Niubi! The Real Chinese You Were Never Taught in School

CHAPTER THREE. Swearing and Profanity

In English, we have plenty of ways to curse, but for the most part we tend to rely on a small and rather unvaried stable of fallback words. Similarly, the Chinese language allows you to spin an infinite number of creative, colorful curses, but you’re much more likely to stick with a basic like “fuck you.”

As in English, most Chinese swearing centers on fucking and its related accoutrements (the pussy and penis). And lots of insults involve stupidity or illegitimate birth or prostitution-nearly direct equivalents to “stupid cunt,” “fucking bastard,” “dirty whore,” “what a dick,” etc.

There are, however, a few major differences between the two languages. For one thing, China is officially an atheist country, so there is no real equivalent to Christian (or Muslim) blasphemy-nothing mirroring “Holy God!” or “Jesus Christ!” or “Damn you to hell!” Several terms in this chapter are translated as “damn” but really to indicate in English how strong-or in this context not strong-of an obscenity the word is. The concepts of heaven, hell, and devils, however, do exist in China, stemming from Buddhist and Taoist traditions, and thus you can call someone a devil, tell someone to go to hell, and launch a few other insults along those lines, but they are not very common and are considered old-fashioned and mild (the few examples of such insults worth mentioning appear in the previous chapter). Perhaps the closest thing to religious blasphemy in Chinese is the cursing of one’s ancestors, which is a serious insult as Chinese culture places a great deal of importance on blood ties, and ancestor worship is still practiced in some of the more traditional parts of the country.

Another way in which Chinese differs from English is that words relating to homosexuality (see chapter 6) are not particularly used as insults. This, again, may have something to do with the lack of religious dogma in China. While homosexuality is not exactly accepted in Chinese society, being gay does not carry the stigma of inherent moral “wrongness” that it often bears in Christian and Muslim societies. (Homosexuality can be considered bad in China for plenty of other reasons, but they mostly have to do with the importance that society places on having children.) Thus there is nothing in the Chinese vocabulary like “cock-sucker,” “faggot,” “bugger off,” “that’s so gay,” or “that sucks.”

One final mainstay of English-language swearing conspicuously absent from Chinese is “shit.” In a country that until recently was predominantly agricultural (meaning that manure was an important resource), where people talk openly at the dinner table about diarrhea, and where babies toddle about with their naked butts exposed in “split pants” (pants open at the back so that Junior can squat wherever he wants and take an impromptu dump on the street), it just isn’t very dirty to mention excrement or urine.

This is not to imply, however, that shit is entirely neutral in Chinese. Any mention of shit is vulgar, and thus certainly not fit for, say, the classroom or the office; it just isn’t used as an actual swear word like it is in English. You might use it when you’re purposely being gross, such as while joking around with family or good friends. But in those cases talking about shit would be just crude enough to be funny but not outright dirty. And as with any vulgar word, “shit” can also be used in an insulting way. One might say, for example, “That movie sucked so hard it made me want to shit,” or “The team played like shit.” For that reason, this chapter includes a few pejorative words and phrases involving shit, but you’d use them more to be bawdy than to actually swear. In fact, the very idea of using “shit” pejoratively is probably a Western import that was popularized through the subtitling of Western movies in Hong Kong.

The words and phrases in this chapter will give you all the vocabulary necessary to hold your own with even the most salty-tongued of Chinese. Many of these words can be used affectionately with close friends-in the way you might call a buddy “motherfucker” in English-but don’t forget that, no matter how close you think you are to someone, doing so can be hard to pull off when you don’t quite grasp all the nuances of the dialogue. And another note of caution on using strong language in Chinese: if you are a woman, using these words will, in some situations, cause outright shock. Chinese society right now is a bit like America in the fifties-there are certain things a girl just isn’t supposed to do. Feel free to let your verbosity run wild in the appropriate contexts (the proximity of chain-smoking, booze-swilling, young Chinese women should be a helpful clue). And of course there are times when shock might be the exact effect you’re going for (like, say, when some asshole tries to scam you on the street). But for the most part, in the eyes of most Chinese, any word that appears in this chapter is (along with the stronger insults from the previous chapter) something that should never escape a lady’s mouth.

Fuck-related profanity

肏 cào, more commonly written 操 cāo (both pronounced tsow)

Fuck. The character 肏 is visually quite graphic, as it is composed of 入 rù (roo), meaning “enter,” and 肉 ròu (row), meaning “meat.” 肏 is technically the correct character for “fuck,” but because it is not included in most computer or phone-character input systems, and because it’s just so uncomfortably dirty looking, most people write the homophonous 操 (which actually means “hold”). Thus I have written 操 for the rest of the terms in this chapter that use the word. But remember, technically, it should be 肏. (For those of you who pay attention to pinyin tones, I also render the syllable as fourth tone every time even though 操 is first tone, since that’s pretty much how it always comes out sounding. In general, though, with colloquial expressions like these you shouldn’t get too hung up on which tone is technically accurate since it’s not always fixed.)

我操 wŏ cào (wuh tsow)

Fuck! An extremely common exclamation for all occasions-when you’re pissed off, impressed, amazed, or whatever. Literally, “I fuck.” (As a side note, many Chinese are amused when they hear English speakers say “what’s up?” or “wassup?” because it sounds to them like wŏ cào.) When saying “fuck” alone, it’s much more usual to say wŏ cào than to say just 操 cào (tsow); northern Chinese, however, do often use cào alone as an interjection, especially between clauses. For example: “I had a really bad morning, fuck, had a car accident on my way to work.”

操你妈 cào nǐ mā (tsow nee ma)

Fuck you! Literally, “Fuck your mother!” An extremely common obscenity.

操你大爷 cào nǐ dàye (tsow nee dah yeh)

Fuck you! Literally, “Fuck your grandfather!” Northern and southern Chinese use different words for grandparents, so this one is used in northern China only. This is marginally less strong than cào nǐ mā (above) because it’s generally considered more offensive to curse someone’s female relatives than their male relatives. You can insert any relative into this construction; for example northern Chinese might say 操你奶奶 cào nǐ nǎinai (tsow nee nigh nigh): literally, “Fuck your grandmother.” See the entries after 日 rì (page 39) for the southern versions.

操你妈的屄 cào nǐ mā de bī (tsow nee ma duh bee)

Fuck you! Literally, “Fuck your mother’s cunt,” and stronger than the two expressions above since you’re adding another obscene word, bī, or “pussy,” on top of cào.

操屄 càobī (tsow bee)

Fuck. Can be exclaimed alone or used as an intensifier. Literally, “fuck pussy.”

操蛋 càodàn (tsow dahn)

Literally “fuck egg.” (See the previous chapter for why eggs are used in insults.) Can be exclaimed alone, like “Fuck!” or “Oh fuck!” and can also be used as an adjective to mean that someone is bad or inept, as in 你真肏蛋 nǐ zhēn càodàn (nee jen tsow dahn), which means “You’re a real stupid fuck.”

操行 càoxing (tsow sheeng)

A dirty and insulting way to refer to someone’s appearance or behavior. Literally “fucking behavior” or something like “the behavior of a shitty person.” For example, 你看他那操行, 真受不了 nǐ kàn tā nà càoxíng, zhēn shòubùliao (nee kahn tah tsow sheeng, jen show boo liao) means “Look at his shit behavior, it’s totally unacceptable.” The term can also be an adjective meaning “shameful” or “disgusting,” as in 你真操行 nǐ zhēn càoxíng (nee jen tsow sheeng), or “You’re really fucking disgusting.”

操你八辈子祖宗! Cào nǐ bā bèizi zǔzōng! (wuh tsow nee bah bay dz dzoo dzohng)

Fuck eight generations of your ancestors! An extremely strong insult: stronger than cào nǐ mā (above). It’s always specifically eight or eighteen generations that are cursed in this insult. The number eight, 八 bā (bah), is considered lucky in Chinese culture. Thus it is especially significant for misfortune to befall what should be a lucky number of generations.

操你祖宗十八代! Cào nǐ zǔzōng shíbā dài! (tsow nee dzoo dzohng shih bah die)

Fuck eighteen generations of your ancestors! An extremely strong insult. All multiples of nine are significant in Chinese culture because nine, 九 jiǔ (joe), is pronounced the same as the word for “long-lasting,” written 久. Eighteen, 十八 shíbā (shih bah), is itself significant because it sounds like 要发 yào fā (yow fah), which means “one will prosper.”

日 rì (rih)

Southern Chinese slang for “fuck” (and also used a bit in some northern provinces like Shanxi and Shandong.) Its origins most likely come from it sounding like 入 rù (roo), which means “enter” and in ancient China was itself a less dirty way of saying “fuck” (like saying “freaking” instead of “fucking”). Rù is also a component radical for another word for “fuck,” 肏 cào (see page 36). Rì is used the same way as cào-combined with “I” into an exclamation like 我日! Wŏ rì! (wuh rih), meaning “Fuck!” or directed at someone’s mother or relatives or ancestors to mean “Fuck you!” as in 日你妈! Rì nǐ mā! (rih nee ma), literally, “Fuck your mother!”

日你外公 rì nǐ wàigōng (rih nee why gohng)

Fuck you. Literally, “Fuck your grandfather!” Used in southern China.

日你外婆 rì nǐ wàipó (rih nee why pwuh)

Fuck you. Literally, “Fuck your grandmother!” Used in southern China.

干 gān (gahn)

Fuck. In reality, gān is slightly less offensive than cào (see above), partly because it isn’t visually graphic (like 肏). It’s closer in strength to “shit,” but most dictionaries translate it as “fuck.” It can refer to having sex, and the way it’s used grammatically is also closer to “fuck”-it can be yelled alone when you’re pissed off, as in 干! Gān! (gahn) or 干了! Gānle! (gahn luh), or like cào it can followed by a subject (usually someone’s mother). See the next entry for more on this. Also see chapter 5 for how to use gān in the context of describing sex. The character 干 also means “dry,” which has made for more than a few comical mistranslations on Chinese restaurant menus and supermarket signs. Now you’ll know what happened next time you come across “sliced fuck tofu” on a Chinese menu. 干 Gān is also used a lot in fighting contexts because it can also mean “to kill.”

干你娘 gān nĭ niáng (gahn nee nyahng)

Fuck you! Literally, “Fuck your mother!” Used in southern China only (a northerner would always say cào nǐ mā). 娘

Niáng means “mother,” same as 妈 mā (ma), but 干你妈 gān nǐ mā sounds funny in Chinese so niáng is always used instead.

靠 kào (cow)

Damn! A common exclamation to express surprise or anger. 靠 Kào means “to depend upon” in Mandarin, but in the southern Fujianese dialect that the expression originates from (spoken in both Fujian and Taiwan) it’s actually 哭 kū (coo), meaning “to cry.” Kao bei, “cry over your father’s death,” kao bu, “cry over your mother’s death,” and kao yao, “cry from hunger,” are extremely common expressions (implying something like “What’s wrong with you? Did your mother/father just die?” or “Are you dying of starvation?”) and are nasty ways, in this dialect, to tell someone to shut up. However, in its popularization beyond Fujian and Taiwan the meaning has changed to an exclamation equivalent to “Damn!”

我靠 wŏ kào (wuh cow)

Shit! A common exclamation to express surprise or anger. In Mandarin, it literally means “I depend on” but is used as a stronger form of kào, like “Shit!” versus “Damn!”

Cursing mothers (and other relatives)

他妈的 tāmāde (tah mah duh)

Damn! Shit! While not anywhere near as vulgar as the words above, this is without a doubt the most classic of Chinese swears. It means “his mother’s” and implies the larger sentence 操他妈的屄 cào tā mā de bī (tsow tah mah duh bee), “Fuck his mother’s pussy!” but is much less dirty since the key words are left out. The phrase can be exclaimed by itself or used to intensify an adjective. Thus you can say something like “今天他妈的冷” “Jīntiān tāmāde leng” (jean tyinn tah mah duh lung) for “Today is really damn cold,” even though the literal translation, “Today is his mother’s cold,” doesn’t make sense. Another example: 他真他妈的牛屄! Tā zhēn tāmāde niúbī! (tah jen tah ma duh nyoo bee) means “He’s really fucking badass!” even though it translates as “He’s really his mother’s awesome!”

And of course, you can swap in any other relatives-a common version in Beijing is 他大爷 tā dàye (tah dah yeh), literally “his grandfather” (implying “his grandfather’s”). 他奶奶的 Tā nǎinai (tah nigh nigh), “his grandmother” (implying “his grandmother’s”) is common as well.

你老师 nǐ lǎoshī (nee laow shih)

Damn! Literally “your teacher” (implying “his teacher’s”). A Taiwan variation on tāmāde (page 41). Written 你老師 in Taiwan.

妈的 māde (mah duh)

Damn! Literally “mother’s” and a shortened form of tāmāde (page 41). Both an exclamation and an intensifier.

你妈的 nǐmāde (nee mah duh)

Damn you! Literally “your mother’s” instead of “his mother’s” (page 41) and thus a bit stronger since it’s a direct address.

你大爷 nǐ dàye (nee dah yeh)

Damn you! A northern Chinese variation on the above. Literally “your grandfather” (implying “his grandfather’s”).

你奶奶 Nǐ nǎinai (nee nigh nigh), “your grandmother,” is common in northern China as well.

他大爷 tā dàye (tah dah yeh)

Shit, damn. Can be either exclaimed alone or used as an intensifier. Literally “his grandfather.” 他奶奶 Tā nǎinai (tah nigh nigh), “his grandmother,” is common as well. Both are only used in northern China.

去你妈的 qù nǐ mā de (chee nee mah duh)

Fuck off. Literally “go to your mother’s” and stronger than tāmāde (page 41) since it is a direct address.

去你奶奶的 qù nǐ nǎinai de (chee nee nigh nigh duh)

Fuck off. Literally “go to your grandmother’s” and a variation on the above.

去你的 qùnǐde (chee nee duh)

Damn you, get lost. Literally “go to yours” and milder than the above.

你妈的屄 nǐ mā de bī (nee ma duh bee)

Fuck! Fuck you! Can be exclaimed alone or addressed at someone. Literally “your mother’s cunt.”

叫你生孩子没屁股眼 jiào nǐ shēng háizi méi pìguyǎn (jaow nee shung hi dz may pee goo yen)

Literally, “May your child be born without an asshole.” A very strong curse. Sometimes 没屁股眼 méi pìguyǎn (may pee goo yen) by itself (“no asshole,” or more technically “imperforate anus”) is used as a curse like “Damn!” Originated in Hong Kong and surrounding southern areas, but now commonly used all over China.

Cunt-related obscenities

牛屄 niúbī (nyoo bee)

Can be used negatively to mean something like “arrogant fuck” but more usually means “fuckin’ awesome” or “motherfuckin’ badass.” Think of it as meaning that someone has a lot of fuckin’ balls, either in a good way or a bad way. Literally “cow pussy” (see chapter 1 for the etymology). Extremely popular in northern China, where it originated, and not as commonly used but still understood in southern China. Not used at all (and will most likely not be understood) in Taiwan.

傻屄 shǎbī (shah bee)

Stupid cunt, fuckin’ idiot. Literally “idiot’s pussy”-傻 shǎ (shah) means “stupid.” Particularly in northern China, this is perhaps the strongest, dirtiest insult available in your arsenal of things to yell at that fucker who just cut you off in traffic or who just tried to mug you on the street. It also sounds a lot like “shabby,” as many English teachers in China have unwittingly discovered when attempts to teach the word are met with peals of laughter. Like niúbī, it is extremely common in northern China, less used in southern China, and not used at all in Taiwan.

装屄 zhuāngbī (jwong bee)

Act like a fuckin’ poser; be a fuckin’ ass. Literally “dress pussy” or “pretend pussy.” 装 Zhuāng (jwong) means “pretend” or “put on,” like putting on an item of clothing, and implies the larger phrase 装牛屄 zhuāng niúbī (jwong nyoo bee); that is, pretending to be niúbī, or awesome, when you’re not. Thus you could say that you don’t like going to fancy restaurants because you don’t want to be surrounded by all those zhuāngbī types. Again, extremely common in northern China, less used in southern China, and not used at all in Taiwan.

二屄 (more usually written 二逼 or 2B) èrbī (er bee)

Fuckin’ idiot, a fuck-up. Used in northern China. Literally “second pussy” or “double cunt.” 二 Ér, or “two,” is a reference to the insult “ 250,” or 二百五 èrbǎiwǔ (er buy woo), which means “idiot” (see page 19).

臭屄 chòubī (choe bee)

Motherfucker. Literally “smelly cunt” or “stinking cunt.”

烂屄 lànbī (lahn bee)

Rotten cunt.

妈屄 mābī (mah bee)

Hag, cunt. Literally “mother’s cunt.”

老屄 lăobī (laow bee)

Old cunt, old hag.

骚屄 sāobī (saow bee)

Slut, dirty cunt. Literally “slutty cunt.” A stronger, or at least slightly more colorful, variation on plain 屄 bī (bee).

屄样 bīyàng (bee yahng)

Literally “the appearance of a cunt,” referring to someone’s behavior in a way that indicates that they’re being a cunt, or you think they’re a cunt. Similar to càoxing, discussed earlier in this chapter.

鸡屄 jībī (gee bee)

鸡 jī (gee), literally “chicken,” or 鸡贼 jī zéi (gee dzay), literally “chicken thief,” is Beijing slang for someone cheap or stingy, and 鸡屄 jībī, literally “chicken cunt,” is a dirty version of that term.

你妈了个屄 nĭmālegebī (nee mah luh guh bee)

Fuck you! (and a way of saying it that rolls off the tongue especially well). Literally, “Your mother’s a cunt!”

你个死屄 nǐ ge sǐ bī (nee guh sih bee)

Literally “you dead cunt,” but the whole phrase can be used the way you’d use “fuck” in direct address, whether genuinely insulting someone or joking around, like “fuck you” or “you stupid fuck.”

Dick-related swears

屌 diǎo (dyaow)

Slang for “cock” and used as an insult (as in “what a dick”) since the J̄ın dynasty (1115-1234). Diǎo is also used positively in Taiwan to mean “awesome” or “cool” or “outrageous.”

管你屌事 guǎn nǐ diǎo shì (gwun nee dyow shih)

Mind your own damn business. Literally “mind your own dick.” Similarly, “It’s none of my damn business” or “I don’t give a shit” is 管我屌事 guǎn wǒ diǎo shì (gwun wuh dyow shih), literally, “I’m watching my own dick.”

鸟 niǎo (nyow, rhymes with “cow”)

Slang for “penis,” equivalent to “dick” or “cock,” but can also be combined with a noun to create a derogatory term; for example 那个人 nàge rén (nah guh ren) means “that person,” while 那个鸟人 nàge niǎo rén (nyow ren) means “that dick” or “that damned person.”

什么鸟 shénmeniǎo (shuh muh nyow)

Used similarly to “what the fuck?” or “what in the hell?” Literally “which bird?” or “what dick?” Originated in northeastern China but now used everywhere.

鸡巴 jība (gee bah)

Slang for “penis,” equivalent to “dick” or “cock.” Like “dick” and “cock,” jība can refer to an actual penis or can be used as an insult to describe a person. It’s also used as an intensifier, like “fucking.” For example, 那个鸡巴白痴 nàge jībā báichī (nah guh gee bah buy chih), “that fucking idiot,” is stronger than 那个白痴 nàge báichī (nah guh buy chih), “that idiot.”

Turtle swears

There are several turtle- and turtle-egg-related insults in Chinese, all connected to cuckoldry. There are numerous theories why. One is that 王八蛋 wángbādàn (wahng bah dun), “tortoise egg,” comes from 忘八端 wàng bā duān (wahng bah dwun), which means “forgetting the Eight Virtues,” because the two phrases sound nearly identical. The Eight Virtues are a philosophical concept and a sort of code of behavior central to Confucianism. Evidently the Eight Virtues were important enough that forgetting them could become an obscenity, much in the way Christianity is so central to Western culture that referring to God-“Oh my God!” “Jesus Christ!”-can be considered blasphemous.

Another theory-and all these theories could be related to one another-is that the ancient Chinese mistakenly believed there were no male turtles and that all turtles copulated with snakes; thus their offspring are of impure blood. Another explanation is that in ancient times 王八 wángbā (wahng bah), “turtle,” was the name for a male servant in a brothel. Some believe the term came from an especially un-virtuous man in history whose last name was Wáng (王). Still another is that a turtle’s head emerging from its shell resembles a glans penis emerging from the foreskin and so turtles represent promiscuity: indeed “glans” in Chinese is

龟头 guītóu (gway toe), or “turtle head.” And finally, it could have to do with turtles being considered cowardly, since they sink their heads back into their shells when threatened, as reflected by the phrase 缩头乌龟 suō tóu wūguī (swuh toe ooh gway), “a turtle with its head in its shell,” meaning “coward.”

王八 wángbā (wahng bah)

Cuckold, bastard, asshole, piece of shit.

王八蛋 wángbādàn (wahng bah dun)

Son of a bitch, bastard. Literally “tortoise egg.”

王八羔子 wángbā gāozi (wahng bah gaow dz)

Son of a bitch, bastard. Literally “son of a turtle” and a northern variation on wáng bā dàn.

王八犊子 wángba dúzi (wahng bah doo dz)

Son of a bitch, bastard. Literally “turtle stomach,” probably alluding to the pregnant belly of a cuckold’s wife, suggesting, like wángbādàn, “turtle’s egg,” that the target of the insult doesn’t know who his father is.

龟儿子 guī ér zi (gway er dz)

Son of a bitch, bastard. Literally “son of a turtle.” A variation on wángbādàn used only in southern China.

龟孙子 guī sūnzi (gway swen dz)

Son of a bitch, bastard. Literally “turtle’s grandson.” Another variation on wángbādàn used only in southern China.

Dog-related swears and insults

狗崽子 / 狗仔子 gǒuzǎizi (go dzigh dzz)

Son of a bitch (although a bit milder than the English). Literally “son of a dog.”

狗娘养的 gǒu niáng yǎng de (go nyahng yahng duh)

Son of a bitch (rude-more so than the previous entry). Literally, can mean “raised by a dog mother” or “born of a dog mother.”

狗日的 gǒurìde (go rih duh)

Son of a bitch (rude). Literally, can mean “fucked by a dog” or “born of a mother fucked by a dog.”

狗杂种 gǒu zázhǒng (go dzah dzohng)

Literally “mongrel dog,” a variation on 杂种 zázhǒng (dzah dzohng), another insult meaning “mixed blood.” Extremely rude.

Shit

屎 shǐ (shih)

Shit (noun), like shit (adverb), shitty (adjective). You would use this to describe things. For example, you might say 太屎了 tài shǐ le (tie shih luh), literally “too shitty,” to say that something was shitty or bad. Sometimes written “ 10” online because both are pronounced shih.

狗屎 gǒushǐ (go shih)

Bullshit. Literally “dog shit.” This term was originally used to describe people of low moral character. This new usage is probably due to Western influence-it started out in Hong Kong and Taiwan, where “Oh shit!” in Hollywood movies was often subtitled gǒushǐ, and spread from there.

臭狗屎 chòu gǒushǐ (choe go shih)

Stronger form of above. Literally “smelly dog crap.”

屎盆子 shǐ pénzǐ (shih pen dz)

Shitty job, the blame for doing a shitty job. Literally “crap pot.” You might say, for example, that someone gave you the crap pot, meaning that they made you take the blame for a shitty job. Or you can describe something directly as a crap pot, meaning that it was done poorly.

吃屎 chī shǐ (chih shih)

Eat shit. Equivalent to “fuck off,” though much less profane.

粪 fèn (fen)

Feces (formal term). You wouldn’t say this alone as an adjective, like “shitty,” but one common Beijing expression is 臭大粪 chòu dà fèn (choe dah fen), literally “stinky big stool,” meaning that something is shitty or worthless.

大便 dàbiàn (dah byinn)

Excrement, poop, defecate (both noun and verb). Literally “big relieving of oneself”-urination, by the way, is 小便 xiǎobiàn (dah byinn), “small relieving of oneself.” Not an expletive, and thus does not have the same effect as “shit.” For the most part, this refers to the actual act of defecation and its product, but can be used mockingly, in a silly and unserious way, like calling someone a poop. Girls in particular use this teasingly.

去吃大便 qù chī dàbiàn (chee chih dah byinn)

Go eat excrement; go eat poop. Similar to saying “get lost.” Sounds mild and silly, so it’s mostly used by girls in a teasing way.

Writing

傻 X shǎchā (shah chah)

This is often used in written Chinese to stand in for a dirty word. Literally “stupid X.” X is pronounced chah in Chinese.