The People’s Republic of Desire

91 Dilemmas? Buddha Has the Answers

Everybody has dilemmas. In a fast-changing society like China, life is a drama, filled with events that can only create new dilemmas. According to a recent survey, young Chinese from twenty-five to forty have seven major dilemmas stemming from some basic life choices or decisions.

Highest on the list is actually a question that only applies to married couples: to have children or not? Beibei has been married for over seven years, but having children is a subject that has never entered her mind. Recently, she has taken a trip to the States. Upon returning, she tells everyone that she was surprised that each of the American families she visited had, on average, 2.4 children.

Is it still correct to think that the Chinese are the most family-oriented people? Probably not. Beibei has her own theory. "My work is number one. I feel respected as a corporate president. To be respected is important. I doubt if my kid would respect me even though I gave all of my time to him. All my friends' kids are spoiled brats and I hate to see them. Another thing is that I need to look beautiful. Chinese women of my generation are so lucky because we can visit department stores, beauty salons, saunas, massage parlors, and gyms to make us look good. As long as I'm beautiful, men like me. I don't need the love of a child."

Beibei might sound a bit selfish to me, who would love to have a few kids someday, but her selfishness is a trait shared by many women. Like their male counterparts, these women learn to love and admire themselves so much that they often find one man's love is not enough, which points them toward another major problem, according to the survey: to take a lover or not? Should the society be more tolerant of married people who take lovers or should they be condemned? In China, arranged marriage was once the practice and true love was once brutally disregarded. Some say that Chinese adulterers are often torn between seeking their true love and remaining true to family obligations. The rising number of adulterous marriages reflects the emotional awakening of the middle class, and thus should be more accepted.

The third dilemma among the young people is whether to work for a boss or be self-employed. Laid-off workers from the northeast tell young people that the iron rice bowl is broken and state-owned factories are no longer reliable. This is nothing new. But overseas returnees from Silicon Valley, whom young people admire so much, also send bad news home from other side of the world: big multinational corporations are not reliable either.

So starting your own business and becoming self-employed grows into a popular goal. Lulu has recently resigned from her job and joined the be-your-own-boss trend. Lulu comforts herself. "Work according to my own schedule means flexibility and freedom." She wants to open a coffee shop but soon learns that getting loans from Chinese banks is very difficult. At the same time, Lulu also learns the hard truth, that being your own boss also means you have to pay for your own pension plan, as well as your own medical coverage and housing benefits.

Lulu feels that only a handful of people, like Beibei, who have both the right connections and access to deep pockets, can benefit from opening their own business.

The fourth dilemma concerns mainly young college graduates or those who have worked for a number of years in China: Should you go abroad for higher education or stay and climb up the corporate ladder within China? The foreign diploma fad has been around for years. Being referred to as "Dr. So-and-So" is considered flattering and trendy, especially when the degree comes from a Western country. But this honor comes at a very high cost. Nowadays, it's not uncommon for students to owe as much as $50,000 in student loans after graduation. Given the ample business opportunities that China provides for talented people, many young people believe it's more worthwhile to stay in China and accumulate wealth.

High Mountain, my former classmate – who hasn't gone abroad – tells me, "In the United States, you can easily become a member of the middle class and earn a fairly decent salary, but it is not likely that you will become one of the superrich. But if you stay in China, this is highly possible." A few years ago, High Mountain 's state-owned company was privatized. All of a sudden, High Mountain, as the former party secretary of the company, was the owner of a multimillion-dollar corporation. High Mountain 's transformation is an example of a successful deployment of the new market economy in China. But even with his new money, High Mountain still lacks the world-liness, vision, and sophistication of those who have lived in both China and the West.

The fifth dilemma is whether you should buy a house first or a car? Young couples want to own both a car and a house like their peers in developed countries. But when their income is not high enough to own both at the same time, many choose the house over the car. Why? Is it because a house represents a better financial investment? Not really. The stability of the overvalued real estate market is beginning to show signs of strain, especially in big cities such as Shanghai, Beijing, and Shenzhen.

Plus, many work units offer their employees housing prices below market value or provide subsidized housing as part of their employee benefits package. This creates an environment where it is more reasonable to buy a home than to rent. Lulu, for example, bought her flat for only one-tenth of the marketing price. And while cars also serve the practical purpose of providing transportation, their ability to display their owners' social status is even more powerful than that of a house. Public transportation and taxis prove to be much more affordable than owning a car in China, especially if your taxi fares can be reimbursed by your workplace. My friends Beibei and Lulu often collect receipts for reimbursement as a method of supplementing their income. Of course, there is clearly no status in taking buses and taxis. So, both Beibei and Lulu still keep personal cars for the status.

The sixth dilemma is should you join the Communist Party? It's no longer a question of ideology; it's simply a matter of convenience. More and more young people join the Communist Party these days in order to get a good job or a promotion. High Mountain has his own theory: "The only difference between a party member and a non-party member is that, if you do something wrong, as a party member you are disciplined within the party system first. But if you're not a party member, you are subject to direct legal punishment." For him, joining the Communist Party is like taking out an insurance policy.

Finally, the seventh dilemma is a dilemma that Chinese men have wrestled with since the days of the Yellow Emperor: Should you listen to your wife or to your mother? As a Buddhist, I personally encourage Chinese men to listen to the teachings of Buddha.

IRON RICE BOWL: The Iron Rice Bowl refers to guaranteed lifetime employment in state enterprises, which was the central theme in Mao's socialist economy.