Roberts, as per deal, bought a copy of the Big Issue every week. His vendor knew he was a cop and seemed unfazed. He was eating from a tub of Haagen Dazs ice-cream.
Roberts said, ‘Bit cold for it, isn’t it?’
The vendor moved aside, said, ‘Look.’
Behind him was a large box with maybe another dozen tubs.
Roberts asked, ‘You also sell ice-cream?’
The vendor laughed, ‘A while ago a Daimler pulled up at the kerb. The window rolls down and a woman said, “You there, come here”.’
He mimicked the posh to perfection, continued, ‘I thought it was Liz, come to give me an MBE.’
Roberts laughed.
‘Ere, I’m serious, guv … they gave one to a traffic warden last year. So, I goes over, took me cap off and this woman, leans out, asks, “Are you one of the homeless chappies?” ’
‘I said, we sell the Big Issue for the homeless, yes Ma’am.
‘She says, “Righty ho, my driver has something for you people.” Then she tapped the glass partition for the driver and shuts the window on me.
‘The driver gets out and he’s in all the gear, peaked cap and boots. Like a nazi!’
The vendor stopped and sold two copies to two girls and gave them a tub each. They were delighted.
He winked at Roberts, said, ‘Like loyalty cards, a little bonus for my regulars. Any road, the nazi opens the boot and takes out the ice-cream. I asked, “What am I supposed to do with that?” He gave me the look, said, “Try eating it”.’
The vendor took another taste, said, ‘It’s not bad if you put a touch o’ lager in it.’
Roberts took out his change, had only a fiver … The vendor said, ‘We take all the major credit cards.’
Roberts gave him the five, got change, then waited a moment … no tub. Roberts said, ‘Well, see you next week.’
Dejected, he was walking away when the vendor shouted, ‘Oi, you forgot yer Haagen Dazs.’