House of Holes

Dune Tells Mindy How He Lost His Penis

Mindy, the documentary filmmaker, was standing in her room at the House of Holes Hotel, working on a jigsaw puzzle of marbles in a bowl and listening to “32 Flavors” by Ani DiFranco. There was a knock on her door. She opened it and saw a long-haired, dark-eyed man standing in the hallway, wearing a fringed suede jacket. He was wildly handsome, and he smelled like old cigarettes.

“Hey, I’m Dune,” he said. “They took away my penis, and I wonder if you can help me.”

“If I can I will,” said Mindy. “What happened?”

“Well, they did a switcheroo on me,” Dune said. “I’ve got a vagina now, and it’s a hot one, but every day of my life I want my own tackle back. You’re Mindy, am I correct?”

“I am,” said Mindy. “Would you mind if I set up a video camera and got your story? I’m making a film about this place.”

“That’s what I heard.”

Mindy kicked the tripod mounts out and got her camera running.

“Should I sit here?” Dune sat down heavily. “Hoo, I’m wiped.”

“Would you like something to eat? I could make you an omelet.”

“I’d love an omelet,” said Dune. “I’ve been flying a pornsucker around Providence, Rhode Island and I ache all over, and frankly I need the attention of a good woman.”

Mindy cooked him a three-egg omelet and he ate it. “That was fine food,” he said. “What’s your secret?”

“Butter and salt.”

“So simple. Butter and salt. I’ll be fried.”

Mindy cleared the plate away and clipped a microphone to Dune’s lapel. “So how exactly did you lose your penis?”

Dune told Mindy all about when he lost control on the midway and stuck his pinky into Shandee’s pussy.

Mindy, nodding encouragingly, checked the sound levels to be sure she was getting all of it.

“So then I went to Lila and she said, ‘Okay for you, Mr. Pussyfinger,’ and she called in this woman who said she needed her own penis and a pair of balls — the whole desk set. She got what she wanted, from me.” Dune looked down and laughed sadly. “Ah, Mindy, you don’t want to hear my problems. I’m just broke, and I don’t have money for smokes.”

Mindy brightened. “I have a couple of those little Winchester cigars in my purse for emergencies, hold on,” she said. “I just quit smoking, that’s why I’m doing this jigsaw puzzle.”

“Thanks.” Dune lit the cigar and took a long squinty drag. “Hm, a nice little Winchester. My dad smoked Winchesters. ‘A whole nother smoke.’ ”

“Dune, do you think you could show me your genitals? I’d like to get that on video.”

Dune tapped his cigar. “A week ago if you’d have asked me if I’d bare my crotch for you, I would have said, Sure thing, right away. Now I’m a bit skittish. Everything has its price.”

“The price is sometimes steep,” said Mindy.

“You got that right, hot goddess. Lila’s got us all doing the fucky-fuck and the sucky-suck and the humpy and the squirty and the juicy-Lucy and the ooh, ah, ooh. Everything we do they keep track of, and they know what we want most, and they want to milk us till our money’s all gone and our balls ache, if we have balls, which I don’t at the present time. Because it’s the House of Holes, and is there anything worth paying court to more than a woman with a pretty face and two good titties and one hot switchy ass she wants to shove in your face? Hmm?”

Mindy took that as a rhetorical question. “I’m more into men,” she said. “I like men. Sometimes I like smoky men in dirty suede.”

“Course you do, Mindy,” he said. “You’re a lovely lusty woman and you want to be a part of this whole slumber party. You want an ‘experience.’ And you will have that at the House of Holes, believe me. If you haven’t already.”

“I already got shrunk down and squirted out of a man’s urethra.”

“Well, then, there you go.” Dune was tiring. “Listen, would you mind if I moved to the couch for a sec?”

“No, go ahead,” said Mindy. “Let me just unclip your mike.”

“I just need fifteen minutes of downtime. Thanks for dinner, thanks for the smoke.” He closed his eyes and was asleep almost immediately.

Mindy watched him sleep. When he sat up an hour later, she had a second Winchester cigar ready for him. She said, “What was she like? The woman you switched with. You mind if I turn the camera back on?”

Dune stretched. “Sure, turn the camera on. Are we rolling? Marcela was her name. She was nice, very friendly. She’d put in a request to do Dick for a Day.”

“I’ve heard of Dick for a Day,” said Mindy, with interest.

“Yes, now, Dick for a Day is not that involved because they can morph your clitty out for six, eight hours without too much bother, and it’ll go back good as new. But it turned out Marcela wanted something more like Dick for a Couple of Weeks, and that takes a full interplasmic transfer. That’s what it’s called, a ‘cross-crotchal interplasmic transfer.’ I’ll bet you want to know how they do that.”

Mindy nodded that she did.

“Well, you need a tweenella. That’s the person who is desi-gnated to put her hands on the two crotches that are going to be crossed. She completes the crotchal circuit.”

“That sounds like it would be kind of fun,” said Mindy.

“Oh, but doing tweenella is hard work, too,” said Dune. “You can only do it a few times because the sex plasma travels right through your arms and your chest and your heart. It can actually stop your heart for a moment, to have that much sex plasma traveling through you. They had a piece of hotness named Rianne doing it. They brought in a large stone bowl, and they poured some glowing blue liquid into it — looked like coolant — and Lila told Rianne to soak her hands in the bowl to get them all ready and sensitized for the transfer. She told me to sit in one chair and Marcie in another chair.”

“You were naked?”

Dune nodded. “From the waist down, with our feet in stirrups. And then Lila hauls out one of her breasts.”

“Uh-oh!”

“They are not small, let me tell you. She squirts some of her special magic titty milk on my balls, and she has Marcie hold open her pussy so that she can dribble some right in there, too. Well, that started to work almost immediately, started to burn, like my cock had had a shot of Everclear, and I started to feel that I had this special bond with Marcela. I said, ‘Hey, Marcie, are you sure you’re okay with the switch? I warn you, my dick can be a handful.’ And she said, ‘I can handle your dick fine. The real question is whether you can keep up with my cuntatious clit.’ So we were having our fun, and then Lila tells Rianne, ‘Okay, now take your hands out of the bowl and get to work. Grab their crotches and lean into them hard.’ Rianne’s sitting cross-legged between us, like a yoga master, and she grabs our crotches, which completes the circuit, and, foong, this ungodly flow of energy comes pouring through her arms, and at first I started to get a huge boner on, and I thought, Well this is nice. Then Rianne’s whole body started shaking, her tits are bopping around, but she kept her hands holding our crotches. And then I started to feel Marcie’s pussy flowing into me.”

“Wow, go on.” Mindy checked the viewfinder, making turning gestures in the air to keep him talking.

“I felt my own cock and balls starting to melt and flow, and I felt this channel widening inside me. My boner was still hard as ever, but it was getting smaller and smaller, and Marcie starts going, ‘Oh, my word, I feel my clitoris growing like a weed.’ And eventually it was all done.”

“Transfer accomplished,” said Mindy, shifting in her chair.

“Yes, I had Marcie’s clit and pussy, and she had my cock. We were all three of us totally wiped afterward — Rianne was exhausted, poor gal — and while we were putting on our clothes I asked Marcela, ‘Can I walk you on back to your hotel room?’ Lila said she thought that would be a good idea because there’s always an adjustment period for the transferees. But Marcela said no, thanks, she wanted to be alone with her new penis. So I went back to my hotel room, and I looked at myself in the mirror, trying to get used to my pussylips, which I kind of liked, and then I took a little nap, and then the phone rang, and it was Marcie.”

“What a surprise,” said Mindy.

“She said she was having some problems getting the hang of my cock, and could I come down and show her some things. I said, ‘Sure, I can visit for a bit.’ I went to her room, and she was there posing in front of her mirror, and I asked her how she felt, and she just opened up her bathrobe. And god damn, she was this beautiful naked babe with two big bosoms and my big load of dick just hanging there.”

Mindy envisioned it. “Mmm.”

“She was a real chick with a real dick, and I’m not going to lie to you, it turned me on to see that cock of mine having found a happy home between her legs.”

“Was it hard?” asked Mindy.

“No, not terribly hard — that’s what she wanted help with. She said, ‘I want a real stiff one, can you help me with that?’

“I said, ‘You want me to play with my own dick? Sure, I can do that. Hell, I’ve done it a thousand times.’ But she said, ‘Dune, I want you to suck your dick.’ I said, ‘Woo, sorry, can’t do it. I do draw the line there. But I can give you a handjob because you attract me. I bet you’ll look sexy with a stiff dick.’ So she sat on the corner of the bed with her knees open, and I sat behind her.”

“Can you demonstrate how?” Mindy asked.

Dune took off his pants and his black briefs and sat on the corner of the bed. “I was sitting behind her like this,” he said.

“Wait.” Mindy adjusted the camera.

“Now you’re seeing my pussy, aren’t you?” asked Dune. “As requested.”

“Yes,” said Mindy in a low voice, “thank you.”

Dune pulled his pudendum open. “Mindy, let me ask you: Do you want to interview this pussy?”

Mindy nodded.

“Okay, then give me a microphone. Do you have a big microphone? Because what I’ve learned is that when I play with my cuntpussy, I need something inside or I feel empty.”

Mindy brought out a long silver microphone. “I don’t think you want to put this piece of equipment inside you,” she said. “It’s a four-hundred-dollar shotgun mike. A Sennheiser.”

“Mindy, that’s just how much microphone I need to give you a good in-depth cuntpussy interview.”

“Okay,” said Mindy.

Dune fished out a condom from his wallet and unrolled it over the end of the microphone. “Now shove it in me and I’ll show you something.”

Mindy eased the condom-covered microphone into Dune’s pussyhole.

“Oooh, that’s it, while I whale on this clit,” said Dune. “You like the way my clit sticks straight up like a tiny little dick? It’s amazing you can get this much feeling out of a little pink bean of a thing, but you can, if you work at it. Now let go of the microphone for a second. I’ll show you my muscles. I’ve been exercising them.” Dune clenched himself and said, “Mmm, mmmm, mmmm.” The microphone end wigwagged obscenely.

“Nice muscles,” said Mindy. “Please go on. What tips did you give Marcela?”

“I said to her, ‘Sometimes I pull on the nutsack a little and shake the whole package to make it aware of the fact that it’s going to be getting hard soon.’ She said, ‘Like this?’ And she shook my cock, or her cock, whoever’s cock it was, and I said, ‘Yeah, like that.’ Then I said, ‘Marcie, while you do that I wonder if you’d mind if I squeezed on your titties.’ And she was okay with that, so I squeezed her tits my special way, up from below, and a really amazing thing happened, which was that her dick, my own dick, started to lean out into space, and I realized I was making her dick hard by squeezing her tits, and ooooh, shit, that was some nice madness.”

Mindy put one leg on the bed, nodding.

“And then she stood up, and she turned herself around,” Dune went on, “and I had a view of her that was like”—he held up his hands. “I looked up at her eyes and her face looking down at me and then these nice heavy, hanging tits and then her big hips and then, look out, there’s my heavy cock on her.”

“She must have wanted you to jerk her off,” said Mindy.

“Yes, she said, ‘Now I want you to help me get my dick off.’ I said, ‘Marcie, it’s just as much my dick as it is yours.’ And now, Mindy, that’s all I’m going to say about this unless you promise me one thing.”

“What’s that?” said Mindy.

“Promise me that when I get my penis back you’ll give some serious thought to fucking me, because you attract me sexually.”

Mindy said, “I’ll think about it. But right now how about let’s jill off together side by side, and you keep telling me what happened, because I can’t resist playing with myself, Dune, but I also need to get your story.”

“I’m glad to hear it, Mindy, honey — come on and sit next to me,” said Dune, scooting himself back on her bed.

Mindy adjusted the camera again and pulled off her shirt. “So what did you and Marcela do?”

“I took both her hands and I said, ‘I want to play with your nipples and hold your legs open while you do your cock,’ and I gently put her hands on the cock bundle. She took it, and she began moving her hand up and down, and it was amazing how quickly she got a feel for it. That dick got harder on her than it had been on me in a long time. I said, ‘That’s the business, honey. You get that dick to do what’s right for you.’ She was getting hot, and she said, ‘It feels so good to jack on it, and I’ll tell you what I want to do, I want to fuck you with it.’ ”

Mindy had eased her hand into her sweatpants as she listened. “Really?”

“So I said what the hell,” said Dune. “I flung myself back on the bed like a bride on her wedding day and I said, ‘Go on ahead, Marcie, fuck me like you know how.’ She said, ‘Guide me in you, baby — you know where you want it to go.’ So I circled around my cunny to get the head all juiced and ready and then I said, ‘Shove it on inside, Marcie, I’m ready for a dick pounding.’ ”

Mindy’s eyes were closed and her hand was moving as she imagined the scene. “How did it feel?” she asked.

“Well, it was a good feeling, Mindy, a good full feeling. I was a virgin, and Marcie was considerate. She said, ‘I’m going to go slow, Dune,’ and I put my hands on her wonderful full, smooth ass and felt her long, long, deep push, and she started really fucking me in and out, ung, ung, and I said, ‘Oh, lord help my naked soul, I’ve never been fucked by own cock before.’ She said, ‘You’re getting it now.’ I said, ‘Marcie, fuck me, I’m so confused and I love it, fuck me harder, tear up my virgin pussy!” Dune looked over at Mindy. “Mm, twat yourself, Mindy, bat your bug, that’s the way.”

Mindy’s head was back, and she was biting her tongue. “Don’t stop,” she said.

“Then Marcie lay down on her back and I saw my cock sticking straight up on her, and she pulled on it, and I said, ‘What do you want, baby?’ She said, ‘I want you to sit right down and rock on this big thick piece of rhubarb.’ So I straddled her, and I let myself sink down, and oh, shoot, was that nice. I started bouncing up and down on it, and it nailed me so good. She said, ‘Now tickle your clit, and you will come.’ So I found my clit, which was, as I say, a tiny little thing but quite sensitive, and I started rubbing and nubbing and scrubbing on it, and meanwhile I was bouncing up and down like a horse thief.”

“Mmm,” said Mindy, dipping a finger deep and then circling.

“And I think all the nerve connections were still being sketched in because I had something that I think was a very teeny orgasm, and then another little one, but bigger. And I thought, Shit, that’s it? That’s all? That’s a woman’s pussy orgasm? And then, whoa, my clit screamed out, and this incredible shaky feeling tore like a wrecking ball through my whole body.”

“Was it mainly in your vagina or your clit?”

“I don’t know, clit, vagina — it was all over the county, and I held her tits and looked up at her pretty face and let everything just flow through me, huhhh, huhhh.”

Mindy’s breathing got fast and she said, “I’m going to come, Dune, mercy, I’m going to come!”

Dune shuttled his finger over his clit, spanking it once, and he lifted himself up and he went, “Ahhhh, errrrrr, aaaahhh!” He frigged himself with the microphone and then he started hip-jouncing on the bed, and after he came he laughed and swore.

He said, “This is just plain daffy, Mindy. I need my old dick back. Marcela’s going to want her pussy back soon, I know it. Will you go with me to Lila and dip your hands in the blue bowl and be the go-between?”

“Sure,” said Mindy, “if I can get it on film.”