Livia Lone

43-THEN

That summer, Livia took a knife course with an Oakland instructor visiting Kawamoto-sensei’s dojo-Maija Soderholm, a blonde, dreadlocked, cigar-smoking, heavily tattooed edged-weapons expert Livia thought was the coolest woman she’d ever met. The woman could make a knife move like a fan, like liquid, like a creature with its own mind. Livia realized that as formidable as she was in judo and jiu-jitsu, against someone like Maija, armed with a blade, she would be in terrible trouble. So she resolved to become that kind of trouble herself. She stayed after class to train more, and Maija, impressed by her intensity, spent hours of extra time with her.

One night, Livia asked what it was about edged weapons. “I’m not really sure,” Maija told her. “When I was a little girl, I picked up one of my father’s knives, and it just… spoke to me. It felt right. And I never got over it. I found a Filipino sword master named Sonny Umpad, and started training with him. Sonny taught me that every weapon you put in your hand has a personality, and that a properly designed weapon will tell you its function just by its feel. When he told me that, I knew exactly what he meant.”

Livia told her it was the same with her and jiu-jitsu. The first time she’d put on a gi and grappled on the mat… it all just made sense.

Rick, aware of her new fascination, bought her a knife Maija had designed: the Vaari. It was a gorgeous, handmade weapon with a curved eight-inch blade and a handle wrapped in waxed reindeer leather. Livia practiced with it incessantly, moving it in her hand the way Maija had taught her, with lots of dodges and feints.

In the fall of her senior year, Rick finally introduced Livia to his friend, a Portland sex crimes detective named Gavin. Gavin had a warm, open smile and didn’t treat Livia with pity or like a kid, and Livia liked him immediately. No one needed to say aloud what Livia had long since known. She was glad Rick had someone special in his life, someone he trusted, someone he loved. She thought that must be wonderful, even though she sensed it was something she could never have for herself.

Livia asked Gavin a lot of questions about his work. She had thought she wanted to be a homicide detective, like Rick. But talking to Gavin made her feel like sex crimes would be her true calling. It would be a better way to protect girls like her and Nason. And to avenge the ones she couldn’t protect.

Gavin knew about Nason, too. He was one of the cops Rick had told about her case. He hadn’t been able to find anything, and he agreed that until Weed was out of prison, they had no good leads to follow. She could tell he didn’t think Weed would be worth anything, either, but he was too kind to say so out loud. And even if he had, she would have refused to believe him.

After that first meeting, Gavin was in the apartment pretty regularly, sometimes spending the night. Livia felt bad knowing that, for a while, she had been one of the people Rick felt he had to hide his life from. But she was glad he didn’t feel that way anymore. She knew how much he trusted her, letting her see something he kept secret even from his own sister. That kind of trust felt sacred to her. But it wasn’t in her to trust someone the same way.

Rick used his Thai police contact to check with Livia’s parents again. The contact reported back that they hadn’t heard from either of their daughters. Livia hadn’t been expecting anything, but still it hurt to hear that there was no news of Nason. She asked Rick if his contact could check again-maybe in a year or so. Just in case. He told her he would make sure of it.

From time to time, Livia thought about changing her name. She’d read online that she could when she turned eighteen. She wouldn’t even need Mrs. Lone’s permission then. But as time went on, the urge faded. She’d never minded the name Livia, even though Mr. Lone had chosen it for her. Initially, it had felt like a disguise, and that was good. She had liked being a girl named Labee who was pretending to be someone called Livia. But after a while, it had started to feel like she wasn’t sure which she was, or who. And now… Livia just felt right. Like who she was, or who she had become.

As for the name Lone, it depended on context. Fred Lone was Fred Lone. Livia Lone was just her. She could always change the name someday, if she wanted to. But she began to think she probably wouldn’t.

She kept training in judo. Kawamoto-sensei promoted her to second dan and asked if she would be interested in a job at the dojo-teaching a women’s self-defense class. Livia was so surprised, honored, and overwhelmed at the notion that she could help teach other women to fight, that for a moment the old emotions welled up, and she had to pause before she could answer.

“Yes,” she told him, her eyes glistening. “Please that.”

So two nights a week, she taught women a blend of judo, wrestling, and jiu-jitsu, focusing on techniques and tactics geared to bigger, stronger opponents. She tried to make clear that technique was actually just a small part of it, that will and attitude were much more important. She knew in retrospect that, physically, she could have stopped Mr. Lone much earlier. So what had prevented her? Only her mind. Without the right mind, the body was useless. But conversely, when the mind was right, the body would find a way. So her philosophy was to teach technique to train the mind.

Her classes were small at first, and composed mostly of elementary and middle school girls. But word got around, and soon the classes included high school girls, too, and then the mothers who were bringing their girls to train. Livia went from two nights a week to three, and then added Saturdays, too. The Lincoln wrestling coach tried again to get her to join the team, but she demurred. Teaching girls to protect themselves was more important to her. Besides, she liked having a job. She wanted to make money so she wouldn’t have to depend on anyone, not even Rick.

Kawamoto-sensei was thrilled by her popularity. In addition to her hourly pay, he started giving her a bonus based on the new members signing up for Livia’s class. He told her most women’s self-defense courses were taught by big, muscular men who might not understand what it meant to have to fight a heavier, stronger opponent, so having a class taught by a girl who weighed maybe 125 pounds was smart and special. That made sense to Livia. And even though the class was focused on women, she encouraged boys from the dojo to come, too, because in her mind, a woman learning to fight but not training against men wasn’t preparing for the real world.

That fall, the dojo had a visitor: a teacher named Devin Asano from Kawamoto-sensei’s previous school in Hawaii, who had won a silver medal at the 1988 Seoul Olympics. Livia had never seen judo as powerful, elegant, and focused as his, and trained with him whenever she could during the month he was staying with Kawamoto-sensei. Luckily, Asano-sensei seemed to enjoy training with her as much as she did with him, and told her he had rarely encountered someone with her talent.

Before he returned to Hawaii, Asano-sensei told Livia he had contacts at San Jose State University in California. SJSU was Asano-sensei’s alma mater, and it had one of the best judo programs in America. They were going to call her.

Livia was reluctant because she wanted to start being a cop right away. And she didn’t want to leave Portland, which felt like where she might find Nason, even though she knew the feeling made no real sense. But it turned out SJSU had a great criminology program-called “justice studies”-which intrigued her. She thought it would be useful to learn more about criminals. And of course the chance to train in judo with some of the best talent in the world was attractive. Rick and Gavin told her they thought SJSU would be a smart move-college would give her a wider range of opportunities no matter what career she ultimately decided on. So when the school offered her a scholarship, she accepted. She would go to SJSU. Train hardcore in judo. And learn everything about criminals.

And then she was going to be a cop. And somehow, find Nason.