The Reluctant Dom

Chapter Eighteen

The week after Thanksgiving, Seth methodically worked at the oak tree with the singletail. It was one of Kaden’s favorite whips, a sixteen-plait six-foot bullwhip made of kangaroo hide, with a well-balanced handle. Seth seemed to have the most accuracy and control with it and worked to master it first before tackling some of the others. He’d gotten good enough he could nail all the balloons on the target without missing and now worked to fine-tune his control and aim with both hands, not just his right. He had also progressed enough that he was equally good in the three main throwing styles, overhand, reverse and forward crack.

Kaden lounged in the shade of another nearby tree. There were no Christmas lights or decorations this far back on the property, so Seth didn’t have to worry about accidentally snagging any wiring with the whip.

“Time for you to tackle a different target. That tree never did shit to you, buddy.”

Seth looked at him. “And what would you suggest? You told me when I could take the tips off leaves, I’d be ready.”

“I’d say you’re ready. You keep that up, I won’t have a goddamned leaf left on that thing.” He stood, then walked back to the house.

Seth continued practicing. A few minutes later, Kaden returned with Leah, who was now dressed in jeans, a heavy leather jacket, heavy leather gloves, and sneakers. Kaden carried another heavy leather jacket and a bottle of talcum powder.

As realization dawned, Seth felt his balls crawl up tight inside him. “Oh, hell no. I’m not using this on her yet!”

“Why not?” Kaden asked. “You’re good enough.”

“What if I hurt her!”

Leah smiled. “That’s sort of the point.”

Seth glared. “You know damn well what I mean!”

“You won’t hurt her through her jeans. That fall and popper can’t cut through denim. Not the way you’re throwing, at least. And that’s why I brought this.” He held up the jacket. “I’ll lay it over her ass while you practice. Once you’re sure on your distance, we’ll take it away and you can hit her on denim.”

Seth vigorously shook his head, nausea threatening. “No! I’m not ready to do that.”

Leah walked over and looked up into his face. Her eyes went wide. “Please?”

“Oh, no. Not the fucking puppy-dog eyes. Stop it!”

“Please, Seth?”

He clenched his jaw. “This isn’t fair. I’m not ready!”

She gently grabbed his collar and stood on tiptoe so she could kiss him. “Please, Sir? For me?” Her huge, green eyes melted him.

He closed his eyes and swore. “All right. But it’s your ass.”

“Thank you!”

Kaden laughed and handed Leah the jacket. She walked a short distance away and knelt on the ground, her rear facing them. She draped the jacket across her hips.

Kaden leaned into Seth. “You are so fucked, buddy. You know that? She’s got you wrapped around her little finger.”

“Look who’s talking.”

Kaden smiled. “Yeah, I know. Who’s really in charge, right? We’ve both got it bad.”

Kaden dumped some talc into his palm and laid the tip of the whip in it. “This’ll help you see where you’re hitting.”

Seth nervously gauged his distance before he threw, hitting her a little lower than he intended but on her right ass cheek. The faint white mark from the talc showed the strike.

Kaden nodded. “Excellent.” He grabbed the end of the whip, applied more talc. “Do it again.”

Kaden worked with Seth for fifteen minutes. Then Kaden removed the jacket from her ass and brushed the powder off. “Now, hit her like that.”

Seth’s nerves returned. “Man, I don’t know about this.”

“It’s okay. Go ahead.”

Leah looked like she was in heaven, the thuddy and not at all uncomfortable impact through the multiple layers of clothing nearly putting her in subspace despite the lack of an ongoing scene and relatively minor discomfort. She wiggled her ass at Seth. “Please, Sir.”

He took a deep breath. “All right.” On his first throw he choked and pulled at the last second, sending it wide and to the left.

“Stop.” Kaden walked over to him. “Don’t hesitate. That’s when you will hurt her. Or yourself. You changed at the last second. Just picture where you want it to strike and don’t hesitate. If you’re going to hesitate, it’s better to wait and not throw than it is to throw badly.”

“All right.” Seth tried again, this time hitting her exactly where he intended, on her left cheek.

Leah wiggled her ass at him and made a content sound.

“You okay?” Seth asked her.

“Ohhh yeah.”

Kaden leaned against another tree, out of the whip’s range. “She’s going to jump us once we’re finished, so you might as well nail her good now.”

After a few throws, Seth didn’t need the talc anymore. He slowly gained confidence as he took his time, carefully placing each strike to hit as close to the fleshy center of her ass cheeks as he could.

Kaden could easily go after her bare flesh. Seth knew it would take him some time—and a hell of a lot of practice—to reach that degree of confidence in his abilities.

After twenty minutes, Seth’s arm and nerves had reached their limit. He coiled the whip. “I’m done. I need a break.”

Leah sat up and pouted. “I didn’t get any sting out of that at all.”

Kaden laughed. He pushed away from the tree, handed the jacket to Seth, and took the whip from him. “Then get your ass bare for me and I’ll take care of that, love.”

Like a flash she was on her feet. She kicked off her shoes, jeans, and panties, then knelt on the ground again. “Thank you, Master!”

Kaden uncoiled the whip and took a moment to stretch his neck and roll his shoulders. As weird as it was, Seth never tired of watching Kade work with a whip. He was truly a master at it. Seth knew he needed to get plenty of video footage of them together, not just still pictures. Pictures couldn’t capture the confidence, the fluidity of Kade’s movements, the surety of his aim.

A true Dom.

“How are we, love?” Kade asked.

“Green, Master.”

“Set of twenty.”

“Twenty, Master.”

“Count.” He struck, nailing her square on the right ass cheek.

Leah sighed and said, “One, Master…”

Now she’d fully dropped into subspace. Even Seth could tell from the way her eyes looked glazed and the almost dreamy quality of her voice. Even when she didn’t need a session she still enjoyed them.

Kaden worked her through the full set, and she begged for another. After the second twenty he walked over to her and she curled in his arms, sated and content. She hadn’t climaxed from the session, and since she’d started it in a good frame of mind emotionally, she simply closed her eyes and cuddled with him.

Seth walked back to the house and left them alone. A few moments later, Leah, still naked from the waist down, ran into the kitchen and threw herself at Seth. He was forced to catch her, and she wrapped her arms and legs around him as she kissed him.

He turned, setting her on the counter before he managed to come up for air. “Whoa, hey. Hello to you, too.”

Kaden walked in. “Our girl needs some relief. I warned you she’d be jumping us.” He held up her clothes. “Go take these to the bedroom and wait for us there.”

She jumped off the counter, grabbed the clothes from Kaden, and ran to do it.

Kaden laughed and started unbuttoning his shirt. “Well? You can’t say you don’t want a nooner with her, can you?”

Seth rolled his eyes. “No, can’t say that.” He followed his friend to the bedroom.

Leah spent nearly two hours turning her men every which way but loose. When she finally fell asleep, contentedly tucked between them, Kaden fumbled for and found his glasses and the television remote. Seth needed a nap. He dozed next to Leah while Kaden watched TV.

It felt right. He wouldn’t deny it. With the initial weirdness out of the way, and except for his sometimes guilt, it felt right sharing her.

The woman they loved.

The right woman.

A few days later, Seth had conquered the worst of his hesitation over using the whip on Leah’s denim-clad rear end. Each time he did she always jumped the two men, who were more than willing to allow her to lead them to bed.

Seth was eating breakfast when Leah sidled up to him and wrapped her arms around him. “I know what I want for my birthday.”

He had a feeling it was a present he couldn’t buy. His friends had insisted on giving him an allowance when he refused to let them pay him for being there. He didn’t have to spend any of it and kept it in the joint account he now shared with Leah—yet another of Kaden’s careful plans. Seth was also a cosigner on their other bank accounts, but he didn’t want to have anything to do with those yet if he didn’t have to.

“What would that be?” He slipped his arms around her bare waist.

“I want you to use the singletail on me.”

He frowned. “How’s that a present?”

“On my bare ass.”

“Oh, no you don’t. That’s not fair!”

She broke out the puppy-dog eyes. “Please?”

“Why can’t I just buy you something?”

“This is what I really want. Please?”

“Stop the puppy-dog eyes.”

“Please?”

He groaned. “You’re killing me here, babe. Why are you asking me to do this?”

Kaden rounded the corner with his morning cup of coffee in hand. “What’s she prying out of you now?” he teased.

“I told Seth what I want for my birthday,” she said with a fake pouty lip, “and he won’t agree to it.”

Kaden took one look at her and burst out laughing. “You are too much, little girl.” He leaned in and kissed her. “And what are you trying to sucker Seth into now?”

“Using a singletail on my bare ass.”

Kaden’s spit take looked genuine. His rolling laughter certainly was. “Holy shit! She’s really got you this time.”

“How about a little backup here, dude?”

Kaden grabbed some paper towels to wipe up his spewed coffee. “No, I’m not getting between the two of you on this one.” He pointed at Seth. “You’ve got to man up and learn to stand up to her.”

“She used the eyes!”

Kaden laughed again. “I know. They’re lethal. That’s one thing I can’t teach you, buddy. You’re on your own there.”

Leah wore nothing but her heavy collar because they weren’t expecting any company that day. She pressed her body against Seth and squirmed. “Please?”

Kaden’s laughter didn’t help Seth any. “Dude, stand up to her.”

He looked at Kaden over her shoulder. “You put her up to this, didn’t you?”

Kaden leaned against the counter with his fresh mug of coffee and shrugged. “I might have suggested a course of action to her that would most likely get her the desired result.” He took a sip.

“Fucking traitor.”

“Fucking pussy. You’re her Dom. Stand up to her.”

She widened her eyes and pouted her lip. “Please?”

Seth closed his eyes and groaned. “I’m so fucking screwed.”

“Yep,” Kaden agreed.

That was how Seth found himself nervously staring at Leah’s bare ass a few hours later out in the backyard. The six-footer was too big to use in the playroom. With the Christmas tree in the living room, there wasn’t enough room there, either. With the lights on the lanai, in addition to the tables, it was easier to take her out back. Neighbors couldn’t see them anyway because of the woods.

“Your birthday isn’t for a couple of weeks yet. Why can’t we wait? Let me practice a little more?”

She wiggled her bare ass at him. She had donned a leather jacket and gloves at his insistence and Kaden’s agreement that it might be a good idea. “Please, Sir? I really want it.”

“What if I hurt you? Don’t be a smart-ass, either. I mean, what if I hit you in the wrong place?”

“You’re good. I’ve watched you. You won’t hurt me.”

Kaden sat with his back propped against an oak tree. “Pussy,” he taunted.

Seth turned and pointed the whip at him. “Don’t you fucking start on me. I’ll practice on you.”

He smiled and shrugged.

Seth took a deep breath. “All right. Just…hold still, okay? Don’t move.” He carefully lined up his throw, choked and stopped, walked in a circle, repositioned himself. “Hold still.”

He took another deep breath, closed his eyes for a moment to settle his nerves, then took aim and threw.

The hit landed squarely in the middle of her left ass cheek, leaving a pink welt behind.

Leah moaned. Not in pain, but in a “oooh, someone’s getting fucked soon and I hope it’s me” way.

“You okay, babe?”

She wiggled her ass at him. Her voice sounded deep and husky. “Don’t stop!”

Kaden laughed. “Go ahead. That was perfect. Could have stepped into it just a hair more. You barely touched her.”

“That was my intention.” He lined up another one. “Don’t move a fucking muscle.” He threw, landing the hit in the middle of her right cheek.

She moaned again. “Yes!” she hissed.

Kaden nodded. “Good. Now loosen up a bit. You’re too tense. You’re going to hurt yourself throwing like that.”

Seth took a moment to roll his neck and shoulders and another deep breath. “Okay, you ready?”

“Yes!”

He threw, then another one immediately after, both hitting their intended target.

“Okay, honey, please. I’m a wreck. Can I stop now?”

“Two more. Please?”

Kaden stood and motioned for the whip. Seth stepped out of the way and swapped him the whip for the video camera Kaden had been filming the practice with. “You’ll get more than that,” Seth said.

Kaden took over. “Where are we, love?”

She immediately slipped deep into subspace. Seth had suspected she was close but not that close. “Green, Master.”

“Set of thirty, love.”

“Thirty, Master.”

“Count.”

Seth filmed them, in awe of Kaden’s skill. Would he ever be that good, that sure of himself? Kaden told Seth he’d started with the bullwhips fifteen years earlier, after Leah had seen a demonstration and nearly came in her pants at the thought of Kaden using one on her.

Kaden also assured him that, despite his calm, outward demeanor, he’d been just as terrified of using one on her bare flesh as Seth now was.

Leah was in heaven. After the set, Kaden handed the whip back to Seth and walked over to her. She curled in his arms as he softly whispered to her.

Seth almost shut off the video, then decided maybe he should film it. She might want video of them together like that. How he felt filming it should be immaterial.

After a few minutes, Kaden kissed her forehead and she got to her feet. Seth stopped filming. She walked over to him and kissed him, long and deep. “Thank you, Sir. That was wonderful.”

“Hey, Kade did the worst of it.”

“But I knew you could do it.”

“Yeah. Just don’t ask me to do long sets yet.”

“Okay.” She headed to the house. The pink and red welts crisscrossing her ass were clearly visible.

Kaden stopped beside Seth. “She’s something else.”

“How did you not lose your fucking mind while learning all this shit?”

Kaden shrugged. “I had a woman who loved and needed me. I was going to do everything in my power to give her whatever she needed to make her happy. She didn’t want me to buy her things. We’d be living in a crappy apartment in Tampa still if it wasn’t for me insisting on moving someplace nicer. You know she drove that goddamned piece-of-crap junker car for years. A friend of mine sabotaged it for me one night so it caught fire. She had to let me buy her a new one.”

Seth remembered Kaden e-mailing him about it while he was still in Iraq. “No shit? I thought that was an accident.”

“So does she. Let’s keep that our secret, okay?”

Seth smirked. “Yeah.”

They started walking to the house. “Seth, I know this is all a mind fuck. She’s not a complicated person. She wants to feel safe, to trust, to feel secure. She gets that from me, and now from you, too. If she has that, she’s happy. The rest she doesn’t care about.”

“The pain.”

He shrugged. “That’s a coping mechanism. It’s a necessity. Some women need shoes. She needs whips.”

“I couldn’t have learned as much as I have without you. I never could have…after.” He stopped and turned to Kade. “I understand. If you’d left me a fucking note or something, I never could have done this.”

Kaden sadly smiled. “I know. Neither could she. I told you, I knew I had to make this happen. I had to show you. It was the only way. You can’t begin to explain shit like this and have it make any sense whatsoever.” He clapped Seth on the shoulder. “Now quit harshing my mellow, dude.”

Seth laughed but they continued to the house. “That’s my line.”

Two days later, Seth was outside alone with Leah, practicing in the backyard. He was about to take his third throw when a wasp dive-bombed him. Without thinking, he stepped to the side as he threw in an attempt to avoid the bug.

Leah yelped, a sound he’d never heard her make before. The pained sound sent Seth’s heart through his feet.

He dropped the whip and ran over to her. “Oh my God! Babe, are you okay?”

“Yeah, what happened?” She’d rolled over, sitting up, and had her hand clamped to her inner thigh.

“A goddamned wasp almost nailed me. Let me look.” Seth’s heart raced, and he was terrified he’d wounded her.

“I’m okay. It’s okay.”

“No, let me look!” He finally pried her hand away and saw the blood. “Oh…shit! Oh, honey, damn it! I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!”

She clamped her hand over it again. “Seth, it’s okay.”

“You’re fucking bleeding! It’s not okay! Goddamn it, I’m so sorry!”

Kaden apparently heard the commotion and raced down from the house. “What’s wrong? What happened?”

Leah proudly smiled and showed him. “My first mark from Sir.”

Kaden examined it and laughed. “Very good, love.”

“This isn’t funny!” Seth screamed, trying to get a better look at her leg. Leah kept pushing his hands away.

Kaden shook his head. “I guarantee you it hurts you worse than it hurts her.”

“This isn’t funny!” Seth screamed again. “Goddamn it, Leah. Move your fucking hand.” He finally got a good look at it, relieved to see it was only a minor cut. “It’s not fucking funny! If I’d hit your artery or something—”

She grabbed his chin. “Stop.” Her voice dropped, firmer than he ever remembered hearing it. “I’m okay, Seth. Sir, I’m fine.” She pulled him in and kissed him. “Master put far worse and deeper ones on me while He was learning. Trust me, this is nothing. I consider this a badge of honor to finally wear Your mark.” She kissed him again, then let him help her to her feet. “I’ll go wash it off and put some ointment on it. It’ll be fine. It’s all right.”

Seth watched her walk to the house, his entire body trembling from nerves. He shook his head and looked at Kaden. “I can’t do this, man. I can’t fucking do this! I can’t hurt her like that! Goddamned wasp came out of fucking nowhere—”

“Stop.” Kaden’s firm tone startled Seth. “It was an accident. I meant it when I said it’ll hurt you a lot worse than it hurts her. The pain’s already fading for her. You’ll be stinging every time you see the scar.” His face darkened. “Trust me on that.”

Seth swallowed hard. “I can’t stand hurting her like that, man.”

“I know. It sucks. The first time I cut her with a whip I nearly bawled like a baby. You saw how she reacted. She did the same thing to me. She’s strong when she needs to be, when she can be, in the ways she can be strong. Don’t ever forget that.” He looked at Seth. “There are times, like this, when you have to trust her. Remember, pain is nothing to her when she’s in subspace.”

“She was in fucking pain that day she sliced her arm open. I thought she would go into shock on me.”

“That was different. She wasn’t in subspace when it happened. She wasn’t trying to hurt herself. When she’s in subspace, you could probably pull out every one of her goddamned fingernails and she’d beg for more. There’s a huge difference. If you hadn’t wigged out on her, she’d be begging for more right now, I guarantee you.”

Seth eventually sighed. “I probably harshed her mellow by freaking out, didn’t I?”

“Dude. You did.” Kaden smiled. “But that’s okay. You can make it up to her later, I’m sure.”

Later that night after dinner, Seth willingly gave in to Leah’s request to not just join them but to spend the night. He spent a long time loving her while Kaden held her in his arms. He gently ran his lips over the welt on her leg, hating himself.

Leah sensed his inner turmoil. She kept her fingers tangled in his hair, or her fingers laced through his, and constantly murmured to him.

When they all fell asleep later, she had her back tightly nestled against Kaden, with his arm around her waist. But she had Seth tucked against her chest, cradled in her arms as he cried himself to sleep while Leah whispered to him.

The next morning, Seth still felt like shit. The wound would heal cleanly, but the ugly purple bruise surrounding it would take days to fade.

Leah started to get up to make coffee, but he grabbed her hand. “No, babe, I’ll go do it. You stay in bed.”

She tried to protest. Then, one of the few times Kaden ever overruled Seth.

“Love, go make our coffee. We’ll be out for it shortly.”

Leah quickly kissed them both and jumped out of bed. She left the bedroom.

Once Kaden was sure she was out of earshot, he turned on Seth. “Stop it. You can’t do that.”

“I fucking hurt her, man! I feel horrible!”

“She’s already over it. She was over it minutes after it happened. She humored you last night because she felt bad that you were so upset, but fucking stop it. Enough’s enough.”

Seth felt shocked. “You cold-hearted bastard! That’s your goddamned wife! How can you sit there and tell me enough’s enough?”

He leaned in. “Because that’s the way she wants it. Remember how she freaked out over the laundry when you first moved in? I’m not kidding when I say she needs you to man up now.” He dropped his voice even lower. “I’ve been busting your balls about her leading you around by the short hairs, but I’m also telling you it’s got to stop. Now.”

A haze of rage clouded Seth’s mind. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

Kaden frowned. “You have got to get a handle on this. It’s okay while I’m still around, because she’s got me. But quit this fucking bullshit once and for all before I’m gone! She needs to know you’re strong and steady and will take care of her. I’m not talking about grieving. She expects that from you. I’m talking you cannot let her get her way all the time. She needs to feel you’re her Master. Right now, you’re acting like a fucking pussy!”

Seth opened his mouth to argue, then snapped it closed. He wanted to deck Kaden. Never in his life had he ever felt that before.

Kaden met his angry gaze. “You know I’m right. You’ve seen her long enough now to understand what I mean.”

“You let her get her way.”

“When I decide to. In things that don’t fucking matter. This matters. This is an issue of strength. This is a time when you have to put on your goddamn big-boy britches and just suck it the fuck up. It’s done. It’s over with. She knows it was an accident. Believe me, she understands you’re upset about it. It’s over, it’s done, move on.”

He got out of bed, leaving Seth sitting there stewing. Kaden walked into the bathroom. Seth finally got his wits about him and went to his own room. He started for his bathroom, then turned and locked his bedroom door.

Fuck it.

He used the bathroom before pulling on some running clothes. He listened at his bedroom door for a moment, heard Leah and Kaden talking in the kitchen, and quietly walked down the hall and let himself out the front door.

The morning felt cool, but even though it was December the highs were predicted to be in the upper seventies. Seth didn’t bother stretching. He hurried down the driveway at a quick, loping pace, wanting to put distance between himself and the house and the sound of Kaden’s accusation ringing in his ears.

How could he not feel badly about what he did? Fuck! He’d hate himself every time he saw the mark. Maybe it wouldn’t leave one. Still, he’d feel horrible about it.

The sound of her pained yelp as the whip cut her.

Christ, he’d never get that out of his brain.

He picked up the pace, running faster, harder, until he was pushing himself at a blistering sprint. When he finally ran out of wind he was on the other side of the development.

At least this whole thing had forced him to get back in shape. He’d almost returned to his Army weight, and most of the flab around his belly had melted away. He looked decent, had regained most of his stamina. In the small park he stopped, did fifty push-ups, fifty sit-ups, and started running again.

He didn’t want to return home.

Home. Funny, it was home. Kaden said he needed to see it as his home. Despite hating the circumstances, Seth begrudgingly admitted yeah, it was home.

His home.

His woman.

Maybe he was still missing a key point in understanding this crazy mess. When he thought of Kaden being angry, Seth still wanted to punch his lights out.

He’d hurt Leah. How could Kaden be okay with that?

He purposely avoided the house. He didn’t know what time it was. He guessed he’d been gone for over an hour by the way the sun had moved.

He stopped at the park again, took a sip of water from the drinking fountain, then stood in the shade to stretch. He lay back in the grass and clasped his hands behind his head. Above him, soft clouds scudded across a bright, blue December sky.

His first year in the Army, he’d been stuck in Germany. What a fucking miserable place that had been for a native Florida boy. After he was sent to Iraq he missed the cold Berlin nights while he was sweating his ass off inside a Humvee under thirty pounds of body armor and another thirty of gear while trying not to get shot at.

He closed his eyes and tried to clear his mind. Every time he did, the sound of Leah’s pained yelp pierced through his soul.

Well, imagine that. Something to finally take the mental heartbeat—

kaden’sdying

—away. I’ll be damned.

What a fucking suck way to do it.

After a while he stretched, did more sit-ups and push-ups, and slowly lapped the development again. Back to the park.

School was still in session, so he had the place to himself.

He lay back in the grass and stared at the sky. This was too much. Too. Fucking. Much. He’d finally fried his brain.

He didn’t pay any attention to the sound of the car pulling into the park. He heard a door open and close and someone walking on the sidewalk toward him.

When the shadow fell across him, he realized it was Leah.

“Is this a private pity party, or can anyone join?”

He rolled into a sitting position. “How can you fucking stand to look at me?”

She sat close, cross-legged, in front of him on the grass. She’d put on a T-shirt and shorts that covered the bruise.

“It was an accident. Accidents are going to happen. I meant it when I said Kaden nailed me a lot worse than that over the years. You will too. It’s going to happen. It’s just an occupational hazard.”

“That’s not funny.”

“If this isn’t bothering me, why is it bothering you? What’s really going on?”

He clenched his jaw. “I can’t understand why Kaden was pissed at me this morning for being upset that I hurt you.” Might as well get it all out there. They’d told him they wanted honesty. “I fucking hate myself, and he’s calling me a pussy for feeling bad that I hurt you.”

She grabbed his hand and wouldn’t let him pull away. When he finally met her gaze, she softly spoke. “You love me. And I know that. You were doing what I asked you to do. You didn’t punch me or stab me. If I was helping you work on the car, for example? What if I was helping you do that, and in the process you accidentally hurt me? Would you feel like this then?”

“That wouldn’t be deliberate. It’s not the same fucking thing.”

“It is the same thing.” She squeezed his hand. “It would be an accident. No different. The first time Kade drew blood on me I thought he was going to barf and cry, and I was praying oh, God, please don’t let him pass out because we were alone and I was tied to the bench. I love you, Seth. Trust me, everything you’re feeling, he’s felt. Only it’s taken him twenty years and we’re trying to cram it all into you in a few months. This makes me love you more, that you’re doing something so obviously unnatural for you because of your love for me. How could I hate you when you’re my life?”

“You love Kaden.”

“And I love you.” Her eyes brimmed with tears, but she looked away for a minute and composed herself. “When you went in for your hernia operation, who was there waiting for you in recovery?”

“You.”

“Who took care of you?”

“You.”

“If you’d come to Kaden and told him the news he’d knocked you and me over with, I would still be taking care of you. I love you. I love you as much as I love him. Yes, I have a longer history with him, have shared things with him that…” Her voice choked, and she held up a hand to make him stay silent while she recovered.

“I’m going to miss him like hell when he’s gone,” she eventually continued. “It’s going to rip half my soul out. If you weren’t here for me, I would fucking give up and die the minute he quit breathing. I’m still not sure how I’m going to keep going. All I know is you won’t let me die.”

Her voice dropped to a whisper. “We don’t have time for you to learn every single thing he’s learned about me in twenty years. You have to trust us when we tell you things. I’m telling you, this is okay. This is not a big deal. You’ve come so far and learned so much in the past few months, it’s amazing. It’s breathtaking. I’ve loved him as his wife for years. But from the moment I met you, I knew you completed me. I couldn’t tell you, and it killed me for so long.”

She looked away again, but he spotted her tears. “For all three of your weddings, Kaden made me promise not to say anything when they asked if there were objections. He almost forced me to stay home for the third one.”

It would have been impossible for Kaden to miss them—he was always Seth’s best man.

Seth felt his heart roll again. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

“It’s okay.” She looked at him. “It’s done. We can’t get that time back.” She leaned in closer. “We have now. Right now. He’s still strong, and he’s still in decent health. Please don’t let guilt over something you don’t need to keep feeling guilty over ruin what time he’s got left with us. He needs to feel sure that when he goes, we’ll be okay.”

She laid her palm against his cheek. “I love you. I have to focus on him, I know. But it helps knowing I have you there to catch me when I get to the point where I don’t think I’ll be able to go on. You’re my safety net. And while it fucking hurts like hell to think of a future without him in it, I know that somehow, you’ll get me through to the other side and we’ll start healing together.”

“He said I need to learn to stand up to you.”

“Well, that’s easy for him to say. He’s had twenty years. But he’s right. I do tend to push your buttons more because I know I can. There are times I wish you’d stand up to me more.”

“Really?”

She nodded. “Yeah.”

“Not about this whipping crap.”

She wiped her eyes and laughed. “No, I was ready to play even dirtier to make that happen.” She laced her fingers through both his hands. “Come back with me. Please? Let’s take a shower and start the day over. There will be times you accidentally hurt me. I trust you, Seth. I know you don’t take this stuff lightly. I know you do everything in your power to make it as safe as possible. I trust you with the ropes even, because I’ve seen how closely you pay attention to what he tells and shows you. I can turn around and get out there right now and let you take a turn at me with the singletail, without hesitation. I know the risks. I know there is always a chance of injury. I also trust you will do everything in your power to be as safe as you can.”

“He’s right. I am a fucking pussy.”

“No, you’re a guy in a tough situation. You grew up with Kaden. He didn’t go from being nice guy to Master and Dom in a couple of months. I’ll never forget the look on his face that first night.” He knew from her expression that she was recalling the past. “He was so angry at me for hurting myself. But even more, he was scared. I remember I screamed at him that he didn’t know shit about me and he was fucking mean to make me promise not to do it and I don’t know what all I said. I couldn’t tell you if I tried.

“Then he grabbed me and spanked me. And when I looked up at him, he was just…well, sort of like you looked when you were trying to see how bad I was hurt. Horrified. I knew immediately he didn’t mean to do it. I knew he didn’t enjoy doing it.” She shook her head. “I think maybe that’s why I wanted him to keep doing it. Why I was able to promise him and keep it that time, mostly.”

Her voice dropped to a whisper. “He was the first person in my life who hurt me but he didn’t enjoy it. Do you think he just jumped into this with both feet? You know him. The only reason he did it was for me. Not because he enjoyed it. Don’t let him fool you. He was just as scared as you are now. Probably even more.”

“He sure doesn’t look like it.”

“That’s twenty years of experience.”

Seth took a deep breath, trying to buy himself time. “I meant it when I said I’m going to need time to just be vanilla.”

“I already told you, that’s fine. I’ll be honest if I need a session or spanking.”

He studied her. “How can you be so certain I’m capable of doing this?”

“Because I love you. I have more trust in you from nearly twenty years of friendship than I do in Tony’s twenty-plus years of being a Dom. He’s a great guy, and I consider him a friend, but he didn’t walk through hell and back with me.”

“I haven’t.”

“You are right now, aren’t you?”

Yeah, she was right about that.

She stood and offered her hand. “Please?”

After a long moment he stood, took her hand, and followed her to the car.

Later that afternoon, Leah made Seth go to the backyard with her. “You have to do this. Just two strikes, that’s all I’ll make you do. If you don’t do it, you’ll never want to do it.”

“Get back on the fucking horse, huh?”

“Well, spanking horse.” She grinned.

“Oh, fuck me. You are too much, girl.” He finally took the whip. “Okay, but it’s your ass.”

She turned, winked. “No, actually, it’s Your ass, Sir.”

He couldn’t help it. He hardened in his jeans. Fuck, that was one button he didn’t mind her being able to push.

She knelt on the ground while Seth tried to shake the tension out of his arms. After he couldn’t put it off any longer, he threw.

He nailed her perfectly, right in the middle of her ass.

He struck again, another perfect hit.

She sat up and turned, looked at him. “You okay?”

He nodded. “Yeah.” He hesitated. “Do you want a few more?”

She smiled and wiggled her ass. “I thought you’d never ask.”

He went a total of ten before his nerves gave out. “I’m done. I’m sorry.”

She stood, walked over to him. She put her arms around him and kissed him. “See? That was perfect.”

He knew what she was up to. She wore nothing but the heavy leather jacket, and the way she was bumping and grinding against him made him even harder.

“You keep that up, you’re getting fucked.”

“Really?” She grinned.

He dropped the whip and pushed her to the ground. He shoved her legs apart and unfastened his jeans. “Yeah, really.”

He plunged into her wet heat, grabbed her hips, and fucked her hard. She held on and met each thrust. When he came he collapsed on top of her.

“Feel better?” she purred.

“No.”

He heard her puzzled tone. “Why not?”

“Because you need a good spanking before I let you come, that’s why. I want to get every inch of that sweet ass red. If you behave, I might talk to Master about us both fucking you tonight.”

She made a small, surprised sound. “Really?” she gasped.

“Yeah, but only if your ass is waiting for me on the spanking horse when I get up there.”

She practically pushed him off her and ran for the house.

Seth shook his head and laughed. Okay, so maybe some of this he could get into.

Kaden looked up from his newspaper when Seth walked through a moment later. “What’s going on?”

“I’ve got me a slave to spank and molest, buddy. Care to join me?”

He threw the paper down and stood to follow him. “Duh.”