The Boudoir No. 5

AN OLD STORY, IN A NEW WAY

Not far from hence, a blunt old 'squire, (Deem'd par amount by ev'ry bumpkin near him,) While Hodge one night sat by a neighbour's fire, Beseech'd his wife (a purblind foul), to hear him — "Nanny," quoth he, slily, "since Hodge now is not here,

"Shall we divert ourselves betwixt the sheets, my dear?"

Nan soon submitted to the suppliant 'squire, And up the stairs they vigorously ascended;

But ere she'd gratify'd his warm desire, Or brought the key of nature to th' pitch intended, Hodge loudly knock'd! — when, from their blissful station, The am'rous couple rumbl'd — Ah! ponder now their luckiest situation.

Nan now began to quake, and fight, and groan, And begg'd of Hodge he would not be in haste, For as she'd been so ill since he'd been gone, Her petticoat must first be 'bout her waist;

Meanwhile the 'squire (luck'ly as he thought), Caught up his clothes, and in the chimney got.

The door she op'd, and Hodge admitted in, Who now her piteous case began to moan, Supposing it a stoppage of the wind, And as he smooth'd her down again she groan'd, And faintly said, "Were you to fetch some gin now from the Bear,

"You can't conceive the good 'twould do, my dear!"

Hodge with submission to his lovely spouse, Grop'd for a bottle — found one, and did run.

But ere he'd gone five perches from his house.

He felt his purse for cash, and found he'd none, Returning back to ask his wife a groat, He soon, alas! found out the subtle plot.

The 'squire now was scamp'ring o'er the stairs, Caressing Nanny for her skill and cunning, When Hodge (poor mortal!) came in unawares, And thus addressed them both (not unbecoming),

"You d-d old letcher! and you infernal w — re!

"I'll" — "Hush!" quoth the 'squire, "here's twenty pounds," and Hodge gave o'er.