Sugar Street

121

Kamal, was sitting with Isma'il Latif at Ahmad Abduh's coffeehouse iti the same alcove Kamal and Fuad al-Hamzawi had used as students. Although the December weather was cold, it was warm inside this subterranean establishment. With the entrance closed, all openings to the surface of the earth were sealed, and the air inside was naturally warmer and more humid. But for his desire to be with Kamal, Isma'il Latif would not have patronized this place. Of the old group, he was the only one who still kept in touch, although exigencies of employment had forced him to move to Tanta, where he had obtained a position as an accountant, following his graduation from the School of Commerce. Whenever he returned to Cairo on holiday he telephoned Kamal at al-Silahdar School and arranged to meet at this historic spot.

Kamal gazed at this old friend, taking in his compact build and the sharp features of his tapering face. He was pleasantly surprised by what he heard about Isma'il's polite, dignified, and upright behavior. The notorious paradigm of reckless and boorish impudence had become an exemplary husband and father.

Kamal poured some green tea into his companion's glass and then served himself. Smiling, he said, "You don't seem to care for Ahmad Abduh's coffeehouse."

Craning his neck in his familiar way, Isma'il replied, "It really is unusual, but why not choose somewhere aboveground?"

"In any case it's an eminently suitable place for a respectable person like you."

Isma'il laughed and nodded his head as if to admit that — after a wild youth he now deserved recognition for his respectability.

To be polite, Kamal asked, "How are things in Tanta?"

"Great! During the day I work nonstop at the office and in the evening I'm at home with my wife and children."

"How are the offspring?"

"Praise God. Their relaxation always comes at the expense of our fatigue. But we praise Him no matter what."

Motivated by the curiosity any reference to family life inspired in him, Kamal asked, "Have you really found the kind of true happiness with them that advocates of family life forecast?"

"Yes. I have."

"In spite of the fatigue?"

"In spite of everything."

Kamal looked at his friend with even greater interest. This was a new person, quite distinct from the Isma'il Latif he had known from 1921 to 1927, that extraordinary era when he had lived life to the fullest, when not a minute had passed without some profound pleasure or intense pain. It had been a time of true friendship represented by Husayn Shaddad, of sincere love personified by A'ida, and of vehement enthusiasm derived from the torch of the glorious Egyptian revolution. It had also been a time of drastic experiments prompted by doubt, cynicism, desire. Isma'il Latif was a symbol of the former era and a significant clue to it. But how remote his friend was from all that today….

Isma'il Latif conceded almost grumpily, "Of course, there's always something for us to worry about like the new cadre system at work and the freeze on promotions and raises. You know I enjoyed an easy life under my father's wing. But I got nothing from his estate, and my mother consumes all of her pension. That's why I consented to work in Tanta to be able to make ends meet. Would a man like me agree to it otherwise?"

Kamal laughed and said, "Nothing used to be good enough for you."

Isma'il smiled with what appeared to be conceit and pride at his memorable life, which he had renounced voluntarily.

Kamal asked, "Aren't you tempted to recapture some of the past?"

"Certainly not. I've had enough of all that. I can tell you that I've never regretted my new life. I just need to use a little cleverness from time to time to get some money from my mother, and my wife has to play the same game with her father. I still like to live comfortably."

Kamal could not keep himself from observing merrily, "You showed us how and then abandoned us…."

Isma'il laughed out loud, and his earnest face assumed much of its mischievous look of the old days. He asked, "Are you sorry about that? No. You love this life with a curious devotion, even though you're a temperate person. In a few playful years I did more than you'll ever do during a whole lifetime". Then he added in a serious tone, "Get married and change your life."

Kamal said impishly, "This matter deserves serious thought."

Between 1924 and 1935 a new Isma'il Latif had come into existence. Curiosity seekers should search out this novelty. Still, he was the one old friend left. France had seduced Husayn Shad-dad away from his homeland. Similarly, Hasan Salim had established himself outside of Egypt. Unfortunately Kamal had no contact with either of them anymore. Isma'il Latif had never been a soul mate. But he was a living memory of an amazing past, and for that reason Kamal could glory in his friendship.

"I also take pride in his loyalty. I derive no spiritual delight from his companionship, but he's living proof of the existence ofthat past. I desire to establish the reality ofthat era as eagerly as I desire life itself. I wonder what Ai'da's doing now. Where is she in this wide world? How was my heart ever able to recover from the sickness of loving her? All those events are marvels of their kind."

"I'm impressed, Mr. Isma'il. You deserve every success."

Isma'il glanced at his surroundings, inspecting the ceiling, lanterns, alcoves, and the dreamy faces of the patrons, who were absorbed in their conversations and games. Then he asked, "What do you like about this place?"

Kamal did not answer but remarked sadly, "Have you heard? It will soon be demolished so a new structure can be built on its ruins. This historic spot will vanish forever."

"Good riddance! Let these catacombs disappear so a new civilization can rise above them."

"Is be right?" Kamal wondered. "Perhaps… but the heart feels strongly about certain things. My dear coffeehouse, you're part of me. I have dreamt a lot and thought a lot inside you. Yasin came to you foi years. Fahmy met his revolutionary comradeshere to plan for a better world. I also love you, because you're made from the same stuff as dreams. But what's the use of all this? What value does nostalgia have? Perhaps the past is the opiate of the Romantic. It's a most distressing affliction to have a sentimental heart and a skeptical mind. Since I don't believe in anything, it doesn't matter what I say."

"You're right. I advocate demolition of the pyramids if some future use is discovered for the stones."

"The pyramids! What's the relationship of the pyramids to Ahmad Abduh's coffeehouse?"

"I'm referring to all historic relics. I mean let's destroy all of them for the sake of today and tomorrow."

Isma'il Latif laughed. He craned his neck, as he had in the past when challenged, and replied, "You've occasionally supported the opposite point of view. As you know, I read al-Fikr magazine from time to time, for your sake. I told you frankly once before what I think of it. Yes, your essays are difficult, and the whole journal is dry, may God grant us refuge. I had to stop buying it, because my wife found nothing in it she wanted to read. Forgive me, but that's what she asserted. I say I've occasionally seen you write the opposite of what you're proposing now. But I won't claim to understand much of what you write. Don't tell anyone, but I don't understand even a little of it. Speaking of this, wouldn't it be better for you to write like popular authors? If you do, you'll find a large audience and make a lot of money."

In the past Kamal had rebelliously and stubbornly scorned such advice. Now he despised it but did not rebel against it. Yet he wondered whether he should be so disdainful, not because he thought the disdain misplaced, but because he worried at times about the value of what he wrote. He was even uneasy about this worry. He was quick to confess to himself that he was fed up with everything and that the world, having lost its meaning, seemed at times to resemble an obsolete expression.

"You never did approve of my way of thinking."

Isma'il guffawed and said, "Do you remember? What days those were!"

Those days had passed. Their fires burned no longer. But they were treasured away like the corpse of a loved one or like the box of wedding candieshe had hidden in a special place the night of Aida's marriage.

"Don't you hear from Husayn Shaddad or Hasan Salim?"

Isma'il raised his thick eyebrows and replied, "That reminds me! Things have happened during the year I've been away from Cairo…". With increasing concern he continued: "I learned on my return from Tanta that the Shaddad family has ended."

Oppressive, rebellious interest erupted in Kamal'sheart, and he suffered terribly as he struggled to conceal it. He asked, "What do you mean?"

"My mother told me that Shaddad Bey went bankrupt when the stock market swallowed up his last millieme. Destroyed, he could not stand the blow and killed himself "

"What awful news! When did this happen?"

"Some months ago. The mansion was lost along with all his other possessions that mansion where we spent unforgettable times in the garden…."

What times, what a mansion, what a garden, what memories, what forgotten pain, and painful forgetfulness…. The elegant family, the great man, the mighty dream…. Was not his agitation more pronounced than the situation warranted? Was his heart not pounding more violently than these once forgotten memories deserve d?

Kamal said sorrowfully, "The bey has killed himself. The mansion ha5 been lost. What's become of the family?"

Isma'il replied angrily, "Our friend's mother has only fifteen pounds a month from a mortmain trust and has moved into an unpretentious flat in al-Abbasiya. My mother, who went to visit them, wept upon her return when describing the woman's condition … that lady who once lived in unimaginable luxury. Don't you remember?"

Of course he remembered. Did Isma'il think he had forgotten? He remembered the garden, the gazebo, and the felicity of which the breezes there sang. He remembered happiness and sorrow. Indeed he felt truly sorrowful just then. Tears were ready to well up in his eyes. It would not do for him to mourn the threatened destruction of Ahmad Abduh's coffeehouse anymore, for everything was destined to be turned head over heels.

"That's really sad, and it makes me feel even worse that we didn't do our duty and present our condolences. Don't you imagine Husayn returned from France?"

"No doubt he came back after the incident, as well as Hasan Salim and A'ida. But none of them is in Egypt now."

"How could Husayn go off again, leaving his family in this condition? What'she got to live on, now that his father's money is gone?"

"I heard he married over there. It's not unlikely that he's found work during his long stay in France. I don't know anything about that. I haven't seen him since we both said goodbye to him. How rauch time has elapsed since then? Approximately ten years… isn't that so? That's ancient history, but this upset me a lot."

"A lot… a lot," the words echoed inside Kamal. His tears were still trying to escape. He had not cried since that era and had forgotten how to. As his heart dissolved in sorrow, he recalled a time when it had chosen sorrow for its emblem. The news shook him so violently that the present dispersed entirely to reveal the person whose life had been pure love and pure sorrow. Was this the end of the old dream?

"Bankruptcy and suicide!" It almost seemed predestined that this family would teach him that even gods fall. "Bankruptcy and suicide… if A'ida was still living luxuriously because of her husband's position, what had become of her lofty pride? Had the events reduced her little sister to …?"

"Husayn had a young sister. What was her name? I remember occasionally, but it escapes me most of the time."

"Budur. She lives with her mother and shares all the difficulties of the new life."

"Imagine A'ida living in reduced circumstances… a life like those of the men sitting here," Kamal thought. "Does Budur have to wear darned stockings? Does she ride the streetcar? Will she marry an employee of some firm?" But how did any of this concern him?

"Oh… don't deceive yourself. Today you're sad. Whatever intellectual posture you adopt concerning the class system, you feel a frightening despair over this family's fall. It's painful to hear that your idols are wallowing in the dirt. At any rate, the fact that nothing remains of your love is gratifying. Yes, what's left of that bygone love?"

Although he thought that no trace remained, his heart pounded with strange affection when he heard any of the songs ofthat age, no matter how trite the lyrics or the tunes. What did this mean?

"But not so fast. A memory of love, not love itself, was at work. We're in love with love, regardless of our circumstances, and love it most when we are deprived of it. At the moment, I feel adrift in a sea of passion. A latent illness may release its poison when we're temporarily indisposed. What can we do about it? Even doubt, which puts all truths into question, stops cautiously before love, not because love is beyond doubt, but out of respect for my sorrow and from a desire that the past should be true."

Isma'il returned to this tragedy, narrating many of its details. Finally he seemed to tire of it. In a tone that indicated he wished to end the saga he said, "Only God is permanent. It's really distressing, but that's enough misfortune for us now."

Feeling a need for silent reflection, Kamal did not attempt to draw him out. What Isma'il had said was quite sufficient. To his own astonishment, Kamal wept silently with invisible tears shed by his heart. Although once afflicted by love's malady, he had recovered completely. He told himself in amazement, "Nine or ten years! What a long time and yet how short…. I wonder what Ai'da looks like now."

He wished terribly that he could gaze at her long enough to discover the secret ofthat magical past and even the secret of his own personality. He saw her now only as a fleeting image in a familiai: old song, a picture in a soap advertisement, or when in his sleep he whispered with surprise, "There she is!" But what he actually observed was nothing more than glimpses of a film star or an intrusive memory. He would wake up. What reality was there to it then?

He did not feel like sitting here any longer. His soul yearned for an adventuresome journey through the unseen spiritual realm. So he asked Isma'il, "Will you accept my invitation to have a couple of drinks in a nice place where we won't be seen?"

Isma'il chortled and replied, "My wife's waiting for me to take her to visit her aunt."

Kamal was not concerned about this rejection. For a long time he had been his own drinking companion. The two men continued chatting about one thing and another as they left the coffeehouse. In the middle ofthat conversation, Kamal remarked to himself, "When we're in love, we may resent it, but we certainly miss love once it's gone."