The empress of ice cream

Louise

There is no let-up. On the contrary, they snap at my heels from every side. Arlington, Louis, Louvois . . . Even my ladies-inwaiting have been bribed to whisper in my ear as they brush my hair or hang by the windows of my apartments, hoping for a glimpse of him. How ha.niisome he is, how lucky you ure, I remember my first time, it is u pleasure to lie with one like him . . .

Colbert attends me every afternoon. Today, though, he has something delicate to tell me. He waits until we are alone.

‘His Majesty did me the honour of attending a small supper at my residence yesterday,’ he murmurs.

‘I trust the evening was an enjoyable one?’

‘Indeed.’ Colbert seems unsure how to continue. ‘King Charles became increasingly relaxed.’

‘Relaxed?’

‘That is to say, he unburdened himself’

‘He talked about me?’

‘Not directly. That is to say, there was a young servant girl who served us at dinner. From Gascony. Perhaps you have seen her? A pretty little thing.’

I assure him that I have not given any especial notice to the ambassador’s serving girls.

‘His Majesty certainly noticed her. Indeed, he felt so . . . comfortable in my company, that towards the end of the evening he asked if this girl could join us.’

I raise my eyebrows.

‘His Majesty did me the honour of showing me that he trusted me to the utmost'

‘I see.’

‘What followed . . . There was a most unfettered debauch,’ he says faintly. Um debnuche trh libre.

Indeed I do see, a little. The words of his masked ex-mistress echo in my ear. A libertine, like the rest.

‘I eagerly look forward to the day when His Majesty’s ardour might be tempered by your influence. I feel sure that you will be a force for morality in all this darkness.’ He continues hesitantly, ‘The thing is, we seem to have reached something of an impasse.’

‘Oh.> In what way?’

‘His Majesty appears to have realised that you are not the only one with bargaining counters at your disposal.’

‘He wishes to bar^ninr

‘In a manner of speaking. That is, before he left my residence, he made his position clear.’

‘Yes? What does he intend to offer me, that he believes is more valuable to me than my honour?’

Colbert looks positively uncomfortable now. ‘It is not to you he makes the offer, mademoiselle. It is to our king - to His Most Christian Majesty. Charles has asked me to make it absolutely clear to Versailles that, while there is no mistress, there is no alliance. And vice versa. He is making a quite straightforward proposal. When you are amenable to his entreaties, then he will listen on the subject of the Dutch war. But until then, nothing.’