Hold On To Me

CHAPTER SIX

“Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve begun our final descent into San Francisco. Please turn off all your electronic devices and bring your seat backs to the upright position.”

Mitch reached over and hit the button on Shannon’s armrest, drawing her seat forward. “Time to say good-bye to Candy Crush.”

Shannon frowned and powered down her iPod. “One of these days, I’m going to beat this level. Just wait.”

“Only if your mom doesn’t confiscate that thing. Might want to get used to the fact your life could be hell for the next few months.”

Shannon frowned but didn’t argue. Instead, she turned off her device and pushed it into her pocket, then looked out the window at the city growing larger with every passing second. “Are you absolutely sure you can’t find me a job with your oil company? I’m really good at organizing stuff.”

One corner of his lips curled, but the smile didn’t reach his eyes. He hurt, not just for her but for him too. “Pretty sure they have things called child labor laws that prevent companies from hiring ten-year-olds.”

Shannon sighed and focused on the seat in front of her. “Darn lawyers.”

Mitch’s stomach knotted. He’d always thought that about lawyers too. Until he’d met Simone.

Actually, he was thinking that again.

A sharp pain stabbed through his chest, and he drew a deep breath, then shifted in his seat to try to take his mind off what was coming. He really didn’t want to see Simone again so soon. When he’d called her this morning to tell her they’d be on the afternoon flight, she’d been quiet and agreeable, not combative and stressed as she’d been the night before. But he knew nothing had changed between them, and having to look her in the eye after she’d ripped out his heart only two days ago wasn’t something he was particularly looking forward to.

The sound of the landing gear descending echoed through the cabin. Mitch reached over and tightened Shannon’s seat belt, then closed his hand over hers on the armrest. Her palm was already sweating, but he knew it wasn’t from the flight.

“Will you stay with me until we find my mom?” she whispered, not looking his way. “I-I don’t want to have to find her on my own.”

He squeezed her hand. “You betcha. I’m not going anywhere, sweetheart.” At least not until he had to.

She didn’t answer. But when she leaned her head against his shoulder and closed her other hand over their joined fingers, that heart that Simone had already cracked crumbled right at his feet.

No, he’d never really wanted kids of his own, but he’d sure fallen for this kid. And the knowledge that he wasn’t just losing the love of his life in this whole mess, but also a family he’d never expected to want, caused that pain in his chest to multiply by ten.

The plane came to a stop at the gate, and, reluctantly, he let go of Shannon’s hand and pushed to his feet. Nerves showed clearly on her face while she pulled her bag from beneath the seat in front of her, but there was nothing he could do to ease either of them at this point. Passengers began filtering off the plane. When Shannon slid the straps of her bag over her shoulders, Mitch asked, “Ready?”

Shannon shrugged, but her sad eyes didn’t meet his. “I guess.”

They headed off the plane and up the Jetway. The terminal was a buzz of activity, just like always. Travelers rushed by. He grasped Shannon’s hand to keep from getting separated. With every step they moved toward security, his adrenaline shot up another notch.

Shannon rubbed the sleeve of her free arm over her eyes, and Mitch knew she was upset, but he was tapped out and didn’t know how to console her. They moved through security without speaking, and when they cleared the checkpoint, Mitch’s nerves hummed as he scanned the faces waiting expectantly for arrivals.

Simone moved out from behind an excited family hugging a returning soldier, and Mitch’s first thought was that she didn’t look like the confident, put-together lawyer she always was. Her hair was clipped up in a messy do, dark circles showed beneath her eyes, and worry was etched across her face. But even mussed and obviously stressed, she was still gorgeous, dressed in slim jeans and a loose white T-shirt. And his heart did a flip—just like it always did when he saw her—then dropped like a stone straight into his belly.

Shannon’s feet drew to a stop beside him, and she tugged on his hand, stopping his forward momentum. He looked down at her. Watched tears fill her eyes. And had an overwhelming urge to wrap her in his arms and hold on to her, since he knew he could no longer hold on to her mother. But before he could do just that, the tears spilled over her eyelashes, she pulled free of his hand, dropped her backpack on the ground, and sprinted toward Simone.

Simone fell to one knee and caught her in a tight hug. Shannon held on for dear life and sobbed. Mitch couldn’t hear what Simone said to her daughter, but the relief and love rushing over Simone’s features told him everything he needed to know.

He was the outsider here. He’d gotten so caught up in the whole idea of having a ready-made family, he hadn’t paid attention to what was right in front of his eyes. Simone and Shannon were a unit. They needed each other, just like Julia and Ryan needed one another. And though they’d let him into their circle for a little while, their world wouldn’t crumble without him. Even if things hadn’t gone to shit between him and Simone, he always would have been the outsider, looking in, wanting to be a part of something that, frankly, wasn’t his to want.

That realization sliced right through the center of his chest, but he clenched his jaw, picked up Shannon’s bag from the floor, and forced his feet forward. He stopped two steps from mother and daughter, still tangled together, and cleared his throat. All he wanted now was to get the hell out of here, but for Shannon’s sake, he stood still. And waited.

Simone looked up at him. Tears glistened in her eyes. Tears a part of him wished she’d shed, just once, for him. “Thank you,” she whispered.

He nodded. Couldn’t seem to find anything else to say. Cleared his throat again. “Shannon, I need to get going.”

Shannon turned in her mother’s arms. Blinked several times. Then swiped her sleeve over her damp eyes. “Already?”

“Yeah.”

Simone pushed to her feet. “Are you heading back to Seattle right away?”

Small talk. Mitch could handle small talk, for Shannon’s sake. He shifted his backpack on his shoulder and tucked one hand into the front pocket of his jeans. “No. Tomorrow. I need to pick up a few files I left at the office.”

Simone nodded and placed both hands on her daughter’s shoulders. “I-I’m…sorry we interrupted your plans.”

“Shannon is never an interruption.”

Shannon’s eyes filled with tears again, and that was all Mitch could take. He had to get out of here, before he said or did something he’d regret later. Before he begged.

“Anytime you want to talk, Shannon, just call. I have my cell on me most of the time. And don’t give your mom too much trouble. She loves you, even when you don’t think she does.”

A tear spilled over Shannon’s lashes, and she nodded.

“Mitch,” Simone whispered, stepping around Shannon.

Yeah. No. He was not about to reopen wounds that were already oozing.

Mitch gripped his backpack at the shoulder and turned. “I gotta go.”

He pushed his feet forward one step at a time. Refused to look back. Forced himself to head across the long, wide hallway toward the doors to freedom. Two days ago, he thought his heart had shattered when Simone had told him she didn’t love him, but today he knew no matter where he went in his life, it would never be whole again.

“Mitch!”

He stopped at the sound of Shannon’s voice and glanced over his shoulder. Shannon darted around Simone and streaked across the airport. Tears streamed down her cheeks. She held her arms out wide.

He dropped to his knees, caught her in a tight hug, closed his eyes, and held her close.

“I love you,” she sobbed.

“Ah, sweetheart.” His chest squeezed tight. “I love you too. That’s never going to change.”

“But you’re leaving.”

“I’ll be back, Shannon.” He eased away just enough so he could swipe at her tears. Swallowed back his own. “I have to leave for my job, but that doesn’t mean I’m not coming back. I’ll always come back.”

Her shoulders shook with her heart-wrenching sobs.

God, this was killing him. He brushed the tears from her cheek once more. “Tell you what. Opening day, just you and me. I need my best girl to cheer on the Giants with me. What do you say? Is it a date?”

She sniffled. Rubbed her eyes. Seemed unsure. “O-okay.”

“Okay.” He had no idea if she’d even be here on opening day, if Simone was staying in San Francisco or leaving like she’d told him she planned to do. But he’d do whatever he could to make this easier for her. Even if it killed him just a little bit more. “Okay. See? There’s nothing to be sad about. This isn’t good-bye. Before you know it, I’ll be back from British Columbia, and we’ll be heading to AT&T Park.”

She sniffled once more. Drew up her shoulders and swiped at her tears. “Promise?”

He forced a smile for her, knowing there was no way he could ever love his own kid more than he loved her. “I promise.”

She sucked in a deep breath, then slowly let it out. And as her own lips curled into a forced smile, he knew nothing, not even nearly dying from a head wound, compared to the pain he felt at this moment.

Tears threatened, and he knew if he didn’t leave now, he might not be able to without making a total ass of himself. Careful not to look at Simone, he grabbed his bag from the ground, tapped Shannon on the nose, and beat feet for the doors.

Then told himself he was better off without them. Even if in his heart he knew that was a total lie.

Nothing eased the ache that had settled deep within her chest.

Simone set her mug of tea on the kitchen counter and ran her hand through her hair, replaying the scene in the airport for the thousandth time. The look on Mitch’s face when Shannon had raced after him and he’d caught her in that hug was something she was never going to forget.

She looked toward the stairs. Boxes littered the hallway that ran from the kitchen to the entry. After returning home from the airport, she’d told Shannon they didn’t need to resume packing, at least not yet. They’d talked some—about what Shannon had been thinking going up to Seattle, about how dangerous that had been, and about why it was so wrong—but Simone hadn’t laid into her daughter as she’d planned. Instead, they’d cuddled on the couch and watched a movie, and even now, after putting Shannon to bed, Simone couldn’t bring herself to box up anything else.

Was she jumping the gun? Uprooting Shannon and herself all because of her own stupid fears? Will had said they knew where she was. And not to give them anything if they came after her. That didn’t mean someone was actually coming after her, though. No one had shown up in the last two days, had they? It was highly possible all that meant was that someone was keeping tabs on her, for safety’s sake, even if she didn’t understand why. Besides, if someone had been looking for her, they could have easily found her the last three years. It wasn’t like she’d been in hiding. If the people Steve had turned on really wanted to find her, they could have done it long before now.

But the question still remained—why would they want to? She didn’t know anything. Steve had been careful not to tell her much about the case that had pushed him into running. And she’d hooked up with him after the fact anyway. That was why Will, the US marshal assigned to her case, had assured her it was okay for her and Shannon to leave the program after Steve’s death.

Her mind drifted back over the call as she dumped what was left of her tea into the sink and washed out her cup. She’d tried to call Will several times since then to get answers to her questions, but his phone kept going to voice mail.

“You remember what I told you, right? Don’t forget it.”

Her memory flashed to the day she’d had the moving van packed, ready to head west with Shannon. Will had come by to wish the two of them good luck. He’d placed his big hands on her shoulders, looked down at her and said, “Fear is the biggest enemy. Remember that and you’ll make it through anything. If you jump without thinking, then they win. And the truth is, you’re nothing to these people. You’re not a threat.”

Relief whipped through her, the kind that gave her strength. The kind that brought hope back to life. She’d been so freaked out by Will’s call, she hadn’t really listened to what he’d been telling her. Sure, she still wasn’t positive what had been going on in the background of that call, but he worked in law enforcement. It could have been any number of things. And in her gut, she knew if Will had wanted her to run, he’d have told her that outright. Instead, he’d been warning her to stay on her toes, just like he’d trained her and Steve to do when they’d been living in hiding. And she’d been so stupid, she’d reacted without thinking, just as he’d told her not to do all those years ago.

God, she’d made a mess of things when what she should have been doing was being thankful Will was reminding her not to get complacent.

Hand shaking, she wiped her palms on a towel and quickly moved through the kitchen and into the entryway, glancing up the curved stairs toward the second level, where Shannon lay sleeping. It was after eleven p.m. and part of her wanted to go up and make sure Shannon was still there. Another part told herself what Shannon had done, she’d done to try to help matters, not hinder them. If Simone wanted to repair her relationship with her daughter, she needed to start by trusting her.

She also needed to trust herself. Running wasn’t the solution she’d thought it to be only days before. Neither was yanking Shannon out of school and away from her friends, not when she’d finally acclimated to life without Steve. And as much as Simone had tried to convince herself over the months that her relationship with Mitch hadn’t yet impacted Shannon, she knew now that was a lie. There was no way she could tear Shannon away from Mitch after the bond she’d seen between them today at the airport.

Mitch…

An ache spread beneath her ribs and twisted hard. The same damn knot that had taken up space there since she’d told Mitch that terrible lie.

She had to tell him the truth. She had to try to set at least some part of this right. Kate had said Mitch was one of the most understanding people she knew, and Simone believed that herself. If she could just talk to him and explain things, maybe then she could fix it. If not for her, then at least for Shannon.

She looked up the stairs toward Shannon’s open door. A dim green light from Shannon’s alarm clock shone through the darkness, followed by the steady deep breaths of her daughter, lost in sleep.

Before she could change her mind, Simone headed for the kitchen and reached for her phone from the counter. Paging through her contacts, she found the one she was looking for and clicked Call.

Her nerves hummed as she waited. She only had a few hours to make this work. If she missed the window and Mitch left for British Columbia, she might never have a chance to make it right.

“Melody?” she asked when the girl answered. “No, everything’s fine. I’m sorry to call so late. Listen, I was wondering”—hope spiraled through every cell in her body—“are you free for a few hours?”

Two dive bars in two nights was a little much, even for Mitch.

He swiveled on his seat and rested his forearm on the smooth bar top as he looked toward Mara—Lara? God, he couldn’t even remember her name—chatting with the bartender at the far end of the long mahogany counter.

She was new at the office. Pretty. Big blue eyes, long blond hair, a small waist and killer legs. He’d seen her a few times over the last few weeks but hadn’t paid her much attention. He was pretty sure she was an intern, but he couldn’t remember in what department. And honestly, before tonight, he hadn’t even cared.

He lifted the beer in his hand and took a long swallow as he watched her flip that mass of blond hair over her shoulder and laugh at something the bartender was saying. Pool balls clacked in the adjacent room, and some kind of ‘80s rock filtered from speakers hidden in the ceiling.

Jetting up to Seattle had been a spur-of-the-moment decision—and not a particularly smart one—but now that he was back in San Francisco, this time he was checking out the right way. They did need him up at the work site in British Columbia for the predrill assessment, but they needed him with his head screwed on right, not half-cocked and emotionally strung out as he’d been when he’d flown up to see Kendrick. So, after leaving the airport, he’d swung by the office to pick up his files and tell his boss he was finally heading up to the job site, and on his way out the door, he’d run into Lara or Mara or whatever the hell her name was. They’d chatted for a few minutes, then somehow he’d gotten sucked into having a drink with her before heading home.

He downed the rest of his beer and reached for the froufrou girly mixed drink she’d left sitting in front of her seat, then took a long swallow of that too. Vodka. He scrunched his face at the taste. He hated vodka, but it was better than nothing. He wasn’t looking to get drunk, but every time the girl laughed, it was like fingernails running down a chalkboard. Mitch couldn’t figure out just what it was about her that set him on edge, because she was totally hot, but tonight he didn’t want to care. Tonight he wanted to get a little drunk, a lot laid, and forget about Simone for good. Because after that scene in the airport, he was pretty sure that was the only way he was going to get his life back on track.

Lara smiled, said something to the bartender Mitch couldn’t hear, then locked eyes on Mitch and headed his direction. Her legs seemed to stretch for miles in those formfitting black skinny jeans, her breasts the perfect size as they peeked out from behind the tight pink blouse, and the predatory fuck-me gleam in her eyes told him if he wanted a wife for a night, she was all his.

His stomach tightened, but not in a good way. Not in the way it always did when Simone sent him that same smoldering look. He reached for Lara’s drink and downed the rest of it, barely even tasting the alcohol.

To his left, the bartender set two shot glasses on the bar and reached back for a bottle of Patron.

Lara placed both hands on his thighs and moved in close between his legs. Heat permeated his jeans but didn’t come close to exciting him. “I’ve been looking forward to this all day.” She lifted one hand from his leg, reached for the first shot, and handed it to him, then picked up her own. Clinking glasses, she said, “Here’s to new experiences. Cheers.”

She was talking about him leaving for three months to oversee the job site in BC, which they’d talked about on the drive to the bar. Or maybe she was talking about the two of them hooking up. Regardless, Mitch downed the shot in one swallow. The tequila warmed his chest and settled hard in the pit of his stomach. Heat rushing all through his belly, he set the glass down. Before he could say anything, Lara laughed. To the bartender, she said, “Another.”

Voices and music echoed around him. The combination of beer and vodka and tequila was definitely spiraling to his head. When Lara chuckled at Mitch’s facial expression after the second shot, he realized her laugh wasn’t all that bad. And her hand still resting on his thigh, slowly stroking the soft denim, was absolutely having some kind of impact on his libido, even if it wasn’t the shot of wicked-hot desire he always felt whenever Simone barely touched him.

Simone…

His chest squeezed tight, and that same ache he’d been living with the last two days reformed right beneath his breastbone, stealing his breath.

Shit. She doesn’t need you. She doesn’t want you. If she regretted anything, she could have tried to talk to you at the airport, but she didn’t. Don’t think about her. Just focus on the hot bod all but sitting in your lap, offering to fuck your brains out right this very second.

He slid his arm around Lara’s waist and pulled her in closer. Her hair tickled his nose and some floral scent filled his senses. “You wanna get out of here?”

She eased back and smiled a sexy, I’m-gonna-rock-your-world grin. “Oh yeah. After one more.”

She hollered at the bartender, and the guy lined the glasses up again. This time doubles. A little voice in the back of Mitch’s head said this was a bad idea, that Mara or Lara or whatever her name was could obviously drink him under the table and that he should be careful, but he ignored it. Reaching for the glass, he downed the double in one long swallow.

Before he’d even set the glass down, she closed her hand over his on the bar. “Let’s go.”

He let her lead him out of the bar. His head spun as he stepped through the open door into the cool November air, reminding him hard alcohol wasn’t his friend. Beer he could do. And wine. But shots had a history of getting him in trouble.

He must have swayed, because Lara plucked the keys from his hand. “I’ll drive. We have to go to your place, though, because my roommate will be at mine.”

For a split second, Mitch considered calling a cab, but Lara was already pushing him toward his Land Rover. He slid into the passenger seat and shoved it back to make room for his long legs. Lara climbed into the driver’s side and closed the door. The floral scent of her perfume filled the interior of the vehicle, sending a shot of nausea through his stomach.

“Where to?” she asked.

He didn’t trust his direction skills after the Patron. Tugging the smart phone from his jeans pocket, he opened the navigation app and squinted until all the little boxes stopped spinning. “You don’t know where I live? Would’a thought with your access to the personnel files, you’d be able to tell me.”

She shoved the gearshift into Reverse and slowly backed out of the parking space. “I might’a had a crush on you for weeks, but I haven’t stalked you. Yet.”

The “yet” brought his head up, but the wicked smile across her lips told him she was playing. Or so he hoped.

He typed in his address and set the phone on the front of the console. She flipped on the radio, fiddled with the station, then shoved the stick shift into first.

Pop music echoed out of the speakers, some boy band he couldn’t name and didn’t want to listen to. But instead of switching the station, he leaned his head back against the seat. “Careful. This’ing sticks in second.”

“I’ve got it.” She shoved the clutch down and tried to shift gears. The grind of metal echoed through the small space.

At one point, Mitch might have cared that she was hurting his baby—he rarely let anyone drive the old 1990 Defender, especially someone who wasn’t good with a stick shift—but tonight the alcohol was doing its job. Tonight he had only one thought in his mind: oblivion. Pure, sweet, blessed oblivion. And if this blonde chick whose name he could barely remember could take him there, he didn’t even care if she trashed the transmission of his pride and joy.

She hummed along to the music, slid one hand across the console and onto his thigh. He tensed for a second, then forced himself to relax as she drew her fingers up and down the denim, working her way higher with every pass.

He’d fooled around with Simone in this car only a week or so ago, just before she’d left on that trip to DC, when he’d driven her home after their date. Shannon had been with a babysitter, and he’d tried to get Simone to invite him in for the night, but Simone always had those strict rules about no overnights when Shannon was around. So instead he’d settled for making it to second base in the driveway of her house right here in this car before he’d finally let go, sweaty and aching for more as he’d watched her disappear into her big old Victorian house.

The arousal he’d been starting to feel from Mara’s—no, Lara’s—teasing fizzled and died. That damn ache resettled beneath his ribs. He was still sober enough to realize they needed to get to his house fast before he changed his mind or before the alcohol wore off for good.

Lara turned onto his street, then pointed toward his house, completely dark and silent. “This one?”

“Yeah,” he managed. “Driveway’s on the other side.”

She pulled into the drive and shoved the car into first. Metal ground against metal once more, and Mitch cringed. After stepping on the parking brake, she shut off the ignition. He reached for the door handle but was surprised when she whipped his way, grasped the front of his shirt, and dragged his mouth toward hers.

Her lips were cold, a little too firm, and tasted like that strawberry lip balm Shannon had made him buy for her last week. The scent of her perfume wafted around him—not really roses, but not citrusy either. Actually, it reminded him of his grandmother’s house. A little too old-fashioned, a lot too nauseating.

She pulled her mouth from his. “Mm, I’ve been wanting to do that for weeks.” She reached for the door handle. “Come on. Let’s take this inside.”

Mitch’s stomach rolled, but his head was still light enough where he wasn’t paying attention. Or was trying hard not to.

Don’t think. You want this…

He opened the door and swayed. Lara laughed and ran up to his side. Her arm slid around his waist. “Come on, big guy.”

She led him toward the house and used his keys to unlock the door. In the entry, she stopped and looked around at all the old wood paneling he’d restored. “Wow. This place is awesome.”

“Thanks.” He took the keys from her, tossed them on the entry table, and shut the door. The room spun, and he braced a hand against the solid wood to hold himself up.

Maybe three—or had it been four?—shots of Patron was a little much. He’d been able to hold his own back in college, but these days he rarely had more than a couple of beers in one sitting.

She grasped his hand before he could catch his bearings and dragged him down the hall. “Your bedroom’s through here, right?”

His stomach tightened. Thoughts of Simone pinged around in his fuzzy head. What had seemed like a great idea moments before was suddenly turning his stomach.

Lara drew up short at his open bedroom door, grasped his shirt at the front, and shoved him up against the door. Shock registered, but before he could react, her mouth closed over his. A little too forcefully. A lot too wet. He tasted the fruity drink she’d sucked back earlier and what was left of the Patron.

Don’t think. Just feel.

The fingers of her free hand slid into his hair, and she pulled his mouth more firmly down onto hers, kissing him deeper. She didn’t kiss at all like Simone. This wasn’t sweet or sexy or even arousing. It felt…forced, and a little bit brutal.

She pulled him away from the door. The room spun again, and he stumbled. Air whooshed over his back, and he felt himself going down. Then the soft cushion of his mattress met his spine, and the dominatrix at his front landed on top of him.

This wasn’t right. He wasn’t into it. And dammit, how fucked was he that he couldn’t even screw a hot chick climbing all over him?

He rolled her to her back to get her claws off him, and told himself it was the alcohol. That was the reason he wasn’t the least bit turned-on. It had to be, because he wasn’t going to let this be about Simone.

Mitch pulled his mouth from hers. “Lara, you’re hot and everything, but I don’t think this is going to work tonight.”

Excitement flared in her eyes. “You think I’m hot?”

Good God. Of all the things for her to get stuck on. Mitch’s mouth fell open to try to smooth things over, but before he could, she flipped him to his back again.

The mattress bounced. He grunted. A predatory glint sparked in her eyes. She climbed over him like a lioness ready to devour her prey, and Mitch tensed.

“The name’s Clara, by the way, not Lara. Get it right.” She lowered her mouth to his throat. “But don’t worry. Whatever’s broken, I can totally make it work. I’m good at that. Trust me, I’m very, very good.”