The Secrets of a Lady

Chapter Fifteen

Griffin didn’t remember walking across the room, but found himself at his mother’s elbow nonetheless.

“Mother?” he asked, interrupting her conversation. The women she was with moved away with smiles and brief greetings for him.

“Griffin!” She turned to give him a quick hug and a kiss on his cheek. “There you are!”

He prayed his voice would have some level of calm to it when he spoke. “What are you doing here?”

Her face fell as she moved out of his arms to look him up and down carefully. Her brown eyes narrowed in concern, but she continued to smile as she said, “After I wrote you, your father and I began talking. I hated to miss all the celebrations, and we wanted to see you. So we came.”

He took her arm to lead her away from the bulk of the crowd. “I wish you’d told me, Mother, so I could have greeted you.”

“What’s wrong?” She leaned closer to give them some level of privacy. “You seem out of sorts.”

With a deep breath, he smiled at her. She could know nothing about what was really happening or why he was so stunned at her presence. “Nothing. I’m just surprised.”

His mother pursed her lips and gave an unsure, “Hmmm. Well, that windbag Lord Eldergray caught your father and dragged him into political discussion, so you may not see him for quite some time. But I’m so pleased to see you.”

“As I am to see you,” he replied with a much more genuine smile, for the sentiment was true.

It had been a long while since he’d seen his mother. After Luci’s death he’d hidden away, refusing all invitations from his parents or any other family members. His mother’s letters had become increasingly concerned over the months, but he always answered them as if she’d asked no questions about his health and well-being.

“Your letter said Noah and Audrey Jordan were staying with you during the celebrations.” She rose to her tiptoes to see over the crowd. “Are they here tonight?”

Griffin’s mind sliced to Audrey on the arm of Douglas Ellison. The image gave him a bitter taste in his mouth.

“Yes, somewhere.”

“I haven’t seen Audrey in so long… or Noah.” She arched an eyebrow and gave her son a sly look. “Tabitha Jordan has been so upset since Audrey left to see the world under only her brother’s watchful eye. Has she told you much about her travels?”

Griffin twisted his mouth and gave his mother an appraising stare. Of course she would be curious about Audrey. His mother had always liked her, and had probably been as shocked about her scandalous disappearance as her own mother had been.

“Not much. I believe the travel has done her good, though,” he said. “You’ll see when we find her.”

“Well, let’s do just that, shall we?” his mother asked, practically dragging him across the floor in hopes of finding his houseguests.

***

Audrey nodded at something Douglas Ellison said while she smiled at her brother. Thankfully, Noah had broken company with his widow and returned to her side to chat with her and the man they hunted. So far their discussions hadn’t born fruit. Douglas insisted on discussion about the weather and continued to harp on Audrey’s leaving the reenactment early. Despite her explanations and reassurances, he seemed to suspect that more was behind her exit than she was saying.

Thank God he didn’t know how true that was. As he droned on endlessly in the background, Audrey’s mind briefly went to the moments in the carriage with Griffin. His hands on her, his mouth…

“Audrey Jordan!”

Pivoting at a female voice calling her name from a few feet away, Audrey stared in disbelief as Lady Penelope Ashton, Griffin’s mother, came toward her with open arms. Griffin was a few feet behind, and it appeared he was being dragged by his mother.

“Lady Ashton?” Audrey said, phrasing her name in a form of a stunned question as the other woman embraced her and placed a kiss on each of her cheeks.

“Yes, my dear. Oh you do look well, just as Griffin said you did,” she gushed, placing a gloved hand on Audrey’s face as she beamed at her.

Audrey nodded, her head spinning. Here she was, staring at the mother of the man she had just been fantasizing about. The man who she’d promised to come to for untold intimacies in just a few hours. Glancing over at Griffin, his heated stare told her he was thinking the same thing. With a little shiver, she watched Lady Ashton move to her brother’s side.

“And Noah! Or should I say Lord Lockhart? It’s hard for me to see you as anything more than a dirty-faced little boy getting into all kinds of trouble, my son in tow!”

Noah stood gape-mouthed for a moment before he stepped forward. Taking her hand, he placed a kiss on the top and grinned. “Lady Ashton, what a pleasure it is to see you. You look as beautiful now as you ever did.”

“You flatterer!” She tapped his hand with her fan and smiled. “You haven’t changed at all in the years since I saw you last, only gotten better at playing the rake.”

Griffin stepped forward to take his mother’s arm. “Mother, you may remember Mr. Ellison. He’s my neighbor and a friend of Lord Lockhart’s and Lady Audrey’s.”

“Lady Ashton,” Ellison said with a low bow. “What a pleasant surprise, Berenger hadn’t mentioned you were in London.”

“I’m afraid I surprised him.” Lady Ashton nodded to Ellison. “His father and I came to London on a whim.”

Noah nodded, but Audrey could see the concern in her brother’s blue eyes. They were working under conditions they had never encountered on assignments on the continent. There they only had to watch out for each other. Here they had family and friends who could easily interfere in their business, as Lord and Lady Ashton had done. Every time people they loved came into contact with Ellison, they put themselves in unknown danger. It was a terrifying thought.

Ellison gave each woman a thin smile. “Perhaps I could fetch you ladies a bit of punch?”

Lady Ashton nodded. “Oh that would be lovely, Mr. Ellison. I’m certainly parched by the heat in this overcrowded room, and Audrey looks a bit warm, herself.”

“Very good.” Turning, Ellison gave Audrey a long look. “I shall return as quickly as possible.”

“Do,” Audrey choked out, shocked but still desperate to continue her game with Ellison. During the dance they’d shared he’d been much more attentive with her, and she knew his jealousy might drive him closer to her yet.

Griffin nodded to the two women as Ellison disappeared into the crowd. “Will you two excuse Noah and I, as well? I wanted to speak to him about a matter of some importance.”

“Go then, I’d like a moment with Audrey anyway,” Lady Ashton said with a warm smile in Audrey’s direction.

Griffin returned her smile, then motioned for Noah to follow him. Audrey watched them go with the knowledge that her brother was probably about to get an earful from the angry Viscount. She winced at the ramifications for their future friendship, then turned to Lady Ashton with a falsely bright smile.

“I am so happy to see you, my lady,” she said. “It has been far too long.”

Audrey was thankful she only had to force her facial expression, not the emotion in her response. She was glad to see Lady Ashton. The woman was one of the kindest people she’d ever known. Seeing her now brought back memories of a happier time.

“Yes, you haven’t graced our home since…” The other woman paused as she placed a finger on her lips. Suddenly her face softened with memory. “Why, it must be since Griffin’s wedding. You shouldn’t have stayed away so long.”

Audrey nodded with a weak smile, though she felt no pleasure at Lady Ashton’s reminder of Griffin’s marriage. The only emotions accompanying that memory were pain and humiliation.

Lady Ashton continued without waiting for her answer. “I must say you’ve changed so much. Your time on the continent has done you good.”

Audrey blushed. “Thank you, my lady. My brother is an interesting travel companion, and I’ve seen many wonderful things while abroad.”

An arched eyebrow was her companion’s reply. “Not many got to see those things with the war going on, did they?”

As the blood drained from her face, Audrey searched for an answer to her companion’s subtle innuendo. “Well, some of my brother’s business concerns-”

“You don’t have to explain to me.” Lady Ashton nodded. “It isn’t of any import. Just-just be careful, will you?”

Nodding, Audrey wondered how much Lady Ashton knew. Her eyes were full of concern.

“I’m always careful.” Audrey touched the other woman’s arm to give it a gentle squeeze.

Lady Ashton turned her head away quickly, wiping her eyes before turning back with a dazzling smile. “I’m pleased at how well Griffin looks. After Luci’s death, we were quite worried about him.”

Her companion’s face fell as sorrow and a touch of anger filled it.

“I imagine it’s difficult to lose the love of one’s life,” Audrey said softly as she looked over the crowd.

In the distance she saw Griffin and Noah deep in conversation. Griffin looked handsome in his dark evening clothes. His dark blond hair curled around his forehead and he held himself like a Roman god.

“Or any spouse.” Lady Ashton sighed.

Wrinkling her brow, Audrey turned to face the woman beside her. Was Griffin’s own mother now implying that he hadn’t been happy in his marriage to Luci?

With a shake of her head, Lady Ashton looked into Audrey’s eyes. “I wonder if it is your presence… and your brother’s, of course… that has made him look so much better?”

Audrey actually backed up a step in shock. “I’m sure having his best friend by his side helps Griffin enormously. And time tends to heal, as well.”

“I think it’s more than that,” Lady Ashton said with a gentle smile.

“There you are!”

Both women turned to see Griffin’s father crossing the room with a grin on his face. Audrey was stunned, as always, at how much Griffin looked like the older Earl.

“Charles,” Lady Ashton said, holding out her hand to her husband with a smile. “You finally broke away from Eldergray, did you?”

“It took an age!” the other man laughed. “Dear God, he can talk the ear off a mouse.”

“You remember Audrey Jordan, don’t you, my dear?” Lady Ashton motioned to Audrey with a small grin.

His face lit up as he took Audrey’s hand. “Of course. Good evening, Lady Audrey. It is good to see you again after so long.”

“My lord,” she said as she smiled at the man.

He turned to his wife with a wink. “Tabitha, would you like a dance? They’re playing the waltz and I’d like to prove the older generation can perform these new steps with the best of the young ones.”

“I’d love to. Audrey, if you’ll excuse us.”

She smiled as she watched the two enter the dance floor to begin the twists and turns that were the waltz. After so many years together, it was obvious they remained very much in love. A twinge of envy made her turn away, though she was shocked by it. How could she be jealous of a couple that had been together for over thirty years? It was ridiculous.

With a sigh she looked out over the ballroom again. Couples were paired off all around her, huddled in corners, flirting from across the room with fans and winks or spinning across the dance floor in each other’s arms to the strains of the waltz.

The rest of the unpaired masses were in groups. Tittering girls years younger than she stared at the other women with admiration or scorn, and the men with interest or desire. The dandies and the rakes had even moved in together for talk of sport and women. Everyone belonged somewhere.

Everyone but her.

The life she’d chosen with Noah had put her firmly on the outside of this gay little world, just as she had been when she’d run from in it disgrace years before. This time the ton liked her, wanted to be near her, but that was only because of the mask she wore. Without Hannah’s hairstyles and her lavish wardrobe, she had nothing in common with the people around her.

Overwhelmed by her thoughts, she suddenly needed a moment alone. Gathering up her skirt into her fist, she fled around the parameter of the dance floor and through the veranda doors. The air outside greeted her with a breath of freshness, cooling her heated brow and making her feel less stifled and uncomfortable.

What was wrong with her? She had a job to do, yet she was mooning about on the veranda, looking out on the massive garden while she felt sorry for herself. She had no reason to be so maudlin. To be so… lonely. But she was.

And tired.

Tired to running from country to country. Tired of being alone every night. And tired of knowing men wanted to be near her only for the inheritance she could give, and that she only wanted to be near them for the secrets they could share. Her entire life was a fraud.

“Audrey?”

Turning slowly, she faced the voice and gave a soft smile. What she wanted stood feet away from her, outlined in the light of the ballroom. She wanted Griffin Berenger, still. Always. Forever.

“Audrey?” he repeated as he shut the door behind him softly and took a few steps toward her. “What’s wrong? Did my mother say something to upset you?”

She motioned to the other side of the veranda where fewer people stood. “No. Your mother was a dream, as always. I just felt… felt…”

“Stifled in there?” He held out a glass of champagne.

She accepted with a smile and a nod, happy he’d voiced what she felt. “Yes, exactly.”

He leaned lazily against the low stone wall to look out across the maze of gardens below them.

“I’ve always felt the same way.” A frown darkened his face. “Luci lived for these events, but I was happy to stay away. I still cringe at being surrounded by all these people.”

“That must have been very frustrating for you.”

She moved a bit closer to him. Her hand stirred at her side as the breeze blew his dark blond hair into his eyes, but he brushed it aside before she could touch him.

“Yes. I went with her, of course. At first, at least,” he added with a frown.

Audrey took a deep breath. This was her chance to ask all the questions she had wanted to about Luci. About the rumors and innuendos that crackled in the air whenever anyone spoke about her.

“Please tell me more about…” she began, watching through foggy eyes as he moved a fraction closer to her. She could almost feel his heat, and could definitely smell the spicy scent of his skin.

“Here we are again.”

Griffin moved first, turning to face Douglas Ellison as she jumped a foot away.

“Ellison,” he said with a false smile.

“This is becoming a habit, isn’t it?” Ellison asked, his tone colder than an icehouse as he looked past Griffin to her. “My interrupting the two of you.”

She stepped forward and held out both her hands. “Douglas, you misunderstand my friendship with Lord Berenger. Please don’t allow your jealousy…”

“I would like a moment alone with Lady Audrey if you don’t mind, Berenger.” The thin man glared at Griffin as if daring him to refuse.

Griffin opened his mouth to speak and Audrey’s heart lodged in her throat. If he said anything to imply she wasn’t safe with Ellison, it could tip the man off to what she really was.

For a long moment, Griffin said and did nothing, just stared at her. Then he bowed to Ellison and said, “As you wish.”

Turning on his heel, he strode back into the ballroom, his gate clipped and purposeful. Audrey could guess he was planning to find Noah and felt a bit safer with the knowledge.

Focusing on matters at hand, she moved closer to the man who had interrupted her moment with Griffin. Looking up into his gray eyes, she felt nothing but contempt, but refused to let him sense her distaste.

“Your jealousy is quite sweet, but misplaced.”

“Really, Audrey?” Ellison’s anger was evident in everything about him, from his cold tone of voice to the way he held himself. “If that’s true than why do I catch you looking so deeply into his eyes? Why do I find him watching your every move whenever you’re in a room with him?”

Torn between stoking Ellison’s jealousy and keeping Griffin safe, Audrey pondered what she should say. Finally she shook her head with a sadness she didn’t feel.

“Lord Berenger is an old friend,” she explained, biting her lip before continuing. “He’s gone through a terrible trial, losing his wife, and I want to comfort him. Perhaps he has misconstrued that friendship, but I tell you, you have nothing to fear.”

Ellison took in a shallow breath as he stepped closer, invading her personal space and making her uncomfortably warm. “Why is that?”

She swallowed hard, then looked up into his eyes with what she hoped was an adoring stare. “Douglas, you must know there is only one man who has captured my heart this Season.”

Well, at least it was the truth. If Ellison believed she was talking about him, so be it. Only she had to know Griffin Berenger was the one she loved, and would always love.

“If that’s true, prove it to me,” he whispered, putting his arm around her waist with the slowness of a snake encompassing around its victim. “Kiss me as I kissed you in the carriage.”

“I…” she stammered, unsure if she could press her mouth against his one more time. “I have my reputation to think of.”

“Nonsense.” He inched her ever closer to him with tiny tugs on her waist. “You and I have been courting publicly. And this is a private area where no one is watching. Besides, Audrey, it isn’t as if you haven’t been caught in such a situation before.”

She froze at those words. He couldn’t be referring to what had happened to her on a similar veranda all those years ago. There had been general rumors about her thanks to Luci, but no one had ever known about the man on the veranda except for her mother and Griffin’s wife. Luci had, at least, kept that promise.

“What do you mean?”

“You don’t think I know about your past?” he asked, his lips moving closer to her ear. “I must be careful who I associate with as I move my way up in Society. I had you investigated by certain people in my employ. But don’t worry, Audrey.”

Her skin felt like a thousand spiders were crawling on it, their tiny tentacles tickling her and raising the hairs on the back of her neck.

“Kiss me,” he whispered. “And I’ll believe that you care for only me.”

“And if I refuse?”

Her lip trembled even as she tried to remain playful and teasing like a lover would be.

“Then I’ll have to take it that Griffin Berenger is a threat to me.” His lips brushed her ear. “I don’t like threats.”

Everything around Audrey suddenly slowed down to a snail’s pace. Douglas’s lips moved, but she didn’t hear anything more than that he would consider Griffin a threat. Griffin was in danger. Real danger. And all because of her and the feelings she couldn’t seem to hide. Without thinking, without breathing, she turned her mouth to Ellison’s and kissed him.

His lips were cold, cooler than she’d remembered them when he’d forced them on her in the carriage weeks before. But his hands were like steel as they wrapped around her shoulders and drew her closer. His fingers bit into her skin, burning her through the thin silk of her gown. How she kept herself from gagging, she couldn’t say, but when she drew back, dipping her head in a show of modesty, she barely resisted the urge to spit.

“Is that proof enough for you that you’re the one I care for?” She hoped he took her breathless voice as desire and not fear and loathing.

“Very much so.” He raised her gloved hand to his lips and placed a wet kiss there. His mouth made a mark on the silk, and she knew she’d been branded.

“Audrey? Audrey?” Noah’s voice came from the veranda doorway.

“I’m here!” she called out, trying to keep the break from her voice as she willed her brother to hurry.

He whipped around the corner of the veranda, then skidded to a slower speed as he gave the couple a suspicious look. “What’s going on here?”

She met her brother’s eyes with desperation. “Nothing Noah. We were just looking at the moon.”

“Yes.” Ellison released her hand at long last to bow his head at her brother. “I’ve enjoyed it immensely. But perhaps I should go back inside. It’s getting late and I have many people to speak with before I depart.”

“Goodnight Douglas,” she whispered with a shaky smile.

“Good evening Audrey,” he whispered back. He locked eyes with her before nodding again to her brother. “Lord Lockhart.”

Once he had gone, the veranda door safely shut behind him, Audrey drooped against the wall. Noah hurried to her side to take her arm as he whispered, “What happened?”

“I did it,” she said, hoping she wouldn’t break down into tears as she stared at the circular ring of spit that marred her glove. The outline of Ellison’s lips.

“Did what?” he asked, his tone cautionary. “What did you do?”

“I convinced him I belong to him.”

She buried her face in her brother’s shoulder. With every ounce of strength and training, she held back the tears that threatened to break her down. There would be time later to sob. For now, she still had a role to play. A blasted duty.