Pop Goes the Weasel

116

The baby shrieked wildly on the bed, working herself up into a frenzy. Neither woman made a move to comfort her. They were frozen in time, on the cusp of salvation or destruction. Helen’s eyes remained glued to Ella. She had refused to take Helen’s hand or drop her knife. She was just staring at her screaming baby as if trying to penetrate some insoluble mystery. Helen thought that if she moved suddenly she could disarm Ella, now that she was distracted, but she daren’t risk it. Not now that she seemed so close to bringing her round.

‘I didn’t mean for this to happen.’

Helen was startled when Ella spoke.

‘I didn’t want this to happen.’

‘I know.’

‘It’s his fault.’

‘I know your dad was a cruel man -’

‘I’ve done those other kids a favour.’

‘The twins?’

‘And Carrie. I’ve freed them.’

‘You’re right, Ella. He was a bully and a sadist.’

‘And a fucking hypocrite. Do you know what he said to me? He said I was evil. Dirty. He said I had a black heart.’

‘He was wrong.’

‘After those guys… did what they did, I was on booze, drugs, pills, whatever I could get… I was killing myself, I… I’d vowed I would never ask for their help again. I hated him. And her.’

She shot a glance at Amelia.

‘But I was seven months gone. And I… I begged for their help. Begged them to find a home for her. Somewhere away from me. And they shut the door in my face. Told me that being raped was too good for me.’

The words shot out, fractured and bitter.

‘He looked me in the face… and said the most diabolical things and then… and then…’

‘You saw him again, didn’t you? Later on? You saw him picking up a prostitute.’

Ella turned and now her eyes were full of rage.

‘It was only a few weeks later… And they knew each other. He was a bloody regular. And then I got it – every Tuesday night for God knows how long he’d been… After everything he’d said, after everything he’d done…’

‘He lied to you, he lied to your mum.’

‘When I did him, he never even knew me. A bloody black wig and a few nose rings… but I could have been wearing my school bloody uniform with a big smile on my face. All he could think about was what he was going to get, what “Angel” would let him do to her. He was a pig and he got what he deserved.’

Helen said nothing. Amelia was growing puce now with crying, a barking cough racking her body.

‘We need to pick her up, Ella. You need to pick her up.’

Ella snapped out of it, casting a suspicious look at Helen.

‘We can’t leave her crying like this. She’s going to choke.’

The volume of Amelia’s cries rose still further, then the barking cough started up again. Ella hesitated.

‘Please, Ella – put the knife on the bed, pick up your baby and let’s all walk out together.’

Ella looked at Amelia, then at the knife in her hand. This was it then – do or die.

‘Let’s end this.’