Inked Armour

30 HAYDEN

Therapy sucked. It was like being under a microscope for an hour. I told the therapist I wasn’t coming back. She scheduled another appointment four days from now anyway. Then she said how fortunate I was to have so many people in my life that cared about me. I grudgingly pocketed the appointment card. I could call and cancel later.

I left the quaint, little house situated among kitschy shops and crossed over to the café where Tenley was having tea with Cassie. They were sitting at a table in the back corner. Neither one noticed when I walked in, too absorbed in their conversation. In front of Tenley was a half-eaten piece of cake and a pile of torn-up napkins.

A girl dressed in a pale pink shirt and black pants stepped in front of me. She was way too close. I was used to people giving me a lot more personal space.

“Hi! Table for one?” She stared up at me with a strange look on her face. “Wow. You have the bluest eyes I’ve ever seen! They’re, like, superblue.”

“Uh . . . thanks? I’m meeting my aunt—”

“That’s so sweet!”

“—and my girlfriend. They’re already here.” I gestured to where they were sitting.

“Oh.” Her smile fell but she didn’t stop staring. It was fucking odd.

I maneuvered around her and headed for Tenley and Cassie. Cassie stood up as soon as she saw me. I couldn’t figure out why she looked so stunned, until I remembered no one but Tenley and the police had seen me since I’d taken out the facial piercings. She gave me a warm hug and whispered “Thank you” in my ear. I wasn’t sure what she was thanking me for, but I returned the embrace.

I nabbed a chair from an empty table and pulled it up next to Tenley’s. She looked anxious as hell. I hoped she’d ordered a decaf, or she was going to be a jittery mess for the rest of the day. Before she could ask me anything about the appointment, a waitress bounced over and did the same weird staring thing. I ordered a black coffee and an extra fork so I could finish Tenley’s cake.

“Everything go okay?” Tenley’s hand fluttered close to my arm, but she didn’t make contact. Instead she clasped her hands in her lap and tried to keep them still.

Had I been that bad since the trip to the police station? I decided then that I wouldn’t cancel the next appointment. As shitty as it was to talk about all the fucked-up things I’d been through and done, I couldn’t expect Tenley to deal with it, or me, if I refused to.

“It was fine.” I leaned over and kissed her temple. “I’ve got another appointment in a few days.”

She seemed startled by the admission. “Really?” Her eyes got all glassy.

“Hey. It’s okay, kitten. We’re gonna be fine.” I traced her bottom lip with the pad of my thumb.

“Well, I think I’ll be going,” Cassie said, pushing up out of her chair.

“You don’t have to do that,” I said, vaguely disappointed.

“Nate’s going to be home early tonight.” She exchanged a look with Tenley, and Cassie’s cheeks flushed. I didn’t want to know what that was about. Cassie pulled on her coat and Tenley rose to hug her. Cassie whispered something I couldn’t hear and smoothed her hand over Tenley’s hair while stepping away. It was a maternal, affectionate gesture.

“I’ll call you tomorrow and let you know,” Tenley assured her.

“There’s no obligation.”

Cassie kissed her on the cheek and left. They were much closer than I’d realized.

“What was that about?” I asked when Tenley sat back down.

“We’ve been invited for dinner tomorrow.”

“Do you want to go?”

“It might be nice.”

I’d been pretty reclusive the past few days; it wouldn’t hurt to get out for a few hours tomorrow evening. Besides, I needed to thank Nate.

My coffee came, distracting me from the conversation. I devoured the rest of Tenley’s cake and drained the cup. Got a refill. Ordered another dessert even though I usually ate only Tenley’s baked goods. Tenley chattered away, talking about the tentative plans she’d made with Lisa and Sarah for next week. She stayed away from the topic of therapy, but her pile of shredded napkins grew to twice its original size. She was still nervous about something; I just didn’t know what.

“I think I’m done,” I said after I drained my third cup of coffee and finished the chocolate layer cake. My appetite was back, and not just for food. I had one hell of a hard-on. My dick had woken up after Tenley got her back up over my being such a prick.

“You’re sure you don’t want anything else?”

“Nah. I’m ready to go home.” I folded up my napkin, put it on the center of the plate, and flagged down the waitress.

Once the bill was taken care of we went out to the car. I still hadn’t taken mine to the shop. That would have to change. Tenley and I hadn’t been out much since the hood incident, but I was already tired of driving around in something with no balls.

She was fidgety on the way home, her hands running up and down her thighs, her foot bouncing on the floor.

“You all right?” I asked when we were stopped at a red light.

“Uh-huh.”

“You wanna try again? Maybe with the truth this time.”

I leaned over and kissed her on the cheek, so she knew I wasn’t being a jerk. I just wanted to know what the issue was.

She must not have expected it because she jumped at the contact. “Sorry. Too much caffeine.”

I backed off and left it alone. She’d talk when she was ready. Pushing her would make me a hypocrite, since I wasn’t about to offer up any information about my session. I would never talk to Tenley about a lot of stuff. Not because I didn’t trust her, but because it wasn’t stuff she needed to know.

Much of it had to do with how fucking scared I was that something was going to happen to take her away from me again. Apparently it was a residual symptom of my particular brand of PTSD. At least now I could figure out how to deal with it without freaking out on her over the position of the remote control on the side table. As I’d done yesterday.

When we got home, Tenley disappeared into the bathroom. I took the opportunity to look over the spreadsheets for Inked Armor on my laptop while I waited for her to come out of hiding. It was Lisa’s job to take care of them, but I always rechecked everything.

I glanced at the date at the bottom of the screen and did a double take. Tomorrow was New Year’s Eve. Lisa had taken over making a plan after the fiasco at Christmas dinner, but things had gotten crazy and I’d forgotten all about it. That must have been the reason for Cassie’s invitation.

Tenley was probably sick of being holed up in the condo with me. As difficult as the therapy session had been, it had been revelatory in many ways. I was a fuckwit when I was under too much stress. It was okay to act like a broody douche when I was eighteen, not so much at twenty-five.

I shut down the laptop and headed for the bedroom. The bathroom door was still closed. I knocked. “Tenley?”

“Just a minute.”

I paced around the room and went through the session again. I’d talked about my parents’ murder and Tenley. We focused on how I experienced those events, and how my not dealing with them was affecting my relationship with her. Now that I had perspective, I could see the hell I’d put her through over the past few days.

The bathroom door opened and I turned around, ready to issue a full apology. What came out of my mouth was, “Oh. My. Fuck.”

Her hair was pulled up into a ponytail, her cheeks flushed, and she wore only nipple shields and heels. Both cupcake themed. My instant erection almost ripped through my jeans.

She looked down at her chest. “I got new jewelry.”

I cleared my throat. Twice. “I can see that.”

“And new shoes.”

“I see that, too.”

Her eyes lifted to peek up at me. She was ever the contradiction between sweetness and sexuality.

I must have stared for quite a while because her eyes dropped to the floor and she wrung her hands together. “I’m sorry. The past few days have been so tense, and earlier it seemed like you might want me—never mind.” She turned around, her art and her ass on display, and took a step toward the bathroom.

“Whoa. Where are you going?”

She glanced over her shoulder. “To get changed.”

“I don’t think so.” I grabbed her wrist and pulled her against me.

Cupping the back of her head in my palm, I kissed her—gently. There’d been too much aggression coming from me lately, and I didn’t want to bring it into the bedroom. I wanted slow and easy and close because I’d been pushing her away, too caught up in my own turmoil to see what it was doing to her.

“I missed you,” Tenley whispered, her hands going under my shirt, tugging it up over my head.

“Me, too.” I wrapped an arm around her waist and carried her to the bed.

She sat on the edge of the mattress and unfastened the button on my pants with hands that shook. The zipper went down and my pants dropped to the floor. I stepped out of them as she brushed my cock with her fingertips.

“I wasn’t sure—” When she looked up at me, such vulnerability was in her eyes. “I would do almost anything for you.”

“I know.” It had only been four days, yet it felt like an eternity. “I just want to love you.”

So I did.

Things were better. I wasn’t under any delusion that my problems were solved. The compulsive crap wasn’t going to go away, but at least I recognized it as an issue. I didn’t take it as personal sabotage if Tenley didn’t put something exactly where I wanted it.

At three in the afternoon on New Year’s Eve, we were getting ready to go to Cassie’s. The entire Inked Armor crew had been invited. So had Sarah, but she had to work. Chris had sounded pissed when we talked on the phone. Sarah hadn’t been scheduled all week, except for tonight. He was catching a ride with Tenley and me.

“You need to get dressed.” I zipped up the duffel bag I’d packed in case we stayed over. It had both of our stuff in it. I liked having our things mixed together, neatly. In ordered piles.

She’d been prancing around in frilly underwear and nothing else, pretending to decide what she wanted to wear to Cassie’s. Only two dresses were hanging in the section of closet I’d cleared for her a while ago, so it shouldn’t have been such an issue to make a choice.

“Which one?” She turned around, holding up the dresses, one black, the other a pale blue. She was still wearing the cupcake nipple shields. They were driving me fucking insane.

“You should probably stop teasing me if you don’t want to keep Chris waiting. He’s going to be here in ten minutes.”

She ignored me. “If you pick the black one, I can wear the cup-cake shoes again.”

“I like the blue one.” I couldn’t be held responsible for my actions if she wore those shoes again.

“You’re sure?”

“Positive.”

She disappeared inside the closet and came out five minutes later in the black dress and the cupcake shoes. Her attempt at seduction would have worked if Chris hadn’t buzzed a minute later. We took the elevator down, me carrying the duffel and her carrying a box of cupcakes she’d whipped up this morning.

Chris was waiting for us in the lobby, looking as if someone had pissed in his shoes. His eyes went wide when he saw me, his bad mood forgotten. “Holy hell, H!”

I shrugged. “Tenley cut my hair.”

“I noticed. It’s this I’m referring to, though.” He gestured to his face. He didn’t have a lot of metal above the neck, just an eyebrow ring and some spacers.

“It’s no big deal.”

“If you say so.”

I could see him looking at me as we headed for the parking garage, but he didn’t say anything else. Tenley’s car was now parked in a spot across from mine. Chris called shotgun and started toward the Camaro, stopping short when he got an eyeful of the hood.

“What the fuck happened to your car?”

“It’s just a couple of scratches. I’m getting it fixed.” I discovered the appointment marked on the calendar this morning. Tenley had made the call earlier in the week because I hadn’t been in any frame of mind to do it myself.

Chris put his hands on the hood and leaned in. “These are deep. It looks like someone tried to gouge out the paint, and there’s a dent—”

When it was obvious I wasn’t offering an explanation, he looked to Tenley. Her face was beet red and she was fussing with the box of cupcakes. Chris’s eyes came back to me, and his eyebrow lifted in question. I shook my head, but he didn’t heed the warning.

“Tee?”

“Hm?” She looked at Chris.

“What happened to H’s car?”

She glanced at me, waiting for some direction. When she didn’t get any, she rolled her eyes. “The scratches are from the buckle on the back of my jacket. The dent is from Hayden’s knee.”

It took him a couple of seconds. “Why would you—oh! No, shit! You’re a little wild, aren’t you, Tee?”

“We’re taking my car.” She spun on her heel and strode over to the Prius, flipping him the bird over her shoulder. Or maybe it was meant for me.

“Are you sure you want to do that? I mean, the Camaro’s already messed-up,” Chris goaded. “I can always get a ride back with Jamie and Lisa.”

I punched him in the side.

“Fuck! Ow! Sorry!”

She got into the driver’s seat and slammed her door. The engine turned over with a wussy little whine.

“Thanks, asshole.”

“I can’t believe you didn’t say anything about it. When did that happen?”

“I’m not telling you anything.”

“I can always ask Tee.”

“Do it and I’ll punch you in the balls,” I threatened.

He followed me to the car. Chris grunted as I shoved him out of the way when he went for the front seat. “No shotgun for you.” I slipped in beside Tenley and locked the door before he dragged me back out. He reluctantly got in the backseat, taking up most of it. Tenley didn’t say a word as she put the car in gear.

“What’s your car doing down here? Can’t you get a ticket for that?” Chris asked.

“I get two spots. I registered her car,” I said.

“Huh. Next thing you know you’ll be moving in with this anal-retentive fucker, hey, Tee?”

She choked back a cough.

Sometimes Chris didn’t know when to shut his damn mouth.

The trip to Cassie’s took twice as long as normal because Tenley was a cautious driver.

Lisa answered the door, and once we were inside, her hands went to my face and then my hair. “Cassie said you looked different, but, wow! Nice work, Tenley.”

“I couldn’t let him shave his pretty head.”

“Pretty?” I gaped at her. It was bad enough for her to say things like that when we were alone, but this was twice that she’d done it in front of other people.

She smirked.

“You lose any other steel?” Lisa asked, turning my chin to the side to check out my ears.

“No!” Tenley practically shouted.

Jamie laughed. “You put your foot down on that?”

“Damn right. No way was he losing any of the important stuff,” Tenley replied.

The banter was light as we moved to the kitchen to help prepare dinner. Cassie was in charge tonight, and Nate wasn’t allowed past the island when she was working her magic.

Tenley donned the flowery apron, shooting me a wink as she went to work on a side dish. I was prepared to step in if necessary, but she didn’t need any help. Though her baked goods were amazing, based on the contents of her kitchen, I’d assumed she couldn’t cook. I was wrong.

While the girls were doing their thing, Nate pulled me aside under the guise of discussing the property we were renovating come spring. The one I’d taken Tenley to on Christmas Eve. I followed him to his office and took a seat in the chair across from his. I waited for him to ask me about the session, but he pulled out the folder that contained paperwork and spreadsheets of costs and labor instead.

“Aren’t you going to ask me about yesterday?”

He settled back into his chair. “I wasn’t planning to. You went. You’re here today and so is Tenley, which is a good sign. I’m not going to ask for information you aren’t ready to give.”

Well, shit. That wasn’t what I expected at all. “I have another appointment set up.”

“I’m glad. You liked Beatrice, then?”

At the old-fashioned name, I’d almost turned around and walked out before I met her, picturing an old lady in her seventies who’d take one look at my arms and make all sorts of judgments. Turned out she was a tall, thin woman in her early forties with an eclectic fashion sense. She didn’t give a rat’s ass about the ink.

“Yeah, she’s all right.” I ran my palms over my thighs. They were sweaty. “Thanks for doing that for me. I know you’ve wanted me to go for a long time.”

“I only scheduled the appointment. You’re the one who had to do the hard part.”

“I don’t think I would have gone if it wasn’t for Tenley.”

“She has quite an impact on you.”

“I’m in love with her.” Seriously. I should have stopped at thanking him.

Nate smiled. “It’s obvious she feels the same way for you.”

“Yeah. For now, anyway.”

“I’m not sure I understand what you mean.”

The one thing I couldn’t bring myself to talk about yesterday kept plaguing me today. It was the fear that had kept me paralyzed for so long. I grabbed the stress ball from his desk so I had something to do with my hands. “Officer Miller called the other day. She said they might have a lead on my parents’ case.”

He rolled with the change in subject. “That’s a good thing?”

“I guess. It could end up being nothing.” I didn’t want to get my hopes up.

“The waiting must be difficult.”

“Part of me doesn’t want to know anymore.”

Nate nodded. “You’ve been a long time without closure. I’m sure the possibility of having justice is just as uncomfortable as going without it.”

“It’s not that. Well, I guess that’s part of it.” I looked at him and the thing I hadn’t wanted to tell anyone came out. “What if I find out it’s my fault? What if I’m the reason they’re dead?” That’s what I feared the most.

Nate leaned back in his chair and steepled his fingers, swiveling from side to side. “Hayden, I’m going to say something, and I hope it doesn’t offend you—but your parents made some unfortunate decisions when it came to you. They weren’t blind to what was going on. They knew what you were doing when you were out with your friends. You didn’t even try to hide it—”

“Which says what about me?”

“That you were a teenager asking his parents to notice him. They loved you; don’t ever think otherwise. But they made the choice to go out on a night you were grounded, fully aware you’d take off the second they left. They did nothing to prevent you from making those decisions. You were a kid, doing what kids do when there aren’t enough restrictions placed on them. You aren’t responsible for their deaths, no matter what you find out.”

“But I—” I dropped my gaze, squeezing the ball in my hand until it was at risk of bursting. It took me a minute to accept what Nate was saying. “I hadn’t looked at it that way.”

“Of course not. You’re viewing the situation from the perspective of a twenty-five-year-old who’s never gotten past what happened. Not that of the kid you were when it happened.”

“Which is where all the therapy bullshit comes in.”

What he said was true. Beatrice had said something similar, but I’d known her for all of an hour. Coming from Nate, it finally hit home.

“Can I ask you something?” Nate rested his elbows on his desk.

“Sure.”

“It’s about your thinking that Tenley’s feelings for you are transient. I’m going to offer you my unsolicited opinion, and you can feel free to tell me to piss off or shut up at any point.”

“Okay.”

“Tenley has been through an unprecedented trauma and not only survived, but thrived in spite of it. Correct?”

“Yeah.”

“Has what she’s been through ever deterred you from loving her?”

“Absolutely not.”

“So if anyone can relate to what you’re feeling, it’s her. She’s the best kind of anomaly. You’ve found an incredibly strong, resilient young woman who sees exactly who you are, and she has the same in you. There is no way to predict the future. But as an outsider looking in, what you two have isn’t something most people would walk away from easily.”

“So I should stop worrying about things I can’t control?”

“You can try. It’s not always that simple.”

“I’m learning that.”

Nate always seemed to know when I’d reached my limit on the sharing emotional crap. He flipped open the folder with the projected costs for renovating the house and slid it toward me.

“What would you say if I wanted to fund the project on my own?” I asked.

“I’d ask why.”

“Tenley stays at my place. It’s not big enough to move all her stuff in.” Not that I wanted her furniture in my condo. Maybe her bed. It was nice, as long as it went in the spare room. Mine was a king; it had lots of places to hold for leverage when we got down to business.

“Can you access enough equity to cover the costs?”

“I think so. I’ve already started looking into it.”

“Have you talked to Tenley about this?”

“Not yet.”

He gave me a speculative look. “Why don’t you find out about the financing first? We can take it from there.”

When we were finished reviewing how much money I’d need to free up, Nate shuffled the paperwork into a folder. “Oh, one more thing.”

He dropped a paper bag on the desk.

“What’s this?”

“I found them in the garage.”

One glance inside confirmed what I already knew: it was Tenley’s shoes. “I—uh—”

“Cassie thought it would be best for me to give them to you.”

“Thanks. If Tenley knew someone else found them, she’d be—” Embarrassed as fuck. I could feel the heat in my face.

“I’m glad you want to show Tenley what you’re working on.” His grin told me he knew exactly what had gone down in that garage. “For future reference, there’s a switch beside the door that heats the garage floor. Or next time, you could go inside and show her the whole house.”

Cheeky fucking bastard.