Livia Lone

4-THEN

They drove for hours past sprawling fields and terraced paddies, by streams sparkling in the harsh sunlight, through small towns with wires strung on poles along the road. Livia leaned against the metal side of the van. The bumps made it uncomfortable, but this way Nason could use her as a cushion. At some point, she woke and realized she’d been dozing. The bumping was gone. She looked out the window and saw the road was paved. She had only seen one paved road before-the narrow, winding one connecting her village with those of the other hill tribes-and she was amazed to see how long and straight this one was, going on and on for what must have been kilometers.

They stopped twice more. At one of the stops, the men handed out rice crackers, which the children devoured, and then bottles of water. No one tried to run. Livia told herself she would have if she hadn’t needed to take care of Nason, but she wasn’t really sure.

As night fell, they reached the edge of a giant city. Livia had never seen so much concrete, so many cars, such massive buildings. Even from inside the van, she could hear the noise of the place, feel its swirling energy. She was pretty sure this was Bangkok, which she of course understood was the capital of the country, but which until that moment had existed in her mind mostly as a kind of dreamland described in schoolbooks, not a real place she might ever actually see. A part of her was fascinated, amazed, by the sheer density of it all. But more than that, she was just frightened. She thought this must be where the men were taking them-where else would there be to go, after a city so enormous? What would happen to them here, in a place with so many people, of whom she and Nason knew none? A city this big could swallow them whole, and no one would ever even know.

And then, in the distance, against the violet and indigo of a darkening sky, she glimpsed a line of giant monsters lit from below and looming over a vast body of water. Everywhere there were enormous boats and rectangular metal boxes bigger than the van, bigger than two vans. Then she saw a sign in Thai: Laem Chabang Port. Was this the ocean, then? And were those monsters actually… machines, of some sort? Yes, they were. She saw some of them holding the metal boxes aloft with strings, moving them to and from the boats. The sides of the boxes were marked with huge white letters in languages Livia didn’t know. And then a wave of terror stole through her: were these men taking them to another country? She had barely gotten over her fright at being swallowed up in Bangkok. She couldn’t even comprehend what might lie beyond it.

Nason must have sensed her fear because she squeezed her arm and whispered, “What is it, Labee?”

Livia put an arm around and her and pulled her close. “Nothing, little bird. Nothing.”

They drove on, finally stopping alongside a wall of the giant metal boxes, stacked seven high and lined up as far as Livia could see. A single box lay in front of the others, displaced from the wall. One of the men got out. He opened a door on the box, looked around, then nodded to the other men. One by one, they began taking the children off the van and pushing them into the box. Livia was terrified-what was in there? What would happen to them? How would anyone ever find them in one box out of thousands? But there was nothing she could do. She had to be brave for Nason.

Livia and Nason were last. Nason was crying again, clinging to Livia. As two of the men pushed them toward the box, Livia, desperate, said in Thai, “Where? Where we go?”

Both of the men laughed. One of them looked at Livia in a way that made her want to cover herself. They shoved Livia and Nason inside, then stood blocking the doorway.

Livia looked around. There was nothing bad inside the box, at least. Actually, there was nothing at all. Just a few plastic buckets. But the emptiness was itself somehow terrifying.

Two of the men came inside and handed out more rice crackers and water. All of it was gone in seconds, and the men handed out more. While the children ate, one of the men gestured to his crotch, then to his backside, then to the buckets, grunting with each gesture. Livia understood. The buckets were toilets. They were going to be in this box for a long time. She fought back panic.

The men backed out and closed the door behind them. A quiet wail went up at the sound of bolts scraping into place. Nason stood trembling and clutching Livia, who held her and tried to keep her bearings in the dark. But after a moment, she noticed it wasn’t fully dark. There were holes cut along the top of all the walls. For air, she realized. But the holes were letting in a little light, too.

She made her way carefully to the door, Nason trembling by her side, and tried to open it, but of course it was useless. She tried to think, to figure out something to do.

“Who speaks Thai?” she called out in Thai. There was nothing but the sound of sniffling and quiet sobs in response, so she called out again, “If you speak Thai, answer!”

She heard someone say, “I speak Thai.” The Hmong boy, she thought, recognizing the slight slur from his swollen lips. Kai.

Someone jostled her. Livia resisted the urge to shove the careless child away.

“Listen!” she said. “We have to be careful, how we move. Or we hurt each other. You understand?”

“I understand,” Kai said.

“You are Hmong?” Livia asked.

“Yes, Hmong.”

“Then say my words in Hmong. And ask in Hmong who speaks Akha, Lisu, Karen, or Yao. You understand?”

Soon they were communicating simple messages translated from one language to another and to yet another. There wasn’t much to say-Walk carefully so you don’t step on people who are lying down; the buckets are for toilet; calm, we have to stay calm. There seemed barely any point to it, but it helped to feel there was something to do.

No one knew who the men were or where they were taking the children. One sobbing child reported that she had heard about men like these, that they took children to eat them. Livia could feel panic steal through the space as the message was translated and repeated. She said in Thai, “That’s silly. If they want to eat us, they feed us more-make fat.” That seemed to calm the panic a little. She hoped it was true.

After that, it grew quiet again. Livia wondered if there were other people on the boat, people other than the men. Maybe people who could help them. She picked up one of the buckets and told the children she was going to bang it against the door. Maybe someone would hear and help them.

“No!” the Yao boy said. “Stupid idea. Don’t make men angry.”

“No,” Kai said. “Good idea. We try. Try something.”

“Make men angry bad!” the Yao boy said.

The other children murmured support for whichever side they favored. Livia decided to just do it. She wished she had a heavy stick or a metal bar-it would have made a louder sound.

She slammed the bucket against the door once, then a second time with more confidence, then a third time even harder. The Yao boy yelled at her to stop, but it felt good to do something, anything, rather than just waiting.

Immediately after the third bang, she heard the sound of the bolts scraping. She stepped back. The door opened, silhouetting the figure of a man outside. She couldn’t see his face, but she thought it was one of the three who had taken her and Nason. He said in Thai, “If you make noise again, we whip you. All of you.”

The door closed and the bolts scraped back into place. There was no more noise after that, other than the sounds of quiet crying. The Yao boy said, “I tell you! You stupid girl! Get us all whipped!”

At some point, Livia lay down with Nason on the cool metal floor and managed some sleep-a fitful sleep in which she dreamed she and Nason were being chased in the forest by monsters, horrible monsters with the bodies of men and the faces of tigers. Nason screamed and Livia heard one of the man-tiger monsters roar as it pounced-

She jerked awake and glanced around wildly, frightened and disoriented. Nason was clutching her and wailing and everything was moving, swaying. Some of the children had fallen down; others were still on their feet, their arms spread for balance, their eyes wide with terror.

“Why box moving?” Kai cried out in Thai. “Why?”

“Box alive!” someone else called out. “Going to eat us!”

The words were repeated in other languages, and in seconds the box was filled with a terrified cacophony of unintelligible cries.

“It’s not alive!” Livia shouted. She could feel the box swaying as it moved. “They move it, with a machine and a string. I saw. I saw before.”

Some of the children repeated her words in other languages, but it was useless-the rest were too frightened to listen or understand.

The box continued to sway slowly from side to side. Livia looked through the holes and saw they were moving up, and then sideways, and then down again, down, down, and then there was a loud thud and suddenly everything was still again. No, not still-there was a vibration under them. There was a sharp smell in the air, like burning plastic. Livia thought the machine had moved them from land onto a boat, that the vibration was a motor, like the one on a motorcycle or in the van. And the smell… some kind of gasoline? She thought about trying to tell the other children, but she didn’t know whether it would calm them or frighten them more. So instead she just held Nason and whispered, “It’s okay, little bird, it’s okay. I’m here. I won’t let you go.”

After that, it was quiet for a long time. Even the children who had been crying the most grew silent-asleep, maybe, or else too exhausted even to weep. There was a strange sense of movement, a mild rolling, almost, but Livia got so used to it, and to the vibration, that she had to think about the sensations to realize they were there.

Livia lost track of time in the dark-dozing but never really sleeping; waking but never really feeling awake. If they were on a boat, were they moving? And if they were moving, where were they going?

It was so hard to not be afraid, but she couldn’t stop her thoughts. Had the men forgotten the children were in here? Or had something happened to the men, and now no one would be able to find them? She thought about banging with the bucket again, but what if all it achieved was getting everyone whipped with belts? Or worse, what if no one came at all? She decided to wait, to keep the possibility open just in case. But she was so hungry, and thirsty, and the crackers and water were all gone. And it was getting cold. She pulled Nason closer and tried to warm her with her own shivering body.

At some point, she realized she could see a little-the box was filling with a dull, gray light. She looked through the airholes and realized she was seeing the sky. It was morning. There was a new smell amid the stink of the buckets and the children’s fear-something salty, a kind of tang in the air Livia couldn’t place. She watched the sky get lighter. There were clouds, and the clouds were moving. But was the wind pushing the clouds, or were they on a boat, a boat that was moving past the clouds? She was afraid of the answers to her questions, but it was horrible not to know.

Some of the other children noticed it was getting lighter, too. They discussed as best they could what it meant, whether they were moving, where they were going. Who these men were who had taken them. And whether they were coming back. There were no answers, and after a while, they all grew silent again.

Time passed, and then she heard the sound of bolts scraping on the door. She’d been praying the men hadn’t forgotten them, but at the sound of the bolts, she was suddenly afraid again. Who was coming? And what would they do?

The door opened, silhouetting three men outside. Livia squinted and saw it was the same three who had taken her and Nason from the village-Skull Face and Dirty Beard and Square Head. She glanced beyond them to try to get her bearings. Yes, a boat, they were on a boat, an enormous boat-the string machine must have swung the box, as she’d suspected. But aside from that, she could see nothing, just a vast expanse of sky. She didn’t know what had happened to the fourth man, the one with the belt. She didn’t care. She just hoped they were going to get something to eat.

Skull Face remained standing in the doorway. One of the other two came in and replaced the used buckets with empty ones. The third handed out bottles of water and little metal cans with pictures of food on them. Livia realized there was food in the cans, but didn’t see how to get to it. She looked for an opening, a top, but couldn’t find anything. Other children were similarly perplexed. The man who had handed out the cans laughed. He took Livia’s can and fingered a ring at the top of it, then pulled back the ring and the metal top peeled off. Instantly Livia smelled something so savory and delicious it made her salivate. She held out her hand greedily and the man, laughing again, gave the can back to her. She almost upended it into her mouth, but then remembered herself and exchanged it for Nason’s closed can. Nason needed no prompting-she dug into whatever was in the can and began devouring it.

Skull Face was watching her, seemingly intrigued that she had given her open can to Nason. But Livia didn’t care about that. The smell was making her head swim. She pulled the ring back just as the man had done, and the top of the can peeled off like a magic trick. She dug in and winced-the edge of the can was sharp, like a knife. But she was too hungry to care about a cut. She brought the can up, tilted her head back, and poured the contents into her mouth. She thought she had never tasted anything so delicious-balls of meat, some kind of noodles, and a tasty, tangy sauce. She actually moaned with relief and realized the other children were making a similar sound.

The men watched and waited while the children ate. It took a while because the children were wiping and licking every last drop of sauce out of the cans. A few of them cut their fingers on the edges, as Livia had done, or even their tongues, but none seemed to care very much beyond a momentary wince. Livia showed Nason to be careful, then handed over her can when she had finished eating from it so Nason could lick it clean, keeping the top for herself.

One of the men walked around with one of the buckets, indicating to the children that they were to throw their empty cans in it. Livia finished licking the top and was ready to throw it in the bucket when she realized-the edge of the top was so sharp, it could be useful as a weapon. She glanced at the men, saw that no one was watching, and quickly slid the top into the back pocket of her pants.

Just in case.