I'm a fool to kill you

II

After her veal and my pasta I ordered her a tiramisu for dessert.

‘Nothing for you, Eddie?’ the waiter asked.

‘Just coffee, Luigi.’

He nodded.

‘You are being good,’ she said.

‘I’m keeping my eyes on the carrot at the end of the stick.’

She laughed.

‘That’s the first time I’ve ever been called a carrot.’

‘I’m a romantic devil.’

‘Romantic,’ she said, looking at her watch. ‘Do we have time-’

‘Don’t worry,’ I said. ‘I’ve got it all timed out. We’ll be there for the opening credits of The Barefoot Contessa.’

‘The Barefoot Contessa and Mogambo,’ she said, shaking her head. ‘Two of my favorite movies with my favorite actress and my favorite man.’

‘Bogie or Gable?’ I asked.

‘Who’s talking about them?’

The dessert came and I watched her eat.

‘You remind me of her, you know,’ I said.

‘I do? Of who?’

‘Ava Gardner.’

‘Yeah, right. . Eddie, don’t worry, you’re going to get lucky tonight.’

‘I’m serious.’

‘OK,’ she said, ‘in which movie?’

‘Not in any movie,’ I said, ‘I mean in person. In real life.’

She stopped with her fork halfway to her mouth, then put it down and leaned forward.

‘Eddie. . you knew her? You knew Ava Gardner?’

‘Would that surprise you?’

‘Well. . no, I guess not. After all, you are Eddie G., a Vegas legend, friends with all the Rat Pack.’

‘Well, I was kind of an acquaintance of Peter’s. We never really got along. And I’m no legend. I just had some special friends.’

‘Like Marilyn Monroe?’ she asked. ‘And Ava Gardner?’

‘Among others.’

There had been a magazine article out a few months ago about the Rat Pack women. Alongside ran a sidebar about me and Marilyn. There had been enough material for more than a sidebar, but I’d made sure that most of the research disappeared. So when I met Jenny at a party at a friend’s house and we were introduced, she knew who I was. I like to think we would have connected anyway, but what are you gonna do?

‘Eddie,’ she said, ‘you have to tell me about her.’

‘What do you want to know?’

‘What was she like?’

‘She was a great broad,’ I said.

‘That’s all?’

I took a deep breath, sorry that I’d even mentioned it. I’d gotten carried away with the moment.

‘Eddie,’ she asked, ‘did you sleep with Ava Gardner?’

‘Are you kidding?’ I asked. ‘Frank would have killed me.’

I turned around, waved at Luigi to bring me the check.

‘That’s not a denial,’ she said.

‘Jenny, we have to leave now if we’re gonna make the movie.’

‘Damn you, Eddie,’ she said, as I pulled her chair out, ‘maybe you won’t get lucky tonight.’

‘That’s not fair.’

She crossed her arms beneath her breasts and stared at me.

‘I tell you what,’ I said. ‘We’ll talk about it after the movies.’

‘You promise?’

‘I promise.’

I had gotten us perfect seats for the movies. Not too close, not too far away. Either way, I had to put on my glasses.

‘You better come through, Eddie,’ Jenny whispered in my ear.

I passed her the popcorn as the lights went down and the credits began to roll.

My big crush in the 60s had been Angie Dickinson, who I had finally met thanks to my association with Frank and Dean. Ava Gardner, however, had always been unattainable to me. She was a goddess on the screen — had actually played Venus, the Goddess of Love in the movie, One Touch of Venus — but her unattainable status stemmed from the fact that she was Frank’s ex-wife when I met her. Ex-wife but still the love of his life.

I had to figure out just how much I wanted to tell Jenny about me and Ava Gardner. So while her eyes were riveted to the screen, I let my mind drift back. .