Hey There (You with the Gun in Your Hand)

Buddy Hackett was a riot.

When Joey Bishop asked me if I wanted to go and see Buddy at the Riv I jumped at the chance. Joey-a pretty funny guy himself-told me he thought Buddy Hackett was the funniest man he’d ever seen. I agreed, and since Joey had two tickets I happily went along.

Buddy was hilarious, as usual, and after he was done the three of us went to dinner at the Sahara in their Congo Room. We sat in the “Sinatra Booth,” which Frank occupied whenever he was in town.

Joey was in town taking a break. He chose Vegas because Dean would be appearing at the Sands at the end of the week.

“Frank’s at his house at the Cal Neva in Tahoe,” Joey told me, when I asked about the other guys, “and Sammy’s starting a gig in Tahoe at Harrah’s.”

I knew Frank had been in Washington with the Kennedys for the inaugural balls in January, but he had apparently been staying at home since then.

With Joey and Buddy in the same room I spent most of the night in stitches. They kept swapping stories-good ones, bad ones, but all funny ones. Then they started talking about the future.

“I’m talkin’ to Danny Thomas about guesting on his show in the spring,” Joey said. “Might be a chance for me to do my own show for his production company.”

“Like he did for Andy Griffith?” Buddy said. “Dat’s great, Joey.”

“I liked the old name of his show,” I said, “Make Room for Daddy. Before he switched networks and changed it to The Danny Thomas Show.”

“If I get my own show,” Joe said, “I’m just gonna call it The Joey Bishop Show.”

“I don’t blame ya,” Buddy said. “I’d do the same but what would I do with a program called The Joey Bishop Show?”

That cracked us all up, and then Buddy started telling us some new bits he was thinking of putting in his act.

“Tell me what ya think. I walk out on stage naked.” He looked at both of us eagerly.

“Totally naked?” Joey asked.

“Completely butt naked,” Buddy said, “and I just stare at the audience, like this.”

He screwed his face up as only Buddy could and I couldn’t help myself. I started laughing.

“See?” Buddy said. “It’ll work.”

“Better you than me,” Joey said. “I mean, I’ve been on stage and felt naked, but to really be naked?”

“Socks,” I said.

“Huh?” Buddy looked at me.

“Shoes and socks,” I said. “If you came out naked, but wearing … black shoes and socks, I think that’d be funnier.”

Buddy thought it over, looked at Joey, and then the two of them started laughing, Buddy slapping me on the back.

By the time Joey and I left Buddy and headed back to the Sands, my sides were aching.

“How about a nightcap?” Joey asked.

Joey rarely drank, so I agreed and we went into the Silver Queen Lounge. It was late, the last set had been played by the lounge act, and we were able to sit at the bar and talk quietly.

“Still no free drinks?” Joey asked, when I paid the bartender for my bourbon and his coffee.

“Jack doesn’t want to start a trend.”

Joey nodded and sipped his coffee.

“What’s on your mind, Joey?” I asked.

“Why does somethin’ have to be on my mind?”

“Look,” I said, “I had a great time tonight. Buddy’s great and the two of you together are a riot. But when’s the last time you invited me for a night on the town?”

“You’re a smart man, Eddie,” Joey said. He pointed his finger at me. “I said that first, and the rest of the guys found it out later.”

“Not Peter.”

“Peter’s okay,” Joey said, but didn’t go any further.

“Where is he, Joey?” I asked. “Where’s Frank?”

“He’s at the Cal Neva, in Tahoe,” Joey said. “He’d like you to come there.”

“Why didn’t he just call me?”

Joey shrugged helplessly.

“Maybe you could ask ’im when you see ’im.”

“And when is that?”

“Well, hopefully tomorrow,” Joey said.

“He wants me to drive to Tahoe tomorrow?”

“Fly,” Joey said. “He said you can use his copter.”

“Copter?”

“One of the improvements Frank made at the Cal Neva was putting in a helipad.”

“Really?”

“You ever been up in a helicopter?”

“No.”

“You’ll love it.”

“I thought the Cal Neva was only open from June through September. After all, it’s a lodge, not a real hotel.”

“Frank’s convinced it could be a moneymaker all year round,” Joey said. “That’s why he’s there, in his cabin. The casino isn’t open yet, but it will be.”

“I have a job, Joey.”

“I have a feeling Jack will let you go, don’t you?” he asked.

No, it wasn’t a feeling. I knew Jack Entratter, my boss, would let me go. He’d do anything to keep Frank Sinatra happy.

“Okay, Joey,” I said. “You callin’ Frank tonight?”

“As soon as I get back to my room.”

“Tell him I’ll be there.”

“Thanks, Eddie.” Joey slid off his stool. “You finish your drink. I’m gonna turn in.”

“I’ll have to talk to Jack first thing,” I said. “Tell Frank to have his helicopter ready by ten.”

“I’ll tell ’im,” Joey said. “ ’Night, Eddie.”

“Thanks for the show and dinner, Joey.”

“Sure, anytime.”

The bartender came over. I could tell he was impressed. “Still hobnobbin’ with the stars, huh, Eddie?”

I finished my drink and set the empty glass down on the bar.

“You got it wrong, Harry,” I told him. “They’re hobnobbin’ with me.”