Hitched

15

“I start to feel good when I get near the ocean,” Marco declared. “There’s something about the salt water. Remember summer after senior year of high school? We made the rounds looking for chicks on every beach from Long Island to South Jersey.”

Francis looked glum as they continued down the Garden State Parkway. “We had to keep moving. You promised so many girls you’d call them, we could never go back to the same place twice.”

Marco waved his hand at his passenger. “We had fun.” He rolled down the window partway and flipped on the radio. “I’m glad the weather is clearing up. I feel like singing.”

“We’d better have that tail light fixed,” Francis reminded Marco as he checked his cell phone. He was hoping that maybe Joyce would call to say hello. No reason she should. Particularly since he blew her off on another Saturday night.

“Don’t worry,” Marco said as a deejay’s voice came over the tinny speaker.

“You’re back with Kenny and Jess. We’ve got a lot of news here to tell you about, but one of the stranger items of the day is about the wedding gowns that were stolen from a designers’ loft in downtown Manhattan -”

“Oh, my God,” Francis muttered.

“-four dresses stolen, one slashed and bloodied. All the brides were to be married in the next couple of weeks. ‘I’m getting married in the morning…’ ” he sang, “ ‘but, I’ve got nothinggg to wear.’ Tell me, Jess, what should those brides do?”

“They can always look for a dress on the Internet. You’d be amazed how many gowns are sold there every day. At great discounts.”

“Why would someone sell their dress?” Kenny asked.

“Because somebody got coooold feet.”

“Gotcha. Eeeww…painful stuff.”

Jess cooed, “But I can’t imagine being one of those brides whose gowns were stolen. When I got married I spent months looking for the perfect dress. When I finally found it I had to go back to the bridal shop for several fittings. It was so much work! To have all that planning and preparation go down the drain is a crime in itself!”

“I wonder where those dresses are now. And what those thieves plan to do with them,” Kenny said in his playful radio voice.

“They’ll probably try to sell them. But they better not do it in the New York area. This story has been all over the airwaves today.”

Marco looked at Francis, smiled, and tapped his head with his forefinger. “You see? I’m always thinking. We’ll get rid of them in Las Vegas.”

“I’ve got an idea!” Kenny announced. “Let’s start a contest. See who can come up with the most original idea of where the thieves might be hiding those dresses.”

Francis turned white.

“That sounds like fun,” Jess agreed. “A scavenger hunt for our listeners. Call our phone lines if you have an original idea. And keep a lookout. If you notice anything unusual-”

“Or happen to spot four designer wedding gowns lying around in a Dumpster-” Kenny said as he laughed heartily.

“Then give us a call.”

“Let’s offer a reward!”

Francis snapped off the radio.

“I told you the Dumpster idea was bad,” Marco gloated.

“Marco! We’ve got to get rid of those dresses. Everyone is going to be looking for them. And I just thought of something. We can’t pull into the hotel parking lot. They do random checks of people’s trunks.” Francis’s leg was starting to hurt. “Let’s go back home.”

“No. That parrot drives me crazy. I need to walk on the beach.”

“Then we need to find a big box so we can pack them up and send the dresses off to Vegas.”

Marco was silent for a moment. Finally he sighed and agreed. “You’re probably right. We don’t need to be driving around with the evidence. As it is we’ve got all the cash and jewelry with us. But that’s easier to hide than four wedding gowns.”

“Where are we going to find a box?” Francis asked impatiently. “I can’t imagine there are too many box stores around here.”

“That means we have to buy something that comes in a big box.”

“Like what?”

Marco put on the blinker and pulled off at the next exit. “I know you’re nervous about leaving Joyce behind tonight-”

“I am,” Francis interrupted. “I’m beginning to think I should just marry her. That settled-down life is looking pretty good to me after hanging around with you.”

Marco nodded. “Suit yourself. Anyway, buddy, what I was starting to say was that I noticed her dishwasher is leaky. I mentioned it to her, and she said she needed a new one. Now’s the time to surprise her with one! When we arrive home tomorrow, you present it to her as a peace offering.”

“A dishwasher? That’s not the most romantic gift.”

“Those gowns won’t fit in a ring box! I’m doing my best here!” Marco yelled.

Francis rested his head back against the seat and closed his eyes. He could just picture Joyce’s face when he presented her with a new dishwasher minus the box. I’ll have to buy a big red bow, he thought.

And I’ll make a promise to her that Marco will be gone within the week. He opened his eyes, stole a glance at his partner in crime, then shut them again. I just hope that’s a promise I can keep, he thought miserably.