Sneaky Pie For President

A Note from Rita Mae Brown

You never know. Behind my back, Sneaky Pie wrote out her political manifesto. If you picked up this book expecting a mystery, it’s not. Well, life’s a mystery, but this is a feline author’s desire for more representative government.

Since I believe the difference between the Republican and Democratic parties is the difference between syphilis and gonorrhea, I have given up. Part of this despair is fueled by what I see in candidates as well as many elected officials: They have exaggerated ideas of their own supremacy, to which minds not normal are especially inclined. Perhaps it was always this way and I now truly see it, or perhaps we are going through a particularly vicious cycle. But I fear nothing much can get done when people or political parties are extremist in views while demonizing all other outlooks. Compromise is possible only between parties, both of which can acknowledge to some extent the force of the other’s position.

Therefore I am facing this presidential election with courageous indifference. It’s touching that Sneaky Pie is energized. Given all the aggressive banality, I’d settle for competent mediocrity. However, she will not.

Touching though her political program may be, I was unhappy to find myself described herein as the Can Opener, C.O. for short. That cat knows my Christian name perfectly well. Despite this blow to my ego, I was fascinated with how she and the other animals look at what is needed for a good life.

She has a clear vision, not clouded by ideology. She also refuses to engage in religious debate or pressure. This is wise, since it’s getting crowded at the foot of the Cross.

With all the detritus of vested interests stripped away, the path does seem clear. The first thing one must take care of is Mother Earth. The next thing one must do is defend one’s borders. For Sneaky that always meant her hunting radius, but she now sees beyond that and perhaps farther than I do. She’s basic. If you can’t work and eat, what good are volumes of legislation about so many incidentals? I’m coming around to her views.

She can’t be bought off. I can. I’d like to start with a flawless six-carat emerald-cut diamond, the color of gin and tonic. She’s better than I am. Even catnip won’t turn her head … much.

So she will be my candidate. Not only do I believe in her honesty, I do know that he who denies skimmed milk to the cat must give the mouse cream.

Always and Ever,

Rita Mae Brown / C.O.