The Only Thing Worse Than Witches

Unexpected Effects

RUPERT FELT THE POTION SLIDE ALL THE WAY down. For a moment, he felt nothing but the cold fear that coursed through him. The witches were still holding him against the locker, and he tried to imagine himself somewhere else. He didn’t want his last moment to be this. More than anything, he wanted to find his mother and apologize — she was right about the witches all along. Except for his witchling, they weren’t to be trusted.

I’m sorry, Mom, he thought. And I’m sorry, Sandy — I wish we could have been friends without all this mess.

Rupert closed his eyes and let a tear escape. He concentrated on his breathing — in and out, inhale and exhale — until he felt calm and warmth spreading from the pit of his stomach out to his limbs.

Then he twitched.

He opened his eyes, and realized his legs were dangling. Suddenly he fell to the floor and curled up. His cheeks trembled, and out of his peripheral vision he saw four long and stiff white hairs protruding from each side of his face. He hopped forward and saw his reflection in the mirror.

He was a rabbit.

His ears flung backward, and he scratched his face with his paws.

He looked up at the witches, but they were all looking at their hands as if they had just touched poison ivy.

“Vhat’s zis?” the Thunder Witch shrieked. “Ze potion vas not supposed to turn zis boy into a rabbit!”

Rupert hopped away from them, but they all chased him. Rupert cowered against a locker, and shuddered.

POP! he heard. POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP!

He turned around to see thirteen fluffy rabbits on the floor with him, all hopping around in panic.

“It vas ze potion!” a ginger bunny shrieked. It sounded an awful lot like the Thunder Witch, but with a much higher, squeakier voice. “Ze potion is an Untouchable!”

“We were holding onto the boy! We touched him, and he has spread the potion!” a black bunny yelped, and all the witch-bunnies hopped around in panic.

The closest classroom door opened, and the Fairfoul Witch burst into the hallway. “Well?” she said. “Is he dead?”

The thirteen witch rabbits jumped onto the Fairfoul Witch’s feet, and she screamed. A moment later, Rupert heard a POP, and the Fairfoul Witch turned into a rabbit.

The rabbit-witches leaped into Rupert’s class, and Rupert heard cries of delight from his classmates, who all swooped down to pet the fuzzy bunnies. Moments later, Rupert heard more POPs, and he peeked his head in the classroom to see twenty-six new bunnies hopping around — and no children.

Rupert backed away from the classroom. What was going on? He thought he was going to die, but instead he became a fluffy bunny. And so did the witches. And so did the kids in his class.

Rupert heard a tiny squeak from behind him. “Go!” a brown bunny said. “You know where! And don’t touch anyone — or else they’ll turn into rabbits, too!” Then the brown bunny disappeared back into the classroom.

Rupert hopped and hopped and hopped — out of his school, across the street, and down the stairs that led to Main Beach. He had never hopped so much in his life, and his little bunny heart beat wildly. At the bottom of the stairs, he stopped to catch his breath. Then he hopped forward with renewed vigor.

When he reached the sand, Rupert found that it was much harder to hop. The sand slid underneath him, and it required twice as much energy to jump. Up in the distance, he saw a girl with blond hair tucked under a wide-brimmed hat standing with her pants rolled up, her calves in the ocean. She was the only one on the beach, and even from far away, Rupert knew it was Sandy.

He pushed himself to go farther and faster — he needed to get to her before the bunnies overtook the entire town. After much more hopping, he was right behind her, watching her hair sway in the wind.

He cleared his throat. “Sand Witch!” he squeaked. “It’s me!”

Sandy turned around and stared at his rabbit form. She blinked for a moment. “BUUUNNNYY- YYYYYYYYYY! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH- HHHHHHHHHHH!”

“No! No!” Rupert shouted. “It’s me! Rupert!”

“TALKING BUNNY! TALKING LYING BUNNY!” She took off her shoe and threw it at Rupert, and Rupert jumped to the side to avoid it.

“I’m not lying! It’s Rupert! Really! The Fairfoul Witch caught me! The Witches Council gave me a potion that turned me into this!”

Sandy froze in horror, a nauseated expression on her face.

“You have to help me,” Rupert said. “The witches are chasing me! Well, they’re not really witches anymore — they’ve all turned into bunnies.”

She blanched. “They’ve all turned into bunnies?” Sandy said with a shudder. “That’s the only thing worse than witches!”

“But it’s not just the witches — everyone in my class has turned into bunnies, too. And anyone who touches us becomes a bunny — soon the whole town will be full of bunnies!”

Sandy winced. “What can I do?”

“You have to turn us back!”

She shook her head. “I can’t. My spells are still rubbish, remember?”

“I’ll help you,” Rupert said. “I’ll coach you through it. You’re the only witch that can stop it. All the other witches and witchlings are rabbits right now. Without you, Gliverstoll is doomed.”

Sandy held her arms close to her chest and trembled again. “I. HATE. RABBITS,” she said through clenched teeth. “We certainly can’t have a town full of them.”

“If enough people turn into them, you might become one, too,” Rupert said. “I imagine it would be hard to fight off a horde of bunnies.”

Sandy shuddered violently. “Please stop talking about them! Just… let me think of an appropriate spell.”

She sat down on the sand across from Rupert and buried her face in her hands. Rupert waited patiently as she mumbled. “Honey,” she said. “And money. And funny — oh, that’s no good. Rabbit — habit. Still no good. What about people? Oh… steeple.”

“What are you doing?” Rupert asked.

Sandy looked up. “Trying to think of all the ways my spell can go wrong.”

Rupert’s nose twitched, and he stuck his bunny ears straight up. “We’ll be here forever, if you do that,” he said.

Sandy sighed. Then she froze, staring at something behind Rupert. He turned his head — thousands of bunnies were hopping down the steps. Black ones, white ones, gray ones, brown ones, tan ones, dotted ones, plain ones. They were pouring down like water out of a watering can, showering down the stairs. From a distance, Rupert thought the bunnies made the steps look like they were covered with a shaggy rug.

Sandy’s bottom lip quivered. “BUUUUNNN- NNYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

“GO!” Rupert squeaked. “YOU CAN’T TOUCH THEM! YOU HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE!”

Sandy started to run, but then she hesitated. “You’re coming with me,” she said. “Rupert Rabbit, you had better be fast!”