Library Cat: The Observations of a Thinking Cat

Proximate Bird

Still extradited from the library some hours later, Library Cat had taken to sleeping on the concrete benches just outside the library café. It was better than nothing. But cold concrete is a poor substitute for the lavish turquoise fabric of his usual chair in the foyer.

His tummy heavy with tuna, he had just dozed off into a tail-twitched sleep when he was rudely awoken.

“Squark,” said the Proximate Bird.

Oh shut up, thought Library Cat.

“Squark! Squark!,” said the Proximate Bird, with vigour.

Look it’s quite simple, seethed Library Cat. I am here to sleep and think; you are here to irritate and be eaten.

“SQUARK!” repeated the Proximate Bird, unheedingly.

You really are daft, aren’t you? Look, I’ve had a tough forty-eight hours, so let me substantiate what I just thought: I am here to sleep and think. You are here to irritate and be eaten… potentially by me. I kindly draw your attention to the latter part of your measly commission on this earth – the “be eaten by me” part. I accept it’s a thought in the passive voice, but…

“SQUAAAAAAAAARK” interrupted the Proximate Bird.

OK that’s it, thought Library Cat, an early dinner it is.

Library Cat rose, and yawned. He carefully stretched his white paw, and then his black paw, markedly extending his claws each time. He gave his coat a lick (for hunting should never be undertaken with a dirty coat), and shook his head.

If he will insist on interrupting me right while I’m about to have a dream about Nietzsche, mused Library Cat, then frankly he deserves to be eaten. Right where is he? Proximate Bird? Where are you Proximate Bird? I want to be friends after all. Come now Proximate Bird, I have a worm for you. Proximate Bird…?

But no sooner did Library Cat rise than Proximate Bird had flown off to meet his wife, to create many Proximate Chicks, and generally increase the already infuriating din of birds around George Square.

Peace at last! reflected Library Cat. No birds, no Humans. Bliss! Come at me, Nietzsche.

He settled back down for a nap.

“Oh my God, yah, the people sitting opposite me on level 4 just WON’T STOP talking, yah. One of them was even SKYPING! Oh Library Cat! Hi Library Cat! Hi! Library Cat, LIBRARY CAT!”

Oh for goodness sake! fumed Library Cat. The Humans are worse than the birds and they don’t even know it!

Recommended Reading

To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee.

Food consumed

Almost one bird.

Mood

Grossly irritated.

Discovery about Humans

Sometimes, they are utterly blind to their own hypocrisies.