Knowing he wanted her to leave before Watts saw her, she slipped guiltily inside the house and went upstairs to her room.