Ruined

Chapter Thirty-Three

Jax

Time passed in a haze as we fast-tracked the arrangements for Rick’s funeral. Kelly was a huge help despite her dislike of me. No doubt she’d revert to her bitchy self the moment this was over, but for now, the reprieve was welcomed.

She let slip that Sam was out of town for a few days and would return for the funeral, but I knew the truth. Sam was with Chase. A hostage. Subject to God knew what. Each time it crossed my mind—which was almost every moment of the day—Azirak flashed images of destruction. Lapses in self-control had been the death of several pieces of Rick’s furniture, fostered multiple holes in the walls, and caused the loss of nearly every dish in the house.

No matter how violent the emotion was I fed it, Azirak stayed restless, sending random images that ranged from childhood flashbacks, to Sam’s face surrounded by swirls of color. Being with Sam essentially starved the demon and caused us both pain, yet we wanted her. Needed her. For the first time, the demon took on the role of ally, not enemy.

I’d dressed for the funeral, the silence in the house nearly as crushing as the weight settling over my heart. I wasn’t ready for good-bye. Not to Sam. And not to Rick.

The wind kicked up, the chilly November breeze biting at bare flesh. I stood with the small group of people beside Rick’s open grave, wearing one of his black suits. On my feet were my everyday shitkickers, knowing Rick would forgive it. He’d hated dress shoes. This was my way of paying tribute.

Sam stood on my right side, between Chase and me. Azirak smelled the pain and fear radiating from her in steady waves, taking small, negligible amounts as I slipped my hand into hers. As expected, her fingers didn’t move, but her colors evened out. The ribbons around her head got just a little less gray.

There were only a few other faces in the crowd I knew. Kelly sat in the front row, on the end. The dark glasses she wore might hide her swollen eyes, but the subtle shaking of her shoulders as the deep blue lingered, and the way she fisted the tissue until her knuckles paled, made me regret the years of animosity.

There were others, too. Several of the guys from Rick’s bowling league. Chip Mansen, an old friend from his construction days. Even Tim Henson from the post office.

The priest droned on and on about the how he was a pillar of the community and how charitable Rick Flynn was and how sorely he would be missed. A few minutes into the speech, I tuned him out. I’d made peace with his passing. This was fluff to soothe the masses. Dead was dead. It didn’t matter what Rick had done—or hadn’t done—in life. He wouldn’t care that his body had been laid to rest under the shade of a large dogwood tree. The mahogany casket with deep-blue silk lining. The sharp suit. They were all tools to take the sting away from the living.

The priest finished and one by one, people paid their last respects. Kelly kissed Sam’s cheek, then leaned in close to hug Chase. Before she walked away, she wrapped her arms around me, as well.

“He was a good man,” Chase said once we were alone. My brother’s eyes met mine and I was struck by the regret he saw there. “I know you hate me for this, Jax, and that’s fine. In fact, it’s better than fine. It’s easy. You and me, we never got a choice in all this. We were born into this world as pawns. Just all there is to it.”

“Not interested in bullshitting with you. What’s next?”

Chase sighed. “Meet me at that place we used to go to as kids. Two hours. I can’t—I don’t want to put this off any more.”

He was referring to the fort we’d built in the acreage behind Rick’s house when we were younger. Nothing more than a clearing in the thick of a bunch of trees surrounded by several car-sized boulders, the three of us had played there as children. I hadn’t been back to it since the night he’d left. It’s where Sam and I had first kissed. The same place everything had started to unravel.

I nodded, not trusting myself to speak, and watched as Chase led Sam away. She looked back once, and powerful emotions hit me hard. Fear, yes, but also love. She didn’t blame me for any of this.

And that hurt almost as much as losing Rick.

I had no intention of being a sacrificial lamb. For starters, the demon would never allow it. If push came to shove, Azirak would take over and fight back. If that happened, it might kill Chase—and that would kill Sam. Not an option. I needed a plan to ensure we both survived and that the link between Chase and Sam was dampened. My only hope was Sadie Gray. With just over an hour left, I stood on her doorstep, ready to offer the world on a silver fucking platter if there was any way to save the girl I loved.

“Well, well, well. Can’t say I’m surprised,” Sadie said with a wink. This time she was wearing skintight leather pants and a bustier that left little to the imagination. Her hair, like before, hung wild, and smelled of jasmine. She stepped aside and motioned for me to come inside. “Most men can’t stay away.”

“I could have,” I said, meeting her gaze.

Sadie wasn’t a woman who intimidated easily. “That so?” She shrugged and said, “Yet here you are. I’m still not parting with my midnight stone for less than the agreed-upon price, if that’s what you’re after.”

“Do you remember the girl I was here with last time? Sam?”

She rolled her eyes and faked a yawn. “How could I forget? Little Miss Stick-Up-the-Ass?”

Heckle told me there was no way to fix this, but I had to try anyway. “She’s tied to a demon. A Tainted, like me. I need to break the link.”

The sound of her laughter was a cross between delicate chimes and a razor scraping metal. “Sorry, baby. Unless the demon has an attack of conscience and lets her go, or you off the big bad, which I’m sure you know offs the linked, Suzy Q is as good as a corpse.”

“Fine. Then help me dampen it. Is that possible?”

She was quiet for a moment. “Hmm. There might be… First, tell me why you’re so willing to save this girl.”

It seemed like a perfectly normal question but I could tell by the look in her eyes that it was anything but. “Why does that matter to you?”

“Call it curiosity.” She laughed. “Well, that and a bit of good old-fashioned jealousy. I made my interest in you quite clear, yet you prefer a simple, boring human. I’m dying to know what the appeal is.”

“I love her,” I said simply. Out loud the words sounded right. They were the natural conclusion to a lifetime of moments that defined who I was beneath the monster.

“But love is so fleeting,” Sadie said. “And for someone like you, it’s a bit dangerous, no?”

“Just because I love her doesn’t mean I can be with her. But just because I can’t be with her doesn’t mean I’m willing to let her die.”

“So you would sacrifice a part of yourself—because that’s what my price is—for someone you can never have?”

Someone you can never have…

That’s what Sam was. A distant star so far from my reach that it hurt to even try. I didn’t hesitate. “Yes.”

Sadie frowned, then snorted. “Blah. I’ll never understand you Tainted. Your emotions are all over the place. But at least I can say I’ve finally seen it all.” She held out her hand, fingers unwrapping to reveal a small red stone. “This is a hybrid stone. It’s part moonstone and part quartz. It will not break the link—but it will dampen its effects. The demon would require physical contact to control her.”

“A stupid rock? That’s going to dampen the link?” I growled. “Don’t fucking play me, witch.”

Sadie rolled her eyes extended her hand a few inches. “Go ahead. Touch it.”

I ran a finger across the outer edge of the stone still in Sadie’s hand. A jolt like electricity crackled, sending a rush of warmth into my hand.

Sadie looked smug. “Got some kick to it, right?”

I nodded. “What about injury? Will she still be susceptible to damage done to him?”

“As long as the link is active, yes. There’s no way around that. It’s the very basis of the bond. The slave is there to endure the pain of the master.”

It wasn’t ideal, but it would have to do. For now. With luck, it would allow me to get Sam away from Chase. I’d figure out how to deal with the rest later. One step at time. “How does it work?”

“Your human simply has to have this on her person. The stone will do the rest.”

I held out my hand.

Sadie laughed and waggled a finger. “You haven’t agreed to my terms. They’re the same as the first time you came a-knockin’. It’s that or nothing.”

I didn’t like it. There was something she wasn’t saying. Nobody would ask for this under the conditions I knew about. Unfortunately, there was no time to debate. I had twenty minutes to meet Chase at the fort, and still had one last stop to make. “Done.”

She clapped her hands together, excited. “Wonderful.”

“Now give me the stone.”

“You feed and link us, then you get the stone.”

I advanced and Azirak went wild. “Should I hurt you? Is that how you like it?”

She stepped forward and braced both hands against my chest. They lingered there for a moment before dropping to my belt. “I think I have a more pleasant way for us to do this.”

I knocked her hands aside and pushed her away. “The demon prefers pain, plus I’m pretty sure I remember telling you I wasn’t interested in what you were giving away.”

A spark of annoyance flashed in her eyes. Under different circumstances, she and Chase would get along great. Both deviant, cocky shits who had a problem with the word no. “Your demon can feed off any human emotion except for happiness. That one’s reserved solely for the good guys. Obviously each little hell-spawn has its favorites, but the link can be created using any of them. I’m not into pain.” She came closer. “Now if you’re interested in a little bondage…”

I seized her wrists as she went to reach for the belt again. “I’m not going to fuck you, Sadie.”

“Luckily for you, I’m not turned off by your brush-off.” She dove forward, crushing her lips to mine. The taste of her left a sick feeling in my gut. Metallic and foul. It was nothing like kissing Sam. Sadie’s lips moved furiously, her tongue opening my mouth wider. I wanted nothing more than to pull away, but Azirak wasn’t having it. Not when there was a snack being offered so freely.

Her wrists still in my hands, I squeezed hard and let the demon rise to the surface. The demon wasn’t as put off as me. It squirmed and writhed, eager to ingest the orange mist rising from her body.

Me? I wanted her pain.

My fingers twitched, crushing her small wrists with bruising force, and she gasped. That, I liked. It was familiar and comfortable, and was all the encouragement the demon needed. The rush washed through me as the demon took in the emotion. The humming sensation of pure bliss as the essence passed from the air and into me. It was sick, but at times like this I understood the thing’s need. The feeling never lasted long, but fuck it all if it wasn’t amazing while it did.

When I finally pulled away, Sadie was breathing heavy and flushed. She was dazed and her wrists were deep red. There would be bruises there in a few hours. A small part of me felt bad. A bigger part was darkly pleased. She’d forced me to do something I didn’t want. Even though there’d been no enjoyment in what had happened and technically we could never be together, I felt like I’d betrayed Sam in some way.

“How do we know it worked?” I asked, putting some distance between us. The sight and smell of her made me sick. Leaning to the left, I spat the taste of her from my mouth.

Sadie didn’t seem insulted. She grinned and held out the stone while flexing her free hand. “Oh, baby, trust me. It worked.”