Private Rogue

Chapter 55

Justine was on her own, sitting on the couch in Jessie’s office. She’d needed some time by herself. She couldn’t even begin to imagine how she’d move on from this, but she had to find a way to function at the very least. She was no use to anyone in this state. She felt exhausted. Her eyes burned with the salt of so many tears, and her mind was numb.

She checked her watch, it was 11:05 a.m., and got to her feet. She left the room, stepping into an open-plan office that was largely empty. The nearest desks were vacant, but a couple of investigators were working at the back of the room. Justine avoided meeting their eyes.

She hurried to the meeting room on the corner of the thirty-sixth floor, knocked, and entered to find it empty. She saw the phone receiver she had dropped on the floor had been replaced. She walked over to it, and shivered as she touched it. She looked around the room where her life had changed forever, suddenly struck by the intense desire not to be there. Not just in the room, but in the office, maybe not in Private at all. Without Jack there was nothing for her here, and the thought of spending each and every day working at an organization where she would constantly be reminded of him filled her with dread.

She left the room and almost walked into Jessie who was coming along the corridor outside. She looked pale and her eyes were puffy with grief.

“Mo-bot is in the computer room, working. She’s pretty cut up, but losing herself in the machines is her way of dealing with it.”

Hearing Jessie talk about the grief of others made Justine choke up. Jack had meant so much to so many people, she felt selfish only to have thought of how his death had impacted her. Fresh tears ran down her cheeks. She wiped them away.

“I just don’t know what to do,” she said. “I can’t believe he’s gone.”

Jessie put a consoling hand on Justine’s arm. “Me neither.”

The warmth of human touch caused Justine to break down again, and she shuddered as she sobbed.

“Come on,” Jessie said. “We should get you out of here. I’m supposed to relieve Alvarez and Taft in a couple hours. Let’s go now. Beth and the children will give us something to focus on. They need us.”

Justine nodded and allowed herself to be steered through the office to the elevators. The receptionists looked at her with sadness and sympathy but said nothing as they stepped into the car that would take them down to the parking garage. Minutes later, they were on the road to the safe house in Rye.

The gray winter light robbed everything of color and much of the world was shrouded in thick snow, creating a canvas of grief onto which Justine projected memories of her time with Jack. She’d loved him from the moment they’d met. Others knew him as a tough man of action, but she’d seen a different side. He’d had a generous spirit and felt deep compassion toward anyone who experienced suffering. And then there was his sense of humor. Not a day had passed when he hadn’t managed to make her smile. As the drab landscape sped by, she wondered whether she would ever laugh again. They’d had their ups and downs, but after the Moscow investigation Justine had felt things might be getting serious. She winced at the thought of all the moments they would never have together. Wherever she looked, she saw images of an unlived future. A wedding. Children. A life together growing old. All gone. Taken by violence. She wept, but kept looking out of the window because these shades of what she’d lost were all she had left of Jack.

Jessie didn’t say anything, and when Justine glanced at her she saw a grim-faced woman who was trying to weather her own storm of grief. They travelled without speaking, with nothing more than the rhythm of the wheels rolling over the highway joins to break the silence.

Sixty minutes after leaving the office, they rolled into the driveway of the shorefront house on Pine Island. There was a blue Chevy Suburban parked near the front door.

“It’s not easy, is it?” Jessie remarked.

Justine shook her head and wiped her eyes. Jessie reached over the armrest and embraced her, an act of kindness that prompted more tears. When they let go, the two women stepped into the bitter cold and headed for the house.