Kiss and Die

Chapter 35

Lilly walked through the first-floor landing and looked at the Africans as she passed. She wasn’t afraid to look them in the eye. The dead African lying at the bottom of the lift shaft was testament to that. The body would be eaten by the rats and the mangy cats. When it began to smell the caretaker would be called and someone would take it away like they always did. No one would investigate such a death in such a place amongst such a group of people.

Although it was day, it could have been night – the fluorescent strip lighting above their heads wasn’t working, a dripping overhead pipe had blown it. There were some corners of the Mansions that never saw light. Their booming laughs filled the corridor with a little bit of Africa. They were listening to the jangly sound of Kenyan folk music. The smoke around them was so thick it stung Lilly’s eyes. They always stopped what they were doing to watch her as she passed. She had the mix that appealed to them. Her skin was light, her eyes big and round. She had the makings of a shape beneath her skimpy clothes. She had the sass, she was a girl who knew how to tease.

Lilly caught David’s eye. He watched her from his stool inside the bar. He was not smiling. He didn’t fall for Lilly’s games. He knew they were deadly. He had seen her with the Outcasts. He knew she had secrets.

Lilly caught up with Mahmud. He was out with his sister Nina running errands whilst the restaurant was quiet. Lilly handed Nina a list. ‘Mum wanted me to ask if you can get these things for her, she’ll pay you later. I don’t know when she’s going to cook it. They are questioning her down at the police station. I don’t know why she doesn’t just get me to get them.’

‘It’s okay. Give it to me. I know these traders; I can get her a good deal.’ Nina took it from her.

Nina walked on. Lilly hung back with Mahmud. ‘What’s the matter?’ she asked him. ‘You’ve been avoiding me. We can still be friends, can’t we? Even if I’m not your girlfriend any more?’

Mahmud walked along looking at his feet. He was a shy lad, thoughtful. ‘Yeah, sure. Just been studying hard, that’s all.’

‘That’s not really the reason, is it?’

Mahmud went to defend it but he shook his head instead. ‘It’s all the trouble here, Lilly. I don’t want any part of it. I knew that girl who was killed.’

‘So did I. I didn’t like it any more than you.’

Lilly walked alongside him. Mahmud looked hard at her. He searched her face to see if she was telling the truth. ‘It’s all going wrong, Lilly. I don’t know what’s happened to you. You never used to like the gangs either. You’ve changed. Hafiz has changed too. I’m not having any more to do with it.’

‘Nobody asked you to. But remember, Mahmud, we’re all in this together. We are doing this so that we can have a better life.’ Lilly turned frosty. ‘Where’s Hafiz, anyway?’

‘He’s working. He’s in enough trouble with Dad, he doesn’t need any more.’

Lilly shook her head, shrugged. ‘A lot’s happened. Things that you don’t know about. I have to look out for myself now, Mahmud. I can’t rely on anyone else. That’s why I need the Outcasts. Victoria Chan has promised I will do well with them. She said she’d personally look out for me. She says I have what it takes.’

‘Yeah, but what does she want you to do for it, Lilly? You heard what the inspector said at school. Once you’re in you can’t get out. They will kill you if you try.’

‘Yeah, but you know what? Most days I feel like I am dead anyway. I don’t have anything to live for right now.’

They stopped outside Rajini’s father’s tailors. Inside they could see her father sewing on the machine. On the chair next to him her mother was sobbing as she sewed.

‘You’d think they’d take a day off. They only care about the money they’re not going to get from her.’

Mahmud looked at her, his eyes full of anger and sadness. ‘They are making Rajini’s shroud.’ Lilly walked briskly on. She was cross. He caught her up. They waited in silence for the lift. ‘Let’s go and sit on the roof. We haven’t done that in ages.’

Lilly looked at him and smiled. ‘Okay.’

They sat on the ledge and dangled their feet over Nathan Road. The sun was going down. As they sat their hands inched towards one another and rested, barely touching.

‘Tell me what you want to be, Lilly.’

Lilly took her hand away and kept her legs still as she stared down at the busy road below. She looked down at her lap as she replied. ‘I want to be rich. I want to have a house on the Peak. I want to have all designer clothes.’

Mahmud stared at her profile. ‘Is that all that matters to you?’

She looked towards the sunset. A slither of orange was beginning to stretch across the evening sky. She looked everywhere but at Mahmud. ‘Pretty much. I want to get out of this place. I want to have nice things.’

‘Is that why you joined the Outcasts?’

‘Yes.’ She looked down at her lap again. ‘It’s all right for you, Mahmud; your father will find the money to pay for you to go to college. You are smart. You can achieve anything you want to. You will be able to afford to escape from here.’

‘But I’ll never be rich enough to have a house on the Peak. I might become a doctor and travel. I might have a good living, enough to support a wife, a family, but I will never be rich, Lilly. It’s not important to me.’

Lilly turned and looked at him, her eyes catching the light from the sky, her face glowing. ‘I will, Mahmud. It’s everything to me.’

‘What about love?’

She turned away. ‘I don’t care about love. My mother loves Rizal, what good is love?’

‘The Outcasts are dangerous, Lilly; they could turn on you just as quick as anyone else. They don’t answer to anyone any more, they’re out of control. Victoria Chan is a terrible person. Ever since she came into our lives things have just got worse.’

Lilly was angry. ‘Victoria Chan is smart and beautiful. She’s everything I want to be.’ But she couldn’t stay cross at Mahmud. She knew he was only worried for her. She knew he had always loved her. ‘Listen to me, Mahmud. I know what you’re saying,’ she smiled sadly and looked at him, ‘but she can give me things, things I could never get on my own. She can get me out of this place. You are so clever. You will get where you want to go without people like Victoria Chan.’

‘I thought we could make it, you and I. I was hoping, you know? I always thought we’d stay together.’

She turned and looked him in the face, her eyes searching his. She reached over and kissed his cheek. ‘Save your hopes for someone else, Mahmud. You are too good for me. I am not the girl you kissed when we were ten. I am not the girl I was.’ Lilly slid her legs back around and stood to leave. ‘Forget me, Mahmud. You and I could never be and I am in too deep now to get out.’