The Upside of Unrequited

31

UNALTERED? I WRITE. LIKE AN un-spayed cat?

Oh. Oh no. I mean, YES. Please don’t get spayed.

I have a boyfriend who sends texts asking me not to get spayed. I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of Reid’s weird mind. Ever.

I’ll try not to! I write. And then: I’m really glad you’re coming.

So, I’m not getting altered. I’m not even getting my dress altered. We’re just here for my moms, here being the bridal boutique alterations department. Cassie and I are on a velvet couch outside the changing room, surrounded by mirrors. I’m trying not to stare at myself.

Patty steps out of the changing room and sighs. “Oh God. See, now I don’t know about the strapless.”

Cassie raises her eyebrows. “Isn’t it a little late in the game for that?”

“You look perfect,” Nadine says, smiling.

“I don’t look like a pale, boobless forty-eight-year-old?”

“You do.” Nadine kisses her. “And I like it.”

Cassie sinks into the couch cushions and covers her eyes. “Stoooooooooooopppp. Get a room.”

“Get used to it, Kitty Cat,” Nadine says. She looks in the mirror, grins, and unbuttons her top button. “What do you think?”

“Perfect,” I say. And they really are perfect. Nadine’s wearing light gray pants and a white button-down from the grooms’ section. I actually watched her tell a consultant that her priority was “boob accessibility.” Patty’s boobs, on the other hand, are trapped behind epic amounts of Alençon lace. They’re both so totally beautiful. I know it’s weird to think that about your parents, but it’s true. I can’t believe they’re getting married tomorrow.

Nadine turns to me suddenly, eyes glinting. “So, Molly, are you bringing Reid to this thing?”

Cassie turns to me and beams. “Your boyfriend,” she adds. “Just reminding you.”

Boyfriend. Still not used to it. I grin into my fist.

Through the mirror, I catch a glimpse of Patty and Nadine watching us. They look especially twinkly-eyed, and I can tell Patty’s gearing up to say something. She’s got that look. But she’s intercepted by the bridal consultant for some last-minute stitching.

Okay, this should be a thing. Like a service you can order. Someone to sweep your mom away at the exact moment she’s about to say something awkward.

Unfortunately, Nadine decides to carry the baton. “I want to hear more about this rad boyfriend.”

Cassie giggles.

I roll my eyes. “Oh, he’s rad.”

“I mean, I didn’t even know this was in the pipeline,” she adds. “Momo, you’ve been holding out on us. Didn’t even know you liked anyone.”

“I knew,” Cassie says smugly.

I feel warm all over. “Do we have to talk about this?”

“Aww, baby. I’m just happy for you.” She squeezes onto the couch between Cassie and me, and hooks an arm around each of us.

“She’s wanted a boyfriend for so long. Soooooo long,” Cassie says.

I wrinkle my nose. “Okay, that just makes me sound pathetic.”

“What? No!”

“Aww, Momo, why do you think that?”

Because. I don’t want to be that girl. I want to be the other kind of girl. The Olivia kind. Totally cool with being single. Not even interested in a relationship right now.

“Because I don’t want to be a girl who needs a boyfriend,” I say.

“Well, of course you don’t need one,” Nadine says. “But it’s okay to want one.”

I shrug.

“Momo, I’m serious. You get to want whatever you want.” She tugs the end of my hair. “And you know what? Love is worth wanting.”

“Agreed.” Cassie grins.

“I just didn’t think it would ever happen.” I blush. “I guess I’m just a late bloomer.”

Nadine bursts out laughing. I feel the corners of my mouth twisting upward. “What?”

“Late bloomer? Mo, you’re seventeen.”

“Exactly.”

“In what universe does that make you a late bloomer?” She squeezes my shoulder. “There’s no schedule for this stuff. I didn’t have a girlfriend until the end of senior year. And your mom never dated in high school.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

I pause. “I don’t know. Yeah. It just felt like I was waiting forever.”

“Oh, I know, baby. I don’t mean to discount your feelings here.” She disentangles her arms and clasps them in her lap. “Yeah, the waiting sucks. Especially when you start feeling like it’s never going to happen.”

“Exactly!”

She smiles. “Have I ever talked to y’all about when I was trying to get pregnant?”

“I don’t think so,” Cassie says.

I shake my head.

“Yeah. It was a long-ass journey. I mean, we tried on and off for ten years. All kinds of doctors. Nobody knew what was up.”

“Are you serious?” Cassie asks.

And I’m stunned. Maybe I shouldn’t be. I don’t know. I guess it makes sense that my moms didn’t randomly decide to have another baby sixteen years after the first two. But I never realized Nadine was actively trying. For ten years. I can’t wrap my head around it.

“And then it just worked, you know? And I was forty-two. Nobody thought there was a chance in hell at this point, but there you go.”

“Wow. I did not know that,” I say.

Nadine smiles. “I know. I guess it’s weird to talk about, because I never want you guys to feel like you belong to me any less than your brother. You know that’s not the case, right?”

“I know,” I say quickly.

“But your mom and I always wanted three kids. That was our plan. And we thought we were so ahead of the game popping two out at once. Little did we know . . .”

“Xav was fashionably late,” Cassie says.

“Something like that. But you know, there’s an upside here. Because when you spend so much time just intensely wanting something, and then you actually get the thing? It’s magic.”

All of a sudden, I feel like crying. In a good way. In the best way. Because I know exactly what she means. It’s butterflies and haziness and heart eyes, but underneath all that, there’s this bass line of I can’t believe this. I can’t believe this is me.

I can’t quite articulate the sweetness of that feeling.

It’s finding out the door you were banging on is finally unlocked. Maybe it was unlocked the whole time.