The Secrets of a Lady

Chapter Six

Griffin peeked around the corner into the dining room, but immediately pulled back with a grimace. Audrey was inside reading the Morning Chronicle. There was no way he could evade her now unless he avoided breakfast completely, and for some reason his stomach was begging for food. In fact, he hadn’t been so ravenous in months.

It wasn’t that he didn’t want to see Audrey. On the contrary, he’d thought of her all night. And that was why he had to stay away. After their kiss, his friendship with Noah, Audrey’s cover, and even his own sanity were all in jeopardy.

He had to treat this encounter as a test of his wavering control. One he had no choice but to pass.

With a deep breath, he strolled into the room.

“Good morning, Audrey,” he said, sitting down at the head of the table and giving her what he hoped was a nonchalant smile.

The paper rattled as she stiffened. “Go-good morning, my lord.”

As she began the awkward task of refolding the paper, he took the opportunity to look at her more closely. Her eyes were a bit dull from lack of sleep and her face was an alluring shade of pale pink. Triumph surged through him. His kiss had affected her as much as him. Thoughts of it and her had plagued him, first causing sleeplessness and then restless, hot dreams that made him wake aching for her.

The swish of the paper brought him back to matters at hand. Audrey had succeeded in folding it, but it was mangled.

“What are you doing?” he asked with a cocked eyebrow.

She blinked in confusion. “Having breakfast.”

His gaze drifted over to the plate in front of her. It contained a dry crust of toasted bread, with no evidence that anything else had ever been there.

“Dry toast and tea?” he queried, meeting her eyes with wry smile. “Is that any way to start the day?”

She frowned and the edge of challenge returned to her voice. “I wasn’t hungry.”

“Hmmm, I wonder why.” He stirred cream into his own tea while he enjoyed the stunned look on her face. Whether it was a good idea or not, he loved to tease her. It made him feel light as he hadn’t for years.

She cleared her throat and rose to her feet. With a swift nod, she held out the mess that had once been the Chronicle.

“I took the liberty of reading it first. I hope you don’t mind. Good day.”

Griffin leapt to his feet and caught her wrist gently. “Wait Audrey.”

“What is it?” Her eyes trailed to the hand on her wrist as the slightest shiver moved through her.

“Why are you running?” With more reluctance than was healthy, he let her go. “We’re friends, aren’t we? Can’t we simply break our fast together as friends do?” A flash of something sad flickered deep in her eyes. “Yes, Griffin, we are… friends. And I suppose there’s no harm in sharing a meal.” With a stiff smile, he turned her chair out a fraction and allowed her to sit before returning to the head of the table.

“You should eat a proper breakfast anyway,” he said.

A smirk turned up one corner of her lips. It astonished Griffin what one sly glance from her could do to him. It had never been this way before, not even with Luci. His wife had inspired desire from him early on, but that feeling hadn’t consumed him. It hadn’t made him lay awake in his bed wondering how he could find a chance to touch her.

Audrey did that.

She rolled her eyes as the maid placed a brimming plate of food before her. “Why all the concern about my eating habits?”

With a shake of his head that did nothing to clear his addled mind, Griffin answered, “How can you save the world from evil on an empty stomach?” She stared at him in surprise, then began to chuckle. At first it was a small giggle, then it grew to a full-blown laugh. To his surprise, he found himself joining in. Though his laughter was untested, it felt wonderful.

“I don’t think I would go so far as to say I’m saving the world from evil,” she finally said as wiped her eyes to clear the tears of mirth that had jumped into them. “What we do isn’t as romantic as all that.” “Hmm,” Griffin murmured, taking a bite of eggs and chewing thoughtfully. “If it isn’t romantic, then why do you do it? I could see last night you take no pleasure in it.” Audrey drew in a short breath and immediately shook her head. “No! If I gave you that impression, I apologize. Of course, there are some aspects of this occupation I don’t like. But on the whole, I find it fascinating. If I hadn’t taken Noah’s offer to help him all those years ago, I never would have gone to the continent. I never would have met some incredibly interesting people.” “And a cad like Douglas Ellison never would have laid his dirty hands on you,” Griffin added, doing his best to reign in his returning anger.

Audrey’s nostrils flared just the slightest bit as she dropped her eyes to her plate. “Yes. But you wouldn’t have either.” Griffin’s fork slid from his hand and hit the edge of his plate with a loud clatter that made them both jump. He hadn’t expected her to open that topic for discussion, but now that she had…

“I shouldn’t have taken such liberties with you,” he said softly, righting his fork. “I do apologize.”

“Don’t.” She looked at him with eyes that had darkened to the deepest blue he’d ever seen. “Now we’re even, I suppose. I kissed you in a moment of weakness and you kissed me.” He flashed back to both kisses. They had blurred in his mind until they were almost one sweet caress despite the years that separated them. “I suppose that’s one way to look at it.” “In fact, what happened almost makes me feel better.” The slight crack in her voice was the only indication she gave that the subject made her uncomfortable. “I didn’t know it was possible for you to lose that careful control you present to the world. I thought I was the only one. But now I see anyone can do something… foolish.” He was torn between two options. He could follow her lead and brush off the kiss as a lack of judgment. Or he could make an enormous leap of faith and tell her it had meant more to him.

Suddenly an image of Luci leapt into his mind. Luci lying. Luci destroying his world. He never wanted to go through that again. Never.

“Yes, well foolish is the word for it,” he choked out, taking a long sip of tea. “I’m glad we both feel that way. I allowed my concern for you to slip into…” He wanted to say desire, but didn’t.

“To slip into over-protectiveness?” Audrey examined the design on the lacy tablecloth intently. “And that lead to…”

“The kiss,” he finished with a nod. “But I know you can take care of yourself. You have Noah to protect you if you need him, and Hannah. I won’t make the same mistake again.” She dipped her head and nodded sadly, her look grave as she picked at the food on her plate. Instinctively, Griffin reached across to take her hand.

“I’m sorry.”

He gave her fingers a gentle squeeze, as he wondered what exactly he was apologizing for. Perhaps for the kiss they’d shared the night before. Perhaps for the one they’d shared years ago. Or maybe because he was sorry. Sorry he couldn’t… shouldn’t take more.

For a brief moment when she looked up, he saw the volumes of emotion she felt, then she covered them with whatever skills she’d been taught as a spy.

“Please don’t trouble yourself, Griffin.” She placed her hand over his. “I’m no fragile dove.”

“Excuse me,” came a cold voice from the door.

Like guilty children, both of them snatched their hands away. Griffin glanced over to the doorway to see Noah staring at them. He looked angry, and Griffin had the sudden realization that his friend knew about the previous night’s kiss. With a grimace, he stood up. Noah looked like he wanted to rip Griffin’s heart out, so it was best to face him on more equal ground.

“Good morning.” Griffin motioned to the chair to his right while he kept a close eye on his best friend. “I trust you slept well and…” “Audrey, will you give my friend and me a moment alone?” Noah growled.

Audrey stood up to smooth her skirts as she looked from one man to the other. “Noah.” Her tone was a warning and a plea all at once.

“Audrey,” he answered, finally glancing at her pointedly.

She placed her hand on her brother’s arm and squeezed. “This is ridiculous. Please, let’s have our meal together without any problems.” Griffin saw volumes of unspoken communication pass between the siblings, then finally Audrey sighed in exasperation.

“You men! If you insist on destroying a lifelong friendship over a stupid…” Her gaze flitted to Griffin briefly. “… a stupid mistake, then what can I do about it?” With a flounce of her skirt, Audrey left the room, slamming the great oak door behind her and leaving Griffin alone with a man who looked as though he wanted to eat him alive.

Clearing his throat, Griffin asked, “Is Audrey correct? Are you intent on destroying our lifelong friendship?”

“How can you ask me that?” Noah stepped closer. “You are the one destroying the bond between us, not I!” Griffin had to work at maintaining his own cool in the face of his friend’s ugly accusation. “And just how am I doing that?”

Noah’s voice was dangerously low. “Audrey. I thought I made it clear just how easily you could hurt her!”

Griffin sat down at the table and stirred his tea while he tried to maintain his façade of calm. “My relationship with your sister has nothing to do with my friendship with you. She is a grown woman, long past the age of majority. If she chooses to spend her time in my company, then it’s really none of your affair.” Noah’s face darkened a shade and the vein in his forehead began to throb as he gripped the back of the carved dining room chair.

“Actually, it is my affair.” His voice was harsh in the quiet room. “Not only am I responsible for her as her brother, but starting any relationship with you could hurt her cover with Ellison.” “Oh, yes,” Griffin spat out, folding his arms. “I’d forgotten. You would much rather have your sister trading kisses with a turncoat in exchange for his secrets than with me.” Noah’s eyes narrowed. “At least I know where the turncoat stands, Griffin. Where do you? Are you planning to court Audrey? Are you planning to take her as your wife, or is your bed her final destination?” Stiffening at his friend’s observant, if cold, comment Griffin slammed a fist down on the table. “I would never harm your sister. She means… you mean too much to me.” With a sigh, Noah sat down in Audrey’s abandoned chair and stared at his friend intently.

“Perhaps you wouldn’t intentionally hurt her, but you already are. If Ellison finds out you and she are carrying on some kind of… affair behind his back, he could turn on her. I don’t give a damn about his blasted secrets if it means putting her life in eminent danger.” His eyes darkened as he looked away. “I know you think I’m some kind of bastard for introducing her to this dangerous lifestyle, but you don’t understand. She was nearly destroyed by the ton and my mother’s constant pressure for her to marry. If I hadn’t taken her away, Audrey might have been driven to drastic measures.” Griffin frowned. He had a sudden realization how little he knew about Audrey in the years they’d been apart. Before she’d disappeared with Noah, he’d tried to avoid all news of her in hopes he could forget what had happened between them. He’d even found out which parties she’d been invited to and made a concerted effort to decline his own invitations. Luci had been furious.

“I had no idea your sister was so unhappy,” Griffin muttered.

“Mother found out about the unfortunate… incident on your wedding day.” Noah scrubbed a hand over his face as if the memory physically pained him. “She insisted she would have Audrey married before the next Season ended, whether or not she liked it. She dragged my sister to every party and ball there was, but rumors had begun. There were a few whispers about my sister’s virtue.” “Rumors?” A sickening sense of premonition hit Griffin in the pit of his stomach. “Who started these rumors?”

Noah flinched. “I think you already know who… and why.”

Griffin closed his eyes. Yes, he did. When he married Luci, no one could have convinced him she was anything but lovely and kind. Now that he knew the truth about her… he could only imagine the revenge she had taken on Audrey for that drunken kiss.

“Luci. Damn Luci!” Griffin howled, rising to his feet to pace the room. “What did she say?”

“Leave it be, Griffin. It’s done and Luci is gone. It matters little now.” Noah shook his head.

“No.” Griffin clenched his hands. “It matters to me. I want to know what she did.”

After a brief hesitation, Noah sighed. “Apparently she swore to my sister that she would destroy her after she found you two together.” His friend’s voice was curiously flat as he continued, “She followed through on that threat with enough venom to impress the meanest of witches. After the rumors began, no suitable man wanted her. She went home after her second season with her head lowered in shame and guilt in her heart because Virginia was coming out the next year and Audrey was afraid she would taint our younger sister’s reputation, too.” “Your mother must have been furious.” Griffin felt sick as he thought of all the pain Luci had brought to him and to those he cared for.

Noah gave a glum nod. “Of course. Mama cared a great deal for appearances then, so she arranged for my sister to marry some Squire. A nice enough chap, but not the thing for our Audrey. She was miserable.” Griffin could only imagine the ugly specifics of Luci’s lies. Images of Audrey publicly humiliated tainted his mind. The pain was nearly unbearable.

“And that was why she went with you,” he said softly.

Noah nodded. “I was leaving and thanks to some snooping she had guessed a connection to the War Department. She begged me to take her with me. I couldn’t deny her when I saw how deep her misery was. I took her to meet our superior believing he would keep her from the field, but she proved herself so swiftly that she was granted her desire. I gained a powerful ally in my duty to my country that day. I would never tell her this, but I’ve never been so happy to have been proven wrong.” “And she escaped the life that would have been thrust upon her thanks to Luci. Thanks to me.” Griffin scrubbed a hand over his face. He certainly understood a great deal more about Audrey now.

“Don’t you see?” Noah asked. “As much as Audrey has changed, the fact is that you were her fantasy as a young girl. You were what she wanted. If you offer her that fantasy again now, then refuse to follow through, you’ll hurt her all over again.” Griffin gave a noncommittal grunt because he couldn’t think of anything to say. The idea of being Audrey’s fantasy was an agreeable one. But was he ready to follow through on anything he started? That he didn’t know.

“I’m deeply sorry my wife hurt your sister.”

“You had nothing to do with that,” Noah said with a snort. “Luci did what she wanted to do. You know that better than anyone.”

The blood drained from Griffin’s face. Both men were thinking of Luci’s infidelity and lies.

Noah grimaced. “I’m sorry, Griffin. I shouldn’t have gone so far. Luci is gone and we shouldn’t speak ill of the dead, no matter what she might have done.” Griffin sat back down in his chair with a thud. Noah was the only person in the world who he’d ever spoken to about Luci’s cruelty. The only person he trusted with those secrets. But now he had betrayed his friend’s trust by harming the person Noah loved most.

“I’m sorry, as well,” he said. “I shouldn’t have gone so far with your sister. She and I have already spoken about it, and I can promise you it will never happen again.” A sharp sting rushed through his body at that thought. Now that he had made that vow, the most Griffin could hope for was the gentle touch of Audrey’s hand on his arm as she exited a carriage or passed him in a hallway.

Noah cocked his head to look at Griffin closely. “You suddenly look sick.”

Griffin shook the thoughts from his head. “No, just drained, I suppose.”

“Well, get as much rest as you can. You and I are going to the merchants’ dinner in a few days. Since Audrey can’t attend, we’ll be responsible for keeping a close eye on Ellison.” Noah took a bite of the food his sister had left untouched. “I’d like to close out this case as soon as possible. After recent events, I think it would be best for all involved.” Griffin nodded grimly. What Noah said was true, but that didn’t lessen the sting that once this case was over, Audrey would be well and truly out of his life for good.