Inked Armour

24 TENLEY

The conversation with Hayden, followed by being pulled over, sobered me quickly. Hayden wasn’t intoxicated. Officer Cross refused to let it go, though, particularly considering the state of the car and me.

Even though the effects of the meds were still present, I hadn’t missed his contrived worry over my well-being. Today had been long and difficult and he wasn’t helping. His unconcealed antagonism toward Hayden made my anxiety spike.

For the past ten minutes Cross had been grilling me about the dent in the hood, my missing shoes, and the state of my jacket. At least Officer Miller had asked about other things, even if the questions were leading.

The details she gleaned from me had less to do with me and more with Hayden. She’d asked about his parents, his job, his co-workers, and where Hayden spent his spare time. Those questions were easy to answer because I could be truthful. The details painted Hayden in a positive light. He spent all his time outside of work with me, and if he wasn’t with me, he was with a select group of people.

I looked over at the police car parked about thirty feet away. At least Hayden wasn’t locked inside anymore. Officer Miller had let him out almost immediately. Hayden was standing with his arms crossed over his chest, but not nearly as upset as he’d been when she first let him out.

I huddled deeper into my coat, wishing we had stayed at Cassie’s. TK would have been fine on her own for one night. If it hadn’t been for my breakdown, we could still be cozied up in that oversize chair; rather than dealing with police. Officer Cross was still lecturing me, and my face was red with anger and humiliation. Although he couldn’t be much past thirty, his permanent frown reeked of parental disapproval.

“I’ve told you already, we didn’t hit anything on the way home,” I said, done with the questions. “You’ve asked me the same thing twenty different ways. The answer isn’t going to change.”

Cross dropped down into a crouch; his wide body filled the doorframe. He reached up and held on to headrest, blocking me in and cutting off my view of Hayden. His voice dropped. “Do you think your parents would approve of your boyfriend if they were still alive?”

I recoiled. “That’s irrelevant and none of your business.”

“I’ll tell you what I think. I think they’d be disappointed. Particularly if they knew what you let him do to you. And on the hood of his car, no less. Doesn’t say much about your self-respect, now does it?”

“You have no idea what you’re talking about,” I said, failing to keep the tremor out of my voice.

“Oh, no? Based on the way you can’t make eye contact, I’m going to go ahead and call you on that lie, sweetheart. You might want to think a little more carefully about what you do and who you do it with. It could make people think less of you.”

“I think this conversation is over.”

“If you say so.” He rose up, his smile far from friendly. “One more thing, though. You wouldn’t be encouraging Stryker to pursue his parents’ case, would you?”

“Why wouldn’t I, if it could get him some closure?”

“It’s not always what people need. Think about it. That kid hung out with some bad people. If you want to help him, you might persuade him to let things go. You never know what kind of skeletons he might dig up.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You think it’s any coincidence that you come along and all of a sudden Stryker’s looking to clean up his act? He was with a suspected drug dealer the night his parents were killed. Draw your own conclusions.”

I stared at him in open incredulity. This was new information and I wasn’t sure I should trust it.

“You look awfully shocked, Miss Page. Do you even know who you’re spending all your time with? The kinds of things Stryker has done?”

I didn’t have a chance to ask any further questions. Officer Cross stepped away from the door just as Hayden approached. “One last word before you head home, Mr. Stryker.”

Hayden didn’t acknowledge that Cross had spoken. Instead, he knelt down in front of me and ran his hands down my arms. He dropped the key in my palm and folded my fingers around it.

“Christ, you’re freezing.” He shot Officer Cross an irritated glare, then dropped a soft kiss on my lips. “Turn on the car, kitten.”

While I tucked my legs inside, Hayden rolled up the window and closed the door. I slid the key into the ignition, and the engine started with a deep rumble. I pulled my legs up to my chest, conserving body heat. I’d been so distressed when Officer Cross put Hayden in his cruiser, the cold hadn’t registered. It did now. I flexed my frozen toes.

After a brief, tight exchange between Hayden and Officer Cross, Hayden rounded the car and got in. He was silent in his fury as he shifted into gear and pulled onto the street.

“Please tell me you’re okay,” he asked in a pained voice.

“I’m okay,” I replied, though I wasn’t entirely sure it was true.

He glanced at me as if maybe he didn’t believe me, either. “What did he say to you?”

“He kept asking what happened to the hood.”

“Did you tell him?” Hayden’s hands tightened on the steering wheel.

“I didn’t have to. He already seemed to know,” I said, keeping my tone neutral. I didn’t trust how calm he was. “It’s okay, Hayden. It’s fine. We’re fine.”

“No. It’s not.”

We stopped at a light and I could feel his eyes on me. He could always see right through my half-truths.

“What else did he say?”

I didn’t answer right away, concerned honesty would cause more harm.

“What did he say, Tenley? He must have said something; that cocksucker can’t resist stringing me up whenever he has the chance.”

“That you might have been with a drug dealer the night your parents died.”

“Why the fuck would he tell you that?”

Tonight had gone wrong on so many levels for both of us. “I don’t know, but I would never believe anything he said.”

“It’s true,” Hayden said flatly.

I sat there, stunned.

“I was with this guy named Damen, who ran a tattoo shop and dealt on the side. I didn’t know how extensive his side business was until later, after I went to work for him. He was the one who introduced me to coke, and to Sienna.”

“Oh, Hayden. I’m so sorry.” No wonder he was so reluctant to talk about his past, when there were so many painful pieces.

“You shouldn’t be. I’m the one who fucked up my own life.”

“It wasn’t your fault,” I said, but I knew he still blamed himself for what happened all those years ago.

The rest of the drive home was tense. I asked him if he was okay a couple of times, but he didn’t respond.

When we pulled into his spot in the parking garage, he shut off the car, then just stared straight ahead with his hands on the wheel.

I put a hand on his forearm. “Should we go up?”

He nodded and scrubbed his face with his palms. His shoulders curved in and he folded forward, his forehead coming to rest on the steering wheel. I put my hand on his back, feeling the muscles expand as he took long, slow breaths, his control slipping. A choked noise escaped, sounding like a stifled sob.

“Hayden? It’s okay. We’re home now.”

I unfastened my seat belt, reaching over to do the same for him. Whatever had happened in that police car had rattled him.

His seat belt undone, I removed the keys from the ignition and got out of the car, then went around to open his door. I stroked his hair, but he didn’t move. He just murmured something I didn’t catch. I dropped down beside him, ignoring the cold cement against my stocking feet. He spoke again, repeating a phrase over and over.

“Oh, Hayden. No.” My nose grazed his cheek.

He lifted his head from the steering wheel. His eyes were bloodshot and red-rimmed, but there were no tears. “I’m so fucked up,” he whispered. “I’m such a fuckup.”

“No, baby, that’s not true.” I placed my palm against his cheek.

“Yes, it is. Look what I did to you tonight. Look at you.” He skimmed a thumb under the hollow of my eye, then over my lip, brushing over the tender spot where his viper bites had cut in. “You’re so beautiful, and I’m ruining you.”

“You’re not ruining me. Why would you think that?”

“I wish I wasn’t so fucked up,” he said, as if I hadn’t spoken.

His vacant stare unnerved me. I’d never seen him like this. Hayden could get upset, he could get angry, but I didn’t know how to handle his falling apart like this. He’d always been the one to keep me together.

“Why don’t we go up and feed TK? She’ll have missed us today.” I wanted to get him out of the car. Also, it was the only thing I could think of that might pull him out of his downward spiral. He was like a parent when it came to her.

“Yeah. Okay.” He nodded robotically and let me help him out of the car.

The presents in the backseat could stay there until morning. I locked the car and led him to the elevator. He folded himself around me while we waited, burying his face in my hair. When the doors opened, I pulled him in and hit the button for the second floor. I felt no anxiety as we ascended, my concern fixed on Hayden. I unlocked the door to his place and led him inside. When I turned to lock the door behind us, he seemed to snap out of it a little.

“I ruined your coat,” he said hoarsely.

“What?” I looked over my shoulder, taking in the forlorn expression on his pale face.

“Your coat. I ruined it too.”

He helped me out of it and draped it over his arm. The soft cream fabric was smeared with dirt. The buckle in the middle of the back had black powder on it, which explained the scratches in the hood. I took it from him and hung it in the closet.

“Once it’s dry-cleaned it’ll be good as new.”

TK came bounding down the hall, her excited mews stopping only when she skidded into Hayden’s ankle and he scooped her up. She rubbed her nose on his chin. Then he walked down the hall with his shoes still on. On autopilot he fed TK, then stood in the kitchen staring at his feet in confusion. I guided him back to the front hall and knelt in front of him. With a little prompting he lifted one foot, then the other, as I removed his shoes and put them away.

“Why don’t I run a bath?” I suggested.

It took him a few seconds to answer. “For me?”

“For both of us.”

“Okay. I don’t want to be alone right now.”

“Then it’s good that I’m not going anywhere.”

I took his hand and he shuffled down the hall beside me, fingers wrapped tightly around mine. Hayden sat on the edge of the tub while I ran the water. I searched his cupboards for bath salts but came up empty-handed. His eyes stayed on my face as I loosened his tie and slipped it over his head. Next I unbuttoned his shirt, saving the cuff links until last. They were little sliver skulls.

“Cassie gave them to me a couple of years ago for my birthday,” he said, taking them from me to roll between his fingers.

My heart stuttered. “I don’t even know when that is.”

“You didn’t miss it while you were gone. It’s not until the end of May.”

“That’s good,” I said softly, pushing his shirt over his shoulders.

How we could be so close to each other but not know something so essential was beyond me. That was a question one usually asked on a first date. When he was fully undressed, I reached behind me and tugged down the zipper of my dress. Letting it fall to the floor, I stepped out of the puddle of fabric.

He exhaled and wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me between his legs. He turned his face to the side, resting his cheek against my stomach, and hugged me tightly. “I wish we’d waited until I got you home.”

“We’re home now. You can have me if you want me.”

I could feel his hardness against my thigh but Hayden shook his head. “I just need to be close to you right now.”

“I need that, too, Hayden.”

I ran my hands across his shoulders in soothing, rhythmic circles. He looked up at me, his longing no longer reflective of desire but something deeper.

“This is so pretty,” he said, undoing my garter and rolling down the stocking. He kissed my hip and moved to the opposite side, repeating the action.

Undressing each other was inherently sensual. I wanted so much to lose myself in him after this long, difficult day. But Hayden needed more than that from me right now. I sensed it in the reverent way he touched me, in the unhurried way he removed each article of clothing.

“I like you in this. Better than I like you in black.”

“Why is that?”

He pulled at the loose garter, a half smile pulling at the corner of his mouth. “Because it reflects how I see you—feminine and delicate and pretty.”

I wanted to ask what else he saw in me, but became distracted when he reached behind me and freed the clasp of my bra. His eyes moved over my body in a way that felt more like worship than sex, and his fingers trailed between my breasts. His hand came to rest on my hips, his eyes shifting down from my face. His Adam’s apple bobbed with a heavy swallow and his tongue swept out, wetting his lip.

“You prefer me like this?” I glanced at the pile of pale discarded lace and satin, so different from some of the other lingerie I had.

“Naked? Always.”

He flashed a mischievous grin and threw one leg over the side of the tub, reaching over to turn off the tap. He lowered himself into the water and made room for me between his legs. I sat on the edge and dipped a toe in, testing the temperature. My feet were still half-frozen from having been shoeless for the past hour, and the heat was a relief.

Hayden’s arms came around my waist and he leaned back, taking me with him. I settled against his chest, submerged to my shoulders. The water level rose until it was perilously close to the rim of the tub, but Hayden didn’t seem to care.

My hair fanned out on the surface, darkening as it sank. Hayden gathered it up and pulled it over my shoulder. His lips met my skin, moving from my collarbone to my neck, pausing when he reached the spot just under my ear.

“I left a mark,” he whispered, his lips brushing over the sensitive skin.

“It’s okay. It’ll fade in a few days,” I said, worried about the remorse in his tone.

“I left a lot of them.” His chin came to rest on my shoulder.

“I don’t mind. None of them are permanent.”

“Not on the outside, anyway.” His hand drifted down my arm. “I wish things had gone differently tonight.”

“I’m sorry I lost it at Cassie’s.”

“You don’t have to be sorry, kitten. And I’m not talking about that. I just don’t want you to feel like you have to do things you’re not comfortable with.”

“Are you talking about the sex tonight?” I turned my head so I could see his face. “I made the suggestion.”

“Only because I’ve mentioned it before.”

“I wouldn’t have said anything if I hadn’t wanted it. I needed to be with you. I was the one who started it.”

“I don’t know if I agree with that. You have a history of caving, especially for me.”

“You think so? Who let who into their apartment that first time?”

“I kissed you, though. I made the first move,” he argued.

The flirting had driven me almost insane during the tattoo session. The buzz of attraction had been an aphrodisiac. “I couldn’t have given you any more of an invitation if I tried. Shall I remind you that I’m the one who provided a loophole for your ridiculous rule? I knew exactly what I was doing when I lured you into my bedroom. I wanted you. It’s always been me pushing you, not the other way around.”

He smiled slightly, maybe caught up in the memories, then his expression grew serious as he traced the outline of the wing curling around my shoulder. “I’m not just talking about sex, Tenley. I’m speaking in general terms.”

Water splashed and trickled over the side of the tub as I turned to see him better. “You’re not referring to the tattoo, are you? Because I specifically recall coming to you with it. Not the other way around.”

“No. That’s not what I meant. Although, I’d like to remind you, I asked you to come by the shop more than once, and I’m the one who convinced you to get the cupcake first.” His hand smoothed over my hip, close to the tattoo in question.

“I would have brought the design to you eventually, even without the persuasion. And the cupcake tattoo was a means to an end. The payoff was worth it.”

Hayden laced his fingers through mine. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure,” I said, concerned by the serious slant of his brow.

“What would happen if Trey came back again?”

The odd question threw me. “He won’t.”

“How do you know that?”

“I don’t have anything he wants anymore.”

“What if he did, though? How do I know you won’t leave again? That wasn’t something you wanted to do, but you went anyway.”

So this was the topic he’d been circling. I thought we’d already dealt with these fears, but in the wake of so much stress, they’d been unearthed again. What he didn’t understand was that Connor had been the expectation for my future. Being with Hayden was a choice.

“I wouldn’t make the same decision this time. I was in a different headspace then. I didn’t know how to deal with how I felt about you. There was so much guilt, and I didn’t know what to do with it.”

Hayden’s arms tightened around me. “I just don’t want you to leave me again. I can’t do this without you anymore.”

His expression made my heart hurt. “Hayden, you are everything I could ever want. You are the place I want to be.”