The Bro Code

ORIGIN

While the story of the Bro Code is not nearly as simple and elegant as God handing down some stone tablets to Broses, its origins weave all the way back to the dawn of humanity.

In the beginning there was no Bro Code… which was unfortunate for the world's first Bros — Cain and Abel. Lacking an agreed-upon set of social principles, Cain killed Abel and committed history's first Broicide. As punishment Cain was doomed to walk the earth alone. Why? Because without a wingman, he had absolutely no chance to meet chicks.

Centuries later a Bro from Sparta and a Bro from Troy got in a fight over a chick named Helen. I know, "Helen" doesn't sound hot, but allegedly she had a "face that launched a thousand ships," so you can just imagine what her rack was like. The two Bros waged a terrible war over this chick — a war that could have been avoided had the Bros been familiar with the most basic Bro Code: Bros before hos. Troy put up a good fight, but the Spartan navy was very powerful. Soon hordes of Spartan seamen burst through the Trojan barrier, and Helen got half the gold for the next eighteen years.

Hundreds of years later, appropriately in Philadelphia (the City of Bro Love), a little known delegate named Barnabas Stinson scratched on parchment what is now considered the earliest attempt to record the Bro Code. Over the years Bros have amended and added rules, but Stinson's elegant words remain as the glorious preamble to the Bro Code.

While the original document is housed two stories beneath sea level in an undisclosed, vacuum-sealed, bulletproof chamber, I was able to gain access long enough to manufacture this replica.