Kiss Of Death: A Dark Mafia Romance

10

6 months later...

“The best protection any woman can have is courage.” - Elizabeth Cady Stanton

I stand with my hands at my side. Igor, one of the new enforcers lingers behind me. I can sense him, his every breath, his every movement. Nicholai once said to me that someone could be conditioned, but I couldn’t understand the full extent of that until I started to experience this particular brand of it. Deprived of all human touch, except for pain. Conditioned over several months to only ever feel pain at another’s touch. The kill reflex, Nicholai calls it. Alex is my only exception, but his innocent caresses are not enough to over-ride the hours and hours of daily torture. My mind is no longer my own. It’s like I’ve been programmed. Igor shifts his weight and I remain still, bracing. I know what’s coming and I want to react, every muscle demands that I do so, but that’s not part of the exercise. He touches my arm and an electric shock rips across my body. The second his hand leaves me ingrained instincts kick in and I have him on his back, my fingers wrapped around his Adam’s apple, in an instant. Kill, kill, kill. My finger nails dig into his skin, drawing blood as I cut into his flesh. I want to rip his throat out. He chokes and attempts to hit me but I grab his head in both hands and slam it into the concrete. Kill, kill, kill… it pounds through my brain like a drumbeat. I can’t fight it. I feel his skull crack against the concrete and blood pools around his head, crawling across the bleak grey floor, staining it. Eventually hands gripped my arms and again, their touch…kill, kill, kill. I snarl and fight until they finally release me. I turn in a crouch and face Sasha and James, panting heavily. James maintains his cold expression while Sasha flashes me a knowing, almost pitiful look. He knows what it’s like because he’s going through it too, except Sasha can’t even bare to wait for the shock.

“Little Dove.” I glanced to the left where Nicholai stands, watching. He’s been here a lot more recently. He watches the training sessions and always speaks to me afterwards. The look of pride in his eyes always pulls me through. It makes this worth it. I am strong and he sees it. “You make me so proud.” He smiles and steps towards me. I allow him to get within two feet and then I step backwards.

“Don’t.” I plead. I don’t want to hurt him. I don’t trust myself not to. He offers me a sad smile and hold his hands up, coming to a halt.

“This is just part of the process, to make you the best.” He assures me. The best… it seems like an unimportant notion now, but I understand. This is my purpose.

“Sacrifices must be made, little dove.”

I look across the room, locking eyes with Alex. His expression is serious. It’s been a long time since I saw the lightness and laughter in his eyes. The training has broken him down, but he still offers me a small smile. Nicholai dismisses me and I feel all eyes on my back as I walk away. I’ve become the circus freak, more animal than human. Feral. Wild. That’s what happens when you’re stripped of your fundamental morals and programmed to become a monster.

I go to the door and sit on the floor, bracing my back against my bed. It’s just the four of us living here now. Sonny broke under the first round of touch conditioning and was taken away. I don’t know where. Sasha walks in the room and spares me a brief glance, grabbing a towel and heading for the showers. We used to be so close, but of course that couldn’t last. Friendship is a form of dependence, and dependence is a weakness. Now we’re simply two people who understand what the other is going through, but are too consumed in our own torment to help each other. He passes Alex on his way out. Alex comes and sits to my side. He wraps his arm around me. They’ve made it so that I can’t stand human touch, but it’s different with him. He’s Alex, my Alex. His touch could never evoke fear and I could never harm him. I lean into his shoulder and feel his warm breath blowing through the strands of my hair.

“That’s getting harder and harder to watch.” He murmurs. I hate seeing Alex go through it as well, but of course he reacts the way he always does in a fight and comes out swinging.

I tilt my face up so I can see him. “It’s necessary.” I know he doesn’t agree with me and he doesn’t understand my loyalty to Nicholai. Alex was the son of a bratva soldier, his destiny mapped out from youth. He’s been here since he was ten. He knows nothing else. He doesn’t know what it is to feel weak and helpless. He will never understand my gratitude to Nicholai. This is hard, of course it is. If it were easy everyone would be the best and not everyone can be the elite.

“I wish it weren’t.” His eyes dropped to my lips and he lifts his hand, stroking his fingers down the side of my face. This is still the spec of warmth in my cold and calculated world. The only time that my mind is silent, peaceful. Alex is my safe harbour. He wraps his hands around my waist and pulls me until I’m straddling him, sitting in his lap. He pulls his knees up, cradling me between his strong body and his thighs. His hands cup my face and me touches his forehead against mine until we’re breathing each others air.

“I love you, titch.” He whispers and I squeeze my eyes shut, fighting back the wave of emotion. I love him, but saying it out loud feels too real. The two halves of me fight, one side telling me this is weak whilst the other clings to Alex with every fibre of her being. A stray tear falls onto my cheek and he presses his lips over my skin, catching it. “Don’t cry.”

I don’t want to talk or think about things, so I kiss him. His lips brush over mine and I close my eyes, finding comfort in the sweet caress of his mouth against mine. Everything stops for a moment. He is the calm in a world of chaos. A breath of cleansing air in a toxic atmosphere. Without him I couldn’t survive here. The strong survive, but he is my strength.

“First to draw blood wins.” James says, gesturing Alex and I forwards. I step out of line and into the open space otherwise known as the ring. Alex stands across from me, a smirk on his lips. When I step to the left he mimics it, always keeping a distance between us. I palm the blade in my hand, wrapping my fingers firmly around the hilt. I wait for him to move and he does. I’ve watched Alex fight and fought him myself enough to know that he is skilled but impulsive. When you’re outmatched by fifty or so pounds, patience is key. Brawn won’t get me anywhere here. He rushes me, and I duck, swinging my blade towards his thigh. I never make contact. He blocks the hit, going for my arm. I roll and come up behind him, jabbing my elbow into his lower back. He grunts and then huffs a laugh. Arrogant bastard. I swiped his legs out and he goes down hard. I’m straddling his body with a blade at his throat before he can blink. He grins, biting down on his bottom lip. Blood. They want blood. I lightly flick blade over the base of his neck, barely scratching the skin. A thin line of blood wells, and I push off him quickly.

“Good.” James says to me before turning to Alex.

“Arrogant, messy, undisciplined. Disappointing.” Alex climbs to his feet and says nothing as he falls back in line. I feel bad, but the truth is, Alex always holds back when he fights me. He leaves his guard open, his attacks are messy. He pretty much hands me and the win. And when I take it, I make a concerted effort to do you as little damage as possible. I don’t know why that is. I care about Sasha just as much as I do Alex, but when we fight it’s like a bloodbath. He’s ruthless and I’m brutal. I’m bruised for weeks afterwards.

Nicholai comes to stand next to me as we watch Sasha and Adam fight. He’s been for the last two days.

“You held back on the boy.” He says without taking his eyes off Sasha.

“Why cause more damage than necessary?” I ask, twisting my head towards him. “He’s one of your assets. I don’t want to break your stuff.” I smirk and he lets out a low chuckle.

“Break him all you want, little dove. He’s disposable. They all are, except you…and Sasha.” The words make me sick to my stomach but I make sure it doesn’t show on my face. He touches my shoulder and I flinch, the voices roaring to life in my head. Kill, kill, kill. It’s like a curtain descending, blinding me to anything and everything else. “Control it. Breathe. It is an advantage to have such reflexes over an enemy, but you must be stealthy. You are a killer, but you must be like the Oleander flower, beautiful, delicate to look at, but deadly. I will give you the weapons, little dove, but you must control them, hide them. Unleash them only when needed.” He lets go and I release the breath I had been holding. “It appears this training is working a little too well. It is curious though…you do not tense when this boy touches you.” He jerks his head towards Alex and I’m instantly alert. He can’t know about Alex and I. He wouldn’t like it.

“How so? If he touches me it’s to strike me, and I strike back.” A smile pulls at the corners of his lips and he says nothing else, instead, taking a lollipop from his pocket and unwrapping it before putting it in his mouth.

He knows.