Chapter 91

Michelle was released. Her body ached for ice. Her heart ached for her kids. Rizal looked up when she unlocked the door. She went to kiss him. He looked her up and down, turned away in disgust and threw the rubbish off the sofa so he could sit. Lilly emerged from the bedroom with just her t-shirt and pants on. Michelle’s eyes flicked back and forth between the two. Lilly stared back, brazen. Rizal looked away sheepishly.

‘Where are the twins?’ Michelle started tidying up.

‘The twins have gone to the old woman down the hall.’

Lilly stayed where she was, leant on the doorframe, her midriff showing, her skinny legs were bare.

‘Get dressed.’ Michelle stood, a pile of papers in her hands. ‘And go and see that they’re okay. Take them for an ice cream, Lilly. And while you’re out, go to the Delhi Grill and ask Nina if she can help me out with some groceries. I need to get cooking straight away.’

Lilly screwed up her face and was about to argue but one look at Michelle’s expression told her she should do as she was told. She shrugged, turned and took her time about moving out of view. Michelle watched her. She saw her look over her shoulder at Rizal. He nodded that she should comply with her mother’s request. He looked about for the remote. Michelle reached down the side of the sofa, found it. She held on to it. She searched his eyes for the truth; she found it as he turned to watch Lilly walk past.

‘Don’t hurry. I want a word with Rizal,’ Michelle told Lilly as she left. After she’d gone, Michelle turned the volume of the television up high.

‘What are you doing? You gone deaf in prison?’

‘No. I just don’t want the neighbours to hear what I have to say to you.’

Rizal swore and opened another beer as he turned his eyes to the television and ignored her.

Michelle threw the remote at him; it hit him on the side of his head. ‘You will listen to me. I can see what you’ve been doing here. You’ve been having sex with Lilly. Don’t think I haven’t seen the evidence before. I do her washing. I knew when she’d had sex and I knew when she’d been at home that night. You know what is the worst part? I chose to ignore it. I thought it couldn’t possibly be.’

‘What the fuck is your problem? It’s not as if she’s my own daughter and you turn tricks at the hotel. Do I get jealous? Lilly is no fucking angel and she’s no baby. She knows what she’s doing.’

Michelle made a lunge at him. ‘You’re a filthy pig. She doesn’t stand a chance with you here. This is my flat. Get out.’

Rizal looked at her and snorted in disgust. ‘You need me. You can’t do it all on your own. Anyway, I am the father of the twins. If I go, I take them with me.’

Michelle’s eyes turned dark. ‘Don’t touch my children. They’re not yours. They never were. Now get out!’ Her body was shaking from the anger.

Rizal got slowly out of his seat, a mock smile on his face. He came to stand next to Michelle. She stood her ground. Her chest rose and fell as her heart hammered.

‘Don’t worry. I’ll go. But I can tell you a lot of things about your daughter. The things she likes, the things she asks me to do for her. You wanna ask her where she goes at night. She doesn’t sleep here. She has a secret place where she goes. She stopped being your baby a long time ago.’

Michelle turned her eyes away from his. His beer breath was rank in her face.

He grabbed her face and turned her to look at him. ‘I’m going out with the boys. I need to get out. You make me sick.’ He squeezed her face until her neck was stretched and she began to feel the pain as his fingers dug. ‘But when I feel like it, I’ll come back. Do you hear me? I will come back when I am ready and you better have something good waiting for me and you better accept it.’

He pushed Michelle away and she landed painfully against the corner of the cabinet.

‘Remember, you don’t mean nothing to me. Lilly is getting somewhere. She’s making connections, wealthy ones. She is going to be somebody. You don’t have any moral high ground to stand on. You’re just an old junkie hooker.’

After he’d gone, Michelle sat on the sofa and cried. She realized it had been a long time since she’d done that. The television blared as her shoulders shook and a pain shot through her heart at the realization of what she had become. She looked around the flat; it was a stinking mess, it smelt of sweat and beer and decay. She felt a huge feeling of shame but she also felt something else. She felt a seed of hope inside her. She hadn’t had ice for the time she’d been in custody. She’d already weathered the worst of the withdrawal. She stopped crying. She got a bin bag and began throwing all Rizal’s belongings inside.

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