The Lost Boy

11

The morning sun was rising above the horizon, but Nathalie didn’t notice as she stood on the dock and stared out across the islands towards Fjällbacka.

She didn’t want any visitors. She didn’t want them to force their way into the world that she and Sam had created here on the island. It belonged to them and no one else. But she couldn’t say no when the police called. Besides, she had a problem and needed help. There was practically no food left, and she couldn’t bring herself to phone Mats’s parents. Since she was going to have visitors, she decided to ask them to bring her some groceries, just the essentials. It seemed a bit cheeky to ask someone she’d never met to do her grocery shopping, but she really had no choice. Sam wasn’t yet well enough to make the trip to Fjällbacka, and if they didn’t fill up the refrigerator and pantry, they’d soon starve to death. She wasn’t planning to allow the officers to go any further than the dock. The island belonged to her; the island belonged to them.

Matte was the only person she’d been willing to invite here. She continued staring out at the water as her eyes filled with tears. She could still feel his arms wrapped around her, and his kisses on her skin. His smell, which had seemed so familiar and yet had changed – belonging to a grown man now, not a boy. She hadn’t known what the future might bring, what their reunion might mean in terms of how they would live their lives. But for a brief time their encounter had carried with it a possibility. It had opened a window and let a little light into the darkness in which she had lived for so long.

Nathalie wiped away the tears with the back of her hand. She couldn’t allow herself to surrender to the yearning and pain. She was already holding on to life with her bare knuckles, and she could not loosen her grip. Matte had gone, but Sam was still here. And she had to protect him. Nothing else – not even Matte – was more important. Protecting her son was her most important and sole task in life. Now that other people were on their way over here, she needed to focus on that.

Something had changed. They never let her be in peace. Anna could still feel someone’s body pressed close to hers. Someone was breathing next to her, radiating warmth and energy. She didn’t want to be touched. All she wanted was to disappear into the desolate but safe shadowland where she had now dwelled for so long. Everything outside was too painful; her skin and her soul had grown too sensitive after all the blows she had suffered. She simply couldn’t stand any more.

And they didn’t need her. She brought nothing but misfortune down upon everyone around her. Emma and Adrian had been subjected to things that no child should ever have to go through, and she found it unbearable to see the sorrow in Dan’s eyes over the loss of their son.

At first they seemed to understand. They had left her alone, allowed her to simply lie in bed. Sometimes they tried to talk to her, but they gave up so easily that she realized they felt the same way she did. That their grief had been caused by her, and that it would be best for everybody if she just stayed where she was.

With Erica’s last visit, however, something had changed. Anna had felt her sister’s body close to her own, felt Erica’s warmth dragging her out of the shadows, pulling her closer to life, trying to make her come back. Erica hadn’t said much. Her body spoke for her, making the warmth spread through joints that felt cold and frozen even though she was lying under a blanket. Anna had tried to resist it, concentrating on a dark point deep inside, a point that couldn’t be touched by a warm body.

When the warmth from Erica’s body disappeared, it was replaced by another. Dan’s body was the easiest to resist. His energy was filled with so much sorrow that it practically reinforced her own, and she didn’t have to make any real effort to stay in the shadows. The children’s energy was the most difficult to hold at bay. Emma’s soft little body pressed against her back, her arms reaching around her waist. Anna was forced to muster all her strength to fight against it. And then Adrian, smaller and less confident than Emma, but his energy was strongest of all. She didn’t have to open her eyes to know who had come in to lie down next to her. Despite lying on her side, unmoving, with her eyes fixed on the sky outside of the window, she knew whose warmth was pressing against her.

She wanted them to leave her alone and allow her to lie in bed undisturbed. The thought that she might not have enough strength to fight back made terror rise up inside of her.

Now Emma was here. Her body stirred slightly. She must have fallen asleep, because from the shadowland Anna could tell that her daughter’s breathing had changed, growing deeper. Then Emma changed position, pressed closer, like an animal seeking comfort. And Anna could feel herself being drawn from the shadows again, towards the energy that crept into every nook of her body. She needed to keep focusing on that point, the dark point inside of her.

The door to the room opened. Anna felt the bed sway as someone climbed on to it and curled up at her feet. Small arms wrapped tightly around her legs, as if they would never let go. Adrian’s warmth seeped into her, and it got harder and harder to stay in the shadows. She could resist the children one at a time, but not when they were both here, not when their energies combined to get even stronger. Slowly she felt herself losing her grip as she was pulled back towards what was in the room and in life.

With a deep sigh Anna turned over. She looked at her daughter’s slumbering face, those familiar features that she hadn’t been able to look at for so long. And for the first time she fell into a sound sleep, with one hand cupped over her daughter’s cheek, and with the tip of her nose pressed against Emma’s. Adrian had also fallen asleep, curled up at Anna’s feet like a puppy. His hold on her legs slowly loosened as he relaxed. And then they all slept.

Erica laughed until the tears ran down her face as they stepped aboard the boat.

‘Are you telling me that you took a bath in seaweed?’ She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and then laughed again, which prompted a fit of hiccupping when she saw the offended look on Patrik’s face.

‘So? Shouldn’t men be allowed to pamper themselves once in a while? From what you’ve told me, you’ve tried out plenty of strange things. I distinctly remember you saying not so long ago that you were smeared with mud and then rolled up in plastic wrap at some spa you went to.’ He backed the boat away from the dock at Badholmen.

‘Yes, but …’ Erica succumbed to another fit of giggles.

‘I think you’re displaying some rather outmoded prejudices here,’ said Patrik, glaring at her. ‘A seaweed bath is actually super healthy for men. It draws the toxins out of the body, and since men obviously have a harder time getting rid of that sort of stuff, we have an even greater need for the treatment.’

By now Erica was clutching her stomach, so helpless with laughter that she couldn’t speak. Patrik decided to ignore his wife and concentrate on steering the boat out of the harbour. Of course he was laying it on a bit thick to wind Erica up, but the truth was that he and his colleagues had really enjoyed the spa treatments they’d received at Badis.

At first he’d been extremely sceptical about getting into a bathtub filled with seaweed. Then he realized that it actually didn’t smell as bad as he’d imagined, and the water was nice and warm. When he sat in the tub and leaned forward while his back was massaged with bunches of seaweed that were rubbed against his skin, he was converted. And he couldn’t deny that his skin felt like new when he got out of the tub. Softer, smoother, and with a new glow. But when he tried to tell Erica about it, she’d started laughing hysterically. Even his mother, who had come over to babysit for Maja and the twins, had sniggered at his enthusiastic report.

The wind was picking up. He closed his eyes, feeling the gusts against his face. There weren’t many other boats out on the sea, but in only a few weeks there would be dozens of them heading in and out of the harbour.

Erica had finally stopped laughing, and her expression had turned serious. She put her arms around Patrik as he sat at the helm and leaned her head against his shoulder.

‘How did she sound when you phoned?’

‘Not exactly overjoyed,’ said Patrik. ‘She didn’t seem too keen on having visitors. But when I said that she was welcome to visit us on the mainland instead, if she preferred, she decided she’d rather have us come to the island.’

‘Did you tell her that I’d be coming with you?’ A swell made the wooden boat rise, and Erica wrapped her arms more firmly around Patrik’s waist.

‘Yes. I told her that we were married and that you’d like to come along so you could see her. She didn’t really react to that, although it sounded as if it would be okay.’

‘What are you hoping to learn by talking to Nathalie?’ Erica let go of Patrik and sat down nearby on the thwart.

‘To be honest, I really have no idea. We still don’t know whether Mats went out to visit her on Friday. I suppose that’s what I want to find out. And we also need to tell her what happened to him.’

He corrected the course to make way for a motorboat that was heading towards them at high speed.

‘Idiots,’ he snarled, glaring at the boat as it passed a bit too close.

‘Couldn’t you have asked her about it on the phone?’ Erica was also staring at the boat as it sped away. She didn’t recognize the occupants. A bunch of young guys in their late teens. Probably an early group of holidaymakers – the kind that would soon be filling Fjällbacka.

‘Yes, I could have done that. But I prefer to ask my questions in person. I get more productive results that way. What I really want is to form a clearer picture of who Mats was. At the moment he seems like one of those life-size cardboard cut-outs, flat and one-dimensional. No one seems to know anything about him, not even his parents. His flat looks like a hotel room. There are hardly any personal items. And then there’s the matter of the assault … I need to find out more.’

‘But from what I understand, Mats and Nathalie haven’t been in contact for years.’

‘That’s what his parents say, but we don’t really know that. At any rate, she seems to have been an important person in his life, and if he did go out to visit her, he might have told her something that we’d find useful. She may have been one of the last people to see him alive.’

‘Okay, I get it,’ said Erica, but she sounded doubtful. She’d come along out of sheer curiosity. She was curious as to how the years had changed Nathalie and what sort of person she’d become.

‘So that must be Gråskär,’ said Patrik, squinting.

Erica craned her neck to peer at the island they were approaching.

‘Yes, that’s it, all right. The lighthouse is wonderful.’ She shaded her eyes with her hand to see better.

‘I don’t think I care for the looks of that island,’ said Patrik, though he had no idea what made him say that. Then he had to turn his attention to pulling the boat up next to the small pier.

A tall, slender woman was standing there, waiting for them. She reached for the line that Erica tossed up on to the dock.

‘Hi,’ said Nathalie, giving them a helping hand as they climbed out of the boat.

She’s beautiful but much too thin, thought Patrik as he took her hand. Her bones were clearly visible under her skin, and although she seemed to be a naturally slim person, she must have lost a good deal of weight recently because her jeans were too big, needing to be held up with a belt cinched tight around her waist.

‘My son isn’t feeling well. He’s asleep in bed up at the house, so I was thinking that we could have some coffee and talk out here on the dock.’ Nathalie pointed to a blanket that she had spread out on the wooden planks.

‘Fine, that’s no problem,’ said Patrik, sitting down. ‘I hope it’s nothing serious.’

‘No, he has a slight cold, that’s all. Do you have kids?’ She sat down across from Patrik and Erica and started pouring coffee from a thermos. The pier was relatively sheltered from the wind, the sun was shining, and the air was warm. It was a lovely spot to have coffee.

‘Oh yes, we certainly do,’ replied Erica with a laugh. ‘We have Maja, who will soon be two, and Noel and Anton who are twins and almost four months old now.’

‘You must have your hands full.’ Nathalie smiled, but the smile didn’t reach her eyes. She handed Erica a platter of rusks.

‘I’m afraid this is all I have to offer you.’

‘Oh, right,’ said Patrik, getting up. ‘I brought the groceries you asked for.’

‘Thanks. I hope it wasn’t too much trouble. With Sam being sick, I’d prefer not to drag him into town to shop. Signe and Gunnar helped me out before, but I don’t want to make a habit of asking them.’

Patrik had hopped down into the boat and now set two full bags of groceries from the Konsum supermarket on the pier.

‘What do I owe you?’ Nathalie reached for her purse, which was lying next to her.

‘I’m afraid it came to a thousand kronor,’ said Patrik apologetically.

Nathalie took two five-hundred-krona bills out of her wallet and handed them to him.

‘Thank you,’ she said again.

Patrik merely nodded and sat back down on the blanket.

‘It must feel rather isolated, staying out here.’ He gazed at the small island. The lighthouse towered above them, casting a long shadow over the rocks.

‘No, it’s great,’ said Nathalie, taking a sip of her coffee. ‘I haven’t been here in years, and Sam has never seen the island before. I thought it was about time he did.’

‘Why now?’ asked Erica, hoping she didn’t sound too nosy.

Nathalie didn’t look at her. Instead, she fixed her eyes on a distant point on the horizon. The small gusts of wind that reached them caught hold of her long hair, which she impatiently brushed out of her face.

‘There are a few things that I need to think about, so it just seemed natural for us to come out here. There’s really nothing here. Nothing but thoughts and time.’

‘And ghosts, from what I’ve heard,’ said Erica, reaching for a rusk.

Nathalie didn’t laugh. ‘You’re thinking about the fact that it’s called Ghost Isle, right?’

‘Yes. But you must have found out by now whether there’s any truth to the rumours. I remember that we spent the night here once when I was in secondary school, and we were all really scared. Do you think it’s an apt nickname for the place?’

‘Maybe.’

Nathalie clearly didn’t want to discuss the subject further, so Patrik took a deep breath before broaching the topic that couldn’t be put off any longer. As he calmly explained what had happened, Nathalie began to shake. She stared at him in disbelief. She didn’t say a word, but she was shaking uncontrollably, as if she might break into a thousand pieces right before their eyes.

‘We still don’t know exactly when he was shot, so we’re trying to find out as much as possible about his last days. Gunnar and Signe said that he was planning to come out here to see you last Friday.’

‘Yes, he was here.’ Nathalie turned around to look towards the house. Patrik had the feeling that she did that mostly so he wouldn’t see her expression.

When she turned back to face them, she still looked dazed, but she had stopped shaking.

Erica impulsively leaned forward to put her hand on Nathalie’s. There was something so fragile and vulnerable about her, and it roused Erica’s protective instincts.

‘You were always so nice,’ said Nathalie, and then pulled her hand away without looking at Erica.

‘So last Friday …’ said Patrik cautiously.

Nathalie gave a start and a veil seemed to fall over her eyes.

‘He came over in the evening. I didn’t know that he was coming. I hadn’t seen him in years.’

‘When was the last time you saw each other?’ asked Erica, unable to resist glancing towards the house. She was afraid that Nathalie’s son might wake up and slip out. Since having kids of her own, she felt as if she’d become the mother of all the children in the world.

‘We said goodbye when I moved to Stockholm. I was nineteen, I think. A whole lifetime ago.’ She laughed. A brief, bitter laugh.

‘Have you kept in touch over the years?’

‘No. Well, maybe a few postcards in the beginning. But we both knew that it wasn’t a good idea. Why prolong the pain by pretending things were otherwise?’ Nathalie brushed a few strands of blond hair out of her face again.

‘Whose decision was it to break up?’ asked Erica. She just couldn’t restrain her curiosity. She’d seen them together so many times, seen the golden light that seemed to radiate from the two of them. The golden couple.

‘We never really used those words. But it was my decision to move away. I couldn’t stay here. I needed to get out into the world. See things, do things, meet new people.’ She laughed that same bitter laugh that neither Erica nor Patrik understood.

‘So last Friday, when Mats came out here, how did you react?’ asked Patrik, wanting to continue the questioning even though he wasn’t sure it would lead to anything. Nathalie seemed so fragile. He felt as if he might break her in two if he said the wrong thing. And in the final analysis, this might have nothing at all to do with the case.

‘I was surprised. But Signe had told me that he’d moved back home. So I thought he might turn up.’

‘Were you happily surprised?’ asked Erica, reaching for the thermos to refill her cup.

‘Not at first. Well, I don’t know. I don’t believe in looking back. Matte belonged to the past. At the same time …’ She seemed to get lost in her own thoughts. ‘At the same time, maybe I never really left him. I don’t know. At any rate, I let him come up to the house.’

‘Approximately what time was it when he arrived?’ asked Patrik.

‘Hmm … I think it was around six. I’m not really sure. Time isn’t very important out here.’

‘How long did he stay?’ Patrik shifted position, grimacing a bit. His body didn’t like sitting on such a hard surface for very long. He found himself yearning for another nice, warm seaweed bath.

‘He left sometime later that night.’ The pain was as clearly etched on her face as if she’d screamed it out loud.

Patrik suddenly felt uncomfortable. What right did he have to ask these questions? What right did he have to go snooping around in something that ought to be kept private, something that had taken place between two people who had once upon a time loved each other? But he forced himself to go on. In his mind he pictured the body lying on its stomach in the hall, with a big, gaping hole in the head, a pool of blood on the floor, and blood spattered over the wall. As long as the killer was on the loose, it was the job of the police to snoop. Murder and the right to privacy were two things that didn’t go together.

‘So you’ve no idea what time he left?’ he asked gently.

Nathalie bit her lip. Her eyes were shiny with tears.

‘No, he left while I was asleep. I thought that …’ She swallowed several times, looking as if she were trying to keep her composure, as if she didn’t want to lose control in front of them.

‘Did you try ringing him? Or did you phone Signe and Gunnar to ask them?’ said Patrik.

The sun had slowly moved while they were talking, and the long shadows from the lighthouse were getting closer.

‘No.’ She started trembling again.

‘Did Mats say anything when he was here that might give us a lead? Something that might tell us who would have wanted him dead?’

Nathalie shook her head. ‘No, I can’t believe that anyone would ever want to harm Matte. He was … Well, you know, Erica. He was exactly the same now as he used to be back then. Kind, thoughtful, loving. Exactly the same.’ She looked down, running her hand over the blanket.

‘Yes, we understand that Mats was well-liked, a very nice person,’ said Patrik. ‘At the same time, there are parts of his life that we need to find out more about. For instance, he was the victim of an assault just before he moved back to Fjällbacka. Did he tell you anything about that?’

‘Not much. I saw the scars and asked him about them. He just said that he was in the wrong place at the wrong time, and that it was a bunch of kids who attacked him.’

‘Did he mention his job in Göteborg?’ Patrik had hoped to find out more about the assault that might explain the uneasy feeling he had inside. No such luck. Nothing but dead ends.

‘He said that he’d loved the job, but found it exhausting. Meeting all those battered women who were so damaged …’ Her voice broke, and again she turned away to look towards the house.

‘Did he tell you anything else that we should know about? Was there any particular person that he felt threatened by?’

‘No. He just talked about what the job had meant to him. In the end, though, it left him worn out. He didn’t have the strength to keep doing that type of work. And after being in hospital, he decided to come back here.’

‘Permanently, or only for a while?’

‘I don’t think he knew. He said that he was taking one day at a time. Trying to heal both his body and soul.’

Patrik nodded and then hesitated before asking the next question.

‘Did he tell you whether there was a woman in his life? Or more than one?’

‘No, and I didn’t ask. He didn’t ask me about my husband either. Who we loved now or had loved in the past was of no importance that evening.’

‘I understand,’ said Patrik. ‘By the way, the boat is missing,’ he added, as if in passing.

Nathalie looked confused. ‘What boat?’

‘Signe and Gunnar’s boat. The one Mats used to come over here.’

‘It’s gone? Stolen? Or what do you mean?’

‘We don’t know. It wasn’t tied up at the dock when Gunnar went to look for it.’

‘Matte must have taken it to get home,’ said Nathalie. ‘How else could he have got to the mainland?’

‘So he did come out here in the motorboat. Nobody gave him a ride, or anything like that?’

‘Who would do that?’ asked Nathalie.

‘I don’t know. All we can say for sure is that the boat is missing, and we have no idea where it might have gone.’

‘Well, he used it to come out here, and he must have gone home in it too.’ She ran her hand over the blanket again.

Patrik glanced at Erica, who was unusually quiet as she sat there, listening. ‘I think it’s time for us to go,’ he said, getting up. ‘Thanks for agreeing to meet with us, Nathalie. And please accept our condolences.’

Erica stood up too. ‘It was nice to see you again, Nathalie.’

‘It was nice to see you, too.’ Nathalie gave Erica an awkward hug.

‘Take care of Sam, and give us a call if you need anything, or if we can help in any other way. If his cold gets worse, we can arrange for the district doctor to come out here and have a look at him.’

‘I’ll let you know.’ Nathalie followed them over to the boat.

Patrik started the engine and was about to pull the boat away from the dock when he stopped abruptly.

‘Do you remember whether Mats had his briefcase with him?’

Nathalie frowned as she considered the question. Then her face lit up. ‘A brown briefcase? Made of leather?’

‘Exactly,’ said Patrik. ‘That’s gone missing too.’

‘Wait here.’ Nathalie turned on her heel and sprinted towards the house. A few minutes later she came out, holding something. When she got close to the dock, Patrik saw what it was. The briefcase. His heart skipped a beat.

‘He forgot it. I haven’t touched it. I hope I haven’t caused any trouble.’ She knelt down on the pier so she could hand the briefcase to Patrik.

‘We’re just glad to find it. Thanks!’ he said. He was already thinking about what the briefcase might contain.

After they had backed away from the dock and set off towards Fjällbacka, Patrik and Erica both turned to wave to Nathalie. She waved back. The shadow from the lighthouse was now stretching all the way to the pier. It looked as if it might swallow her whole.