I'm a fool to kill you

THIRTEEN

I stepped into the bungalow and closed the door.

Ava Gardner was wearing jeans with the cuffs rolled up and a man’s shirt with the sleeves rolled up. Her feet were bare. Just my luck she’d have to be wearing the “Mogambo” look. My chest felt tight. She looked and smelled like sex. Somehow, the cigarette she was holding just added to the look.

I was as nervous as a school boy on prom night.

‘Drink?’ she asked.

‘Yes, thanks,’ I said.

She went to a sidebar and poured out two glasses of something. She walked across the room and handed me a highball glass. It smelled like bourbon. Good bourbon.

‘You know who I am?’ I asked.

‘Eddie G.?’ she said. ‘Yes, I’ve heard Frank talk about you. He likes you.’

‘I’m here because of Frank, Miss Gardner.’

‘Oh, no,’ she said, with a lazy smile, ‘just call me Ava, Eddie.’

I realized then that this wasn’t the first glass of bourbon she’d had that day. Though I couldn’t figure how she’d had time to have too many drinks. She’d flown into Vegas, stopped at the Sands, then flown out of Vegas to L.A., and taken a cab here to the hotel. She’d probably beaten me by a couple of hours. OK, yeah, that was time enough to down quite a few drinks.

‘Frank sent you?’ she asked. ‘How did he know I was here?’

‘He didn’t,’ I said. ‘Word got around that you were at the Sands this morning, and left just as abruptly as you arrived.’

She drank some bourbon, swirled the rest in her glass, watching as it went round and round.

‘Oh, yes,’ she said. ‘I saw Frank with Nancy and Tina in the lobby, and. . I ran.’ She shrugged and looked at me. ‘I panicked and ran. All the way back here.’

‘Ava, Frank figures it must’ve been somethin’ very important to bring you there without calling him first.’

‘Important?’ she asked. ‘I guess that depends on which side you’re on, Eddie.’

‘Frank’s on your side, Ava,’ I said. ‘So am I.’

She ran one hand through her short black hair, pulling at it, then shook her head.

‘I don’t know, Eddie,’ she said. ‘I don’t know. Things have been. . happening.’

‘What things?’

‘My life, it’s unraveling,’ she said. She looked down at her drink again, then drained it and walked back to the sidebar. She poured herself another glass, spilling a little bit from the decanter, then missing when she went to put the top back in.

‘Ava,’ I said, ‘maybe we should have some coffee-’

‘I don’t want any coffee, Eddie,’ she said, turning to face me. ‘Coffee doesn’t help. This is the only thing that helps.’ She drank from her glass.

‘Well then, maybe we can sit and talk about it.’

‘I know who you are, Eddie,’ she said, walking around the room slowly. ‘But that doesn’t mean we’re friends. Why would I talk to you?’

‘I told you,’ I said. ‘Frank sent me.’

‘Because he couldn’t come himself, right?’

‘He doesn’t know where you are, Ava,’ I said. ‘Maybe if we call him-’

‘No!’ she said, abruptly. ‘No, we can’t call Frank, not now. He’s with his family.’

‘I’m sure he can take some time to talk to you on the phone.’

She dropped herself down on the sofa, letting her hands and head hang. I watched the glass she held, waiting for it to fall to the ground.

I put my glass down and moved closer to her. There were armchairs on either side of the sofa, so I sat down in one.

‘Eddie, Eddie,’ she said, shaking her head, ‘it’ll take more than a phone call.’

‘Ava-’

‘Papa’s dead,’ she said. ‘He did it to himself. Maybe he had the right idea.’

‘Papa?’

‘I’ve ruined my career, my life. .’ She lifted her head and looked at me. Her eyes were wet with tears. ‘Look at me, Eddie. Look at me. I’m hideous.’

Good God, woman, I thought to myself, you’re a fucking Goddess! Even looking tired, worn out, with tears in her eyes, she was a Goddess.

‘Eddie-’ she said, and then the glass dropped.

As it hit the floor and shattered she keeled over. I might have caught the glass, but instead I caught her. Suddenly, I had my arms full of Ava Gardner, but not the way I might have dreamed it.