Maybe

11

Donovan Creed.

MIRANDA LOOKS LIKE a million bucks. By the time I shut the door behind us, she’s on me like fire on a match head! Between kisses it dawns on me the polite thing to do is offer her champagne, but then I realize propriety-like Miranda’s clothing-has been left at the door.

“Do me!” she says.

I smile. “Right now?”

“Do me!”

“No drinks or chitchat?”

“Do me!”

I do her.

Then roll onto my back to catch my breath.

After a few minutes Miranda says, “Are you comfortable?”

“And then some.”

She sits up in bed, flashing a sly smile.

“I hope you’re not too tired,” she says.

“Because?”

“Because sex is like pancakes.”

“Pancakes,” I say.

“Uh huh.”

“Do tell!”

“When you make pancakes, you always toss out the first one.”

“Ah. And that’s because?”

“The purpose of the first pancake is to get the skillet warmed up just right.”

“In this example, which of us is the skillet?”

“That would be me,” she says.

“And this means?”

“I’m going to rock your world!”

“Right now?”

“If we haven’t used up all the batter.”

I sit up, figuring we’ll start with a kiss. But she pushes me back gently and says, “I’ll take it from here, Flapjack!”

“Okay.”

There are two absolutes where hookers are concerned.

One, cash is king.

Two, you get what you pay for.

The escort food chain ranges from street walker to courtesan. Top of the list initials include C, PS, and GF, in that order, and less than one percent attain it.

GF stands for girl friend experience. Young ladies fresh in the business naively offer clients a girl friend experience, a claim that triples their hourly price. But it’s usually unsustainable. Before meeting the first client it seems plausible a young lady could fake a warm smile, be super friendly, and tongue kiss Richard Gere from Pretty Woman, and-oh yeah, have romantic sex with him.

But the guy who shows up to claim her kisses looks nothing like Richard Gere. In fact, he probably looks a lot like the very men she finds disgusting, and would never look at, much less kiss. That first hour will prove to be the longest of her life. Her client will go to the internet boards and post he had a rip off experience. After a few negative reviews the young lady will no longer be able to charge GF prices.

Those who truly offer a GF experience are few and far between, and they earn every penny they get.

PS means porn star. Women who promise their clients a Porn Star experience should be prepared to make a serious physical commitment. Clients who pay a premium for PS aren’t looking for missionary.

C stands for courtesans, the rarest of the elite. Courtesans represent the highest form of professional romance. You don’t just call a phone number and request a courtesan. You meet her in a neutral setting, exchange conversation, and she makes the decision to date. You want a relationship with a true courtesan? You’ll have to pass an interview, and give references for two prior GF’s. And yes, she’ll interview your references!

Courtesans are guaranteed to be beautiful, intelligent, charming, witty, fun, sensual, and classy. These are the women who turn heads at formal parties and keep conversations flowing. They’re also great listeners, highly empathetic, and have a thorough understanding of the three or four men they’re willing to date.

And they’re expensive.

A good courtesan can earn thirty grand a week.

Miranda’s a very good courtesan, my all-time favorite, and she’s put a glow on me I haven’t felt in a long time. If you know me, you know I live a high stress lifestyle. These sessions with Miranda let me unwind and completely relax. A few hours later, I’m ready to take on the world.

I’m lying next to her now, listening to her sleep. I kiss her shoulder and wish she weren’t so brilliant. If she were less intelligent it would take her much longer to get her degree, and I’d have more time to be with her.

See, she intends to stop hooking after graduating.

Wait.

I didn’t think to ask if it bothers you I pay for sex.

Does it?

I know professional sex is frowned upon by a high percentage of the population. But there are worse vices, believe me. And I can make a strong argument all sex is bought, sold, bartered, or stolen.

But I’ll save that discussion for the second bourbon.

In the meantime, I’ll leave you with this thought. There are three options for consensual sex, and two of them involve affairs. In other words, you can be married or single, and you can fuck someone who’s married or single…

And that’s it.

Single on single, married on married, or married on single.

Within those options, you can pay for sex or get it free.

With so few choices available, I try not to judge people. What works for you is fine with me, provided you don’t step on my toes. Yes, I pay Miranda for sex. But she and I are both single, and love spending time together. And when we do, no one gets hurt.

Which is worse, single people paying for sex or married people having an affair?

Argue among yourselves. It’s late, and I’ve got an early morning.