Murky Waters

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

Claire woke up on yet another Saturday morning alone, feeling stiff from sleeping on the couch, where she had taken up residence since Tristan had been away. Ralph looked at her expectantly until she realized that he wanted breakfast. She followed him into the kitchen and filled his bowl, then put the coffee on to brew.

Running a hand through her disheveled blonde locks, she wondered aloud, “What will I do with my Saturday, aside from sitting around feeling sorry for myself?”

With coffee and cigarettes in hand, she went into the sunroom, stretched out on the wicker love seat, and lit a cigarette while sipping her coffee. Ralph came in and made himself comfortable in her lap as was his new custom. It was then that she noticed that Tristan had left one of her old sweatshirts lying on a chair.

Claire pressed the shirt to her face, reveling in the scent, and cried for the woman who turned her world upside down, making her feel a loneliness she had not felt for a long time.

When she couldn’t cry any longer, Claire got up and took a shower. She spent a long time just letting the water beat into her stiff shoulders and neck. Feeling a little better after bathing, she slipped into her favorite pair of old jeans and one of Tristan’s sweatshirts. Returning to the kitchen for more coffee, she met Ralph, who seemed to really be enjoying himself with a stick with a white cap on it.

As she poured her coffee, she tried to remember where she had seen one of those stakes before. When the memory hit her, she nearly dropped the coffeepot. “Oh, my God, Ralph, spit that out!”

She ran to the startled cat and snatched the stick from his mouth.

With her other hand, she grabbed the orange tabby and ran to the phone.

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“Lucy, we have a problem. I found Ralph chewing on one of those ant poison stakes. Who is his veterinarian?” Claire blurted out frantically.

Claire raced to the vet’s office while Ralph pawed at the latch of his cat carrier. He growled a low growl, not enjoying being in the car. Claire assumed that the ant poison had upset his stomach because a mile from their destination, he passed gas, and Claire nearly ran off the road trying to get the windows down. Only then did he seem to relax and enjoy the ride.

Claire paced up and down the tiny waiting room at the vet’s office, while the doctor examined the angry orange tabby. Minutes later, she was surprised to see Cam, Lucy, and Tristan walk into the building. Claire could not take her eyes off Tristan. She was shocked to see how pale Tristan was and couldn’t help but notice that Tristan had lost quite a bit of weight.

Even so, Claire’s heart pounded in her stomach, and her insides fluttered.

Tristan’s eyes never met Claire’s. Instead, Tristan’s head hung down as Claire explained how she found the cat playing and gnawing on the poisonous stake. “The doctor wants to take a look at him and maybe run some tests. That’s all I really know for now,” Claire said as she wrung her hands nervously.

Tristan kept her eyes cast down as she informed everyone that she was going to wait outside so she could smoke. She asked someone to let her know when the doctor came out. Lucy assured her that she would get her as soon as the vet made an appearance.

Claire watched as she left, then looked to Lucy with pleading eyes.

Lucy sighed. “Go to her, sweetie, but I have to tell you I have no idea how she is going to act. She’s been beating herself up pretty badly.”

Claire stepped outside and hesitated a moment, wondering how she should best approach Tristan. She took a deep breath and hoped her gamble would work. She approached cautiously, lighting a cigarette of her own, needing something to calm her nerves.

“So, I guess we’re even now,” Claire said with cockiness.

Tristan turned slightly at the sound of her voice. “Even?”

“I poisoned your cat. I figured it would be the only way I could get you to face me. I didn’t want to kill him; I just wanted to make 196

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him a little sick. I was sure you would come running as soon as you heard.”

Tristan slowly turned to face Claire, looking into her eyes for the first time since the night Claire learned the truth. The last time Tristan saw those eyes, they were filled with hurt, betrayal, and fear. Now, there was something else –– hope. Claire did her best to remain calm under the scrutiny and not fidget as Tristan studied her with an intense gaze.

“I don’t believe you, Claire,” Tristan said calmly.

“It’s true. I had to see you, and I would have done almost anything to make that happen,” Claire said defiantly.

Tristan laughed for the first time in weeks. “You’re such a poor liar. I can see it in your eyes.”

”You come home to me, Tristan, or I swear I will shave that cat and dye his ass blue,” Claire demanded as tears rolled down her face.

“Do you still consider my place your home?” Tristan asked softly.

“It’s not a home without you in it. I haven’t slept in our bed since you’ve been gone.” Claire sniffed and smiled. “You owe me one hell of a back rub.”

Tristan’s eyes filled with tears of her own. “I’ll rub your back for the rest of my life if you’ll only forgive me.”

“I forgave you that night in the hospital, and I meant it,” Claire said as she timidly approached Tristan and wrapped her in her arms. Claire marveled at how good it felt to hold her again. She could barely let her go when Lucy poked her head out the door and called for them to come in.

Claire pulled away and looked at Tristan a little shyly when she held out her hand. Tristan took it and allowed Claire to lead her inside. The vet explained that it would be the same routine as all the other times. He would keep the cat overnight just to monitor him. Judging from the condition of the stick, he didn’t think Ralph got too much of the poison in his system.

Claire look confused. “Same routine?”

Tristan grinned. “This is the third time he’s pulled this stunt. I thought I had managed to get all the stakes, but he still finds one every now and then.”

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Claire’s face turned red, and she looked at Tristan sheepishly.

“So, I take it you’re not buying the story I told you in the parking lot?”

Tristan smiled back. “Like I said, you’re a poor liar.”

“Miss Delacroix,” the vet interrupted, “I have another emergency case. I’ll call you at home and let you know when you can pick him up.” He turned abruptly and went to tend his patient.

Tristan looked at Claire. “I suppose if he is going to call me at home, I should be there to take the call.” She watched as relief flooded Claire’s face. Cam and Lucy exchanged happy glances.

Tristan was relatively quiet on the ride home, which in turn made Claire very nervous. She chattered away about how well the repairs to their home went. Claire anxiously played with her necklace, which she had repaired and hanging around her neck.

Tristan glanced over at her, and her eyes dropped to the lobster pendant.

Claire noticed Tristan staring at the necklace. “Tristan, I ...” She choked on her words as she tried to speak. “You must have thought I had given up on you that night when I tore this off. I never have, Tristan, nor will I ever give up on you. I will not make the mistake of taking it off again, my love.”

Tristan’s jaw trembled as tears flowed freely down her face. “I’m so sorry, Claire.” Her voice was barely a whisper.

Tristan walked into her house as though she was seeing it for the first time. She seemed almost timid as if she were a guest and waiting to be asked to sit down. “Have you eaten?” Claire asked, sensing the awkwardness.

“No, but I’m not that hungry,” Tristan replied as she settled into one of the chairs.

“I’m going to brew some coffee. Would you like some?” Claire asked, starting to feel uneasy, as well.

“Yeah, that would be nice,” Tristan said as she looked through the windows at her garden.

Claire set the coffee to brew and joined Tristan at the table. “You don’t seem very at ease; do you want to talk about it?”

“I guess I’m just getting used to being back home. The last time I was here ... well ... things didn’t go so well, and being here now 198

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is making me relive it all over again,” Tristan said, avoiding Claire’s eyes.

“In the past, when Ralph got his paws on one of those sticks, what was the outcome?” Claire asked as she got up to pour the coffee.

“The vet usually keeps him overnight, then sends him home. He never chews them long enough to get anything significant,”

Tristan answered, bewildered by the sudden change of topic.

Claire returned to the table with two hot cups of coffee. “I know the weather is cold right now, but I was thinking we could go back to Gulf Shores. It would be just you and me with no interruptions, and we could kind of get to know each other again.”

“I’m sure Cam and Lucy will be thrilled to have their house back to themselves, so I imagine they’ll let me have the keys to the condo,” Tristan said with a slight grin.

“Let’s take Ralph with us if he’s okay. I’m sure you’ve been missing him. I do have some bad news to tell you, though.”

Tristan raised a curious brow. “And what might that be?”

“Well, you know that midnight blue bra that you’re so fond of? It died a grisly death and is buried in his new cat bed,” Claire said with a sheepish grin.

Lucy answered her phone on the first ring, knowing in her gut it was Tristan. “Hi, baby, are you glad to be home?” she asked when she heard the familiar voice on the line.

“I’m getting acquainted with it again. Ralph has been doing some redecorating with my undergarments, but other than that, everything seems to be in order.”

“That’s not what I meant, sweetie. How are you and Claire?”

Lucy asked as Cam perked his ears, hoping to hear good news.

“That’s why I’m calling. Claire and I would like to go back to Gulf Shores for a few days, and I was wondering if we could use the condo. Also, I wanted to know how soon Cam expects me back in the office.”

“Well, why don’t I let you ask him? Hold on a minute, love,”

Lucy said with a satisfied grin.

Cam took the phone with a questioning look at Lucy, who grinned from ear to ear. “Hi, darling, I miss you already.”

Tristan smiled at the endearment. “Can I have the keys to the condo, dad?” Tristan said, sounding more like her old self.

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“Of course, and I’m assuming you’re taking Claire with you,” he said in the same playful tone.

“Yes, and that brings me to some new questions. Can she have a few days off, and how soon are you expecting me back?”

“Tell Claire she can take as much time as she likes. I’m sure Ellen won’t mind subbing for her. As for you, love, you come back when you’re ready, but I’ll be honest, your presence has been sorely missed, and they’ll be happy to have you back.”

“Thank you, Cam ... I can’t tell you how much I appreciate all you’ve already done for me. I love you both, and I’m so sorry that I put y’all through this,” Tristan said as her voice cracked.

Cam cleared his throat before he could continue. “We love you, too, baby.”

The next morning, Ralph was checked out of the clinic with a clean bill of health and was on his way to Gulf Shores. Missing his beloved pet, he rode contentedly on her lap in the passenger seat, sniffing at the cast that still covered Tristan’s forearm. Claire watched them both with an amused smile as they blinked repeatedly, fighting the sleepiness that was quickly overcoming them.

Claire sighed happily, reminiscing about the night before and how it felt to sleep in a real bed again curled up next to her lover.

She had missed the smell of Tristan’s skin and hair and spent a long time luxuriating in the scent. She awoke feeling refreshed and feeling like she was starting over with Tristan.

Each time she looked at her dark-eyed companion, Claire felt the same butterflies in her stomach that she did when they first met.

She wondered what it would be like to make love with Tristan as though they had never been intimate. She even experienced feelings of anxiety at just the thought of it and wondered if Tristan felt the same.

Pretending to be asleep, Tristan closed her eyes and allowed her mind to wander. There was so much she wanted to say to Claire, but she didn’t know how to begin. Playing opossum, she could avoid having to say anything until she could get her thoughts together. Claire had been patient with her the night before, allowing her time to get used to being back home before getting 200

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into any serious conversation. She appreciated the kind gesture since she could see that Claire was dying to get everything out in the open.

Tristan did not realize that she had fallen asleep until she heard the sound of the chime when Claire opened her door. She opened her eyes to the gray overcast day and noticed that they were already parked in front of the condo. Claire was scratching Ralph behind the ears as he looked out at the foreign terrain.

“Time to get up, sleepyhead,” Claire said softly. “Can you manage Ralph while I get our things?”

“Just let me get him inside, and I’ll come back and help you,”

Tristan responded sleepily.

After the car was emptied and everything was put away, they went for a walk on the beach while Ralph explored his new surroundings in the condo. They walked in silence along the water’s edge where the sand was packed the tightest.

“I have so much to say to you, Claire, but I can’t seem to put it into words,” Tristan said eventually, breaking the awkward silence.

“I understand,” Claire said softly. “I feel the same way. Can I ask you some questions?”

“Yeah, that might make things easier,” Tristan answered, feeling her insides tense.

”Are you in love with me?”

“Yes, very much so, though my behavior has been anything but indicative of that,” Tristan replied, sneaking a nervous glance at her companion.

“Do you want me to move out of your house for a while until you can sort things out for yourself?” Claire asked, praying the answer would not be yes.

“I consider that house ours, and no, I don’t want you to move out

... unless that’s what you want.”

Claire sighed audibly with relief. “No, I don’t want to move out.

Frankly, I think the best way for us to move past this is to stick together and deal with it.”

Both were silent for a moment, equally pleased with the answers so far. “Tris, why did you continue to send the photos and letters after you got to know me?”

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Tristan swallowed hard, fighting back the emotions that threatened her ability to speak. “When we first met, I was so intimidated by you. You were so open and friendly, even though I was an ass. I wanted you to dislike me because I already felt guilty for what I had done. I’m not sure why, but I felt like I had control over you when I made you afraid. Then, when I got to know you better, I stopped for a while.

“When Mike came into the picture, he made me jealous, and I felt like I had to compete for you, even though I knew deep inside you didn’t care for him. When you didn’t shut him down like I thought you should have, it made me angry, and I just reverted back to what made me feel in control.”

“Do you believe that I’m in love with you?” Claire asked, stopping to look into Tristan’s eyes.

“I know you love me, but sometimes, I don’t understand why.

The therapist says that’s due to my low self-image. Even though you prove your feelings in all you say and do, I still have a hard time accepting it,” Tristan replied honestly.

“That’s something we’ll have to work on together. You will find that I’m very patient, and I feel the reward is worth the effort.”

Claire smiled when Tristan reached over and took her hand, and they continued their stroll.

“Tris, is there anything else you need to tell me? I promise I won’t run away screaming or judge you. I just want everything out in the open.”

Tristan followed as Claire led her up to a pavilion where she sat on a picnic table and Tristan stood in front of her wrapped in her arms. “Actually, Claire, there is something I need to get off my chest,” Tristan said as she burrowed her head into the crook of Claire’s neck.

“Go ahead, baby, you can tell me anything,” Claire said as she tightened her hold.

“Remember a while back when you cooked spinach? Well, I hid it in my napkin; please don’t cook that slimy shit again.”

Claire threw back her head and truly laughed, more so than she had in a month. “I love you, Tristan Delacroix, you smart-assed little shit!”

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