Ruined

Chapter Thirty

Sam

I paced the hotel room for the six hundredth time. This was becoming an annoying habit. Back and forth between the cheap faux wooden desk and someone’s sick idea of art—a horrible painting of a countryside pasture. Jax had been gone awhile and I knew I shouldn’t worry—he was a demon for crap’s sake—but I did. The way Azirak left made concerned me. I’d made a deal with it. Information in exchange for… For what? Would I really have gone through with it? Screwed a demon? It gave a twisted new definition to the phrase “anything for love.”

I sank onto the bed, too tired to keep moving. Sleep hadn’t been something I’d gotten much of in the last few days. Since the dreams started, I’d been avoiding it. Coffee, caffeine pills. Whatever I could do to stay awake. Unfortunately, it was all about to catch up and the timing couldn’t possibly be worse.

Moving. I needed to keep moving. That way, I couldn’t nod off. I jumped from the bed and resumed pacing. No nightmare land, then no sleepwalking into the arms of the enemy. But with each step, resolve crumbled a little more. Grabbing the TV remote, I flipped it on and began channel surfing. Unfortunately, there were only two. Old game shows and infomercials. Both would have the opposite effect I was after.

Mashing the off button, I tossed the remote across the room and ran both hands through my hair. Just a few minutes. I wouldn’t sleep. Just lie down and keep both eyes open.

No. Bad idea. My eyes fell to the chair on the other side of the room. Less comfortable than the bed. I made a beeline for the tacky piece of furniture, settling in and tucking both feet up. “Count sheep,” I said to myself. “One, two, three…” No. Something loud. “Crickets. Crickets are annoying…”

Twelve seconds and I was out of the chair and moving again. Sitting still was no good. “Four, five, six…” With each step came a new number, and each new number brought me one step closer to oblivion. By the time the door opened and Jax walked in, I was ready to drop.

He was him again. The demon was gone, Jax’s beautiful stormy eyes peeking back from beneath a mop of dark, unruly hair. He stepped into the room and closed the door behind him, watching me with a puzzled expression.

“I’m exhausted. If I sit—or stand—still, my eyes just close.”

Still, he said nothing.

“I’m sorry,” I said, shaking my head. Apologizing was stupid since none of this was my fault; still, I couldn’t help it. “I didn’t want to worry you. It’s been a while.” Because that’s what he looked right now. Worried. “So, did you get what you needed?”

He looked better than when he’d left. His color was closer to normal and he didn’t seem as tense. Before, each and every movement was jerky and stiff. Even his voice had been different. Edgy and clipped.

He shook his head. No.

He hadn’t gotten what he needed. For some reason, a rush of heat hit me.

Jax watched me. I wished I could see emotions like he could. At least then maybe I’d have some idea about what was going on inside that head of his. His gaze was unflinching and raw. Like he was holding something monumental back.

I fell back onto the bed. “I can’t just sit here. I’m going to pass out.”

Still, nothing.

He took a step toward me, then stopped and closed his eyes. When he opened them, they were black. “If I were to tell you the only way you could have him is to take me, what would you say?”

I swallowed. “I’d say…” What? What would I say? I wanted him, but could I do it? Knowing…

I stood as he came another step closer. My heart kicked into overdrive.

“I am a part of him. One cannot exist without the other. If you are with him, then you are with me. This is the only way. Does this revolt you?”

I wasn’t revolted. Not by Jax. And the demon was right. Azirak was as much a part of Jax as his love of swiss cheese and Belushi movies. As his strong arms and unbelievably sexy grin. As his compassion and fiercely protective nature. “There is no part of Jax that I don’t want,” I said defiantly. “I want him. All of him.”

Azirak growled and closed the distance. His lips came to my mouth. The kiss was fierce. Animalistic. It stole my breath and fanned the flame that had been building from the moment I’d seen him at the diner. His fingers dug into my flesh as he ran them roughly up my neck and tangled them in my hair. With a sharp flick of his wrist, he yanked my head to the right, exposing my neck. A spike of pain came and went as his teeth grazed the skin and I let out a whimper, arching up off the mattress and closer to him.

He laughed. Dark. Dangerous. Deadly.

Demonic.

This was what I needed. Wrapping my legs around his waist, I kissed him back as though life, survival, depended on it. Every night I’d dreamed of him. Every morning I woke thinking of him. All the things I’d wanted to share with him over the years. I lifted my head to reclaim his lips, pouring it all into the kiss. A kiss meant for Jax.

He moaned, a feral noise low in his throat, and lifted me from the mattress. His hands gripped my backside, palming and kneading the flesh, and just when I was about to cry out, we were moving. There was a breeze, my hair fluttering all around, then something hard and solid was at my back. Azirak crushed me between Jax’s hard body and the wall. His lips came to mine again, with bruising force, and he moaned words I didn’t understand into my mouth. When he was finished, he captured my top lip between his teeth and pulled, teasing the tip of it with his tongue. I bucked against him, the sensation of it shattering.

His hands were everywhere all at once. On either side of my face. Sliding greedily down my neck and torso. Over my hips. I never imagined feeling anything as potent as his raw, passionate need. No matter what he grabbed, he couldn’t seem to get enough. Jax’s blunt fingernails scraped across skin, leaving electric prickles in their wake. One part pain and five parts ecstasy.

“Oh my God,” I gasped.

He responded by yanking my body away from the wall and shoving me onto the bed. I sucked in a breath as he stood over me, pulling Jax’s black T-shirt over his head and letting it fall to the floor. Four angry-looking scratches from the base of his neck to his navel stared back. “You enjoy looking at this body?

I nodded, mouth dry.

“It enjoys looking at you, as well.” He leaned in, face stopping inches away. “Take off your shirt and hand it to me.”

I obeyed, and with slightly shaking hands, shrugged out of the shirt and handed it over. He was a blur as he moved, grabbing both wrists and binding them tight. The only movement I was capable of was a slight wiggle of fingers.

“I liked the way you looked with the bindings on your wrists.”

“The handcuffs,” I said, voice barely a whisper. The memory of being at Jax’s mercy made the flame burn even hotter.

“Do not fear. No harm will come—”

Too much talking. I spun around and silenced him with another kiss.

“Fuck,” he said with a sigh, and pulled away. His eyes had changed. Now, instead of black, they were gray. Jax ran a hand across my cheek, sliding it up and threading it through my hair. “Sammy, I—” With a shudder, his eyes changed again, black, and an animal-like roar spilled from his lips.

I was off the bed and crushed in his arms. Four steps and my backside hit the dresser. Something crashed to the ground and shattered. The lamp. He kicked it aside as his lips trailed a savage line down my neck and to my breasts.

“I know you’re in there,” I said, throwing my head back as his teeth grazed the skin through my bra.

At the sound of my voice, he shuddered, muscles twitching, and in a single, smooth maneuver, had me on the floor, the buttons of my jeans undone and the denim roughly shoved down around my hips. The cool air nipped at my skin as eager fingers dug into bare flesh.

I gasped and leaned sideways, trying to shake the jeans off, but he bore down, eyes black as night. “Leave them.”

Fine by me.

The jeans were forgotten as his lips worked their way down my stomach, and…then nothing. He pulled away, face hovering above mine, one eye now black, the other gray. “Sammy… I don’t know if I—I fed on another demon but…” He hesitated, but his resolve was obviously just as weak as mine. He brought a hand to my face, trailing a finger down the side to my neck, and frustratingly slow, between my breasts. “I want this, but it’s here. It’s here and I can’t ask you to—”

Without a word, I lifted my hips to meet his. The contact was dizzying. Electric and powerful. He inhaled sharply, muscles tightening, as the spark of need behind his gray eye exploded into an all-out inferno. We’d crossed the point of no return.

I guided his hand lower. “You should probably stop talking.”

His lips met mine again, and this time, the fire nearly broke me. A small sigh escaped my lips as his hand trailed across my belly and traced its way downward until he came to my center. I gasped as his fingers worked, stroking a feathery line back and forth until I couldn’t stand it anymore. I moaned, pushing up to increase the friction, and Jax chuckled. The sound alone almost sent me over the top. Dark and filled with the promise of something explosive.

Not Jax. Azirak. There was a subtle difference. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it.

For a moment the pressure of his fingers disappeared, and I was about to protest, but they returned, sliding beneath the elastic of my underwear. As he teased me apart, he whispered, “Is this what you want? Does this please you?”

I gasped again. The response was answer enough. The world exploded as he slipped his fingers inside, rocking them back and forth and sending the world shooting to the stars. No one had ever touched me there. I’d had sex, but this—no one had ever done this. I never imagined… Holy shit! I bit down on my bottom lip, sure I’d scream out as his pace increased. And I would have, too, if he hadn’t brought his mouth to mine. The kiss was all-consuming. Raw and possessive. I belonged to the man. I belonged to the demon.

“You feel so fucking good under me,” he whispered against my lips as the movement of his fingers slowed, then disappeared. “So right.”

“…Jax?”

He was still staring, but his eyes had changed. Gray. Beautiful, amazing, and all gray. “Yeah, Sammy?”

The sound of his voice against the silence was like nails scraping down my back. Sharp and welcome. Like liquid heat. I didn’t know where it came from, but I suddenly had to know. “I need to know… Did you mean what you said? That you loved—”

A sound filled the air. A mix between a growl and a laugh. Jax dove forward and pinned me to the floor with his body, tongue darting in to open my mouth and lips moving furiously. He swung his leg over so he was above me, trailing scorching kisses along my jaw.

“Love you?” he whispered at my ear. Breath warm and voice a deep, velvety whisper. “I fucking breathe you. Your face, your laugh, the way you chew at your bottom lip… All of it. All of you. Any light you think you see in me is an echo of you.”

My heart nearly exploded.

“This,” he breathed as he worked his way down my neck, “doesn’t change anything. I’m still leaving.” He moved back to my mouth, teasing my lips apart with the tip of his tongue. Pulling away for a single, agonizing second, he said, “But yeah, I love you. Always have.”

“Can we do this?” The heat between us had reached critical mass, but the thought of him in agonizing pain was enough to give me pause.

“It’s both of us, Sammy,” he said with a growl. “Azirak is here and in control, but its letting me—”

Good enough for me. I kissed him hard.

In a graceful swipe, my underwear was off, as was his, and the feel of him, hot as the sun and hard as stone, pressed up against my skin—and then suddenly with a growl, inside.

He moved slowly at first, the rhythm sending glorious tingles through my body. He kissed me, never breaking contact. Lips. Neck. The curve of my breast. He was everywhere and I was riding a wave of pure ecstasy.

His strokes quickened as he nibbled at the corner of my ear. “There’s only ever been you, Sammy,” he panted, warm breath caressing my neck. I moved with him, finding the pace that would send us over the edge. Fingers clutching. Muscles tightening. Breathing ragged. Waves of intensity like nothing I’d ever felt before.

One last push and we both slipped over. Wildfires. Earthquakes. Tsunamis. All the shocking forces behind nature had nothing on this. This was perfect. This was right.

This was mine.

They were mine.