The empress of ice cream

Louise

A

‘His Most Christian Majesty wants to know whatV

‘If there is any, ah, happy news. Whether the King of England is to be blessed, perhaps, with a child.’

‘You will have to ask the queen that yourself I have heard nothing about it, nor am I likely to.’

‘As it happens, mademoiselle, I did not mean the queen.’

‘Who, then.> What are you talking about. Your Excellency?’

The ambassador has the good grace to look embarrassed. ‘I had formed the opinion that your excellent relations with the king, perhaps, might be . . .?’

I stare at him. ‘Entirely proper. And will remain so.’

‘I see.’ The ambassador seems to have gone a little pale. ‘So there is nothing that I should be reporting to Versailles? The king himself has asked for a . . . clarification.’

‘You may tell his Most Christian Majesty that I am entirely aware of the fact that France’s honour depends on the honour of every one of her citizens. And that I will never, ever, do anything to bring the reputation of our country into disrepute.’

‘Yes. Yes, of course.’

‘I am Louise Renee de Penacoet, Dame de Keroualle, the eldest daughter of the oldest family in Brittany. Not some common flower girl.’

He bows icily. ‘We are indeed fortunate to have amongst us one of such distinguished lineage. And such irreproachable manners, of course.’

*

Colbert is a fool: he has promised the King of France that the game is almost over, and now has the unfortunate task of telling him that it has barely begun. However, Louvois appears to have sources of his own, and knows far more of what is really going on in Whitehall than his ambassador — certainly he knows what the girl in question has done or not done, and to judge from the letters we have had sight of, he was able to tell Colbert in no uncertain terms to get his facts right next time before sending gossip through the diplomatic post. But all this has had the consequence that the ambassador is now embarrassed, and wishes for us to speed matters along. Naturally, I have made it clear to him that he can rely on us to help, but that it is also time for his master to play his part. This makes him even more anxious, for of course he may not tell his king what to do, but he would not be an ambassador if he were incapable of finding some way of framing my suggestion so that it appears to be Louis’s own idea . . .

Colbert to His Most Christian Majesty, Louis XIV:

Sir: It is certain that the king of England shows a warm affection for Mile, de Keroualle, and perhaps you may have heard from other sources what a richly furnished set of lodgings has been given her at Whitehall. His Majesty repairs to her apartment at nine o’clock every morning, and never stays there less than an hour, and sometimes two. He returns after dinner, shares at her card table in all her stakes, and never allows her to want for anything. All the ministers court eagerly the friendship of this lady, and milord Arlington said to me very recendy that he was very pleased to see that the king was becoming attached to her;

and that, although His Majesty was not the man to communicate affairs of state to ladies, nevertheless, as it was in their power to render ill services to those whom they disliked, it was much better for the king’s good servants that His Majesty should have an inclination for this lady, who is not of a mischievous disposition, and is a gentlewoman, rather than for actresses and suchlike unworthy creatures, of whom no man of quality could take the measure; and that it was necessary to counsel this young lady to cultivate the king, so that he might find with her nothing but pleasure, peace and quiet. He added that, if Lady Arlington took his advice, she would urge this young lady to yield unreservedly to the king’s wishes, and tell her that there was no alternative for her but a convent in France, and that I ought to be the first to impress this upon her. I told him jocularly that I was not so wanting in gratitude to the king, or so foolish, as to tell her to prefer religion to his good graces; that I was also persuaded that she was not waiting for my advice, but that I would, none the less, give it her, to show how much both he and I appreciated her influence, and to inform her of the obligation which she was under to milord . . .