Punishment aka What Is Mine

TWENTY-FIVE

Out in the country, in a valley to the northeast of Oslo, in a house high on the hillside, sat a man with a remote control in his hand. He was checking the news on teletext. He liked teletext. He could get the news whenever he liked in a format he liked: short and to the point. It was early morning. The white light of another unused day flooded in through the kitchen window and made him feel reborn, every day. He laughed out loud, even though he was alone.

Man (56) arrested in Emilie case.

He played with the buttons on the remote control. The letters got bigger, smaller, bolder, narrower. Man arrested. Did they think he was an amateur? And that he’d get angry now? That he’d lose his head just because they had arrested the wrong person? Because they made his actions another man’s property? Did the police think that it would make him hurry, make mistakes, not be as careful?

He laughed out loud again, nearly ecstatic. The bare walls echoed. He knew exactly what the police thought. They thought he was a psychopath. They assumed he would be conceited about his crimes. The police meant to wound his pride. They wanted to lure him into making mistakes, to boast about what he was doing. The man with the remote control knew that, he had done his homework, studied; he knew what the police would do when they discovered that he was out there, someone who stole children and killed them without them knowing why. They wanted to provoke him.

He could picture them. All the information about the children on a big board. Photographs, data. Computers. Age, sex, history. Parents’ background. Dates; they were looking for links. A pattern. He was certain they would make a point of the fact that Emilie was taken on a Thursday, Kim on a Wednesday, and Sarah on a Tuesday. They thought they had it figured out and now expected something to happen on a Monday. When the time came and the next child disappeared on a Sunday, they would panic. No pattern, they would say to each other. No system! Their despair would paralyze them and would become utterly unbearable when yet another child disappeared.

The man went over to the window. He would have to go to work soon. But first he should take some food down to the children. And water. Cornflakes and water, as he’d run out of milk.

Emilie had pulled herself together. She was sweet. Happy and friendly. Just like he’d expected. Even though he had initially been uncertain as to whether he should take her, he was glad he had done it now. Of course, there was something special about Emilie. When he heard that her mother had died, he had decided to leave her alone. But thankfully he’d changed his mind. She was a grateful little girl. Said thank you for her food and was pleased to get the horse, even though she said practically nothing when he gave her the Barbie doll. He was still unsure what he was going to do with Emilie in the long run, when it was all over. But that didn’t really matter. He had plenty of time.

Sarah was a little witch.

But he could have told you that beforehand. The bite mark on his arm was red and swollen; he carefully stroked the skin and was annoyed that he hadn’t been more cautious.

As he looked out the window at the brow of the hill, squinting against the morning sun, he wondered why he hadn’t started earlier. He had put up with too much for too long. Given in too often. Tolerated too much. Got too little. Given in too much. It started when he was four years old. Probably even earlier, but that was the first time that he could remember.

Someone had sent him a present. He didn’t know who. His mother picked it up from the post office.

The man with the remote control liked to reminisce. It was important for him to think back. He turned off the TV and poured some coffee into his cup. He should really be getting the cornflakes and water ready. But memories were his fuel and had to be tended to when they demanded it. He closed his eyes.

He was sitting at the kitchen table, on his knees on a red wooden chair. He was drawing. In front of him was a glass of milk; he could still remember the sweet taste that clung to his palate, the heat from the burner in the corner; it was the start of winter. His mother came into the room. His grandmother had just gone to work. The package was wrapped in brown paper, creased from the journey. The string was tied crosswise with lots of knots and his mother had to use the scissors, even though they normally saved the string and brown paper.

The present was winter clothes. A blue jacket with a zipper and a ring in the zipper. There was a picture of a truck with big wheels on the front. The pants had elastic cords to go under the feet and crossed suspenders over the back. His mother helped him put them on. He was allowed to stand on the kitchen table. He licked his lips to get the taste of sweet milk and the lamp bumped his head as it swung backwards and forwards. His mother smiled. The blue clothes were light. They weighed nothing. He lifted his arms when she had zippered the jacket. He bent his knees and thought he could fly. The jacket was warm and snug and smooth, and he wanted to go out in the snow with the picture of a truck across his chest. He smiled at his mother.

The man dropped the remote control. It was nearly eight o’clock, so he didn’t have much time. Of course the children in the cellar wouldn’t starve if he skipped a meal, but it was best to get it out of the way. He opened the kitchen cabinet and looked at himself in the shaving mirror that hung on the inside of the door.

His grandmother had come back. She had forgotten something and she stiffened when she saw him.

Someone else got the clothes. Another child. Someone who deserved them more, his grandmother said. That he remembered very well. His mother didn’t protest. Someone had sent him a present. It was his, but he didn’t get it. He was four years old.

His face looked grimy in the mirror. But that wasn’t how he felt. He felt strong and decisive. The cornflakes box was empty. The children would have to go hungry until he got home. They would survive.