To Be A Cat

Some Facts about Dad by Barney Willow

He snored so loud you could hear it through TWO walls.

He thought he was very good at reading maps but he was actually NOT.

He could smile even when he was sad. He said it came from being a salesman. (He won the Employee of the Month award at Blandford Garden Centre for selling the most potted plants.)

His dream was to own his own garden centre.

He liked going on holiday to places that were in the middle of nowhere and which were – ideally – cold and wet. (Mad!)

He liked long walks. (His favourite long walk was in Bluebell Wood.)

He loved cats but Mum never let him have one.

He knew a million facts about plants, and told me quite a lot of them. For instance, he told me that there is a rare plant that grows in the Andes in South America called Puya raimondii which doesn’t grow a flower until it is 150 years old. Then it dies.

His favourite flowers were simple ones, like daffodils and bluebells. (‘Nature’s at her best when she’s not showing off,’ he said.)

He was a good swimmer. Except in backstroke, where he always crashed into the side of the pool.

He had RUBBISH taste in music. He only liked stuff with loud guitars and not much singing, which Mum always said sounded like someone was strangling a cat. (She was right.)

He had big bushy eyebrows that looked like caterpillars.

His favourite food was Mum’s apple and blackberry crumble (with custard).

He used to take me to the cinema even though it gave him a headache.

He is not out there. I will not find him. It was just another dream. IT WAS JUST ANOTHER DREAM.