Off the Record

Chapter 28 WHETHER OR NOT

Liz hurried back to the Sonesta Resort, eager to be away from her eventful afternoon. Brady had said the last thing he wanted was for her to be seen, and she’d ended up running into his brother. She didn’t know whether Clay would divulge that he had seen her after she had turned him down again, but she wouldn’t put it past him.

And now all she had left to do was sit and stew over the fact that Clay had told her that Brady had a date for the dinner tonight. He had a date, and he had invited Liz all the way out here. She knew that she couldn’t go to the event with him, not after the blowup with Heather, but still it hurt.

Would there always be someone else whom they could be more public with than each other? Would there always be another person putting a wedge between them because they couldn’t be together…and couldn’t even tell anyone that they were seeing each other?

Her hands were shaking when she slid the keycard into the lock. The door swung open and she stumbled forward into the room.

She wished that these emotions weren’t roiling through her body. She wished that she could turn it all off and forget how much he meant to her. But she couldn’t.

Her actions may have been reckless in D.C., but it was hardly different from him bringing woman after woman to these events. She wasn’t accusing him of doing anything with them, but she couldn’t keep having people stand in her place. It felt wrong.

They needed to figure this out. And having Clay’s words echoing in her ears wasn’t helping matters. I’m sorry he’s convinced you so thoroughly otherwise. Had Brady just convinced her to do what he wanted?

Clay sure seemed to think so. She had changed so much this summer. She hardly even remembered what she had written in her article that was so vile. She didn’t remember how it felt not to like Brady or understand his reasoning for running for office. Had he warped her viewpoint so much?

Liz reached for her laptop and pulled up the first article she had written about Brady. Her head pounded as she read her rather cruel recount of Brady’s announcement for Congress. She understood why Professor Mires had given Liz the grade she did. The paper had been popular for Brady’s picture. Her article was less than stellar, and actually rather mean. She couldn’t believe that she had written that Brady was power hungry, with money as his only interest.

She shook her head and flipped to the next article about Brady just as her phone blasted loudly through the room. Liz jumped and hurtled toward her purse.

Please be Brady!

Liz flipped on her phone and answered. “Hello?”

“Hey, Liz,” Hayden said.

She bit her lip and all the adrenaline released from her body. Not Brady.

“Hayden, how are you?” she asked.

“Good. Though I’ve been missing you.”

“Oh,” she said, biting back a smile. “How do you have the time at that busy job of yours?”

“I always seem to find time.”

Liz laughed lightly despite herself. She didn’t know when Brady was going to come by, and he hadn’t called. She was feeling pretty down on herself and the whole stupid trip, and here Hayden was calling when she needed someone to boost her the most.

“Well, mostly I was calling with good news.”

“Yeah? What happened?” Liz asked, wandering into the bedroom, pulling back the sheets, and snuggling into the comforter.

“Jamie was exhibiting this weekend. She told you about that, right?”

“Yeah, she did.”

“Well, a curator from a museum picked up her work for a slot in their rising stars showcase. Her paintings will be up in the museum starting in August.”

“Oh my God, that’s so exciting for her! She must be freaking out.”

Hayden chuckled. “You have no idea what I’m going through over here. I wish you were here to diffuse the insanity. She likes you.”

“Are you calling me to escape Jamie?” Liz asked accusingly.

“That doesn’t sound like me at all. Seriously, though, drive back up to D.C. and save me from her constant frolicking around the apartment.”

Liz snickered and covered her mouth. “Frolicking?”

“I’m not kidding. She is skipping around and singing Céline Dion at the top of her lungs. I think she might have legitimately lost it this time,” he said with an undertone of humor.

“Sorry, no can do. Sounds like you will just have to stick this one out on your own. What would you do if you landed your dream job? I bet you would frolic around the living room,” Liz teased.

“I don’t frolic,” he told her.

“You’re no fun.”

“Oh please, I can think of much better ways to celebrate.”

Liz knew she should have responded with something snarky right away, but the way he said that made her stop her normal retort. He was teasing her. She couldn’t grasp that.

He had kissed her in D.C., and still she had a hard time believing that he was interested in her. Maybe she just didn’t want to believe it; if she did, then she would have to face too many other complications.

But then he went and said things like that…like finding other ways to celebrate. Maybe she just had a dirty mind…

He coughed, clearing his throat. “I mean, you know, other than frolicking in the living room.”

By the way he said that last part she was pretty sure she wasn’t the only one with her mind in the gutter.

“Right,” she said, searching for a way to change the subject. This was dangerous territory. “Um…when do you come back to Chapel Hill?”

“The Friday before school starts. I have to move into my new place and I’m not looking forward to it. You don’t happen to like manual labor, do you?”

“Are you asking me to help you move?” Liz asked.

“Nah, just seeing if you wanted to watch a bunch of runners with their shirts off moving heavy objects,” he said sarcastically.

“Well, in that case, sign me up.”

“Cool. I’ll send you the address.”

They continued talking on through the night, until Liz felt herself falling asleep on the line. She’d had a stressful day even though she was supposed to be on vacation, and it was nice to unwind. Her conversation with Hayden remained tame as they discussed the paper and his job. She told him the good news from Professor Mires, and he was happy for her, albeit a bit jealous of the awesome opportunity. It kept her mind off of the fact that Brady still hadn’t called, and she had spent the majority of her trip to Hilton Head alone.

“I think I need to get some sleep,” she whispered drowsily.

“Yeah. I didn’t mean to keep you up so late.”

“It’s okay. Just tired,” she managed through a yawn.

“I’ll see you in a couple weeks. Talk to you soon.”

Liz got off the phone with Hayden, and she found herself falling into an easy slumber. Her anger from earlier had dissipated. She just wanted to sleep away the rest of the night and forget that once again she had waited up for Brady to no avail.

A crash in the living room awoke Liz from her light slumber. Her eyes darted open and she sat straight up in bed. She was still wearing a T-shirt and shorts from earlier that evening, but she didn’t want some random stranger to come into her bedroom.

Liz hopped out of bed and scurried to the open doorway. She pressed herself against the wall, let out of a low soft breath to calm herself, and then she peered around the corner.

Her heart stopped when she saw Brady standing in the doorway. He was in a pair of khaki shorts and an untucked button-down as he all but stumbled forward in the living room area. Was he drunk?

“Brady Maxwell,” Liz said sharply, unable to believe that after everything that had happened he would show up at the hotel like this. He hadn’t called or messaged her all weekend, and then he had the audacity to walk in drunk in the middle of the night?

Brady stopped walking and turned to face her silhouetted in the bedroom door. “Hey, baby,” he said with an easygoing smile.

“What the hell happened to you?” Liz demanded, crossing her arms. She hated acting the part of the bitch, but she couldn’t pretend to be okay with this. If he wanted to treat her as if she was a mistress he could toss to the side when he felt like it, then he shouldn’t have fallen in love with her.

“It’s a long story,” he said, collapsing onto the couch. “Why don’t you come sit by me?” Brady leaned back and stretched his arms over his head. He sent her the most adorable smile, and she just sighed.

“I think I’d rather hear your story first. I mean, you fly me all the way here, put me up in a hotel, get me the spa treatment, and then don’t even bother to come see me. Do you know how long I waited up for you last night? How hard is it to make one little phone call, let alone send one text message?”

She shook her head, feeling all the pent-up anger wash over her.

“Look, I get that we’re not together, because it’s impossible.” She had to fight not to roll her eyes. “But if I’m going to sacrifice my time to come see you, couldn’t you at least have the decency to follow through?”

“Liz, stop pacing and come sit down,” he said, patting the seat next to him. “You’re angry and I want to get my hands on you.”

She stopped pacing, not realizing she had been doing it to begin with. “I hate this,” she said, shaking her head. “I hate that I’m angry with you. I hate that you’re drunk and not taking me seriously. Why didn’t you call, Brady?” Her voice was thick with emotion.

He sighed, seeing there was no fighting her. “I couldn’t. Heather hasn’t let me out of her sight since I got here. She doesn’t trust me not to mess up again. Those are her own words. It’s like she thinks that I’m going to get something else by her.”

“And you’re still hiding me,” Liz said wistfully.

“Yeah, she stayed by my side all last night while I was out, and told me that my new number had been tapped too, so she would screen my calls. She’s just looking out for me, but I couldn’t very well tell her that you were the person I wanted to call.”

“And when you got back to your place?”

Brady shrugged. “My parents don’t have a landline. Everyone has a cell phone, and they were all asleep when I got in. I had to ditch Heather to even get away tonight to come see you. I didn’t think she would be quite so clingy after what happened.”

“So all of that, and you still can’t call today or anything. I’m just so confused, Brady. What are we?” Liz asked, finally sitting down next to him.

“What do you mean?” He wrapped his arm across her shoulders and drew her into him.

Here it was. Here was her moment. She could look up into his dark, intimidating eyes, and tell him exactly how she felt and what she wanted to do. She could let him know that she was tired of hiding, and she wanted to be out in the open. That was what she needed to do.

But it was so close to the primary. Would he even listen to her? Let alone that he was drunk and could hardly take her seriously. It sounded like a recipe for disaster.

Liz held the words on the tip of her tongue, desperate to let him know. She couldn’t go on with this torn division in her chest. But she felt as if the words weren’t enough. Her simple words wouldn’t change anything in the long run. Maybe Clay was right…and Brady would do whatever it took to win. Then she would just be collateral damage, and the things she wanted to tell him would be dust in the wind.

She took a deep breath. “Why do you do all of this, Brady? You could have found a marginal amount of time to come see me in Chapel Hill, or I could have driven into Raleigh. Why go to this extent when it’s not even necessary?”

“I wanted to see you,” Brady said, pulling her onto his lap and nuzzling her neck. His hands slid down her back, drawing her into him. “I’ve missed this.”

Liz shivered at his touch. They were so right for each other, yet he was denying them so much by hiding.

His hands moved to her ass, and he picked her up and moved her so that she was straddling him. He pulled her hips into him and shot her that devilish smirk.

“Especially this,” he said, his voice heated.

Liz shook her head, pushed off of him, and stood. “You can’t even take this seriously. Why does it always have to be sex first and talk later? Why can’t you just answer my questions? Why am I here, Brady?”

“Because I wanted you here.”

“That simple, huh?”

“Yes, why do you have to insist on complicating things? Do you not like what we have going on?” Brady asked, standing and towering over her. “Do you not want me to fuck you?”

“You know what, Brady? Sometimes I don’t like what we have going on, and sometimes I don’t want you to fuck me,” Liz told him, turning and walking away from him.

She was so red-hot with anger. Her skin was superheating, and she felt tears prick her eyes.

“Don’t you see how much hiding this sucks? Don’t you even care that it’s hurting me? That I was so desperate to have someone acknowledge me in public, I had to go away for a weekend while you were getting bitched at for ever seeing me? Doesn’t that feel wrong to you? I just can’t keep feeling second best to everything else in your life.”

“What do you want from me, Liz? I have feelings for you. I wouldn’t have had you come here if that wasn’t true. But I told you from the very beginning that I wanted you and the campaign. Those two things don’t always coincide, and you said you were okay with that.”

Brady crossed the room, spun Liz around, and stared intently down into her eyes.

“Those things don’t change whether I love you or not.”

Liz’s breath caught at that word. She was sure he would never use that word to her. It didn’t matter if it was in the most roundabout way imaginable. Brady Maxwell had told her that he loved her.

Sure, he had prefaced that with things don’t change, but she was having a hard time not swooning. He loved her.

It wasn’t enough. It could never be enough to make it all better. But it was something to hold on to…something that she had.

As her mind replayed Brady’s words over and over again, her anger about him standing her up and going to dinner with someone else was slowly evaporating. She hadn’t expected him to ever tell her. Not that he had come right out and said it by all means, but it was still nice to hear that word off of his lips.

“Liz,” he whispered, sliding his hand around to the small of her back and pulling her in close, “forgive me for not calling. I know this must be hard on you, but I do try to do right by you as best I can.” His head dropped down low, and he planted a soft kiss on her lips, before resting his forehead against hers.

“I’m just…having a hard time,” she admitted, threading a hand up into his dark brown hair and trying to hold on to her fight even though he was draining it all out of her.

“I know, baby,” he murmured, pulling her hair lightly to tilt her head to one side.

“I want us to be public,” Liz finally told him.

Brady stiffened only marginally before licking and kissing down her earlobe and to her neck. “You know we can’t do that. I have the primary in two weeks, and the general election in November. You know that.”

“I know,” she murmured, goose bumps breaking out on her skin.

His free hand slid up her loose shirt and teasingly traced along her ribs. “We can’t be like that, baby.”

“Brady,” she said, pushing him away, “don’t think that all of your sweet words and tempting touches are going to make this better!”

Brady shook his head, grasped her shirt in his hands, and pulled her forcefully toward him. “Listen, I apologized for what happened, but I can’t make it up to you if you won’t let me. So let me.”

She sighed, wanting to stay angry with him. She just wanted to make him see what the hell he was doing to her. “How are you going to make it up to me?”

He smirked. “I didn’t fly you all the way out here so I could fuck you in a hotel room. I can do that at home, baby.”

Liz’s mouth popped open at his words, wondering where else he would have sex with her if not in the gorgeous suite he had rented for her.

“Come with me. I have something to show you.”

Liz contemplated continuing their conversation, but knew that it was over. She had told him how she felt about the situation, and he had told her that he loved her…kind of. That was going to be as much as she could get…for now.

She followed him out of the room and into the elevator. “Brady,” she muttered as the elevator carried them down, “who did you go to dinner with tonight?”

“Some college buddies I played basketball with,” he told her. “They were giving a donation to the campaign.”

“All guys?” she prodded.

He smirked at her as if he knew where she was going with this. “No. I had a date. She was a girl I went to college with who is now an environmental lobbyist. Not much of a date.”

“I’d sure hope not,” Liz said, feeling the knot begin to untwist in her stomach.

Brady laughed at her words. “I thought you might think that.”

“Anything going on between the two of you?” she whispered.

“Baby,” he chided, shaking his head.

“Well?”

“You should know there’s not.”

“How would I know that when you don’t even tell me about these people until after?”

“Because you’re all I need, Liz,” he said sincerely.

They turned away from the main lobby and exited the building through the back entrance, skirted the pool area, and walked the path that Liz knew led to the beach. She sure hoped he had something better than the beach in mind, because sand was not a good idea.

They kicked off their sandals when they reached the beach entrance and carried them as they walked through the sand. Brady’s hand found hers, and he threaded their fingers together. Liz froze, surprised that he would hold her hand in public, even if it was two or three in the morning and no one else was awake.

Either way, it felt really nice. He had huge hands, and hers felt dainty in comparison, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. They still fit together perfectly.

The waves crashing against the surf were the music as they walked along the beach. As frustrated as Liz was with their situation, she couldn’t help but feel at peace out on the beach with Brady. It was as close to public as he allowed, and so she wanted to treasure it for what it was.

Brady stopped them in front of a big cabana. Liz had seen these on the beach when she had been out there yesterday, but unless a person paid for them ahead of time they remained closed and locked. Seemed like such a waste.

“Come here,” Brady said, drawing her in closer.

“What are we doing?” she asked anxiously.

Brady threw open the cabana curtains to reveal a plush seaside bed complete with a soft, fluffy comforter and giant pillows. Liz stared forward at the bed, a smile spreading on her face.

He took her sandals out of her hand and tossed them off to the side before picking her up in his arms and laying her down on the bed.

“I’ve missed you,” he told her, running his hand down her body.

“I missed you, too,” Liz responded, wondering whether she would always feel the pain of missing him and the heartache of waiting.

Brady didn’t leave any more room for conversation as he wound his hand into her hair and tugged on it forcefully. She lay flat against the bed, his body moving to cover her. Her hands fumbled for his button-down. She gave up on the buttons after two and yanked the thing over his head.

She didn’t even care that they were in an open cabana on the beach. Anyone could see in and know what they were doing. But Brady had brought her here, and she wasn’t going to stop him.

His lips found her demandingly, forcing her mouth open and volleying with her tongue. The urgency in his kisses was contagious and soon she was feverish. She couldn’t get enough of him. His hands were everywhere, their bodies grinding against each other. Her legs wrapped around his hips, pulling him harder against her. Their breathing mingled, hot and enticing.

Brady pulled back and stepped out of his shorts while she tugged off her clothes. She just wanted to feel him and know that she had him completely to herself. She wanted to forget the rest of the world, the waiting, the hiding, the need to be with other people for public appearances. With him settling down in front of her, she let her mind fade away and reveled in his touch.

Liz slid her arms around his neck and he pressed his lips down against hers. Brady slid forward into her and she groaned into his mouth. He pushed back and let their bodies meet together over and over again.

She didn’t care how angry she had been with him before this. Their attraction when they were together was undeniable. If either of them tried to ignore it, they would only be lying to themselves. They just couldn’t get enough. It was why they were risking the world to see each other. It was why, when he was moving inside of her, pushing her toward the edge of climax, she couldn’t think of anything else but her utter, unquestionable feelings for this man.

“Brady,” she groaned, gripping his shoulders and digging her nails in.

He slammed into her faster and faster, sending her to the brink of release. Liz cried out Brady’s name as her body surrendered to him. The intensity of her orgasm hit him and he lost control, thrusting once more, and burying himself deep within her.

He wrapped his arms around her and they lay there, sweat beading between them, waiting for their chests to stop heaving, and their breathing to even out.

“Oh, Brady,” Liz whispered, “I love you.”

She knew it was true. That against all odds, she had fallen for this man. The one man she couldn’t have.

“Baby,” he groaned, his voice strained, “I know you do.”

Liz remained on her back as Brady dropped his head to her shoulder and kissed a soft trail along her collarbone. She had said it. She had told him. She already knew he loved her, and he had sort of told her, but she would have liked to just hear it.

When their breathing evened out, Brady rolled over to his back, with a heavy sigh. His hand found hers and laced their fingers together once more. The moment was so peaceful. Maybe in the end, just knowing how he felt was good enough. And what really showed the way they felt was this…in this moment.

Liz turned back over and rested her head on his chest with a sigh, thinking about how easy it would be to fall asleep like this with him next to her.

“No sleeping yet,” he whispered, kissing the top of her head. “I got you something.”

“You didn’t have to get me anything. You already did all of this,” Liz said softly.

“Well, it’s not all that much…compared to this, I suppose. I still wanted you to have it.”

He adjusted her so that she was lying on the pillows instead of his chest before finding and sifting through his shorts. He returned a second later, looking a little…embarrassed. After everything that had happened between them, she didn’t know why he would be embarrassed. Actually, Liz had never seen him like that.

“Here you go,” Brady said, handing her a small box.

Liz sat up and took the box from him, narrowing her eyes. “What’s this?”

“Just open it.”

Liz bit her lip, wondering what she would find inside. She opened the box and stared down at the small necklace. Her heart sped up. Brady had gotten her jewelry. No one had ever bought her jewelry.

She pulled it out of the box, the long chain falling and pooling against the cabana sheets, and brought the face of the necklace closer to her.

“It’s, uh…called a memory locket,” he whispered, running his hand through his hair. “It made me think of you.”

Liz was stunned. The necklace itself was a small, circular, see-through locket with a silver border that could be opened, and even smaller charms were placed inside. Her stomach twisted when she saw what charms were in her necklace—an airplane, a key, the number four, and a yellow gemstone.

“I love it,” she whispered. How could he be so completely sweet like this…knock her right off her feet?

“Good. I was worried…well, I don’t know if you wear stuff like that,” he said with a shrug.

“No, I do,” she told him, staring up into his deep dark eyes. “But why the number and the gemstone?”

The other two were obvious.

“I got the four for the Fourth of July, when I won your vote,” Brady said, his eyes showing what that day had meant to him. “And the yellow stone is the birthstone for November.”

“I don’t have a November birthday,” Liz said. It didn’t even matter to her that he had gotten her birthday wrong; she loved it.

“That’s when the election is over,” he said quietly.