Women and Men

***

Yet a Wide Load — to pick up Mayn’s words — a Wide Load coming out is what Larry believes he was: because, though no hysterect Sue (unlike her friend Lucille who, perhaps since she rec’d her hysterectomy right after an abortion, never blamed her hysterectomy on the size of her by then eleven-year-old red-haired son’s given head at birth), Lar’ sure got the idea somewhere along the line that the parameters of his own capital (though maybe all that was inside his head) split his mother sorely enough to sever a faith years later acquired by her through a book, to wit that the mother ape (read baboon), while readily losing interest in a babe of hers if it die, loves and tends ye a live one for all the world by instinct to not remember the pain of childbirth as soon as it’s over yet as if that pain through some semen of amnesia remembers to beget mother love like an opposite of the pain, and so the Earth grows more rational.

Yet did she feel mother love just in order to neglect (read forget) the kill of Larry tearing headstrong through her? (We can’t blot out a sex flick of the late century in question, and the star stud’s creamy baritone advancing his own original pleasure-pain theory to the featured lady above him slowly centering down around his disappearing X-erected membership also baritone-arm cartridge.) For then Susan, if we now are even still with Susan alone, might after all not have felt truly mother love but only that the obstacle-pain was a presence to get past until she was sheets to the wind yonder and knew oh that she still loved her husband after all: but then only if she was still really she, like the century in question, there within our accommodating Us where many women prove to be like her with her very same problems to her relief at Grace’s Body-Self Workshops — and they prove to be like, but prove as well to like—for it’s Important, it’s Important, she found out and cried out after years of needing mothering more than to be liked by men, which was what she had thought it was all about, namely what she fell out of bed into each tense, dream-rewired morning of her one-time life, namely that ‘twas men she must needs be liked by, she had thought. And Me too, she heard all around her, intimate not falling away or apart, heard it from other women awakening in the new workshop world until some sweeter obstacle dropped away leaving her in another female presence and her within ours among other women she felt herself among, who had not seen the porn film aforementioned except for — in this wall-to-wall Body Room — the room’s "owner," proprietor, and presiding spirit Grace Kimball, who had, with her young, delicate, stern friend Maureen, who went with Grace to the film with a small party of Grace’s friends so that later Maureen and Grace in unison in Grace’s Body Room during a session of the women’s Body-Self Workshop in unison like an octave had the same things to say about the film — the absence in it of authentic one-on-one masturbation but in all fairness the goodly stress or indication through close-shot focus on her requests that a woman might Run the Fuck, though granted directorial close-shot she-focus isn’t necessarily acknowledging the goddess nor is it any substitute for, though also no obstacle to, that adjacent ideal of directorial play, and when you come down to it sex was viewed as bounty kindly deigned by the male.

Viewed upon the permanent screen also of a Manhattan movie theater at differing times by such others among us as further universalize our Sue, who is Larry’s mother but has or had the abundant dark hair of more than one other of ours changing from angel to human and had the occasional though not so lyric or so satin ("onstage") inclination of a known singer to dress now and again in men’s clothes: viewed, as has been said, on one screen at differing times, the now syntactically (tapeworm-?) digested anatomical film above mentioned lived a little in the minds of some of the current women we have bothered to respectfully discern within us, as if we were each of them looking back and forth multiplied by unresolved dreams between let’s say the inner, many-factd screen and the moving color cinema screen in the dark movie house of afternoon couples equal we see in number exactly to (two for one) the slouched, sporadic single men (no female singles) and all like communicants with the light they’re shadowed by, which is also the woman on the screen, a Miss "Jones," making up for (we’re asked to believe) her long-lost time and multiplying it with the support of a small cast of players coupling or even trebling always into her one.

The diva saw it with her lone physician one afternoon long before the naval mufti put in; and she dressed up for her escort in longish gray silk, her giant supply of hair up, her mother’s lace mantilla drawn across a high comb like a veil chaperoning her girlhood, and her annually leased amber Porsche glowing in the garage waiting to be driven to Connecticut for dinner at an inn (by her there, by her escort home). She was having an afternoon off apparently from some articulate structure such as Norma or Rosenddmmerung able to accommodate a multiplicity of small-scale acts but comfortable in another such accommodating structure, her relation with the doctor. This relation she suddenly risked later in the self-same eighth decade of the century in question. For, having always, in and out of costume/role/voice, seen herself rather comfortably as many women — not excluding the patient who treats her doctor to a feast of stethoscopic auscultation, she came one day to risk all that and without a supporting cast: pinned herself down to two, all by herself — though she was in bed with her officer (i.e., pinned down now to two women): the one who casts a quiet hand upon the military man-in-question’s tough and interesting inner thigh whose mufti lies otherwise draped upon a chaise as fealty to this woman who would later contemplate sauteing him the slick, pink, gland-like sea roe left by her brunchen-hearted physician of the brioche chamber the medicine man where medicine is the man who, like the French physician Piorry whom the diva’s doctor’s own idol Oliver Wendell Holmes extolled as poet and percussionist expert alike in rhymes and in the chest-tapped "resonances of the thoracic cavity," unites the dual languages of his love (does the diva’s doctor) in listening ever and ever for the breath of his diva’s heart in all its grown chambers now reduced or maybe grown (half-beknownst to him her friend who really cares for her) to two chambers— which are threatening to be (equally): the One who casts her fingertips upon the sense of his chamois-soft sac easier to know than what floats so unknown within it while the self-same sac she will presently use her very sex to find lightly arriving and kissing regularly and softly the edge of her love, his against her, sealing each time the lip of her; yet also be the other woman of her new two, who turns interrogator as if only that way can she ask what on earth she means taking up with an officer of the motherland regime that casts her father as a danger man and does his grocery shopping for him once a week so he must miss that flower honey he loves.

But what good could her presence do her old father? She’s a Swiss citizen, imagine! If she flew home to Chile and they let her in, it would be on condition she sing:

sing near the harbor that her voice teacher’s piano once reflected through a high casement window and, facing it across the old room, a single round mirror which was the pivotal depth turning the coastal brilliance to a sound of sweetest history upon the grand piano’s shaped black top large as Brazil, as the whole continent, or inanimate as the future and firm as the Latin her teacher had her study.

She could imagine her shoulder blades where his hands gripped her coming up along her back and over the top for a while, and, dislodging the flow, thinking of him for a moment where he now was, down below the deep breaths of her breasts to which his one blind hand goes passing back and forth — and with a delicacy of blindness brushes across. She thinks of him at her mercy, too — or of him being asked questions he could not but answer though he had heard if not them, something already, listening in on her thigh (what? some political infidelity) — she would then entirely take in this crossed cadence and the flow which after all hadn’t lessened! so that she knew she had it in her power to be made to come: until, having once again hugged this power of hers with all of her legs and a brain in her belly that clapped its high slick pillows, she lay rolled now on her side, happy, and heard herself monstrously try him with questions. Power she all but handled while she swept aside her ignorance of facts that whispered with dangerous constancy while she it was who now asked and he answered, and all the time she feared and proudly feared what he might hear of what she’s thinking coming from inside her thigh.

Which is no more political than dear Clara’s exile-economist husband, just as English as a Chilean of his class can be, quoting Chaucer or Shakespeare, or the American Emily Dickinson who has music but frets so — that one might Waste—what? those Days we thought unwisely we could spare; or the dark kindness of the Scotsman Hume candled by love and such excellent amiability that that depth might some evenings find itself all alone emptying within covers of a small and economical tome, quoting others of that island and time from some vast anthology of English sound, so that one would never have thought Clara’s love an economist laughing his tall way through exile private more than incognito (and "I would I were a weaver," he was heard to say, with Falstaff, and Clara said, "I would you were, my love," because she knew he said a lot of things to entertain her: to which he retorted, "I am your love, my love, ‘And tongues to be your being shall rehearse, / When all the breathers of this world are dead,’ " upon which Clara laughed, no only smiled beyond laughter, thinking how far her children were from her upon a globe you might nowadays just fall off of — upon which her husband the exile-economist sang some American songs in a Hispanic-Oxford accent more poignant than authentic, more close to her than foreign—"Love O Love O Foolish Love," "False-Hearted Lover," "Irene" — that seemed no more out of place than English rock groups with the drive-shaft twang of the Bluegrass in their coke-cooled nose or the drawl of northwest Carobama or new Arkansoma.

Yet proudly the diva feared still more that her officer would hear some price upon his head in her soft interrogations of him, post-ecstatic, pre-prandial, so at ease in (as her widower father would say of her mother’s long convalescence) "a darkened room" that, asking the demufti’d paramour a fine thread of questions like Clio of all her Antonys floating past the Moon-implanted pyramids, the Manchoor Mountains, the roof tiles of Florence and Paris, and over the Nine Ten Eleven Bridges of Nueva York, Where were you a minute ago? — and where an hour ago? I have won you naked and dressed, have made you my body and made for you each charming accident and endearing blunder the art of love hath care of, and still what are you thinking? — if you don’t love me I will not love myself, she hears some other voice of powerful relations seeking at our expense improvement, say, and she repeats it dismayed that she is some kind of angel if he says so, but she knows, troubled, that her lover does love her and did ten days ago with lust and admiration when he was principally at that time in her view an officer of that regime that broke Victor Jara’s guitar hands so he could no longer accompany himself except down the runways of the sport stadium where Neruda had read poems in 1972—regime-officer-someone this young opera goer who might hurt or help her father. But now ten days later she’s flirting with one answer to two wants (how did any man ever kill two birds with one stone?), felt in the devious track coming out of her some evidence that she didn’t know after all this very body of hers she was so happy with here, pre-menstrual; so close with and so happy with that it and its cosmic environs of bed and chamber had forgotten each other easily for minutes and minutes upwards of an hour-and-three-quarters of such love!

The friends of mine who sat near you? she murmurs, you knew them? you recognized them?

He makes a sound — or is it a touch — upon her leg — that’s all.

At Norma, she adds.

At Norma?

You obviously knew them, the man and the woman.

At which performance was this? he asks with the soft humility of a killer who knows what he may be called on to do, and he specifically does not say Rosenkavalier, which they both know Clara and her husband were at.

Oh at both, she lies (and nothing happens, unless the tapeworm track way above the thigh his ear’s to reenacts the ghost worm itself in some notion that gives her away).

Which friends? he asks.

The only ones I know were there, she lies — near you at Norma, where do you know them from?

Norma is the opera, he mutters as if he is under a pillow of many years of marriage, Norma is the opera about the Druid priestess and the Roman soldier, with a modicum of suicide at the end, I think, he murmurs, jokingly double-checking that it wasn’t Rosenkavalier and the silver rose, and the satin breeches weren’t the sacred wood, the threatened kids, the funeral pyre, the hated Roman occupation.

The ones you mentioned, she persists — the man and the girl.

They were a mere socio-sexual phenomenon of older-younger seen in New York quite a lot, last season and this, comes the reply from his mouth but apparently from his ear into her thigh’s live bloodstream, and what she thinks of herself at this instant she would rather not think, and not even "lest he pick it up" down there against her.

And so he moves upward like waking, like remembering, seeking her up here where she’s a soft eye to kiss and a long, warm surface of neck, while she, a good She, gazes over his shoulder. And, blocking the thought of this as a political scene, she finds and describes better than she knew the man with the girl, though not the half-observed movements to and from seats, nor that the man’s bold, squarish, weighty face turning, with an older courtesy more than once to, she remembered now, the girl beside him, hove forth into mind emerging right out of the blank obstacle which is her refusal to think what the present scene with this Pinochet officer makes her, and she can’t think how she saw him that square-faced man in the orchestra so well, she didn’t know she was looking that hard — because she wasn’t.

Socio-sexual, she softly scoffs out of Spanish now into English — you know who I mean: the man with the heavy head of Spanish-gray hair, and heavy, broad shoulders, who seemed to look off over the audience.

I know only, says the man at her neck, that the two vacant seats near me were occupied only during the second act, and not by this man and the girl you are. .

She sees those seats during Act One vacant of Clara and her husband, who after all didn’t use them; whereas in Act Two some seats are full of other vacancy. .: two women?

Two young ladies with goggles.

Goggles? Surely not goggles.

Policeman’s smoked sunglasses, a bit big for their fine faces, maybe they had standing room for Act One.

But, she says insistently, her powerful lips at his ear, her eyes way past it, but she doesn’t see what she’s looking at for a second on the wall. Those two, the man and the girl, she begins again, they left after the first act: you made a point of asking about them: what do you want with them? I don’t know their names. I don’t even know their faces.

What would I want with people I don’t know? he sighs.

To know about them? continues the interrogatress.

You are making something up, he sighs; I thought you felt good.

But as she notes the poster, her poster with concentric squares that she was looking at over his shoulder, and actually bites into the upper rim of his ear, he cries out, and then he says, All right, then, they are important if you want, they are probably key figures in a master plot to infiltrate the opera.

And his interrogatress is so ready with her next question, But what do you want? that he lets her hear him think (and say), Not them, and adjusts his ear to her shoulder, dear that he’s willing to seem.

So she wonders what her relaxed neck and shoulders betray to his listening instinct when, fearing for Clara and her important husband and fearing for her own father (whose imported sweet cigars she can smell from here), she finds in the framed poster on the shadow-like wall only that same man — or his face — the man who was with the girl for Act One and left for some reason which is probably as plausible as she to herself (upset plus pre-menstrual interrogator of her suspect, close-up) is not plausible, and she must know why that man at the opera is behind each idling query of her breath against the blurred, gorgeous, close-up demufti’d young fascist admiral who’s less bent on landing a nuclear submarine for his country than in adding to the bank of its intelligence, which is not adding to him — and the sum of its vile subtractions (she works herself up), and has she dozed off into his ear for an instant? — she has — in order to needlessly say, I’m asking the questions — but he, at rest yet drawn by her words, asks (and it could have preceded her own words), How am I supposed to know these friends of yours? what are their names? maybe that will shed light.

Their names are no concern of yours. Or mine, for that matter.

Easy enough to find out, he says.

I’m sure it was, she says, but feels the exchange turning awful.

Can’t we be in love? he says.

I am asking the questions, she says with soft daring.

If not their names and faces, which I do not know, he insists, their connections—is that it?

That’s why you singled them out?

You, not I — and why did they walk out of Norma? Opera is the most democratic of art forms, he adds.

Rosenkavalier? she asks: personal preference, perhaps, she answers— and has made a mistake, forgetting to be true to her lie.

That was what you said. Therefore, it was my presence that drove them away from Norma after the first act — is that it? is that what you are suggesting?

But he doesn’t care; he draws his hands down her back and she is confused, not hopelessly, not hopefully, and what is democratic about opera here? the opera house is right smack in the Puerto Rican tenements you might say. She can’t ask him to arrange for her father to leave his home and come here because, even if the regime agreed, her father would prefer to stay and the regime would not agree, because her father would speak louder than any act except his silent murder some night here in the free world. And thinking of anything but this, she contemplates the absence of everyone, of the middle-aged man and the girl from the second act of Norma, the absence of Clara and her husband from Norma altogether, the absence during Act One of Norma in the two seats she’d given Clara and her husband, into which the two young women with glasses had moved for the second act: until, as he moves down her, letting go of her shoulders and she finds behind her closed eyes the bristle of his mustache on her hip, her rib, along her stomach until his mustache disappears, she finds emerging the face and long hair of the mere girl whom that broad-faced, middle-aged man with the rather harshly striking thick gray hair sat with and leaned toward, in the seats she left for her friend Clara and Clara’s husband — the girl who hadn’t mattered before with her broad forehead and fine cat face coming back to mind having never till now been seriously present, and the diva, left alone with her own abandoned neck, lips, ears while her lover nuzzles her, and softens his own aim gently to a fault where she is wet so that, pre-menstrual for what her desire might not hold back, she starts to say, "I wouldn’t if I were you," but supplies instead of the last four words that would warn him of blood the other words "be surprised if it was the girl you were after."

Whereupon, confounded by what she has called forth — a snapshot of Clara’s husband with three of the staff at the foundation in whose sanctuary for the time being he keeps "a certain profile" (he says), a snapshot — a snapshot that she’s sure includes that very girl, as if the diva onstage were ever absolutely sure of who is in the house, her sight flowing over and ignoring them like things in her when she is singing. .

. . confounded by all this somewhat as we are confounded of whom she is a part by her wholehearted breathing that starts up a little light of blind relation, even to the diamond squint of the Ojibway tapeworm trapper now matriculating in his aeronautics program within shooting distance of Lake Superior but she knows she had not the pain in the head and the pain in the belly and the throw-up sweating behind her tongue after all, but then, glad he’s where he is, and glad she is not him and need not close her chamber door, for no one else besides the two of them is here — no children, no old folks — she feels him breathing like his shoulders are inside the flesh of her legs, which they are, and knows that beyond her closed eyes he looks at her, because he chuckles, and takes a little swipe, and chuckles ancora, and rests his ear lovingly ‘gainst her leg to say — with a first trace of bright blood on his mustachioed teeth? — and perhaps he is here (in New York) only to discuss acquiring from the United States a submarine that she has heard spouts (and she sees it along their lone coast) like a whale (beloved, patient coast long enough to berth that U.S. aircraft carrier our Allende was urged to invite for a visit and inspired then to announce publicly the invitation to the aircraft carrier only to have it declined by the U.S. President whom her friends in Paris used to strangely respect for his support of the NATO alliance) — Is that girl (he asks) therefore a friend of your friend Clara? I know you are asking the questions and that is hardly a question, but—

No, she stops him, I hardly think the girl is a friend of Clara’s (and the diva finds his question is about to turn her off, and her stiff answer too could turn her off — which then has an opposite effect, for by an oracular chance she has heard again by memory or tapeworm track or co-female unconscious Clara’s brave remark down the thread of this last, turning mouth, to wit that Clara’s elegant exile husband (who can sing "The Midnight Special") does have a friend or two here — one a girl at the foundation who is devoted to him — and another thing or two Clara said about what’s going on hangs back in the diva’s remembrance like a real thing she forgot to do, or a face not her own).

Therefore, her lover murmurs, her fascist argonaut, her other body, murmurs muffled somewhere—therefore (he says unseriously or drowsing, or half-dreaming of her), your friend Clara and her husband. . who likes music, and would have a box at the opera in another country… do not see this foundation girl Amy… are not in touch with her.

And the diva experiences a fixed shiver at these words of the man dreaming practically inside her. Well, her interrogation of him has brought them to a connection unforeseen, and saying, Amy? She is really feeling she may have endangered her friends — when all she wanted was to arrive at her father about whom she therefore now asks, What are you doing to him? tell me, what are you really doing to him?

She hears herself say not "they," which would mean the regime in general, but "you"; she might as well be proud she’s charged this naked man as part of it; she might as well, though all she will get from him is charm perhaps.

She rides the gentle shrug of his shoulders now in partial answer. She smells the vanilla smoke from his hair and she is nearly dispersed by some future feeding inside her but she smells dry, sharp unsmoked cigars, more acrid than their smoke, above the paternal hearth upon the mantel as many years ago as she once walked kilometres up a thorny, gravelly mountain behind a famous father who gave her a pair of black heavy hiking boots higher than the high shoes her anxious mother kept her in through the beginning years of her piano lessons though not a Sunday-afternoon song recital when she was no more than a child and her father nodded and smiled fifty feet away by a tall, ornate door, and later unseen by her disappeared leaving only a blank in her mind, disappeared with three tall men all about six inches taller than he, and handsome — one (it came back to her) a sewer architect and another a fiery-eyed, auburn-haired scientist, a Popular Front man of course who had been in the South when fifty thousand souls had perished in the earthquake, their heads emptied of the Front’s election slogan Bread, Roof, and Overcoat, so that, years later, though at this moment she, a goddess on a king-dolphin, can’t help seeing the great door ajar to the hallway that led to her father’s study, and finding an aroma of sweet cigar, and a door ajar where three men of her polite audience had been a moment ago — smoke rises from the vanilla of her present lover’s scalp and, in the midst of him with the violet of her own roof overhead meeting her vague, breathing eyes, she finds that whatever that unknown man in the orchestra at Norma (with the girl — Amy? — who works at Clara’s husband’s foundation sanctuary) means to the diva’s spiraling heart, she arrived at her hard-to-talk-about father only to see he was not the end of all her languidly irritable interrogation (no he was another obstacle sought, in the midst of these words of her naked admiral’s Your father is under house arrest and only he can hurt himself; he is fairly safe, he is a great man in his own way and he is, of course, old).

So she sees what she was about — though it too will change as she reaches it weightlessly, daughter, spy, counter-spy, counter-daughter, so totally at ease with her skin-and-bone-gripping arms and scrambling fingers and her neck and shoulder slopes as to prove the ease with which she does what she does so as to absorb the chambers of herself into one amorous whore just in time then to feel this role pass away with who but the broad-faced, broad-shouldered, unknown man in the orchestra who impressed her only upon his absence so that she thereupon became another woman whom the prostitute exploring some secret sign of her own celebrity inch by inch could never buy: and she suspected she might never tell this military man who was all over her like a boy overwhelming her in their joined breathing almost to the last, he was her other body known only for a couple of weeks growing two limbs onto her (his calves, she thinks, amused and clear) for her to plant the soles and heels of her bare feet on — of course they’re bare but what about that long-ago-felt "little swipe"? we remember we wanted to know and to be—never tell, never tell, never tell him that after their dementedly affectionate clasp ten days ago as naked inside as out, she was bound by bodily vow to miss her period and why the devil not?

Or telling him (for she has a reputation after all — and a trousseau beyond all need of a husband to go with it, yes telling) would be a thing she would think about when (and if!) she got to it among remembered phrases of his love — remembered, the way to a man’s stomach is through his heart rerouted via such doctored slick sea eggs as brunch is made for — for she doesn’t see him clearly in her future (not certainly as that We the young wife speaks for herself and her husband that takes on a wholeness sure enough to invade their dual humanity to appropriate it, is that it? have we approached the fact?)— no, she sees him only as "a blank that will be in the way if we could but find it," some reasonable invading voices, mysterious We, angel perhaps if there were angels anyplace but inside us, saying the words she hears.

And now the diva, swaying generously toward a duplex kitchen and the light in order to rustle up a dish of roe, can be again less than a story in herself and once more part of a greater Breather capable of accommodating implicitly not just her mind but her body with its memorial maps where at least one tapeworm left its narrowing track converging unknown to it or its bearer upon a future point of self removed as soon as reached, flushed atabriney from the scene to show a possessive, solicitous, though friendly physician a thing or two (yet give a body a chance, as even this knowledgeable auscultocrat of the brunch board believes) with all his pharmacopoeiac chemistry floating in his head for his old Boston idol to walk on or — for such is the power of the great American doctor Holmes — to ride across in his wonderful one-horse shay discoursing on Ricord, "the Voltaire of pelvic literature" and (not to be mixed up with Tussaud, who was a madame) Rousseau the therapeutist who professed medicine as an art (read experience) as much like making or like love as history’s obstacle quest where an American Indian tapeworm (or Indian-processed tapeworm) gives way to another blind appetite or two beyond being "with" tapeworm or with father along an always narrowing future which— like the thing or two told her by Clara that hung back in her friend the diva’s mind about what’s going on with them (all these people illuminated by us quite possibly and perchance engendered by them, which includes Clara and her economist husband), their stranded, witty life — was not at the forefront of Jim Mayn’s, on an afternoon in New York when (for he was always thrown back shadow-like by the future he’d been in and so he’d actually witnessed and felt its narrowing) he tried to interview an old loner maverick with a beat-up face who talked about everything almost except what Mayn had been drawn to visit him for. This was a new coastline meteorology this man had made up which had unfrocked or unemployed him, hermit that he almost is, here in a quiet, multi-room "railroad" in a pretty high-rent neighborhood in the lower Village. How could Mayn, e’en with his non-position on history, not wonder that a maverick pressure-front analyst across Mayn’s path could prove also a hermit of New York who had done his share of invention? Was it that we were always thinking — we have to help each other out — of the next thing, not this? — like what is in the next room or apartment? And so because Mayn kept losing the skinny beat-up polymath’s name in favor of adjacent data, substitute epithets, and because this loner with the inventive mind don’t like to be interrupted — distinctly not! — Mayn can’t shift gears and backpedal but is aware of being after not just the elements of, well not just a new meteorology but a new weather new enough to have unfrocked this hermit crab when, as a weather specialist with a national service, he began introducing his own thing into reports and surprisingly was not picked up by the wire services, but stays busy and alive among the red-and-black diagrams drawn on areas of brown paper, split-open supermarket bags taped together on the wall of the final room of the railroad flat, diagrams of weather levels like coastlines and he’s talking about what came out (or went in) as, Mayn later told himself, "obstacle"(!) geometry but Mayn didn’t register it until hours later, having groped for a name he was renaming this old man as mottled and chipped as the fortified walls of his railroad flat until, with another word coming in his mind instead of "obstacle," he nonetheless voiced the term "obstacle geometry" to his phone mate this good crazy overintellectual kid Larry who is coping, he really is, at this transitional juncture of his life (though Jim Mayn hasn’t got the full story) coping with the busted-up marriage of his parents which he really as he says feels won’t last — that is, the bust-up — though he didn’t say where his mother was up to whatever she is up to, and Larry (all ten of him) was on the point of telling what felt like "all" (though Mayn isn’t receiving dossiers of that luridly commonplace sort because he knows enough about contemporary marriage to forget a great deal and still have a rich backlog and standing reserve), and so Larry at once picked up (before Mayn could find the word to replace "obstacle") the term "obstacle geometry." And Larry said he’d never heard of "obstacle geometry." "Oh well if you haven’t heard of it—" "I mean I can figure what it is, Jim, I can figure what it is—" " — //that’s what the man said" said Jim. "Who?" said Larry. "The old genius." "What’s his name?" "Is it the Hermit-Inventor of New York?" Mayn asks, but of whom?

But he hardly had time to be startled at that old monicker from grandma Margaret’s talk, it isn’t as if Mayn don’t know from his grandmother Margaret the Hermit-Inventor’s name — that is, the H.I. of N.Y. — still he is a hermit and he is an inventor, and "of New York," no getting around it, plus Mayn hardly thinks about his instinctive nickname for the frugal meteorologist whose unified-field weather got him tossed out of the government-funded concern that had put up with him for just so long, and when next Larry spoke to Mayn, Mayn found that obstacle geometry—"optical geometry?" Mayn hesitantly asked his young friend— " — well it would include optical," said Lar\ "which I have heard of, but it’s ‘obstacle’—" "Well, did you make it up since I last talked to you?" — "No sir, it was there in what you said," said Larry.

The kid’s in his own world, hermit of the pay phone booth, private even from his apartment when his folks aren’t there—but Obstacle Geometry, misheard from optical geometry, can find its own way from day to day and call to call. And it warn’t why Lar’ exited laterally rather than through the roof of the booth, gently taking and shaking the surprised hand of the amused young blonde woman, while she feels that his gentleness seems overconfident though all Lar’ can get through is the words "You were waiting for me?" to her "You want to come home with me? I live four blocks down—" to which he, still one line from what his offered hand had meant, replied, "You probably live in my building. . four blocks?" But she laughs, shakes her head with very friendly authority; has a shopping bag in which he can see a bottle of wine with a red cap (of vino, his father would say) and a bunch of celery, leaves greener at the top, and the darker shoulder of an avocado — so she is not a prostitute; her clothes are a little mussed, she’s been working; she’s not a prostitute, he repeats to himself waiting for something to happen, for Larry then regretfully smiles friendly to the blonde whose bra shoulder strap under the loose knit of her dark sweater passes palely on its way — sweater or blouse or whatever it is, and says, "Really, thanks — I’ve got a girl and" — he shrugs with aeons of masculine understanding in his sensitive mouth but she says, "Oh," so softly, "whaddayameaj??" as if she uncannily knew that that other "older woman" (Amy) isn’t his girl but only would-bz.

As she surely won’t be if she hears Mayn mention that Larry cut short his call because of a ladyfriend, though, once more home at his desk amid the empty apartment because his father’s at a men’s group tonight over at Hudson Guild where they get info on loving their bodies and (Marv smiles) brushing their teeth, Larry thinks of the loaf of French bread sticking out of that girl-who-tried-to-pick-him-up’s shopping bag and he should laugh at this but all he can do is leave his mother-bought roll-top desk that he rolls down roughly every other night to cover up the neatness with which he leaves his books, pads, and a diary he hardly keeps and his father would never think of getting into — and wander to the phone to ring Amy’s ringing ringing ringing phone thinking Grace Kimball is entitled to her views and Larry is the last person to damn her new Open Marriage law that has had such consequences in his life, whether or not he would point out that she herself having first closed out her marriage never got engaged in Open Marriage except as extended sexual partner (ESP) no longer called Other Woman. But as for Larry, it’s the whole works or nothing, and, listening to not even a provocative busy signal off there at Amy’s number, he visualizes the blonde girl smoothly two-handing a record down onto her turntable and then removing from her shopping bag with those friendly hands of hers one avocado, one crisp loaf of bread, one long bunch of celery, one dark bottle with red cap, and he can’t think what except he is convinced with a rising mist of intense interest that there was a chicken in there, yah he is so clairvoyantly certain a roaster was waiting down in ye bottom of ye bag that he dials for a moment his mother’s new number on the Island and hangs up in mid-ring and dials Mayn’s and a woman answers with something heavy in her hand, he’s sure, and Lar’ presses his finger down on the cradle-bar rather than let her hear.

That is, what’s going on at his end. Which is not only but also marital bust-up (read single parents’ divided homes, read Susan’s got a [read] friend [read] going through a stage, take a book any book, book equals read, but equals equals means, and since read means means, clearly son-Larry means — hence, equals, hence reads. . matter — read Mayn because Mayn is "good people" (his phrase that Larry now uses) and People R Matter.) And what Lar’ reads is something he’s got to settle, and before he knows it Lar’s over there only a six-minute walk at the apartment of the girl who, yes, woke him from the longish magic of his call with Mayn, and to Lar’s mind she has now changed out of her loco weed purple into what he can’t see because he in his mind is animatedly telling her this dream he had of waking in a moving house rumbling down a highway in the middle of somewhere almost definite but it’s March and everyone out here is asleep as he passes, although when he lets the shade up to see the moon there’s also a helicopter silvering in on this wide load of Larry’s house that he’s woken up to moving (for crying out tears, as his dad says) and Lar’ can’t object or even speak, which makes the blonde girl in her bathrobe (but you can’t make anyone do something) feel something and at her open fridge door nod to Larry happily. Yes, she agrees, that’s what happens, you want to cry out or something but you cain’t even request directions, like what state you’re in or where it’s going, because the house isn’t only your house now. Except what comes next’s too private ‘n crazy to tell the girl, and he loves her, but beyond her waist in the lighted inside of her fridgerator he sees a whole familiar two-part thing/amenity that fades the second he identifies it as a telephone, well you don’t know what other people like girls keep in their refrigerator (read icebox, as Lar’s dad calls it) but this fridge phone naturally isn’t a pay-type but a "home phone" and thinking to reach and call whoever it is that will come to him when he gets hold of the phone and is ready to poke out the number adding up to get a result at t’other end, he feels the phone lose mass, let it by modulus be a piece of angel cake fading through mouth water, into the night-white of the refrigerator’s ambience, for hasn’t the blonde closed the door? and how’s he going to make sense much less have her like him for telling her how, when randomly turning away from the parlor window of the moving house in his true dream whose wide load he has woken into in the middle of the night, he finds framed on the wall a digital sampler stitched with tracks of chickens crocheted from real fingers if not from the heart, and framed on the wall behind the davenport — all of which keeps constant (as our wide load like yr mob’l unit rumbles through any continental region) bedded upon the great wide-load (house) hitch trailer (itself a long ways from the slanting Indian travois dragging the horse) — the sampler says not home sweet folkroom home much less SHOULD MUSIC PROVE THE FUEL OF LOVE LAY ON OR IN GOD ‘A WE TRUST BUT PEOPLE R MATTER (hence ticklable! it comes to us): and the girl in purple and her home phone are gone just like that; and Lar’ is at least left with the current obstacle to their union, and he doesn’t want to tell about either the Two-on-One Quantum Regress, or the Dread Modulus by which one system can be turned like the tables to another, or about the individualized screens that tell Lar’ two things relatively at once; trouble is you can luck into them only by a mode he’s on’y dreamt, which, try as he will, he must know through refiguring it, while anyway what matters is that the two-thing-at-once is what Larry feels he’s been told in Mayn’s informations vouchsafed to Larry in a stream of talk.

What was this information? And told how?

for one thing the eight-hundred-unit, Mayn-mentioned, ancient Indian apartment house that was cut like its myriad portal shadows out of and into what’s already there under the sky that was hardly without would-be dust pollutants, if altogether less fragile in those days;

and for another thing, that hermit from the City of the East occupying one of those eight hundred units for a few months at a time in that ancient multiple dwelling in New Mexico, who befriended Mayn’s grandmother or the East Far Eastern Princess (who had been no doubt overly influenced by locoweed her horse consumed and her veins embraced through the softest of saddles), or both grandmother and Princess, for after all it was the grandmother that (Larry is well aware) the Princess saw herself distantly conjoined with in the glint of the hermit’s eye up there in his niche;

and for a third thing, the odd economical conjunction of changed patterns of rainfall evicting the cactus-tough Anasazi from the wondrous cliff they lived in as if it were a body, with the epic cycling through all the kinds of locoweed (plus one) by the botanist Marcus Jones roughly a decade before these events and roughly — with an approximation about as useful as the eleven-year paralleling of sunspots and economic cycles — roughly at the time of Krakatoa’s 1883 eruption mentioned by Mayn which opened up to scientists the night-shining mother-of-pearl clouds fifty miles up in fact and the twilight effects, and, behind the cosmic New Mexico sunsets, the stratospheric layers of aerosols whose infinitesimally particled optical properties became a central thrust of atmospheric research which, if it does not include Mayn emplaning to Colorado to the Weather Center or to a barren rock in New Mexico near three other states of the Union, does include Larry maybe someday going out there, having been propelled by his elder new friend Jim (who in such an easygoing warp unloads on Larry these scrambled matters for Larry) to refigure:

an eight-hundred-unit Indian cliff dwelling; the Hermit from the City of the East mellowing out high "upstairs" in one of those units marked only among the blanched sheer face of cliff and the portals of shadow by his glinting eye observing spiral wind playing with native snakes; then the rough intersection of Krakatoa’s upburst circa Marcus Jones’s botanical bicycling jaunt in those parts; and, in Mayn’s minimal maundering, the rain that did not come and did not come except in the pattern of its change spelling disaster to those Anasazi Indians who must quit their multiple dwelling and move elsewhere.

Was Mayn telling Larry something? Marcus Jones the epic-cycling botanist ran out of names for locoweed — a hermit in motion, he was like the plants he found, a navigator among driest shrines to wind and sky, the rain that came and was saved in memory of need, and, centuries before it, the rain that for one mere decade did not come, whose absence plus perhaps a few enemy Apache scaling ladders made the Anasazi by the hundreds vacate the premises not questioning this edict of Sky and Earth: Lar’ can see it, while he stands still in a room that may be no huger than a transparent phone booth and he feels like one messenger in the world who stays put, but can’t take the next step to account for this curiosity of the messenger who is borne down on by the message, but that’s not it — Larry sees the lone pedaling botanist content though running out of names; and Larry, for the purpose of hypothetically modeling whatever may prove to be there, creates a one-greater space frame that can appropriate territory south of Jones’s dry run of floral Utah thus take in a multiple dwelling looking out for rain, and Larry creates also a freer time frame to please find — in the same great elastic year — both Jones’s botany looking out for locoweed while looking inward for new names for it, and Krakatoa’s upburst with its long weather fallout — so, with these model space and time frames, Larry arrives at Mayn meaning a woman envisioned escaping via some reciprocal rotation of a distant mentor’s eye into another story: evidently Mayn’s grandmother, who entertained him, had been in this history and had escaped to or from the West with the aid of some male solitary or other, and the rain that an unthinking child will tell to go away, go away, come again some other day, could not be counted on to come again yet wasn’t gone either, not over and gone as if forever after but was elsewhere in a similar hemisphere, the rain that left the Anasazi high and dry found new forms in the rocketing riot of Krakatoa’s eruption that rained magnificent nuisance far and wide upon its island and the sea but rained also permanently upward arbitrarily to help create those twilight aerosol and mother-of-pearl clouds noctilucent as the dream’s wide load which then in later life newsman Mayn pursued in the form of upper-atmosphere meteorology he occasionally reported on, especially long-range decay factors though even with his own normal quota of two evolutionarily-rather-small-lungs (chest expansion be damned) he’s hardly on intimate terms, he said, with nitrogen-oxide-measuring instruments (he’ll let the air-flow cylinder do the driving, and the reaction volume and the purge volume) though he is sufficiently cozy with Savage’s gadget aboard the ‘75 U-2 and is on friendly terms with ERDA’s Ash Can program balloons.

Well, a little knowledge used to be a dangerous thing which is why we have always been in danger, as Larry’s economic mentor and interrogator said, always never out — but now a lot of knowledge is as much more dangerous as Larry’s twin-twain two-thingama-screen personal system matters more than where in the end this Mayn’s really coming from, or the true whereabouts of Krakatoa to whose foot Lar’ thought he should have come having imagined Hawaii’s leper colonists not wiped out so much as re-pondered by a record tidal wave gushed from the sky directed by Larry himself from a high, pastel sea-view balcon (corbelled out over the beach from an elegant dark hotel room behind him where his parents weren’t quite talking), or the actual position of ten-thousand-to-twenty-five-thousand-year-old Midland Woman lying patiently in Texas waiting to be discovered in 1953 under much younger Folsom Man and the remains of his half-wasted bison all of which Mayn had deleted from some New Mexico copy of his as a subtly irrelevant look southeastward from Ship Rock to that postwar oil-boom town (you guessed it), Midland, Texas, upwards of sixty miles east of the New Mexico border that in ‘53 made it onto the Digger’s Map of Ancient Time though all that Midland Woman gave was her good head, long and delicate, small-toothed so Lar’ imagined beneath the unthinkably deep-set eyes of her precious skull a glistening tongue that could do what his mother Susan could with hers — a big thing with Lar’!—fold it to a long-tubed music-flower yet flute the edges of this scrolled and folded pipe — what no one else in the world would do.

Yet why, then, does the little knowledge he has of Mayn get in the way of all that Lar’s, well, "got" on his mother Susan who has left her normal bigamouse-spous playing with Larry-son and Marv-el-housbond to live in the house on the Island? — so while she’s the one who went, Larry-son feels he is the one who is now successfully out of the way; he’s got no name for this except that in his active sadness that ("If I could be another person, she could be") his mother has split, no kidding his real sorrow, his black-with-brown-letter-and-trim Raleigh ten-speed bike’s sweetest (though deceptive) swiftest uphill gear catches — good, he’d been concerned about it — or the chain catches it, and, even against the wind, frees him of that transitional threatening clank (like some hideous thing wrong with your car) to vector between the united product of gravity raining invisibly down through his shoulders and the steep incline at the point of Tenth Avenue. But he’s not looking for locoweed in Utah, he’s just out on his bike thinking his way between double-parked trucks with potential open doors and sour pedestrians crossing ‘gainst the light until they run out of sotto-voce names for him gearing himself seventy blocks uptown, eighty blocks down like a hired messenger, then forty blocks uptown and several east to wind through the other dimensions of our Central Park with its labeled trees and so on, and nothing will stay still. For although your Mississippi catfish nine foot long with God knows what all in it contains, they say, the word we are waiting for of whether the fault from New York to Tokyo will divide and crack and bring the Earth to its knees and skyscrapers will scrape the ground and fire our well-rehearsed salute to the Sun, the two screens twain can’t bring a future Tokyo earthquake here to New York and Larry knows he’s pretty free and could be relieved if he would let himself be even if things won’t stay still: for he thinks for a moment of the woman his mother is staying with whom he likes and how she rides a bike bent way forward and now his mother Susan does — God, he can’t keep up with them any more; and he might like to think further upon this stumbling block in the way of his life but, on the contrary, here comes the gearless two-wheeler of the botanist Marcus Jones in 1883 bumping, jarring, careering, cutting his way through the living locoweed of all the names he could think of for new varieties, ten years before a Victorian-American girl Margaret of nineteen or twenty (secretly and premaritally at war from herself) exceeded her mandate to cover the 1893 Chicago Fair for her father’s Windrow Democrat, particularly the (as we remember it a century later, "low-key") New Jersey exhibition (plus twenty-seven nations and remcarnation a la Carl Browne the populist spellbinder who could not spell but peddled a breathtaking theory of our — as we might say it a century later — soul "bank" drawn upon by each newborn according to its incoming and ongoing needs), yet Margaret upon completion of her Chicago stint in summer ‘93 kept going as if she could not turn and return home to (her parents, her brothers, her implicitly betrothed) Alexander who, one score and one year later, went with his wife Margaret through the last dull glow of October trees in Englishtown, Red Bank, and Rah way to Carnegie Hall, New York, to hear the Pankhurst woman shock American suffragettes crying that Britain was fighting Germany partly "for you," and Germany "hacking her way through Belgium" was as much in the wrong as "we" were when "you fought us" on what proved to be the good suffragette claim of no taxation without representation, and Alexander carried the report of Christabel Pankhurst’s anti-neutrality speech back to Windrow where his father-in-law was even more reluctant to run it than Alexander to leave Margaret in New York to "cover" Emmeline Pethick-Lawrence’s pacifist pleas to America at Carnegie Hall five days later splitting the suffragettes and precipitating the Women’s Peace Party of New York and splitting, as Mayn hardly knew and his grandfather Alexander never would accept, a female wing of his own family, though Margaret’s daughter Sarah, Jim’s eventual mother, subtle in her own mild, needling jokes and pleasingly soft ‘n sweet upon the violin at the age of ten(-and-up) must have had deeper reasons for turning pacifist and vegetarian against her mother Margaret, who was a minor New Jersey celebrity-militant. Later, Sarah actually amused Mayn’s father her putative husband (who really and truly dreamed at night of owning a white Hispano-Suiza touring motorcar) by observing that the Vote was the least of the complaints of her sex and while votes for women might matter even to the point of electing women one day, suffrage was suffered to be a substitute for a lot of other things. Witness her own once-militant mother Margaret’s relief at not being returned state senator in one run that she had been coerced by a bunch of men into making in the days of Coolidge. Who’s Coolidge? Larry asked. Mayn said that without knowing the French or the English for the proverb Emmeline Pankhurst quoted in honor of her daughters Christabel and Sylvia in hopes of joining younger women with older, Calvin Coolidge would have approved and would have said, "If youth could know; if age could do." And Larry, feeling he is not alone in this individualized history and doesn’t mind passing it on to other minds if it’s there already because he intends to squeak to a stop at, economically, a Tenth Avenue red light where there’s a transparent phone booth and phone the young woman of his dreams at her office in an area so different from the Tenth Avenue small Spanish shops and garages and a public school and a bar — weaves through a decade of Krakatoa’s debris dodging forward and backward in time to find Mayn’s grandma Margaret in her fifties in Windrow-town, not hitting the ceiling but waxing, if not quite flummoxed at least so fiercely angry at some electrical contractor Bob that Larry couldn’t help recalling that it was this Bob’s view that government without newspapers had much more to be said for it than the other way around because where would newspapers be without gov’ment to go on about, which Larry coupled with a wrong notion voiced by Mayn that if there had been newspapers the news of the 1815 peace would have saved hundreds of British soldiers in New Orleans from becoming mere material to be shaped into a mountainous monument to War as Fun by the sword of the very Jackson, Andrew, whom the Windrow Democrat was later founded to support — where what was lacking warn’t newspapers but rapid communication. Which in modern times we have but always had, as Larry thinks (shifting into a heavy-pedal gear) breasting a hill headed north through real-estate values inhabited by an active if not ever-prosperous Hispanic working class who are getting in his way thinking yes rapid communication we always had in order to take such assembled data as Mayn’s news of Fort Nightmare that you can pass through like a shadow or like a machine-gun spray shot and never feel that fort you’re passing through.

And such assembled data as the Navajo Prince’s mother for whom a ceremonial sing was being held in order to find a way into her head through a hole chock-full of demons, and this old all-purpose hermit, Margaret’s ally, who needed a break once in a while and went out West to occupy one of the ancient units of the Anasazi multiple dwelling but not necessarily a break from himself:

all of which super-rapid communication joins simultaneously as a tear of anger blinds Larry’s eyes as he shifts to low gear approaching a light that’s still his so that two lunchtime Riquenos (or who knows "what" they are?) slowed down if not quite on hold or the worse for wear join in Larry’s tear for him just as he half brakes then accelerates between their merged units and, clipping a coattail, an elbow, a hand, feels the merest swipe of a furious limb as little as a finger or two upon his shoulder as he passes and, heading through the intersection wondering how he could do such a thing yet seeing, as clank gives way to whirr, that Marcus Jones when he couldn’t think of yet another name to call a new variety of royal locoweed called it after himself, his legs so weary, his porous mind desperately interested which at this moment of near accident that wouldn’t make the papers Larry (who has grandparents only in California) finds the grandmother Margaret was as well — desperate — now where did he get that? — but on the locoweed breathing into her from her soft-saddled horse or from some horse or some prior anguish wherein, for sure, that hermit in his portal-shadowed high unit gave her his eye to pivot her from self to self.

So, as the two Hispanic pedestrians, lurching — nay, lunching — across against the light, close ranks behind Larry’s bike, he feels the two of them like one kindred gap he’s passed through when they weren’t concentrating, feels their flesh by way of, first, one cluttered storefront window (in the next block) with two TV sets angled toward each other, one off, one on, as a hand reaches over a partition and switches channels — and second, a couple of seconds later at the other end of this new block, another storefront and another TV set being watched from the sidewalk by a broad-shouldered woman with two loaded shopping bags that like buckets and for balance’ sake she hasn’t set down, while the same TV’s watched from inside by a man sitting in a corner of the storefront window beside a Messenger Service sign, the man for that moment as odd in himself (his dark hair thickly threatening to grow down his short forehead to join forces with the frontier of his stubborn black eyebrows) as Larry, seeing on the screen Grace Kimball in boots (one of them crossed, man-like, across the other trousered knee) and a broad-brimmed hat beneath which she talked, knows that the screen with entirely other contents that he’d seen barely a moment ago at the other end of the block was switched to the same channel. Now how did he know that?

Well, it might be important, he hears — it might be important, Larry, the words say, voicing a female presence that he had an appointment with twenty minutes ago, a motherly voice that catches up with his silences to irritatingly say, What are you feeling, Larry? it might be important — and to say later, You’re irritated, Larry, that every little thing matters — Yeah, that’s right, that does irritate me — that you’re one of these people that every little thing matters to you, it’s, it’s — What, Larry? can you say it? — Oh shit it’s heavy, it’s, it’s, well greedy — But we deserve it, Larry, we’re working together for it, we deserve it — Wait a minute: who said it’s both of us that every little thing matters to? who said that? — Maybe that’s what we find out, Larry, what we’re always finding out, that every little thing matters — Greed is what my father’s paying thirty bucks into, but you’re getting all this stuff you’re going to use, you’re using it already, it’s greed doubled if you ask me — O.K., Larry, what’s wrong with using it? — You’re so moral: that’s what’s wrong — Wait, Larry — Laying down the law — But I’m not an authority figure, don’t make me into one — That’s it, Martha, you’re greedy and you’re moral about it — That’s good, we can work with that, Larry — You go right ahead — But every little thing does matter to you, Larry. . Larry? Breathe—What if I don’t? — and we hardly know each other and already we really have something to work on — But I don’t want to pay you my father’s money to attack you; after all who are you? — Why not?

The voice of Martha, in her ripe thirties, receded when he turned left; he rolled a block west, silently, fluently, and cut south down Eleventh Avenue (a narrower-feeling two-wayer with a divider), and the voice picked up when he turned north again until the moment when he cut between the two Hispanic lunchers threatening to be one who unanimously could offer him bilingual abuse, which helped to shift him recycled from between them and past the changing light into the new block, to be visited then by genius (I’ll be thinking of you, Larry, said Mayn, who also said that you wouldn’t get him on one of those things in today’s traffic) — genius? because now, at the very moment Larry’s wasting his black Raleigh bike (ouch) on the topographical feature length of Manhattan’s theoretic island, the ruts, crevasses, minor lakes dammed where a landmark sewer’s backed up out of sight and his naked tires can’t see beneath the surface the sharp mean trowels of broken glass (tooled from last week’s jettisoned boddles) he finds what he wouldn’t have if he’d kept this third date with (read the Electric Chair, read D-D-D-Destiny) Ma Therapist, Mahtha by name she’ll answer to ‘n come runnin’ while yet seem to stay where she was a minute ago at home curled stockin’ feet in her soft mobile chair who his father (who he wishes would stop thinking of him) has "brought in," though it’s Larry who’s being brought or biked in to the therapist but en route though receding from the therapist, has found, namely, the real action and Larry finds it is laid out for him somehow while the ground plan of it is half asleep there below him and his emotional bike dozing like only a city can doze, steady and gapped, like breath when it comes only faintly, don’ you know—

But we do. We are. Angels of change, seeking human limit.

So saying, having been told to go ‘way yet retaining (like fluid) the stored (if irretrievable) impression that she had been the one to depart: and, thus, so saying, we betray in the best sense, that is to oneself (because we don’ need no one else to criticize us we can do it well enough alone), that we are we in two ways — a 2-folded we like him and I, and a all-type we (Do you mean, asks the interrogator all but forgotten except by our hellishly independent Pain, do you mean we all?).

But as soon, thinks Lar’, as that grand ground implied itself to him through the tight-sprung folds of a twenty-two-buck bike-saddle, it found itself obscured by the small tip of an elbow appearing just within the operative TV screen in the first storefront window of the block, before that silent screen was rechanneled to a segment of swarthy marchers flinging shouts, cries, arms, hands, bottles, one at the camera enabling it to pass to a revolutionary man or woman face down in the gutter one bent arm at rest along the curb. So, having registered the well-clothed host on the previous channel and the bright elbow resting on a talk-show chair arm right next to the host’s ribs, Lar’ could hear the broken English abuse projected bilingual rehearsed so often as to be now unrehearsed after him by the guys he’d nearly hit (hence distinguished for a moment one from the other). Which was an improvised audio for the swarthy marchers on the news channel especially since they were at once replaced on camera by the body holding its breath in the gutter. And a moment later, riding past the storefront TV displaying Grace Kimball like a message of wares within, Lar’ knows that the elbow was Grace’s elbow in the other TV in the first storefront where he now already recalls there were two TV’s angled half facing each other and one TV wasn’t on.

So that, coupling if not cubing the two operative storefront screens with the two different channels employed and the second, unemployed though not necessarily inoperative TV in the first storefront plus the man inside and woman outside the storefront both employed and unemployed, Larry turns away from the nice lovable therapist his dad fixed him up with who at this instant of her full day is "with" somebody else, not Larry and his wide and klutzish shitload of half-life dream which to tell the truth he isn’t bringing her because she would rather he told her his daydreams, some less in him than he’s at large in them who himself for all he does know doesn’t know that between him and the therapist (who’s on a high floor) is somebody at street level waiting to waylay Larry and bother him, a fact at least three people know but not Lar’.

Who now — as if his front wheel were his vehicle — turns away and must cleave to his own route, obstacle or no. For Mayn did half-know what he conveyed to Lar’. Such historic debris as might slip between the twin screens twain or just wipe them out: yet Krakatoa, from which arose stratospheric phenomena in which Mayn would one day find (if such a man — though ever off-handedly—ever found) cause for inspiration — Krakatoa 1883, which Larry not finding in Hawaii has quickly moved to Indonesia where it belongs, volcano and island near unto congruence, blew up and killed people married or unmarried on the shores of neighboring Java and Sumatra as if they were so much debris to be incorporated, were matter smashed by the continuum, sons, daughters, families of matter, Larry hears them in the shouts of the two men who left just gap enough between them for Larry and bike like the wind to startle them into spontaneous commands to do something to Lar’s mother; so that he with his running shoes stirruped in his pedals’ toe clips can see those People in the light of Krakatoa mattering, and angels, being in Larry, are shown what we cannot escape — such as the tip of the elbow, as they say: and that goes for when you can’t see those People well too — although an elbow that talks louder than words on one TV set turns into a Grace Kimball on a set down the block almost at the next corner where nearly causing an accident Mayn’s hermit’s blank gray ingot of an eye high in that Indian cliff dwelling returning young Margaret to the gaze of the East Far Eastern Princess (for one screen deserves another) takes Larry out of a tubeful of womb-men to his sole self for a time, he hopes, not being thought about by anyonel

Therefore, wishing to be Not Thought Of, Lar’ cut then as diagonally as the city let him back toward the East Side south, pumped so alertly through El Parque Central and beyond that everything he saw signified, and yet was, nothing, though the City’s dormant ground plan had begun to stir, to move Larry—ipero adonde? but where? — well, clear to the busy image of Grace in flesh emerging punctually (it goes without saying) from their multiple dwelling strutting gaily out, her arms swinging as if powered by the small, red, water-resistant, mainly empty pack on her back, so that Larry gallantly risks running her down and brakes at the last second while she grins welcoming him ne’er doubting he will stop, and he understands through a channel-shaped elbow and with a happiness like unexpected basketball tickets or quiet praise from his mother that "frees him up," that the bright patch of cloth on one screen back there on Tenth Avenue was the funny bone of none other than, in the flesh, "Kimball" (as Larry’s Mom Sue called her sometimes), an elbow corner of a puzzle getting you to the other screen where, as TV talk-shows show (even with audio off or behind a storefront window) People Matter and the headless elbow traveling fast as a bicycle made of thought (or light that’s itself at rest) takes you simultaneously to both Grace’s hand and Grace’s face, the one lightly and joyfully slapping, the other telling host, audience, and tube of some mouth-watering surprise that came to her one day as she’s succeeded in living her life, fighting the Habit Patterns, ever making new friends, turning an audience on to how sex and drugs bound to go together in a guilt-ridden patriarchal society, how else can we bear to have sex (—But is there that much in sex, a devil’s deviate (southern) woman host asks) but we’ve got to take a break but we’ll be back even younger!

And Grace’s smile — suddenly, de repente—meets Larry’s in a kiss under the apartment overhang.

He’s home.

"You can really travel on that thing," she says, and "take me away from all this, darling," flinging her hand across the intersection but oops checking her wristwatch as Lar’ sees his handlebars are out of line and he’ll have to tighten the stem by loosening the expander bolts when he gets upstairs, and so (thinking, "If I could be another person. .") he sees with one of his heads the neatly-zippered oblong black-leather tool kit on a shelf near his desk in the empty, the absent apartment, and with the other head catches in Grace’s interested eye an understanding question which ran from her hand flung to the winds across this city intersection to her wristwatch to her bright gray-eyed glance, and he feels for his wallet that may have worked its way up in his hip pocket — and for the first time thinks — so he smacks his cheek in ascetic alarm — that if you miss a certain appointment you pay anyway whether it’s the real you or not. And knows then as surely as that he’ll not ask her, that Grace emerging from their multiple dwelling a las uno y media or one-thirty p.m. also knows when his therapy appointment was.

Yet in her eye he finds himself liked and loved, what the hell! and passing a meridian where all parallels imagine meeting with the speed of love which is beyond speed, why Lar’ unpenitent recalls what he never could have if he hadn’t run into Grace through veering away from the immovable obstacle of the nice therapist, who is west and north of here (and more than nice and more than pretty), a dream he had last night—"Breathe" — or this morning —"Breathe, honey!" — in which looking right at his mother he finds he can see his face and hers: but now with Grace’s hand upon his hand which is upon the upper part of his racing handlebar dynamically hard in its very bend and hanging temper, he opens his mouth and breathes like a sigh of relief: to know that Grace has a mother and so does Mayn, and so does Martha, who will charge Lar’s father Marv the thirty bucks (show or no show) and can be heard in one half of Lar’s old brain pushing pushing saying, "Sure the rest of us have mothers, Larry, but it’s your mother you’re talking about, give that all the dignity it deserves, it was your dream and it was about your mother" and a tear blinds the single, warmly clouded vision Larry-son gives back to the woman Grace who squeezes his arm and is off to market, for Martha in this daydream has after all shared his nightdream — which, for he gives in to us at last, means who knows what to Martha, who has or had a mother; or to Grace, whose mother she’s phoned urging her to rediscover masturbation— What do you mean "rediscover"? came back the answer hundreds of miles away — and promising to send her a Hitachi vibrator (change one letter and you’ve got a Japanese import on five thousand multiple-dwelling balconies on a June evening charcoaling what’s left of their buffalo as a seasoning for their veg kebabs) and, to continue to Mayn, whose grandmother’s East Far Eastern Princess’s Navajo Prince had a mother for whom the ceremonial "sing" was held the night the Princess arrived and in whose poor head were untold tiny holes but one greater hole full up with demons cramming the entrance so only a special sing might get past them, seeing through her head to all parts of her most real realm.

Well, Grace strides away, turns and blows (like speech) a kiss, strides on and rounds the corner of the building. She never would have asked "how it went" because she knew last night, when Larry’s mother’s new housemate in Long Island who met Sue through Grace talked to her on the phone, that Sue, who’s anti-therapy, was upset and was all set to meet Larry outside that shrink’s building when Larry arrived at one or thereabouts for his appointment with Martha {Martha, Martha), who through Grace’s funny bone and the two screens of one channel and the gray, blank hermit-screen which in the first storefront the funny bone’s screen turned half-toward in some angular reflection before being rechanneled by hand to violence in another hemisphere yet revealed in the next storefront to be colored matter became a person so familiar Larry felt encouraged to drop therapy. But O.K. let Marv his real father pay thirty inflated dollars (invested in ‘77 think what they’ll be worth in five man-years) for the inspiration of a detour round an appointed space of time — Larry damn well earned it. And as the doorman inside the large glass door’s wind-pocketed differential gravity turns away to seem to call to someone somewhere deep within the lobby as Larry therefore himself shoves open the door and draws his Raleigh swiftly through, missing the returning door with his rear wheel by a whisker, he is bound upstairs to work out the details of this Obstacle Geometry he has arrived at — by Obstacle Geometry itself. And hoping to be for a time not thought of by others, he can gladly quote his mother Sue quoting her own dear Grace voicing doubtless some farther sage: "To earn what you have had, empty your hands of it" — so the thirty bucks is nothing! — hold on to that, Lar’, hold on to it, fella, for aren’t sometimes people the matter, people not letting a day alone, fucking up a sunny bike ride that might as well be spring, as Marv and Sue once distantly sang off key from their closed (from the closed geometry of their) bedroom in the good old days.

He’s already there, although the broad, large-eyed female face like a dream come round again that comes toward him at the elevator only waits for him to come to (more’n halfway to) it, if not to woo, and he addresses her smoothly by the name of his mother’s consort Evelyn and walks his bike along the lobby’s tiles telling her not to hold the elevator, he has to check the mail, being as cool as he dares, till she, his mother’s live-in friend in the ol’ fambley man-shun in Port Adams, tells him glowingly that he missed Grace on TV, and thence Lar’ sees that athletic Evelyn is getting out of elevator, not in, and knowing Evelyn’s been in Grace’s apartment if not his, and conceiving how many many new walks of life taken by such ladies as Sue converge in reverse upon Grace (the genius of that place you are coming from) he abruptly asks, "Is my mother upstairs?" — meaning in Lar’s and Marv’s place (dere all-purpose batch-pad) — and then, ignoring the mailroom beyond the elevator, he angles his bicycle in past Ev’s arm pressing the button, who smilingly with the richest, generousest smile, tanned mouth, tanned gums, tanned tennis forehead, allows as how she thought Sue was downtown purchasing theater tickets but a shadow passes into the health of her face, no doubt Lar’s ambiguous karma that redounds to him in solar plexus as he arranges his wheels comfortably in the elevator car hearing her say inanely, "You look great, Larry" (to which he mutters, "I’m changing my life"); and thinking he can’t be absolutely sure she has like married his mother and murdered him or his father, he mutters, "Go to hell," as the door slides shut and Evelyn’s "Add-in" voice is heard outside and then below him at about blowjob level saying, "Say that again?" but ye lift can’t be anchored or reopened — he’s off — and all he knows is that, mother, non-mother, or no mother, there is a massive body that draws him independently two-headed and agreeably monstrous at high noon to the laboratory of his thought lensing it toward new conclusion if he can only for a while Be Not Thought Of and by the time the car stops at his floor have his real, if potential, privacy for this Obstacle Geometry— which posits that bending around the massive object yields the object itself. Yet something’s wrong, he’s overearned his father’s thirty bucks.

The city’s dormant ground plan stirred and now, even if it’s moving in its massive, historic sleep, it has raised him up floor by layer through Mayn’s hermit’s ingot eye: there lives his grandmother and Larry-son’s Sue-mom where no one can reach them, not even the Mayn quasar idling on quite interestingly about his detour from Albuquerque following Ship Rock but prior to New York, no one’s going to reach them not even the Apache ladders which aren’t exactly eloping with those ancient Anasazi cliff dwellers but have become distracted not by canyon dogs barking but by the seeds of a two-hundred-year-old bush whose triglyceride oil eased in-depth Indian tumors and childbirth and may before the end of the present "in-question century" yield such many uses (lubricant additive, transformer oil, protein feed supplement, acne clarifier, sedative chung gum) that this desert plant may supplant the sperm oil of the great wet whale grazing like buffalo the endangered deeps.

which leaves — oh wow! — Larry in the instant before the elevator car attains his motherless floor, free to formulate, doubtless prior to Obstacle Geometry yet secretly embracing it perhaps, Margaret and Sue’s eastward kinship by way of his painful, painful, oh god isn’t there another word? painful strength to see his strength, to know Sue wouldn’t have left — would she? — did she? did she leave? — unless she knew him to be grown and moderately safe in himself; and so, because the elevator divides quasar-slow the space twain him and his floor as if some kids had pressured all the buttons, Lar’ have the rest of his life to reflect, which is longer in absolute terms than Marv — and so concludes:

if she was why I moved here into the City, then am I why she’s out there? am 1 why she left? did I a free man give her the spur to wing it?

And thinking that it was he who left, Larry yielded the floor to Obstacle Geometry, yet flash instanter Amy’s work phone; then with his floor still unachieved he thanks God for Mayn whose grandmother and the East Far Eastern Princess have drawn him parallel to Mayn, and to what’s lowering now toward him (and his patient bike), the threshold matrix of a unified O.G. theory that will comprehend how motion toward (obstacle) is motion around (it) but first how one obstacle gets dreamed up in order to lead to another, yield upon yield: where "People R Matter" is a reciprocal for "People Matter": and since Redreaming a Way that two screens can be viewed at once has already become identified or paralleled to Descrambling, it must also (in its fulsome bending) be parallel to O.G.; but the work for this afternoon is the thing whereon he’ll latch his real self-home; and yet we, while honoring Lar’s prodigal wish (to be for a while Not Thought About), cannot go along with his Jeffersonian creed that the inventor develops his idea himself in the Open Market (O.M.) system: rather, we hold that the reality of American profit is such that to implement such idea we need our incorporated articulate structure capable (as we have been sworn) of accommodating a multiplicity of small-scale units — you can’t go it alone — and "cant" equals "mustn’t" — in other word, don’t—and instanter flashes inside us (but outside Lar’ so he can about see it) a sharp green-water stretch or stripe made by a sandbar so that the surrounding sea becomes more blue — a vacation insight but slightly sad like the leaning of someone else’s long-time thought toward your own.

Until, at the moment that his floor arrives and Lar’ knows Mayn on a floor just passed won’t be home at this hour and, conceiving parallel impacts of Mayn and Grace on his life as a son, he knows or has heard those two lines of Mayn and Grace may converge all they want and still not necessarily meet, Larry hears music the new super rigged somewhere in the ceiling of the elevator for his grand opening as if Jefferson with his interest in enslaved women and pursuit of happiness had invented the elevator while playing on his violin, so our thought may turn to aria set to the catchy beat Lar’ only now is aware of as its absence filled like the ultimate empty obstacle instantly with a warmly rapid-fire Spanish-speaking voice machine-gunning a commercial which Lar’s brain pick up the musical flow (‘n that’s an order): and what’s the difference what phone Mayn’s at, if any? — he’s Mayn twenty-five hours a day.

But stepping onto his own floor and willing to be Not Thought Of for the time being, Lar’ looks down the astringent-smelling gleam of the hall past one apartment door with a brown airedale-bristly Welcome mat and further on across from it a second door with a New York Times in front of it and has to step back into the elevator and press Mayn’s floor, and upon being there he looks out to Mayn’s place at the end and there’s an envelope showing under the door.

Then back up on his own floor Lar’ looks to his right "close to home" at his own apartment door close to the elevator; and he is then so between histories (his parents’ and Mayn’s and Amy’s and others’—and his own— between his own history) that, unknowing, he passes himself and his bike through, into his and his father’s apartment and vanishes past his threshold unto himself like any practiced apartment dweller (even if with the slightest fore-flicker not coming to him but darting from him to find evolutionary evidences of his mother here in this free space where history is the story of libertad, but whose?)

Until, turning (his head) upon the axis of his bike he finds an envelope just inside the door with a diagonal postmark on it and, watching it, as he carefully props his bike, he isn’t angry at all and visualizes the handwriting inside the envelope and the handwriting outside on the other side, and reaching for it he identifies the postmark as his own bike-tire tread and, turning the envelope, he sees only his name, "Larry," in block caps, and feels inside the envelope a stiff oblong the size of a ticket and a slight complicand of paper doubtless doubled about the ticket, and he puts the past behind him and, with the envelope from Jim Mayn in hand, disappears once again.

We knew perfectly well that curiosity isn’t caring, and who’s home and who isn’t matters less than Shakespearean syllables rolling and trembling from the basso rotondo’s unmistakable voice not so far away accompanied by absent-minded music: or so it seems to us as a body and suddenly unplugs our ear to the unrhythm’d height of (is it?) "to your/ather (father father), But-you must know (you-must know, know-know) your father lost a feather (father father) and that father lost, lost his, and the survivor (the survivor) bound—" the title escapes because a door down the hall has opened the music to us at the instant the singer lapsed out of the words into the horn of his great cavity’s plenteous colorabuffa; and a young male spark backs out of that doorway hauling one end of what appears to be a loveseat but getting longer and longer, laughing and jibbering to someone who has the other end apparently not the pianist or the singer unless the singer served as his own pianist? Is anyway deeper back in the apartment since he has not cast off from the words and is tuning up, hence not moving furniture until now he breaks off his wordless melody to holler, "Roslein, dumb ducat, stubborn boy, you can’t get that thing through there like that" — for, be it exile or home-going, the choice ‘tween Wittenberg and L.A., Elsinore and Off-Broadway, isn’t easy; but has the basso rotondo given his power to be used by a very young man who bosses him? and who is called by him Roslein after the Schubert song if these details mesh.

And as through the peephole of Larry’s front door (which Lar’ himself is not the type to tiptoe to if he hears action in the hall especially now, when he would not see too well!) we see young Roslein amid laughter and many-tongued abuse stop backing and move forward now, ushering the both wise and unsuspecting loveseat (or what we have seen of it) back where it just came from—

Is it angels of sympathy in us or our community’s own mere power of relation that questions what you don’t know can’t hurt you?

And is the mere question here a power? For hearing Larry feel, it’s like us he feels, as if he could just up and leave his father’s house and live outside in the community he has heard peacefully at work inside him, witnessing meanwhile the aria tidbit (God it’s Hamlet, sort of!) sung by that large, unseen singer who does not know the man named Mayn (Lar’s new friend) who recently moved back into this building, bringing knowledge of sky-high windmills on electronic Wyoming pylons or of whirlwind-induced sickness brought on among the Navajo that only the singer with his ceremonial chemistry may cure, but was only half sure one morning in the apartment-house mailroom off the lobby (one man coming, the other going) that the bronzed bust-of-a-man beside him trying with a stammerer’s persistence to trick his relocktant(!) postbox open was the priest in that opera the other night — but he was (and a quick check of house-phone list, yah yah, that’s the man all right) the one in the first act draped in a robe-thing out there on the stage telling the assembled sacred and military arms that the great gong (well, Jim conceded to Lar’ he’s not much on opera, y’know) marks the rising of the moon and so his daughter, the star priestess, will come — to cut the missiletoe(!) Mayn’s young companion of the evening Amy had pointed out: while here in the apartment-house mail-room, Oroveso, the priest (right?) was decked out for the day like a native tycoon on his way to work, a portly ship-of-a-man in double-breasted camel’s-hair overcoat and wide-brimmed brown fedora (Lar’s seen him) plus to Mayn’s mind a corn-pollen sort of glaze upon his tan that (well Larry has gone back to his desk and could care less and is suddenly lost and envisions a Place of His Own out in the city so /mpatiently that relations otherwise proud of him feel more comfortable in the old humdrum company of the journalist Mayn, in whose helpless head is now being carried a cabaret tune locus’d from "I Don’t Stand a Ghost of a Chance with You" to "I’ll Be Around" (by the man who gave us the instrumental "Sea Fugue Mama") — plus a scent Mayn couldn’t place except that its freedom, like an obstacle he skis to both sides of (ouch!) with his son or daughter or wife once upon a time behind him, takes him to the end of the world:

Which end was supposed to be when the People forget the Blessing Way that positions the Earth and the Moon, the mountains and the sky, the He and She rains, and lose power over the winds and lightning and over the great wolf we had rather not see and the nuclear coyote den-bound its entire first year waiting to be fed by its parents but quite competent to bring disease in a dream: this threat doubled, according to the Hermit-Inventor of New York (whose own depth cared not a whit for Indian lore as lore), if besides the coyote you discern the deer the coyote runs at, at night where the mountain relative to the long plateau stirs unfelt by those who move around upon it— but what is doubled, the disease or the dream? for the Hermit-Inventor of New York and his other appearances in the century in question has it both ways and doesn’t answer questions except those posed by himself in what is left of his railroad flat in Manhattan which Mayn, a conservative newsman, keeps separate from grandmotherly fables of some last century and this current Hermit-Inventor isn’t available for comment to interrogators or their delegates who don’t even know they would like to ask if Margaret Mayne found the East Far Eastern Princess glinting in the ingot of the vacationing New York hermit’s eye in 1893 or the Princess passing on her new horse found in that eyrie glint Margaret.

For the interrogator like the diva’s officer betrays that special personal neatness of the police, and can seem our personal interrogator with the seared earphones bearing terrible frequencies in honor equally of lie or true. Still, like a breathless stammerer, he asks where we were coming from and what our thrust was when we reported that the diva whose tapeworm once just about obscured her its host is acquainted in all those opera cities with so many exiles better than herself. And we, who have sometime felt the burden of the interrogator’s thrust have gone out of our way to save Mayn when it was he who casually told Lar’ that this Hermit (in his 1893 manifestation) from the City of the East was remarkable single or plural.

Only listen to what comes out of you. Because Waste Can Be Recycled, this truth has made it onto afternoon TV even when no one is in the room to watch, although why can’t Mayn see how what he is takes him right off a bar napkin, that is right off the diagram he draws on it of wind-force in terms of length:

Which can’t express that one wind if it tried except by some second diagram (or sometime four-color map) of all the words that ever used to substitute in that family for feelings that were its history: where a mother unhappy but mysterious about it left, but had already left before she left.

Larry had pointed out that the Hermit-Inventor had, O.K., taken his five to six months’ vacation from New York but not necessarily from himself. But if you listen to what comes out of you — as if you knew much real history— you risk hearing not just breath, which is also spring air dividing around the man Jim’s father, the young man, dressed up (cutaway and mustache) for someone else’s vintage wedding and (on the running board of a vintage roadster coasting like a figure skater) — but you risk as well hearing your own voice which can contain incarnate that once-young best man five minutes before meeting and being introduced into the future of a young woman who was ever after thought to have wed him because of her family newspaper the Windrow Democrat (exactly nine months to the day before Jim, the first of that mother’s two sons, came two weeks early to light — but doesn’t that mean a whirlwind romance, or something?)

But your voice can contain also conglomerates of seemingly grandfather-generated facts: such as that William Heighton, editor of the Mechanics Free Press in the late 1820s and the founder of the Philadelphia Working Men’s Movement in Jackson’s time, had been a cordwainer, and, regardless of that, that cordovan itself (from that Spanish city of leather, Cordoba) was either goatskin or split horsehide and, unlike morocco, holds its natural grain (when tanned and dressed) and regardless of this, continued Mayn’s grandfather Alexander

(who went out in vain to wait for Margaret or seek her where she did not expect it when she returned in early 1894 from the West stopping, stooping, finding in Ohio and Pennsylvania detours from the myth of her journey near its end as if, fearing (which she really did not) her father’s reaction to her being months late coming home, she flew in on a wind only to target some penultimate capillaries by which, having blown in at last to the great City of the East, she took her strange time winding down to Windrow fifty miles away)

Hakluyt in his Voyages refers to that costly Spanish leather Cordoweyn cargoed with "figs, raisins, honey, dates, and salt"—

— and for a moment we who have stood back in invisible company with the interrogator and his ready whip must add through the thinking fingers of an unseen-composer-furniture-mover-part-time-boyfriend to the basso rotondo adding them in an aria central to the climax of his original soon-to-be-privately-showcased comic opera of Hamlet (with music so strangely derivative it might be from an undiscovered score of the Otello-Falstqff’master) nine rhymes, one for each year of wear that according to the gravedigger the unusually waterproof body of a tanner will last (like Shakespeare’s problem child through upwards of a score of different tragic operas) after and beyond burial but this time with one mystery-guest star-singer whom he (tough little unknown Roslein) has leaned on and maybe another star who would be the curious diva—

: an illustrious craft, cordwainery, added Jim Mayn’s grandfather, who knew good shoe leather and who kept a curiously successful Odds and Ends & Second-Hand (mainly American war) Books shop diagonally across (the Jersey Central tracks) from the firehouse — and we hear, he said, in England of the cordwainers’ craft guild in the City of Exeter suing for favor to the Lord Mayor—

"… who was sometimes a Yard," said Margaret—"Bob Yard’s father’s family, very important in Exeter before they came here, even if Bob’s more like a Spanish pirate with those wall eyes."

Which was neither here nor there, said Jim’s grandfather, who spoke facts like a tongue and as if he fancied them plucked free of causality’s warp or cured of any fleeting convergence with others.

Yet this was just his habit. For, by contrast, witness the Mayne family pistol, i.e., what Grandfather Alexander did with it by way of tracing it but never in Jim’s memory holding it along two alternative dumb courses: the ‘‘mantelpiece," he neatly called it before Jim knew "piece" was a word for a hand firearm — where it rested above the parlor hearth pointing at a couple of finger-like cigar containers that were monster fingers of course. The serial number on the left side of the cylinder supposedly dated its manufacture well prior to the 1847 run of one thousand Colts rushed down to Mexico for the Battle of Chapultepec, an order that had revived if not rejuvenated Samuel Colt’s business at its new factory in Hartford after it had failed in Paterson a few years previous.

Now, in 1894 the Navajo Prince told a blonde woman by a Pennsylvania river bank at dawn that he had found the pistol some two years ago in a cliff by the light of the double Moon upon that retired medicine man the last of the Anasazi people. He was so old he was likely beyond death or mere life and in weight as light as, according to Grandfather Alexander’s own estimate, those six-hundred-year-old Texans breathing the purest air there was, in the time when the guerrilla Charlie Quantrill with the lynx eyes preyed on Kansas abolitionists, killed twenty-eight (he said) of his brother’s murderers, and vanished into East Texas to be afterward the brains behind Jesse James whose appropriation of federal funds was to have enabled the redleg-Abolitionist-hating Quantrill to reopen the Civil War which would have been another effect of the Texas "pure" that kept some Lone Star elders alive six hundred years until they dried up and were wafted away eastward where they might have mingled, leaf-crumble-like, with the crude oil and snakeroot used as a last and Indian resort after emetics, cathartics, "cupping," and opium to bring round old General Harrison whose Inaugural Address of March 1841 though edited, expurgated, and violently abridged by Daniel Webster still ran too long (at one hour and forty minutes) for the brand-new President to survive without an overcoat or survive as a historical power (for unlike the body of the immortal Tecumseh the body of General Harrison was not at once secreted mysteriously away so that having never been seen to leave, it might be expected to return). A woman naturalist in the Southwest who was thought mad not because she, a Chilean far from home, claimed a blood bond with the Anasazi medicine man from whom the Navajo Prince had taken the pistol but because she had developed white lips exactly like those of the fierce javelina (or peccary), the only wild pig native to the Americas whose habits and in particular curious scent glands situated in the rump she had been studying on foot all the way north from some teeming point of the Chile-Argentine border, reported that the late medicine man had been given the pistol in question by a many-fingered mestizo spy who had coveted it but upon acquiring it had been uneasy with it precisely because he had been told he mustn’t "unload" it on (or divest himself of it to) anyone except a dark healer at least a century old. Or so he had been assured by the young Englishman with white or blond hair who had let himself be hoodwinked in a game of chance the night before the Battle of Chapultepec in September 1847 in return for recovering his speech which he had lost when questioned some days before about a German visitor (perhaps a spy) who had left with him a map-like, abstract-chart-like thing executed on a square of paper and had then disappeared on a road north toward Guanajuato’s silver-veined hills—questioned the young English person had been by one Marion Hugo Mayne with an e usually, whose western diaries had come into his distant relative Alexander’s hands years ago (read years later) from a friend of Margaret’s, and, bound with them, an account in brown ink in a different hand but with a curiously similar manner and vocabulary, of President Jackson’s use of a safe widower Martin Van Buren in gaining some measure of social acceptance for Peggy O’Neill Eaton, a tavernkeeper’s daughter whose second husband, Jackson’s Secretary of War, she had had relations with prior, though, to marrying him, all of which irked Old Hickory up to and beyond his angry reaction to Henry Clay’s attack on his bank policy, which in turn pushed the President to shift large deposits from the Bank of the United States to "pet" banks just when these claims must be paid out in gold for western lands so that the banks were, so to speak, financially embarrassed when then forced to meet the sudden demands of English banks for repayment of short-term loans. And so it went, as Alexander’s grandson Jim Mayn more than once told a late-evening colleague in a bar of some American city — and Van Buren got stuck with the Panic of 1837.

But the year before the depressed winter of ‘37~’38 when Greeley wrote of "filth, squalor. . want, and misery" in New York’s Sixth Ward, who but the cordwainers led the way toward federation of local craft unions convening leatherworkers from all over including Philadelphia whence notably the aforementioned editor Heighton, not to mention the Mayn family founding editor of the Windrow Democrat, a Mason who had been pressuring President Jackson to explain his interest in a village attorney’s daughter from upstate New York who had pursued her lover William Morgan all the way to New York and Philadelphia after he had been in a way expelled from that upstate village by being thrown into its local jail for promising to reveal Masonic secrets and had been then sprung secretly one morning by a supposed friend who had disappeared after having allegedly tried and failed to shoot Morgan on the road.

"Cleopatra’s Nose," Mayn’s grandfather would muse — the fine trivia that workaday Mayn and his "ilk" dumbly overlooked — but his grandfather had once mentioned it when Jim had asked about the wanderings of a pistol and there was a gun-control law somewhere in the speculations of his granddad’s memory, for Jim had never known him to hunt or target-shoot, or to touch that pistol on the mantel, and one day Jim might get back to figuring it out because who else was likely to trace the firearms of that earlier family history — unless it was one of his brother Brad’s kids back home in Windrow a million miles from those ancient rainfall fluctuations that may have converged upon the Anasazi cliff dwellers parallel with (and independent of) the Apaches climbing their lethal ladders (as the East Far Eastern Princess compassionately learned) up into those sun-annealed apartment-house honeycombs with not just rabid blood in their hearts but with undreamt knowledge of a magic oil that the Navajo Prince’s irritable though ventriloquially musical mother (for whom the ceremonial sing was in progress the night he arrived with his newfound Manchoor Anglo girl) would apply to restore if not her temper (good or bad!) but the hair to that part of her head where the appropriate people were chanting the Night Way to heal her head-hole in and out of which cream-colored demon-types moved and from moment to moment settled or not. That is, apply — apply, we said — an oil from a bean from a plant that survives only in the driest earth: water is sealed into its leaves by a film of wax, and its taproot goes down thirty feet — a waxy oil the Indians used as a coffee substitute before they knew coffee; as a wax for women’s eyelashes; and to bring on labor contractions plus halt skin cancer in its tracks.

"You mean," said a late-night colleague—"there was an Indian in your grandmother’s life?"

but Mayn himself, recalling his grandfather at least on this score less than what that gentle, well-shod browser actually said, had figured that in the larger sense—

"What sense?" came a neutral warrant of a voice (Spence’s) from the end of the bar like your own unnecessarily self-critical afterthought.

History (which also might turn fundamentally upon whether, at any crux in question, small talk had been possible) was accident pretty much — a bunch of haphazard collisions, and if you’ve got fortuitous stuff like that and little more than fortuitous, how can history be worthwhile?

"— Wait a minute?" came the same voice of a man Mayn didn’t like, who then and later, with his thin, curly sideburns, figured in the current ongoing (though questionable) century—"What’s this oil you’re talking about?"

"What’s it to you — a bean, a seed — going to be good for lubricating high-temperature high-speed machinery, anti-viral penicillin stabilizer, shampoo, sun screens, face oils, you name it, solvents for producing polyethylene—"

But not unhappy exactly in the multiracial structure is the very Ojibway, diamond-squinter, whose grandmother stored oil in a sturgeon bladder — but not the oil in question — nor is necessarily one all-purpose angel-unit asking, But whafs this seed? — a peek of a voice at the tip end of the bar (read time’s tilt) which Mayn seemed to ignore. As did his late-night old-friend journalist colleague Ted, who smoked unheard-of cigarettes and lived in a five-room half-furnished Washington apartment when he was not less solitary traveling; who did not tell stories, and who now said, "Cleopatra’s Nose."

"Which Cleopatra?" chimed in the itinerant photo-journalist Spence, hopeful of company.

Mayn did not acknowledge this leather-fringed man Spence, reared doubtless hydroponically or unconsciously out of the oil he was inquiring about like a scavenger, a Spence at the end of the bar and not even pleasantly unlikable. Mayn answered Spence that the bean had been named in the Lower California desert a century and a half ago by a naturalist named Link after a colleague botanist who had died eighteen years before—"but the breakthrough came in 1933 in Arizona."

"Which Cleopatra?" said Ted. "The one whose nose would have changed history if it had been a hair longer but wasn’t — anyone called Cleo in your family, Mayn? — that’s what your granddad must have meant!"

— while along a bond of humor joining the two colleagues in the same bar in Washington in the early seventies flashed a vacation-beach insight of green-water stripe made by sandbar so the surrounding sea mo’ blue thereby, which equals sad but we can’t tell why, we find only a collection of sunny bodies on a beach and add on two more bodies that are non-present but implicit — one the best man of (then, in 1944 or -5) thirteen or fourteen years ago (Jim’s father, Mel) who is at work back in town at the family newspaper which is soon to pass into history, for he doesn’t like the beach; the other, the grandfather Alexander, who is back across the road beyond the beachfront row of cottages and on the bay side peering (if he’s not snoozing) down into the water off the dock for crabs, for the slow, rich, helpless softies you eat it all.

What had been happening? For what did happen when she got sick later made him wonder what had been happening but all he could come up with was her and his father—people, what he felt they were like — but not events that proved so. Nor had this event that was scattered across the sand at still-unsullied Mantoloking on the Jersey shore maybe a forty-minute drive from Windrow shown itself so he could follow its start to its finish, which was elsewhere; and he hadn’t felt even it until long after: so that he couldn’t be sure, and so he felt dumb, and then, in this order, he thought maybe there’s nothing to understand; or if there is, it’ll come to him as time goes by, the way grandfather Alexander slowly travels the five-minute walk from the beach to the bayside cottage thinking for a time alone about a very fresh chowder for supper with unavoidably a couple three guests thrown in, the Bob Yards, and this old, coughing, until today unbelievable and basically non-existent sonofagun-figure of Margaret’s past weirdly materialized from New York— it’s ‘44 or ‘45—so ancient history has been only fifty miles away all these years.

and one of these, Bob’s wife, is suddenly in the bayside cottage with Alexander saying hello with quickness, familiarity, and anger not directed toward him but doubtless toward the beach, so that he turns his shoulder in order not to deflect it because he knows Bob Yard’s wife well, and their childless marriage filled by their good talk. And feels more than he can put intuition to, and thinks there is something going on on the beach and is told by Bob’s wife it is the old acquaintance of Margaret from the western days who has arrived in the Yards’ car, but Alexander has his chowder to consider, the boys will eat two bowls, Sarah none.

But the double Moon? What meant the double Moon upon the old medicine man from whom the Navajo Prince got his pistol? comes a voice or a unison of voices from the next room as a divider partition explodes lightly in the laughter unseen onlookers give either the reappearance of half a couch moving back into its apartment or Larry reflecting after a long, deflected bike ride.

Mayn recalled more than he told Ted his steady-eyed elder colleague, though the info-dealer-hunter Spence (who came to mind with some sheen of mold on his face) was not present and would not have heard; and besides, Jim liked Ted, yet before he got through telling what little he told, and remembering the larger thing of which the telling was a part while being told by a part of himself out ahead, not telling the larger matter affected the memory of it in a way quite different from a fact that he had withheld that night in 1969 just because the Spence character-sleazy-watchman-photo-journalist was present and he didn’t like the guy: to wit that in ‘33 a couple of researchers discovered that that desert seed oil bore amazing similarities to the legendary oil of the sperm whale whose sea-acres of flow could never have been thought expendable until now sperm whale oil twenty-five years afterward had been slapped with an import ban.

Call it an uncaused event, he heard himself say into his old-fashioned-glass low-ball to deep-jawed Ted smoking quietly beside him who had praised surprisingly (for humdrum work) his series of three articles on the Delaware River engineering, and from there they had digressed to family pistol which Ted said could seem like more than one, the way Jim outlined its provenances — and digressed to the State of New Jersey and what could and couldn’t be done taxwise, and to whales that were still to be seen from the Jersey shore, which had gotten ugly since his own late childhood much less since his grandmother Margaret’s day when they had a cottage in Mantoloking long since sold which brought them to the beach where you let yourself go, with your fishing pier and the long breakwater all on the sea side and a bright hilly beach where took place the phenomenon that belongs maybe not to the history of junior pickup baseball but of sand or angular gravity; and, come to think, it was several figures in the bright day walking, running, standing literally (we think) rooted, and one lying eyes closed though not silently. And the non-causal event—

— You mean "miracle"? the friend said, whose voice was sometimes in recall what Mayn got but not the face, with its deep jaw and its cigarette.

Yes, like Cleopatra’s Nose — arose from the well-known primarily beach game called "Bases" where two basemen throw the ball back and forth trying to tag the base runner who runs back and forth keeping away from the ball — and in which Jim was engaged with his friend Sammy who’d come with them that day from Windrow — and another guy who wore a green sateen racing-type bathing suit — Sammy and Jim thirteen, Sammy a bit tiltingly taller with a longer reach which he wouldn’t use on Jim because Jim would outshove him but could sometimes kick Sammy in sideways preview of the import of eastern modes of violent aggression a generation later, which made our western combat almost overnight more meditated — while Jim saved for the wintertime when they had their parkas on a punishing hook to the ribs which he had thrown maybe three or four times — and the guy in the sateen jockstrap-type bathing suit was running back and forth low to the ground between the "bases" and Jim, who could run, and Sammy, who could take a throw and run, were trying to get the kid out but he would skip sideways between them, and the ball would wing past his head and Sammy get it right back to Jim who’d run up to within a few feet of the guy and toss it to Sammy before the guy was safe and the guy would slide under Sammy’s tag or jump and go the other way and be past Jim before Jim got the ball back in his hand — a tennis ball, an old one, long before the yellows, and so napless and smooth you couldn’t tell if it had been the Pennsylvania ball belonging to a girlfriend of Jim’s who played tennis, and you could curve it.

But in the middle of all this, with Jim’s grandma Margaret walking down the beach and Jim’s half-pint brother over digging near their mother, who lay face up on a black towel with her arms exactly at her sides (ready to be launched elsewhere) and her very dark but sometimes very faintly (in memory) auburn hair still up and wearing a flowered but very dark bathing suit with a skirt — the guy in the middle stopped and walked away, didn’t seem to hear Sammy, who said, "You’re out, you went outside the baselines." And Brad, with the deep-socketed eyes as if he were digesting a great deal that he had recently learned, turned suddenly, small-shouldered, from what he had seriously been doing and yelled, ‘There are no baselines on the beach," and Jim said, "For Christ’s sake," as the guy in the green sateen suit walked obliviously up the beach — had someone summoned him?

So they had to use Brad, who had been trickling sand over his mother’s instep and had been piling sand in earnest over her shins.

What are you staring at? distinctly came a voice but for that moment not Sarah his mother’s, for she was as she had been, rigidly receiving the sun (if non-looks could kill) no doubt thinking her way through a sonata until a few notes of it came humming out of her, but how did you hear the sound with her mouth closed? — answer: through the nose (try humming, mouth closed, and just stop up your nostrils — then it’s out your ears or through your eyes)—

What are you looking at? came a voice again but now like little brother Brad’s but Jim was looking now off a hundred yards downbeach at his grandmother Margaret in conversation with a sort of old geezer, not decrepit but an oldster, who had materialized in beachcomber’s khakis and a white shirt, dark, dark glasses, and a white sailor hat opened out like an inverted bowl; but a familiar bawling greeting came from nearer by and, beyond his mother, who was now leaning back on her elbows and staring at Jim, Jim saw the fully clothed figure of Bob Yard the electrical contractor — evidently having driven over to the shore from Windrow — and then Brad came running over to run the bases, and Jim and Sammy lobbed the ball back and forth high enough so Brad scampered all the way to the other base, sliding in, though he didn’t have to, Jim told him.

What are you staring at? distinctly came a voice which we know Jim was correct to believe he heard as if down the road a future comment on Brad’s preliminary trans-mater excavation concepts were not being given grounds for utterance: ‘stead of digging down, youse cover the thing up; then level off and keep at it a few ages and my goodness you’ve d/seroded th’ Earth surface as much as several inches all around, which renews resources if anything.

What are you staring at? distinctly came Jim’s voice the eve of the U-2 press conference. But the strong hand on his arm counseling him not to bother about the Spence character who’s as good as lost at the end of the bar silenced him — or his voice — while his long-time colleague-friend Ted’s actual voice went armlessly on quoting the famed pilot of the Yankees in response to his interrogator right here in Washington a couple of years back:

… I have been up and down the ladder. I know there are some things in baseball thirty-five to fifty years ago that are better now than they were in those days. In those days, my goodness, you could not transfer a ball club in the minor leagues, Class D. Class C ball, Class A ball.

How could you transfer a ball club when you did not have a highway? How could you transfer a ball club when the railroads then would take you to a town you got off and then you had to wait and sit up five hours to go to another ball club?

But, what are you staring at? said an all-purpose voice, a few short years later when Mayn and Ted (agreeing they needed a vacation) found themselves in the same hotel bar moderately amused by their light, disintegrating discussion of what was technically known as "hardening" a land-based missile by sinking it into an underground silo: lo, a process which (who knew?) the next century might extend to what the well-tanked thinkers down the street called "soft" targets such as cities, if there were such by then (i.e., either distinct from a densification along the seaboard, or after a "greenhouse effect" due to pollution-rich atmosphere above, lidding the healthy glow of our Earth breath below, till our destined glacier melted down and the ocean went up and swamped Philadelphia and its boating clubs along the river there and Venice-ized New York) — for the now western-wear photographer and infor-mation-transacter Spence had answered (for him pretty point-blank) Mayn’s this-time light query What are you staring at? with the same words with the you stressed, and Mayn shrugged it off this time without the actually more irascible Ted’s help, Spence was so sleazy, well there was something about him that just wasn’t worth putting your finger on: but who cares if the Devil’s up-to-date barter-economics drew the line at making unrefusable offers here, because Spence was in another room downstairs making his own deals.

Yet again, What are you staring at? was Mayn’s line and as warped as his retroactive view of his mother — not worth talking about but if it ever came up, her tragedy, ununderstandable as it was, he talked of it naturally but said out loud that he knew nothing really about it, about the awkward marriage and the annihilatingly downplayed disappearance as if the war ending was what mattered like being strong, and hardly heard Spence say, "I never had a family to speak of — or maybe you just remember yours — you certainly got me guessing — I mean, I never had much in the way of family, O.K.?"

— You mean it was natural to talk of it, or he talked of it in a natural voice? we hear the multiple interrogator like a multiple child having to ask—

— Well "What are you staring at?" was what, long ago, ball in hand, he came back at his mother with:

… for his mother, the Sarah of his remembered moment, had been staring in Jim’s direction as Bob Yard, somewhere behind her, hallooed high falsetto cum deep feckless baritone brashing his way across the beach toward her and her alone, Jim understood, while she was really staring at Jim yet at the horizon over his shoulder too: oh shit, Jim knew she liked him even if in Windrow he stayed clear of the house most of the time "from sun to sun," though he lied when he joked about her practicing and even wanted to hear the interruption no the interrupted phrases of her violining cross slowly, backtracking in order to go ahead, halting upon a gap, her whole self or life, or just music, get it right, go back, go back, go back again and get it right not at all like voices in the evening bursting now and again through the pillowed atmosphere of the roomy house in Throckmorton Street only to disappear like hallucinated messages into what might as well be Jim’s mere thought process, which was like his grandmother’s house.

What are you staring at? said Bob Yard directly above her, a little bent over like in a cave. His charcoal eyebrows vanished under a straw hat as he looked down at the woman who laboriously sat up hunched and swung half round to look up at the noisy man in green chinos who was now not talking, unless he was humming words that Jim didn’t hear.

Up the beach Margaret and the old man were approaching in heated conversation — the oldster maybe not so much older than Margaret — and Bob Yard squatted beside the harshly pale woman — Sarah’s shoulders helplessly conversing with the profound sun, her dark hair defying his arrival, glossy hair, straight hair, her face bending kind of stupidly away from Bob, and her body — her body! — hunched like she didn’t have headroom—

— stupidly? or struck dumb?—

— so Jim knew what his mother was like: she was not just beautiful— and at the very moment when she was warped by an indifference, her look aimed — aimed at him? — so that with Brad and Sammy (who grew younger) and the endlessly plunging breakers pushing Jim to throw the goddamn ball and get the game going, he found himself to be a man:

a man twice told — (he wouldn’t voice that one to Ted no matter how close they were, in i960, 1963, 1972, or 1975, when Ted got sick) — but why Jim was this, he didn’t just know, but knew it was her looking both truly at him and yet around him, while Bob Yard raised his biting voice a notch, "He’s that crackpot Indian hustler-scientist from the old days or a relation maybe— isn’t he that old pal of Margie’s she talked about that helped her out when she was in that tight spot in the old days? He was sitting on the front steps like a veteran when I drove by" — which was why Bob Yard said he had driven down to the shore on impulse (nice day, here’s this old friend of Margaret’s — or is it a relative? — or the old friend, that is — looking for her because he took the train up from New York to Windrow, didn’t phone; said he doesnt)—while Sarah bestows on the man in chinos the intimacy of very cold indifference, but answers — but as if Bob wasn’t there: "Margaret’s romantic adventures are catching up with her" — Sarah’s plain words, but what did they mean? had the oldster appeared here to tell Margaret something? or maybe to ask her.

No wind to scatter the controversy, we add, to convey the potential lightness of the picture, and at that moment Jim had to shy the ball at wonderfully wall-eyed Bob Yard (who seemed like a north pole to Jim’s mother’s south, though not in direction, in some bump of touching and unpleasant barrier), but Jim didn’t throw it after all. The voices of the bathing-suited mother and her chance visitor rose tightly, but in their duet had only a funny sound (like strange vocal cords, not human maybe); and Jim imagined them to his chagrin fondling each other, to make up after this raising of voices. How could he? Because he could see that though his mother had been right here in his sight and, earlier, in the car on the way here — the dark blue Buick with the breezy straw upholstery and the knob on the steering wheel that when Jim was Brad’s age he would sit in the driver’s seat and grab — she had been "here" all the time: yet some scene between her and the principal Windrow electrician, Bob Yard, had come before what Jim was witnessing.

She turned away from Bob Yard who stood up and stuck his hands in his pockets, and she looked past Jim, catching his eye so he knew he was part of that extent of sea that, when he turned to see what she was looking out at or looking off to, proved to have a slow freighter passing from right to left he could tell by the bow and stern (he had never seen a convoy, they must not come this close to shore); and facing what she was looking at, he let go a pure, healthy sigh, knowing that he hadn’t been breathing and he would breathe for both of them — live, play, eat; and the words of his grandmother and the old man in white sneakers she was with came to him like the target within the larger bull’s eye, and—

And he heard — he hears his half-pint brother Brad like he’s getting out of hand with a parent (which he never did) insult him and later he doesn’t recall how — that is, the words of the insult — except that they made Jim feel cornered.

Except no one can make you feel anything, says of all people the interrogator who has heard these words underwater in a health-club pool or during an intermission at an obscure tryout reading (pre-production) of a new opera, a private opera, pressed upon a major basso by his young beloved the composer where the interrogator had thought to find someone to interrogate after the show; or in a therapist’s anteroom, underwater or not—

— made, though, Jim feel transfixed by both couples, his grandma in her bathing suit raising her voice at the geezer from New York, and Sarah lowering hers to Bob. So Brad, having uttered his insult to his big brother who felt the sunburned sand tightening and dyeing his strong, contented arms with its dust, danced away a few steps toward Sammy and came back so close to Jim that Jim drew his hand back across his body to his opposite shoulder. Obviously he is about to back-hand his half-pint brother, but Sarah’s voice rings out saying Jim’s name. Whereupon our Brad snatches the tennis ball from his brother’s other hand and darts away with Jim after him angered, relieved.

No, Jim didn’t want to have a fight with Bob Yard, he liked him; no, he liked his mother taking care of herself, and the newspaper would fold one of these days, it wasn’t competitive with the Transcript’s advertising. No, he wasn’t just mad; he really didn’t like little Brad. So there they were, for a moment of four, five, or six steps — the baseman pursuing the ball and the base runner in the over-all picture of Mantoloking, New Jersey, the blistering landscape of beach, the horizon out where the water gave way to wind — and Jim, skidding into a little ridge of sand, snagged his brother by the waist of his trunks pulling them and him half-down but letting go just as his mother called his name again, and he knew — though he couldn’t tell Ted a generation later — that he at thirteen had missed some point before when he turned away from her to see what the heck she was looking at so he’d warped her and himself into a real fix he would never get out of, oh it was his future he’d have to go to and look back from, or be only a means of doing that — be used matter-of-factly by others who saw what he did not.

And at the instant his brother lay stretched out in front of him, Jim leaned over him so the shadow or human window fitted Brad exact, with no overlap onto the sand. And before Sarah’s angry voice cut through a tissue of his feeling, Don’t touch him, came her shout — Jim had already in fact stuck right there in the sand, and Brad screamed.

Jim said to his old professional friend Ted in the bar of a Washington hotel, "If you can beat that," knowing he’d rather be talking some second-hand factual matter to him about the Sprint missile (a favorite of his despite or on account of its mere twenty-five-mile range)—"ewioatmospheric" because it intercepted the enemy missile only after it reentered the atmosphere (last-minute stuff, twenty-five miles, highly personal!).

"What do you mean ‘stuck’?" said his friend.

"I mean I was at an angle sort of one-quarter leaning like the vertical of an L-shape over my little brother—

— a drunken L-shape—

— slanted, and I should have fallen but I didn’t, and my feet weren’t that deeply into the sand so nothing was holding me, I was operationally extra-gravitational."

"What were you leaning on?"

"My ankle, my shin, my stomach muscles, my own back."

"Something was holding you up. Didn’t you ever fall?"

"A moment or two later, Brad decided he wasn’t going to get killed, so he rolled away, and I pulled a foot free, I think, and backed to a standing position and I guess we played Bases."

"There’s an explanation somewhere," said Ted. "We need that little wise guy Spence."

Suddenly here was Margaret in her ample bathing costume, her hair loosely bunned, her face prepared to pass beyond whatever discussion she’d been having with the man she introduced them to: "Must be fifty years ago he told me to go west. I was at Bedloe’s Island looking at the inside of the Statue of Liberty’s face where they’d uncrated it." Jim didn’t recall much more except that Bob Yard seemed to be absent, perhaps receding toward the beach houses and the little road between them and the bayside cottages where Alexander was in conversation with Bob Yard’s wife. Margaret stared at her daughter Sarah on her large towel now again lying down looking up under her cupped hand—"Black and white and red all over" (for you wouldn’t yet see the burn emerging from her daughter) — and Sammy, who was sometimes but not now like a brother, in a rundown trying to tag Brad, had called out, "A newspaper!" "You had more clout if you didn’t beat up on him, seems to me," said Ted, in their bar in Washington, who had had "the most boring family, you know, in the world" except for his father who they all knew had wanted often to kill their mother but had never understood "how to have clout by not killing her," though in fact he had not killed her, not that he’d not exactly had the chance.

In war there was no substitute for victory, Jim Mayn supposed, paraphrasing General Mac Arthur — quoting him!

Good talking to you — good talking to Ted — well these historic moments, the Russians leaving Finland alone, Jim remaining suspended like a sundial pointer above his half-pint brother, is there a power vacuum to enter or isn’t there? he was talking to his own child, his daughter Flick so grown-up now in the middle of the eighth decade of the century in question and unlike those of us who are angels of change and jump from relation into being to think Naturally he doesn’t know she saves his infrequent letters, a form of grace that never occurred to him with his wastebaskets all over, though he does genuinely want her to know him, wants to give himself (no Indian giver) so she’ll know such stuff about him as that he went to that ‘60 press conference the morning after having a drink with a man named Ted who next morning after Jim’s heavy steadfast non-dreaming he felt might after all be his best friend who by midnight of that precedingly bibulous eve had turned into a Scot for when drinking he turned toward argument not song (while it’s rank error to think either that newsmen are, like sailors, hard drinkers — much less sailors like newsmen — or that Jim and Ted would never set their views to music), though there had been song encouraged (come to think of it, maybe inspired) by a South American woman journalist Mayga, who had been listening:

that is, to Cold War history as self-fulfilling prophecy (if you want a theme to hang your lost anxiety on), you tell me what my global intentions are and sure enough they will be inspired to prove you right; or more likely you will be moved to prove yourself Rightly Responsive as the Silesian Conference and in particular Malenkov’s speech declared the Truman-Marshall plan part of a global putsch to enslave even remotest South America: after which remarks, it was inevitable that Stalin (who was the real speaker at the conference behind Malenkov and Zhdanov in this non-humorous "Can You Top This") would answer the provocation he dreamed on his giant’s self-fulfilling diet designed to make him mad topped betimes by a dessert of suckling satellite and be confirmed in his prediction when Britain, France, Belgium, Holland, and Luxembourg signed "Western Union" the same day Congress was asked to breathe life into the draft, St. Patrick’s Day ‘48—

But, countered this lady Mayga from, as it happened, beautiful Chile (who was, as it turned out, ready to sing a bit), the enslavement of South America was true if you gentlemen would kindly recall how American business often moved their obsolete machines down to Chile and put them to work and depreciated them all over again— If they worked, they worked, said Mayn — Put millions in but take billions out, she went on without missing a syllable of his, and often in capital-intensive technology that does not exactly improve the unemployment in an underdeveloped nation unless to increase is to improve (Ted laughed some smoke out of his lungs) because for some belt-tightening programs it is.

Mayn had liked her fineness from the time he had known her and didn’t know how she did it, he was a male snob not to take how she was for granted, she did not overdo the power in her eyes and was quiet without seeming to be an Intelligent Woman Listening or a patient debater waiting to pounce when it came her turn. They had mad coincidences, too.

When you have your day, what will you do with it? said Ted, like an observation, and before long, having paused one moment over the nonetheless quiet lady’s gentle attack on the sentimental violence of which the nationalist imagination was capable as witness the poppycock voiced a few minutes ago by the man who has disappeared from the end of the bar to the effect that the altitude of that slender U-2 plane they were going to hear about tomorrow gave to the plane’s eye a multiple of extra destructive energy in the form of a light too potent to see with the naked eye unpeeled — the three of them here in the bar of a Washington hotel Ted, Jim, and the round-faced pretty woman Mayga slanting toward one another somewhat open-endedly as if the departure of the Scavenger Spence in his fringed deerskin from bar’s end had given them leave, drifted into song.

Such as?

"I Don’t Want to Walk Without You, Baby," and "I Don’t Stand a Ghost of a Chance with You" and, in honor of the velvet-cheeked guest from the Southern Hemisphere, 4tAy, Ay, Ay, Ay! Canta y no llores, / Porque cantando se alegran cielito Undo los corazones," a border song known even to a young aunt of the Ojibway healer of the Mille Lacs region not far from Lake Superior (whose grandfather, the diva had told Clara at lunch who had mentioned it in Lincoln the correspondent’s presence at a workshop, had sewn with a needle fashioned from a marten’s penis-bone, and with thread that once helped make the back tendon of a moose) — for songs are audible over the greatest distances even like the greater abstractions, but songs especially, as James Mayn, asleep in a friend’s vacant apartment off Connecticut Avenue, may have sensed: but if from the distances of the resolute non-dream that he thought there’s therefore nothing to remember of (except for the challenging voice that asked what was this "double Moon" by which the Anasazi medicine man in possession of the family-pistol-to-be could be made out by the Navajo Prince?) or from the distances of the next day’s prospects opening out before Jim — beneath him, if we will, like the Pole below Admiral Byrd’s mysterious plane caught by a painter hovering glider-like with the American flag painted on the middle of its wing — why then he recalled what he had not witnessed his grandfather Alexander discussing, first, crab chowder (its prospect) with his unexpected visitor down at the bay side cottage, the wonderful red-faced blonde, Jane Yard (Mrs. Bob), and the quantities of softshell required for such a chowder should the three who had dropped in from Windrow elect to stay for supper, assuming, second, that his fair daughter Sarah and her old friend Bob the esteemed electrician husband of Alexander’s visitor made up their difference of yesterday whatever it was—

Oh dry up, Alexander, that’s blarney and you’re not Irish, said Jane mildly—

— were now speaking to each other, that is — having had words yesterday that must have spoilt her day and spoilt his if he was half as downhearted afterward as she—

— Oh come off it, Alexander, you and Margie always spoiled hell out of Sarah—

But the bald, white-haired, tall, paunchy man laughed abruptly as if after all he did know a little something more than the obvious, and he said he thought Margaret had been pretty strict with both girls and asked what had brought Jane and Bob down to the shore today.

Then she told him who they’d brought, feeling like relations.

Meanwhile, beyond the resumed Bases game where Braddie soon got tagged out only to become the middle of a Keep Away game that Sarah ignored, cupping her hand over her eyes to stare at the khaki-trousered ancient whom her mother Margaret had (at last) introduced her to, a new noise succeeded the disappearance of Bob Yard over the dune: "Did you see his face!" said both Yards in concert, for she had come up from the cottage toward the beach and met Bob — it was the childless Yards in concert — a childless couple either makes up for it with a lot of noise or talent or has trouble with other people’s noise — voices lifted somewhere between the beach and the path to the bayfront cottages with their stilt-supported little dock, Alexander making ready to commence to begin organizing a crab chowder for six or seven, not nine, a decision precipitated by Jane Yard when she heard of the recent to-do between Sarah and Bob and said she and Bob at least would not be staying.

Which like a historian of the early forties Jim’s daughter Flick put together like two and two with an evening in New York the next winter when Sarah had tickets for herself and Brad to go up to New York with Margaret to see Carmen, Brad’s first opera; and when Margaret got a cold and would not be seen in public, the unheard-of happened and Sarah’s unmusical husband announced he would tear himself away from the paper and make a third: then Bob Yard said he would drive them all, because he and his erstwhile wife Jane were going in to New York for dinner at Rockefeller Center ice rink and then were going dancing at the Hotel Taft, although Jane called it off at the last minute after speaking with Sarah, then changed her mind again as if in 399 order to have a hilarious argument in the front seat with her husband en route to New York with three Mayns in back.

Jim told Flick as little as she wanted to know, then left her to put it together; and once in the midst of these matters he wanted to ask if she planned to have a family — none of his business, but . . but didn’t ask her. But then she knew of a philosopher who had said our way of being civilized individuals is to want children rather than ourselves, the future rather than life now: so she had, like her mother, rendered his question unnecessary. Then she had said, But what about you?

Like her mother? — the question poses itself apart from any interrogator. Well, her mother answered questions that way, too, that hadn’t been voiced. Flick his daughter stayed close to him for a time after the unraveling of the marriage, by being combative; unlike her brother Andrew, who was gentle and decent yet absent. Flick took her father up on two-thirds of what he said, though mostly over the phone. The marriage was fractured on a long-term basis, till death us do join: Well, are you joking or aren’t you, Daddy?

And when he told how the U-2 press conferences years ago in May of ‘60 had turned him on to weather but at the press conference was the lie to cover the prime issue which was illicit surveillance of Russia, there came Flick’s loved, sometimes husky voice on the phone, "Whaddaya mean? — meteorology? or that it was the lie? and I thought the newspaperman sticks to the subject."

He wanted to tell her he was half-kidding, that the weather reconnaissance was solid information, you knew where you were, it was history. He said, 4’No gray areas there — you don’t have to speculate if the man’s giving you a half-truth."

And when he was driving with Ted and Ted’s fifty-year-old girlfriend; or checking the street number of a house on a breezy corner of Brooklyn Heights within shooting distance of the harbor and the lighted Statue that turned its back on New Jersey when you drove in over the Jersey flats though the Statue was in New Jersey if in a separate United States of elegant debris; or when he just missed the bank one thirsty afternoon and thought he would cash a check at the athletic club (and it was the wrong time to phone Flick), he would so much want to phone her that it was all he could do to stop feeling a dumbbell more than a father-man, and might phone anyway although he knew he didn’t need to heal the pains of his and her mother’s separation (growth pains, our ass); he found he didn’t talk to her like that but made fairly good conversation into a credit-card pay phone to the intimate point of Flick then complaining (now from Washington) that sure she was interested in his routine work on the dioxin scandal, but less that it caused acne than what happened when we sprayed it in the sixties in Florida and dumped dioxin-contaminated waste oil to keep dust down at those Missouri horse farms, and this dioxin’s the cleverest poison ever synthesized and so unearthly good at what it does it’s more poisonous than the most poisonous person and has the brains to fool itself into waiting several weeks to kill you — than she was interested in his emergency bulletins about Thomas Jefferson (who might have been a casual relative as Mayn dropped the information) writing with his left hand to the Frenchman Le Roy accounting for why the east wind off the ocean having no obstacle penetrates the settled deforested Virginia coast more than does the inland wind from the hilly wooded west which, like the landward ocean wind, rushes into the heated coastal zone after the air there rises — and (he didn’t mind Flick’s rather exercised criticism confusing his conversation with his "priorities," he was proud enough of her!) she was — O.K. — well — very interested in how dioxin traveled freely through the food chains in the Vietnam ecosystem through to catfish and carp, but mobile as it is dioxin really settles into the cells and twelve years after spraying in northwest Florida where you get rain even during vacation time, it’s still as good as new in birds and insects (and your favorite eating-lizard) her father added — but she was less interested, she had to say, in Jefferson’s left-handed speculation on the chain reaction of the Gulf Stream to the east wind as a result of which— though "we know too little of the operations of nature in the physical world to assign causes with any degree of confidence" — let’s let the Gulf Stream, said T.J., finish biting its way through the continent and let’s just open a token cut in the Isthmus of Panama and let the Gulf Stream current do the work for us which would lessen pressure elsewhere from the once-dangerous Gulf Stream because calm and safe it would no longer throw vapors, as Franklin argued, northward to be turned by cold air into the fogs on the Grand Banks of Newfoundland which harass mariners from as far away no doubt as Russia. But, come to think of it, long ago in i960 on April Fool’s Day, a month before the U-2 press conference, Mayn had followed the first orbiting of a weather satellite, and for a time forgot he remembered the cloud photos, for where the clouds were was where you’d find the weather front — why, listen, the sky changed just while they drove down to the shore on a summer day—

Is it true a ring around the Moon means rain?

True in the forty to eighty percent range.

What, then, of our double Moon illuminating the Anasazi healer who passed the pistol on to the ill-fated Navajo Prince? asks an interrogator so familiar that if we know the magic words we may already have "internalized" him together with his ideal clarity never mind the healing effect of information.

We can reply that the double Moon was a phenomenon of the eighties and early nineties visible in the Four Corners region where an unobstacled view of the sunset horizon was had during the brief years that housed nomad demons in and out of the Navajo Prince’s mother’s head-hole which a visiting Anglo hermit advised the med’ciners not to cover with the government-issue muslin there seemed to be considerable supplies of, and at sunset the demons were visible if you knew how to look mto her head, demons dark-earth-colored, mobile-brown and glittering gray, but colorful, even creamy, as much as muscularly material, whereas she who could not stretch her eyes to see into the hole knew them to be most tumid blue and the sharp orange of those ancient volcanic apricots still visible every fourth August — except, on the nights of double-moon-rise, when the demons were another color — that is, when for a long stop like the original sunset that may last for years after a volcanic eruption one multiple demon flashed pale green to erase all others and their colors:

and on such nights when the green flash was seen at twi-set between "the history of the day and the history of the night," the Moon would double or twin in some regions of Sky or Earth or both. And so the ancient Anasazi healer whose real medicines had taken him for years away from his faithful wife and children so that he threatened to become a witchdoctor who parts, say, the husband from the wife if in luck so not even snake root helps the man, or instead of giving soapweed mixed with a special cactus to help the mother in labor when the baby won’t come, administers it much earlier and differently so the gal aborts and afterward is unable to know if she wanted to or not — the Anasazi healer felt the Moon double him with its light or be seen by each of his eyes individually.

Nevertheless, the white-lipped female zoologist Mena, studying the fierce javelina all the way up from the southern hemisphere, had met the botanist Marcus Jones (of whom no visual record remains within us) pedaling down through and beyond the monumental debris of Colorado seeking yet one more new type of locoweed — and she claimed that the doubled shadow he cast upon her when he got off his bike to greet her where the light of night brought the desert closer about them had before Jones was gone become hers to convey until her next human. This was the ancient Anasazi who, because her appearance at the top of his ladder caused the pistol in question to throw two shadows, had seen two Moons and thereupon had admitted he was not sure if the pistol had come from the mestizo spy years after the Mexican War or alternatively from a half-Sioux Thunder Dreamer (one of that clown elite who must act out their least-appealing dreams in public even to the point of turning themselves literally inside out) who claimed he had been given the pistol by a dying white settler prone among the wind grasses of southern Dakota as a charm to tame that religious movement of the eighties the Ghost Dance with which the Indians in despair hoped against hope to stop the increasing pain of invading bullets though in particular it was each individual’s transcendent guardian richly painted on the Ghost Dance shields on government-issue muslin that must memorably refract these currents of detonated daylight from their course, while the community on good days intuited through custom — long before law got round to firming it up — the difference between bullets and light, the sign that detours you off onto yet another course and the true way of the explorer that bends if need be to circumnavigate a route that may in the end prove more direct.

But what prisms of sight carried the mother and with her a divided son, left out yet asked along, from the active Mantoloking beachhead out to a horizon more northern than could be explained? — for our sailors tell of those high-latitude mirages whereby the land below the horizon levitates if it does not invert into sight, and we see where we are going before it sees us.

An explanation — little more than that — as that light entering a different medium promises to bend — or that a mother we already recalled before we had gone far enough in our research to reconstitute her was the one who left her sons with the promise that they were the ones going away, a mirage factor that keeps its distance no matter how we go on or go back, to tell us something past mere satisfaction as the shine of a distant desert lake meets the shade of some earthly substance over the hill of our New Jersey still-wartime sea.

Facts worth their weight in gravity if they can only carry a tune to get them to the noise the tune hides in case — ti-dum-whung-lu — it needs to be moved fast and be in not Sarah’s open case but Thomas Jefferson’s violin terminally cased while in a next room he wrote with his left hand to Le Roy in France about the weather (Seasonable in Monticello; how makes it at Mont-pellier?) if ‘twas the same Le Roy (in the history of rain, the "humid" Le Roy) the Le Roy who in the 1750s (so it couldn’t almost be the same one) discovered dew point by sealing damp air not in a painted can as we did 1950s New York City air for tourists and Paris air for the Clignancourt flea market, unless you could hold your breath for the lag of your homeward leg there to transfer it to the tunnel of a loved one’s mouth and system, but in a bottle where the temperature was falling, until drops formed like tunes to Le Roy’s eyes, and in measuring this degree of the air’s saturation he brought all of us closer to the causes of rain. And found, with his improvised hygrometer of goblets indoors and out, that where he was the dew point varied with the wind direction — further, that the northwest mistrao and the northeast grec are not so dry as the north wind, nor so moist as the south wind from the sea, and dry and moist are relative in air so that dry air on a summer’s day may contain more water than moist air in winter.

But (and we turn to the child speaking and rotate so’f we was in a Choosing Configuration we’d just go on spinning) — But he wasn’t the inventor of rain, right?

Right (we are so happy to give a Yes or No answer to a child, the slight smile upon its face or certain parts thereof) — No, my dears (for it’s a multiple child!) he wasn’t. Nor, fifty years later, was he likely to have been the Le Roy to whom Jefferson, having broken his right or violin wrist on a walk with a mere acquaintance wrote a rambling letter with his left hand and never had the strength to play again, though four days later he attended a concert and the following night went alone to the opera, our all-purpose Jefferson, and never once stopped taking notes, as witness less than two years later his observations in Europe both of windows that admit air but not rain, and sawmills that run on wind, not to mention his having instinctively grasped the modern dream of urban sprawl proposing a coastal Thru-Way from Nice to La Spezia, an Alps by-pass for travelers entering Italy whereby, as T.J. said, "all the little insulated villages of the Genoese would communicate together, and in time form one continued village" ahead of its time along that route.

Which had been, to cite from Larry what Jefferson six generations or so earlier could not have termed it, his personal Modulus to give back to world civilization all the energy-to-burn that had fractured his wrist. And could have led to his discovering in Inner Choor with its long seacoast-like range proto-nomads landbridging to the Alkan-Yukon fields, had he the renowned polymath T.J. trusted his naturally swiveling instinct finding not just slender black-and-white solutions at any hour of his epic day/night but oceans to bestride with a compass whose points were out of sight of each other wading in the watery sphere; hence had T.J. surveyed on Euclid’s drowning angular shoulders such sunlight shed in Earth’s seas as to discern long before the synthesizing of uranium that flesh itself, beneath the skin but even in the varicolored skin with all its history of light, if barraged at its nucleus (take for example the seven hundred individuals that were the nucleus of the Georgia Colony), could blow sky-high, clouding the horizons of events themselves — and the whole shmeer turns upon how we (a natural senate maybe only in birth and potential) apply our knowledge of the light (for is the tune the secret force celled in the noise or is the noise what waits in the tune’s fine track to blow us away together on Independence Day?).

You mean, asks an internalized interrogator drawing through us like an un-snappable lanyard looking for a grommet to lash and presuming to be our Modulus when unbeknownst even to us sometimes we are it — you mean that young Jim, shunted back to his Bases game upon the white-hot beach, might have found upon the horizon what his mother, anguished at the man Bob Yard, had looked around Jim in order to see — if he had only been smart enough to see that it was her life she had somehow lost and not a son whom she divided into two that they not meet? For in lieu of deciding that it was that uncomfortable day at the beach that decided Sarah (no middle name) Mayn to disappear, in which case he might have stopped her from doing it, he ever after discounted the conjunction of all this with what proved to be the old New York City geezer’s farewell to Margaret, and fixed his memory on what he knew for sure, which was the miraculous fact of his violently rooting his feet in the sand leaning then suspended against all gravity or other explanation, which saved his little brother Brad from receiving violence.

Which would never "do," while Jefferson’s violin healthy in its case so appreciates in value by the warm sheen of its workmanship, as by the shaping into a constant future of all its remembered music, that we, who are only relation, let such parallels as deterrence and disarmament meet, like being in one place yet being at once in two, and put Euclid over Einstein for sanity’s sake and not to overanalyze the unspeakable of a mother’s absenting herself from her sons. Whereby Mayn could mention matter-of-factly to his daughter Flick, or, soon after she was born, to his friend Ted, the night before NASA’s director of public information Walt Bonney indicated that a faulty oxygen line probably caused the U-2 pilot to black out (prior to slipping into Russian airspace), that Jim’s mother Sarah had been less sick than depressed during the year preceding both the tragedy and, roughly, War’s end, and that even on the summer’s day when the man with whom (though Jim didn’t know it any more than his brother Brad could think it) Sarah was or had been on intimate terms turned up unexpectedly at the shore forty minutes from Windrow ostensibly to deliver Margaret’s old friend the geezer who as it happened was supposed to be dying, Sarah in Jim’s later-articulated view had begun to think seriously about removing herself from the quiet, ordinary life she lived with her two sons and the husband she did not know how to speak of—

— and thirteen years earlier, or fourteen, Ted gently responded, "Excuse me but were the two sons both by your father?" to which Jim, contemplating still the horizon toward which (as he once upon a time years later began to try to make Flick his daughter see) he’d more than fallen, quipped, "By? By? He wasn’t no author, he ran the fambley paper, married into it, was an editor, Honesty was his middle name, not a bad guy, not necessarily a winner, maybe, but I never put my finger on just what was slowed-down about him, he could make you feel he was raising his voice, though he never did and maybe I felt he ought to but he didn’t much lay a hand on me, he would now and then take my mother by the shoulder and it didn’t matter if they were facing or not, and give her a peck on the jaw; he’s still very much alive — and that’s something."

— mention such stuff matter-a-fackly and all, und jet und jet. .

What was the Hermit-Inventor of New York — that is, doing there that day upon the strand? and why was Bob Yard not serving his country in the armed forces? — in fact as an electrician if that career information had reached the right ears.

We’ll get to those questions, replies the spokesman, using the "Agency We" for he’s on tricky ground and had better just release the prepared statement on the Lockheed pilot Powers and his "sniffer" — that so-called "flying test bed" totally unarmed and slower than the speed of sound for God’s sake but heavy on the instruments designed to measure, well, gust turbulence at 55,000 feet, also "sniffs" radioactivity — you hang out a sheet of filter paper to check the atmosphere, that’s all there is to it but NASA categorically denies that this U-2 was packing any radioactivity-detecting gear, for there’s always tomorrow up to a point until Walter Bonney is saying on May 9th or 10th—

— Well, which?

— he’s saying, "I thought I was telling the truth" — for his official statement re: this particular U-2’s work during a round trip of three hours and forty-five minutes of fourteen hundred or sixteen hundred miles (for both figures have been mentioned) identified "gust meteorological conditions" as the purpose of the flight, and Walt Bonney got his original statement from Air Weather and they got it from information supplied by the Second Weather Wing at Wiesbaden, which in turn was supplied the information from Turkish channels since the takeoff point was Adana airfield near the Syrian border, the officer in charge none other than Colonel Bill Shelton, low-profile but all business, commander of the Second Weather Reconnaissance Squadron. Do you see the trouble you get into when you already had the Tiros satellite launched a month previous with fully automated eyes and touch which the Russians had no interest in pointing a rocket at (because for one thing they can share the data with us later), but beyond subsequent admission that this U-2, unlike the ones in Japan, California, New York State, and other, or all of the above, was engaged in necessary surveillance of missile sites, etcetera, we do not hesitate (so to speak) to (we proudly declassify, hand over heart, two hands for beginners, even three for those who have evolved that far into the race’s unconscious future Body-Self, the information in order to) acknowledge that from our U-2 we have learned that our bombers have nothing to fear from turbulence when refueling at high altitudes.

Like a contemplative and detached student of the stock market, Mayn followed the missile do-si-do in ‘69 to the point of getting quite fond of the Sprint missile that waited till the enemy warhead poked down out of the upper atmosphere at which stage it made a dash for it. But Mayn had been turned toward the more lasting field of meteorology, namely the comparatively "small talk" of weather that NASA had chosen to cover and to be its high-altitude lie. And Mayn was known to have studied the stodgy U-2 and its gadgets: for wind shear, ozone, and water vapor; for spotting would-be typhoons; and for looking into the dynamics of convective clouds. All this before he let go and went on (if someone had to speak for him) to less ambiguously administered manifestations of meteorological inquiry and application, straight stuff, journeyman work—

Yeah, said a daughter, yeah, said she who also did not see because he hadn’t completely told her what he had come back from like a shadow to reinvent: yeah, yeah, she said; straight stuff, Dad, hard information, right, Dad?

The energy-efficient home, he said. . putting waste heat to work, he half-grumbled, hearing her add, Where homeowners can sit around and think what?

and later the U-2 ten miles high could see through the smoke a mountain on fire to map the perimeter of that little hole, that brief, wild sea-bomb, of light. He couldn’t say those words but felt them because we relations could release them to him, which we could do because he was capable of feeling them, which, thus, we might learn.

Flick would get a little mad but discount it with that voice of hers, that little demolition of the area immediately around her, all of it an irony of hers, and he would tell himself he couldn’t follow her meaning unless it was that she thought he should use some power in journalism that he was reluctant even to look for; she would make fun of his pedestrian reports, his "straightforward" assignments when he was back with AP but then he left again to work for the group of papers in the East owned by the South American supposed genius Senor Long, and Flick made fun of these stodgy reports that she half seemed not to know zilch about, so she got Jim telling about the hail-suppression work in Russia and in Argentina and where it all started at the end of the War (Right, she said, "The War") after the supercooling of high clouds was found to be why ice formed on aircraft wings which themselves proved to be the trigger that froze the cloud water — so you introduce a cold rod or — aha! — dry ice and god-like or in the guise of a sympathetic medicine poetess of the early American desert called Cloud-Water make snow at fourteen thousand feet over Schenectady (ever been to Schenectady, Flick?) and one thing led to another and the pioneer in this, Schaefer, got some input from a fellow researcher named Vonnegut — Vonnegut? said Flick — to try silver iodide crystals which don’t make the cloud water any colder but each crystal grows ice around it like a nucleus, grows and grows and then it bursts and you get a chain reaction (Oh that explains everything, she said) — and with the chain reaction the next thing you know—

"Oh Daddy! Snow! Thank you, Daddy!" — they were in a restaurant, she was seventeen, there were a moment’s tears in her eyes quickly ironed out—"Snow, Daddy," so he had to laugh but didn’t know all she meant but loved her almost for her confused desires to (what?) make fun of him? to make him more political? but not to get him back with her mother—

— Right! (his shoulders felt stiff and good) so they figure a pellet of dry ice the size of a pea can make a hundred thousand tons of snow—

Who figures? came a voice back (a voice of a daughter) (multiplied by us) — yeah, so who’s this "they" that "figures"? — a multinational oil-insurance corp.? — but it isn’t coming to anything, admit it — they don’t control the weather except in their Men’s Dreams of zooming into a zero-visibility cloud and blowing everything out of there!

Well the Russians have shot rockets into thunderclouds their radar said were packed with hailstones, said Jim.

She would eat her dinner and suddenly ask why the winds came from west to east. This led her father into air masses, their personalities and so forth. He drew one for her, on a paper tablecloth in a little dump in Boston where they had crayons in old jelly jars, drew a picture (with commentary) of the prow-shaped slope of the cold front, its hundreds-of-miles-wide keel bottom frictioning slowly across the land, a very wide load.

She’d drive toward some point, maybe of truth — across land that was water, do you understand? — Yes, Jim, we understand though you didn’t say it aloud to yourself — then shift into another type of love, because it was (we’re sure) always that — love and the incestuous anger-humor/humor-anger all mingled of wanting to send up a parent or two who a bit too easily granted their failings especially her father, though when he was tempted by affection, drink, and food to tell her where he was literally coming from he couldn’t because she would be puzzled as if she believed him (that is, that he was in the future) and in the current present only by leaning like a long-necked proto-pelvic closet-biped ankylo-soaratops into its brained past.

I know what you mean, she said to her father, but he didn’t mean the acceleration of time’s hardware that she meant, tossing her long straight light-brown hair back (and what would she know about how dreadful the future was?) — that is, that you might go and teach Peace Corps in middle Africa (there’ll always be an Africa), but listen Dad the overall grid was haywire, she felt, and run not by Decent Thought or even a collaboration of crooks but — she didn’t know — it had run away with itself — the answer was, she said, socialism maybe, but not the kind we had, with the corporations half-owned by the government that they more than half-owned in turn, and the only point in going to college — she had been accepted by a formerly men’s college that had just gone "public" (joke) and offered excellent skiing close by — Was to study and know your enemies: not men, no, not men, but — she would quit after a year mebbe and go to work for Nader, do obsoletely anythong he needed, but she ought to be a lawyer, but it took too much time, and did she want kids young? but that wasn’t what she thought, it was her father.

The future her father had sloped out onto was like us the slope, static but for the shadow it threw, which was him, back upon Now, the Present, which was really the past from the vantage of that future he had gone into like a shock of memory which gave off a desire to return to what was a void and had to be reinvented, namely this present: God! he thought, it wasn’t him, this future position, it felt causeless, caused by an absence of cause, it came at him a sure home, not someone else’s.

Like when he woke up one night, and it was the night he walked out on the landing to find Sarah his mother wending her way upstairs with a book — and come to think of it her grandmother’s large comb — in her hand, reading. And a flashlight made like a candle.

But when he woke at first he had heard certainly his mother, her neutral though now unusually explaining voice, upon the ground of Brad’s crying coupled with his sort of whining word-sound, and she was telling him it wasn’t a bad dream, it was a good dream; his "terrible" dream (certainly) of the whole town going back in reverse into a volcano it had come out of, but— for reasons that were people in the dream that Jim missed out on because he couldn’t really hear — a "very moving" dream, a good dream, Braddie — she wouldn’t have minded having it herself — which made Braddie laugh and sob-snuffle at once, and something else that caught Jim but he didn’t catch, for what was it? he only got out of bed. He could have run off the roof into space the way he felt but he had heard the train leaving Windrow getting up some speed headed for Little Silver or the Shore or Trenton; but he opened his door to the removed but spread light from the bathroom down the hall, which his instinct told him was empty. Turning to look down the stairs, he saw his mother on the way up with book and comb, reading — the big brown-and-black-and-golden-orange comb. But later on he thought it might have been her ghost, and he could allow the possibility of ghosts because he had ruled out dreams (though not for others).

All this more or less O.K. until — wait a minute — the next afternoon he heard the very same conversation through the slightly ajar music-room door, and Brad was even doing a bit of crying, same whimper-type really and the little shit couldn’t have just had the dream because he had been at school all day: Jim could guess it was lava boiling down out of the volcano in the movie the previous Saturday, even standing the other side of the music-room door, that gave his kid brother that dream of the town reversing itself to flow back into the volcano with everyone boiling back with it like stuck in the tongue of a titanic snake (sheep and people and even a farmer hoeing unconcernedly, etcetera), then his mother saying a "terrible" dream but a "good dream, Braddie," and Jim knew what came next before he heard it, which was, "It was a good dream Braddie because it was your soul rooting for you, telling you what’s inside you." Jim hadn’t ever heard his mother say "soul." But how had he known she was about to say, "It’s your soul rooting for you," except for her having said it last night when Braddie must have woken up out of a bad dream and she went in to him?

But she had been downstairs!

So was it that Jim could see the future? Or hear it! And so right then, surprised at himself outside this door, he thought that his mother coming up the stairs at two or three in the morning — with the book and the great comb he recalled combined so the comb was extending out of the book she was reading as she slowly came up the stairs — had been a ghost.

Though they had exchanged words.

And she had not really said to get back to bed, it was like they were meeting like friendly acquaintances downtown. Oh, hello, Jim — what a nice pair of pyjama bottoms you’ve got on today.

So later, after she had gone down the drain of the sea you might say cruelly, he looked forward to seeing her ghost again, because this other night when she was alive and Jim could have sworn had been just heard outside in the hall or in Braddie’s room sort of comforting Braddie out of his dream, she had evidently been a ghost out of the future. Of course as well as what she was. Which was reading late, while Jim on the landing had been hearing his father’s snoring and so you could feel that the breathing of one parent passed through you and met the nightwalking or breathing of the other parent. Were there thoughts there, too, along the breath-junction you made? He didn’t know. All he knew was that she said at least a couple of times that he only didn’t remember his dreams; it wasn’t that he didn’t have them. Until he once got mad and, yes, chilly at the same time, so didn’t say what he hoped to but did say she didn’t know what she was talking about, and some people definitely did not have dreams, like some did not see ghosts.

Was it her ghost? He got quite sure of it. But there was no proving it so he put it behind him.

Did he see ghosts where others dreamed? And had history repeated itself downstairs, or what?

He had little to go on, putting his mother together out of his later life. Until one day he regretted not asking people who had known her about her. Why hadn’t he? Because he thought it was up to her?

He went for the definite. Yet he did once see her later on. She was resting on her oars for a long time. He was playing squash in his freshman year at college in a cold court defending the center with hip and elbow and killing perhaps his partner’s very mind targeting the angles to make him dart forward or long-alleying a wall-hugger so the black ball found a home in a dead rear corner, yet always as if his variant wrist knew the future independent of its lord — and this was when he once saw his mother resting on her oars for a long time before some change that came would end this rocking pause.

He "decided" — how? — that she had felt herself not fit for relations with people, all these relations — was that it?

He had seen her row once, and off the beach at Mantoloking, which was crazy and fairly dangerous, and he, a child, had felt it. Though she had gone with a grinning lifeguard, who had shoved the boat, a white and high-bowed small boat across the barriers of magnet-strong low breakers to dig further into the swell. And they both got up onto the gunwales facing each other and grinning out there in the immediate distance of the boy’s watch kept for her, and then they both clambered down and she insisted on rowing. Why did Jim think "insisted"? A secret of the line between where he was and where she was, and the line between them was a foreign shore, and he knew he heard her speaking inside him or maybe him inside her — yet not then, but much later, after she was gone, he recalled this inside business and knew it had been felt by him then. He caught a follow-through of his partner’s racket on his right knee and was never the same again, though was playing two months later and played even better the following year though moving sideways was a bit risky. Out-thinking his "partner" was all it was, and yet he was there doubled in a future of the next second before it had come, it was waiting for him awful as a lost traveler’s inertia, you wouldn’t tell this about yourself even to the multitudes of eyes watching you from the totally imaginary Ship Rock of the northwest New Mexico desert — this future he couldn’t do more than joke about — with his daughter, that is — though once with the South American lady who had wandered thoughtfully into the bar of the hotel the night before or after the first U-2 announcement: and he and Ted were talking (hell) history, light history (Clear, two-plus-two causes; or Just Plain Accident; or the secret rooting capabilities of New Jersey beach sand and mid-1940s bare feet; or history’s trick of happening elsewhere if you paid close attention: well then, didn’t Buddha say speak only of what you know) and Ted had known an ancient relative of Greeley’s, like an old, comparatively valuable pistol, a tea-totaler incidentally whose great-great uncle had lived for a week at the semi-utopiate community in Greeley, Colorado, that Meeker and Greeley founded, and the ancient relative in question when living remembered sloops racing each other out the East River and to the other end of the harbor to the Narrows to meet an incoming ship and whip back to Manhattan to peddle the hot foreign news in the newssheets they had in those days before the great man had founded his Tribune partly to purge journalism of such obnoxious attractions as medical advertising of that day—

And Mayn — and Ted too — and maybe partly in the presence of "their" despised end-of-the-bar auditor Spence with the cruddy sideburns both bushy and patchy and the hide jacket frontier-fringed — showed off to the newcomer, the lady perhaps six or seven years Jim’s elder, a round-faced beauty with an exacting kindness waiting in the eyes, and independent; and she did put three fingers to her lips listening to Jim pass from the wind of sailpower running the news business all the way back to the 1680s when the law said no one might ferry across from Manhattan to Brooklyn when the sails of all the windmills were rolled up or in a rowboat ferry at least, which led to the friend of Ted’s who had grown up in Brooklyn Heights with a view from Grace Court of the ferry lights moving away from the Battery in the early evening and wanted never to look at that vast harbor again and had moved as far inland and slightly southwest as you could get without coming out the other side, and while one thing led to another, the foremost thing was that after the official NASA statement the next day that nobody believed, they had all foregathered (as Jim’s father would say) — pasf-gathered was more like it — here before Ted had gone off to dinner with an economist from Puerto Rico, and Spence, when Mayn had looked away for a moment from his exquisitely trustworthy interlocutress to whom he hadn’t mentioned he was married but wanted to because he was going to be friends with her, had seemed to appear — and for a horning-in moment inquired so incredibly what was the bean with the limitless oil that Mayn had recently been heard speaking of that’s like sperm oil and the planty bush survives up to two hundred years (which Mayn didn’t recall saying because he didn’t actually know how long and now said so, somewhat angrily, to this sidling character who shied away doubtless into his hole as Mayn turned back to the South American lady hearing Spence say, c" d you think I dreamed that?") — so incredibly, yes, that the woman said, Who is he? as if she’d detected Mayn holding out on her:

— that is, he told his daughter Flick years later (when she could be told things to was it before or after college?) the barest facts of what he had told the South American lady in i960 but did not think Flick would believe him and anyway cared much more for her than for conveying what became so hard to credit that it was a shadow whose very source had been cast with it — all this both a species of but distant possibility maybe of madness, and a vulgar violation of his most ordinary self.

This, Flick might have partly picked up, for she said to him (admittedly the evening he came to Washington to be met by her, and not in his gift to her the old white Cadillac she had that very weekend sold as a collectible), Well you aren’t exactly ordinary, Daddy, the places you’ve been, but this business of our living in the future, well, I’ve never seen that transparent bubble and the plate that people stand two by two on to get transferred into space.

She worried her feeling; she said she didn’t want to talk about the therapist she had been seeing for three months in Boston because it set up a triangle though she knew he wasn’t like that — just paid the bills, right? — but she was trying to hold on to some feelings she tended to discount, it was easy for her to let them get away: one was that she herself had been a reason he and Joy (she named her mother) had stuck it out as long as they had — she and Andrew, of course; and this made her more sad, or she tried to think but it was really more mad since she was thinking it had been her business when it had been theirs.

But it was her life, and he was relieved to feel equality between the mad-sad point and how in late ‘76-early ‘77 she went on about not the maniacal aliveness of dioxin tinting pale cells palely and promising like a habit only the future chance to look back (dioxin in the food chain thus not the point but held to through her pedagogic rhythm which was her own well-known stubbornness now made into policy). But this label of "ordinary" her father gave himself. "Ordinary"?

But the future he was literally in. . well she sort of chose not to see and he loved her too far to have to make her see he meant literally this four-dimensional picture that included him that he had hardly more than once or twice stated to anyone — stated to his wife, who almost believed him and was frightened to think he was not speaking out of craziness, and so did not quite believe him, at least quite early in his marriage.

But he could state it all to the South American woman Mayga so persuasively that almost at once she was giving Locus T Transfer of Two Persons into One New Libration-Colonist back to him like a reporter checking respectfully fact upon fact, template to jointed template of radiant, matter-turning force, while she was even lowering her voice (so we pick it up) when Spence had returned to the bar from having taken a call in the hotel lobby (Mayn knew all this without looking up), and Mayn said that though the lingo couldn’t have been there in 1945 or ‘6, he was sure he remembered Locus and some mid-space balancing of forces or powers which he had never in fact had any interest in except as factual-type matter that came like the dream he never had at night, though he had been told it was the memory not the dreams he was missing out on.

Had a lot of people instead to reflect on. So that Larry bicycling his own Manhattan Project north, south, west, then sternly east might bury all his toy suicides as they came into his unhappy head by the side of the road where journeyman suicides are s’posed to be buried even when, hard by a type-green traffic light, the pothole in question won’t any too soon have claimed the axle of a cab whose driver wasn’t lucky enough to carry as standard equipment an instant camera to record the waiting ever-empty insatiable grave:

So that his new friend — the joy of new friends, of a "new friend"! — Jim Mayn, before Lar’ was even thought of — may joke his way through and almost out of an evening with the lady Mayga who will hear him out beyond his staggered jokes designed both to stop the folly of what he’s revealing to her and keep him going to the end, well we remember the terrible fine blade of grass in the voice-over concluding Hollywood’s first atomic-energy movie for this was seen by him his senior year in the Walter Reade theater in ‘47, so powerful an ending that the audience were perfectly evenly divided two by two and one to one between those who were physically transfixed and paralyzed and those who were only mentally and did not hear themselves chewing or obliviously tearing wrappers off candy bars they should not have had left at the end of the first of a double feature, such a single blade of grass as whose atoms alone would power your beloved car (your first car!) from coast to coast of a continent as sentimental as it is adrift from an external point of view. So, scrambling his message a trifle, he nonetheless blew smoke by joking but literally from a cigarette first her way unthinking then in the other three directions thus all four (i.e., of the traditional Indian — and not just Indian! — directions, east west north south), like one of the People ceremonially beginning a journey as he recollected from somewhere as remote as the recent information that one day U-2 planes would see through forest-fire smoke.

The South American woman observed that as for such phenomena of nature or science, it was "one of yours" who had been interested in such only as it might have lain in a person’s experience for a time: but it was she who persisted: Now, the transformer bubble these people stand under before they are turned into frequency and. . recombined, is it? at those distant points of Earth-Moon space—

— Shared.

Sure… at those. .

— libration points—

Yes, those are them, she said. This method of dissolving people, their. . mass, is it?. . how does it affect them when they arrive at the space colony and want to get back to themselves? I mean out of frequency and back to their regular bodies. Are they cleansed? improved? She smiled, but strangely not with doubt. You said two to one, like odds; it’s two to one they do get there or they don’t, or do they get there and then it’s two to one they rema-terialize?

Here was humor, but she clearly did not say to him, Where is this belief of yours coming from?: and he was glad. The kindness stayed back in her eyes ready. She must have known Spence but not that he was always turning a buck with somebody’s contact, and twice he went away and came back to the fine old bar and sat near the curved brass divider that looked like the top of a boat ladder setting off the small service area of the bar: he came back and once slid up onto a stool much closer to Mayn and the South American woman, but that alertness of hers was less than her plain attention to him, which said she would be interested to know more of this actual place or time he was coming from, she gave it a foreign dignity he didn’t resist except to make a diversionary joke here and there as if to say, You don’t have to, you know — and once looked at his gold-banded wristwatch but she must have understood this was less offhand than curiously gallant even though Mayn did not make a habit of looking at his watch when in conversation with anyone, let alone a woman. Even so, the woman he had married sometimes neglected to let him have the credit of his behavior if she plotted, across his eyeball, some brief gateway, a glint that your normal observer would either not see or would have to wait for weeks, or travel, to see, like the sunset green flash.

Like the universe to itself — which, while not We, approaches (always a mile or two too late) the receding idea which proves that We ourselves are neither that universe, nor it us, nor are, very much of the time, that articulating commonalty heretofore capable of accommodating a multiplicity of small-scale units, which, it has occurred to us as we have curved through the bodies of our history a work without a gear, locate us as (no joke, no future joke) what is within Mayn and within the elsewhere-busied Grace Kimball and others as what they don’t know they know about each other and a world, which "there" is outself-growing, too. Hence, a hotel in i960. Hence, speaking out as perpetual insiders collected as a concept, which is that our speech is a hypothetical indicator of the other, likelier, theory of our overall silence. Or we are what is sealed inside these people in order to reach forth, even like fourteen unbroken eggs in the remembered recipe for angel-food cake once, twice, three times magically made by Sarah, mother of Jim Mayn, because unlike much other food it melted.

You are a journalist, Mayn said to the lady, yet you believe what you hear.

She had said that it seemed to her that in his account people were being turned into something communicable.

This was worth laughing about together. Yet she was laughing because the humor was true.

He explained that what "was" taking place at this future time was in two places at once and — and — he was a sane man, a journeyman male who played a bit of basketball, still ran and swam, and worked out on the light striking bag when he remembered to in the clubs of half a dozen cities if not countries, a bit of a social boozer and not averse lately to a social smoke though he had never rolled his own joints nor carried a lid like a pipe smoker; was not a particularly imaginative person, he thought, a newspaperman with hardly a view of history (its coming or its waiting or writing) who had gotten away from his hometown where his family had run a weekly paper until it quit during the War and it would not have lasted even if he lived on beyond high school and college to go in on it with his father who, though he had the same last name as his bride, had married into it—

— the two places, she interrupted, and for a second, though he had no middle-range insight into the future and didn’t want whatever bond with action it might confer, he knew that this fine and dear woman was going to be hideously interrupted herself one day, yet no one would ever know if (or not) it was because she had interrupted him in order to keep him with his story as if there were power for someone in it.

The two places, he said — well, it’s going on in the future, this thing that might seem strange to you but I know that I have been in it — and again he felt himself for a second in the middle-range future and telling someone else about this far future and the place it enacted and telling someone, as he was doing now in i960 with her, without concealing the fact (for it was) that he was there in that future. And this radiance, he said in i960 to the South American woman who knows where they import it from? I’m just as ignorant there in the future as I am here cast back from there, but it’s tied into the magnetosphere cascades, cascades, did I say? no one ever told me about cascades out there but that’s where they are at, strictly speaking the territory near the magnetopause on the earth side I’m told, where you reach the limit of the earth’s magnetic field where the sun’s wind presses against it hard enough to squash it — while those cascades, which are right there in my head though I have no right to them and haven’t been able to let them settle, are some reverse radiance flowing off from the magnetosphere like fish upstream into the solar wind but that isn’t really it because someway the earthward wind draws these cascades of field from the direction of earth, I guess it would be sunward wouldn’t it? but yes! the point is that they can draw this radiance off from the magnetosphere in this future place I’m talking about, and have harnessed it, so the place isn’t entirely bad. .

She laughed and made a note.

Oh it comes down out of the jointed plates of the—

— the bubble around them, said the woman like a partner in discovery.

That’s it: you got it: you know as much as I do.

She laughed and so did he. Her laugh made him think of the very short dress she was wearing, though he was looking at her eyes and her skin, though feeling unfaithful about her angelic sympathy with certain crackpot ideas.

She laughed because she was acquiring a language as different from Romance or Anglo-Saxon as Japanese. . where they stand, he said, one in front of the other, an Indian-file twosome and they are transferred a hundred thousand miles or so out to the torus, it’s a colossal doughnut, do you have doughnuts in—

— the libration point, she put in—

— that’s where it’s at, he said — one of them, one of the colonies they would build by spraying metal coat by coat layer by layer on an inflated doughnut two, three miles wide, maybe more, a balloon in the shape of what they call a torus — build up the site by rotating this monster inner tube past the spray gun firing metal froth—

— Assembly line, she said.

— Endless, said Mayn; you know how Henry Ford got the idea from the Chicago stockyard meat choppers who worked off overhead conveyors.

Do we know for certain that’s where he got the idea?

There’s plenty of ways to build a colony, and that’s how they do this wheel-shape torus at that libration point between gravities out between the Moon and the Earth, a circular balloon is how it’ll begin.

You’re way ahead of me, she said, and they laughed again. He didn’t fall in love with her. He saw her bend her head, turning her neck stiffly or politely in a show of trying to understand; he admired her and did think of touching her along the two parallel lines of her wrists. But he was already in love, and Joy was pregnant with his son.

Someplace in the seventies of (we add) the century in question, on the same day that he heard of a Chicago intellectual who had said, 4 4No Statue of Liberty ever greeted our arrival in this country," Mayn was able to describe the vacuum-vapor method of squirting boiled aluminum onto the Relevant Inflated (i.e., the Appropriate Other, we intrude but only on ourselves), for they had the process by then. But back in ‘60, knowing a son would be born to him and knowing he the father might never be able to say the truth of where he, a shadow, was being cast from but not like the flat shadows of the Moon’s newly televised dark-side Sea of Dreams (the Russians named it) he was yet incompetent to see into the middle future and see his son going to college in the seventies, and leaving college to be a scientist, a lawyer, an architect (please not another dumb one)—

— an astronaut, she said.

And he continued with what he could see: the distant future, where, to answer her question, the two people standing on the titanium plate under the bubble of jointed electromagnetism when they rematerialize at their libration point far out from Earth are one person.

Aha, she said, and wrote a word or two down on her small pad beside her half-finished margarita, and then felt free to laugh briefly: What sex? she asked.

That’s what Larry asked seventeen eighteen years later, and we hardly remembered he was still (read here) there, he’s consented to be given a new Atala ten-speed by his father though he liked his old beat-up ten-speed Raleigh from the Island and now has an offer of a hundred dollars for it from Grace Kimball — he breathes so little in order to bring all he can bear upon his internalized systems, none at all finished we understand, many started like variant radii aimed in at a locus of centers where may be found backward a hermit-inventor’s new weather precipitated possibly from alterations in the charge-field of coastline configurations, not at this late date by that north-polar wind shift (you’ll have sensed by now) that turned the clouds and altered rainfall shapes in the time of the gifted, hapless Anasazi six hundred years before the East Far Eastern Princess met the Hermit-Inventor in New York and saw herself in his glinting eye whose new weather at our aforementioned locus of centers got carried on by the hermit-inventor nephew of that old khaki beachcomber who came to the Jersey shore to speak to Margaret before he should die of what whole-grain toxins trekked through his system for years of breathing fire and smoke of bodies flying by his tenement windows, of using alcohol and tobacco, of pouring through himself all sugars of the City and all salts of the elaborate harbor where weet-wit weet-wit the purple sandpipers hosting their southern kinflock of turnstones even more lost than they await the beaches of an earlier day, yet that earlier Hermit-Inventor managed to store one horned metabol adrift in his viscera drawing the rest of his substance toward it like a lip or a flower or flume. Upon which he took the train to Windrow, was found by Bob Yard the electrician sometime lover of Jim Mayn’s desperate mother on Margaret and Alexander’s porch, and was driven to that shore point Mantoloking and to Margaret who was walking on the sand alarmed for her daughter burning on the black towel, Jim and Brad’s mother, yet Margaret recollected still the bridges of New York that now by our reckoning in the eighth decade of the century in question come to nine majors not counting the lighted statue through which the Hermit-Inventor of New York in late 1893 or early 1894 or at least once upon a time conducted the East Far Eastern Princess reportedly as a mist, and secreted her toward home and safety in the East as once some years before in the presence of the then as yet unassembled parts of the giant Statue he had put young Margaret in mind of westward travel and transformation.

In fact, girls are interested in westward transition, though don’t worry it’s not your responsibility, we’ll get on it, checking all hitch-hikers between here and the roadblocks. Flick Mayn and her boyfriend united by his small car were seen to cross the April Mississippi and had been passing westward for miles and miles previous to this. Once the community’s infra-red satellite momentarily distracted by the unforeseen detour of its principal responsibility the Pan-Continental Wide Load, for which our road network was built only to become its baneful pressure to widen and expand, lost Flick and her boyfriend at Niagara Falls. They had to help us pick them up again, when, on our scope, they veered violently north to attend a tragedy at the Shakespeare complex at Stratford, Ontario, entering the bustling town as the sun fell.

Later, on their way (resumed under the infra-genic velvet dew of an Ontario dawn) to Midland, Michigan, we didn’t need the satellite to learn that Flick so asked the information office at the Dow Chemical plant there near the confluence of the Chippewa and other rivers with river namesakes elsewhere what it thought about dioxin’s suppression of immunity in guinea pigs, and what this thing was that dioxin did to mice exposed between the sixth and fifteenth days of gestation, that the voice of the information officer when it extended itself with suppressed anger informed Mayn’s daughter that agitators went no further than here and could apply by mail for information.

Yet Flick and her tall, dark, wired-up boyfriend, a former sometime actor on soaps, heard in the voice of its own answer that cleft palates aren’t caused only by dioxin, whether or not subcutaneously (or was it — torture-wise-san — sub-cuticley?) administered. And we hear the interrogator’s mind working overtime in multiples of Larry (who knows about Mayn what others without knowing might think useful). But the interrogator has said, not, Is it administered under the skin or under the cuticle and/or fingernail? — but has said, Sue (while others nearby are overcome by old lyric ceremonies of Navajo voices:

Far as man can see,

Comes the rain,

Comes the rain with me—)

"Sue . . sue" the interrogator voices name exact but weighs which over which we can’t tell except in knowing we are the available relations— "you have admitted there was a room, there were traditional daiquiris in it, and it is quite long ago as the hailstones fly if we divide the labor of remembering a lime-green surgical blouse and matching trousers by reported dramatic weight loss, yet" (Wait, a budding community breaks in half-truthfully, that was the next room, the next room was where the green was surgical), "and a woman" continues the inquiry, "who had given birth yet wasn’t so sure what had happened, which is what you get when you go for this really un-natural, anti-traditional childbirth that irregardless promises the people hopefully increased consciousness of their personal histories" — and in that daiquiried room there was a Martin or Marvin — or both, in this age of plural priorities, if we make up our collected mind to go for both — but both, though it feels right to us, does not feel right to the interrogator in charge, who turns its potential he has no time for into the heated grin of a headset earphone fusing our ears with the molded plastic remelting them like they are same plastic family to be remolded, until through what we painfully hear, as our ear becomes the headset substance and is hard to tell apart from the sound of our own, well, torture, we hear the unmistakable pangs of a digital hand coming to birth from an analogous ear, why don’t we freak out? is it the revelation of it, the breakthrough transplant? why can’t we decide if this persuasion torture inflicted on us for having spoken out of both sides of our mout’ is real or not? was there some experimental anesthetic clocked into our re-system? we just dunno — and particularly about hand reborn from ear: it’s a new thing but our own, and the hand in question isn’t any garden-variety hand, or throw in a tree if you are all that confident, or human baby that like the coyote pup puts in its first year dependent on its parents: but is a hand that’s ready to go (to ir, in Spanish, fortgehen, which we already remember from our transplant meant Us, or go away, in aller-Mayn) which is why the interrogator with a generous, headsman’s execution basket suitable for dirty or clean laundry but just now full of exam questions for the hand (not afraid of being shot or chopped down) to take one cryptic potluck pick of, suspends the grabbag rule and with the utmost condescension as if we were black and white to be opened and shut asks what question wed like to be interro-gated on, for Martin (or whoever asked the newborn mother if she would have another daiquiri) may have been the name of a diver who cooperated with the police and a freelance documentary team trying to TV-produce out of New York’s East River the body of a girl-researcher and former Olympic swimmer reported with terrible inaccuracy to know too much about an impending prison break with hemispheric repercussions, but the diver and his man-hours came up only with a report of an unknown sound, he had been hearing in fact things down there (the Brooklyn Bridge groaning in its crypts via ghosts of the bends) and if girl-researcher lost in her strangely attractive low-gravity sleep down there manages like some women to "get herself found," she will still be an unknown saved (if saved) — while Marvin looks like being Larry’s father, the sometime husband not yet finally divorced of—

Sue be it, the interrogator jokes, reading the mere slip of a question which by ear-hand we fished from the bloody basket: to which our answer is that Sue, formerly of Marv, Sue, and Larry, would not have been at a party so pair-bound as all that: therefore, the woman who was heard to say "Sue" names another of that name or is urging action upon her hearer.

But the Dow information officer complete with company cleft palate has been relieved by another who would hum these westward kids Flick and boyfriend a lullaby if he didn’t have all this information on tap: e.g., that some nine years ago the British producer of the chemical that dioxin inadvertently derives from thought of closing the plant since, like, they had an explosion and some of the help developed diversified complications — got things — erupting as chloracne (Flick doesn’t need to take notes) — acne (no joke) pustules, inflammation of the hair follicles, heart trouble, bronchitis, spleen rift, liver lesion, what had you, excess gravity in lower limbs, we just want to get back to breathing and more — but here at Dow-Midland we have what we call your "Fool-Safe" (Flick does take a note, her phrase): say, a disk ruptures in a reaction vessel, the reservoir discharges into a holding tank larger than your original reaction vessel so your reaction would be quenched with water in 105 percent of cases. So there’s hardly anything actionable in our—

— but dioxin’s a pesky beast or herb, it will take a rain check for a few man-days only to return in the form of—

— rain itself, for will not the wings we flush away with prove the thing we fly?

But this stuff that clears up acne, the bean the nut the bush — whatever — said Spence years before at the far end of a Washington bar where Jim has met the South American woman (his son now having been born) and enlarged upon his prior answer to her question, namely, What sex? Far as he knew, the colonists two into one wound up with such deep memories of the other sex that such memories are built in!

— this stuff that’s going to revolutionize acne, quietly calls Spence from his position, I gather it thrives on no rain, right? (and no doubt he has gathered the name of the magic bush, plus a way to peddle news of the bean though Mayn won’t give him the time of day, he and Spence are so different) so why don’t we grow the bush—

— "Only God can create a cleft palate," the father wrote the daughter in reply to her account of the chemical plant written to him from a campsite on yet another Chippewa River, this one in Wisconsin, the lights of the motel over the water promising rest right here where they were, with their green Coleman stove open for business: and the trees and the stars and a hundred and fifty miles to go to a region of a thousand lakes but, for now, free of the wide highway where we cannot add to that loved campsite a Wide Load’s tracks free and full of cash on delivery.

Which same chemical-related "cleft palate" the little woman named Lincoln recalled as she sipped a new cup of Mexican coffee, the forgotten woman perhaps, contemplating the new "table," since the glamorous Latin couple, the woman of the marvelous piled auburn hair, the elegant, hard foreign man in gray flannel, have gone away leaving still the small bell of recognition in the correspondent-woman’s memory which is then only the dull disappointment when the woman Clara kind of snubbed her at the Body-Self Workshop saying that this restaurant was recommended by a singer she knew: until now the group of five impending diners before her became a group of three, a heavy set man, a tall young woman, and a dark-haired boy-man talking intensely to the man but for the girl; and Lincoln, watching them over her coffee cup, found the singer in Clara’s comment yielding to the thought that things were summoned in order to be cleared away (or us from their presence), like of the original fivesome the two somewhat older — the smaller, dark; the taller, flaxen-fair — they quietly detached themselves from the other three (who had been a group to themselves coming in like they’d been doing something together other than what the two women had), and when they three had come they had first signaled, more by a contented not-talking than by, then, a burst of intense comment from the dark-haired youth, that they (the broad-shouldered man with the gray hair and the girl and boy, both around twenty) brought into the place a fun that was like gossip: though now that the two women had gone (the dark one having given the boy a kiss he didn’t expect though didn’t not), the man and his young people weren’t talking much again, and the correspondent-woman watching them in her unused extra spoon felt that one of the young ones was "his," though who was it? it shifted, and he was father to neither.

So that the correspondent-woman found the Chilean economist’s wife Clara blocking her — not with that snub but with her elect authority picturing for them all during workshop a magical area of "Cambodian" Vietnam where secret societies flourished like the crops which earlier colonists had striven to establish, all as if to enable her to cite the Cochin sage who foretold that men from the West would come as destroyers. So that the correspondent-woman wished to be at the other table sharing with the man the company of those nice kids and not to part with her own senseless memories of Mister Guerrilla Prisoner-san, barefoot flying twice in twos neatly bound, down from the sky into the land-like dark cushion of tree-crowns and out of the blare of choppers noisy as creation’s opening day and out of the experience of their pilots.

But, the South American woman asks, two days after Mayn’s son’s first birthday, in 1961, it is quiet in these libration colonies fixed between Us and the moon? because it feels quiet — the great torus sealed up, the cows safely grazing down the spokes of the wheel, individuals fathoming their origins in couples that were dissolved on earth.

They chuckle with reciprocal memories.

Why hasn’t she ever questioned his sincerity in all this? begins Mayn with a seven p.m. grin, he’s been telling her he’s actually in that future whatever he’s doing here, and the colonists will be doing their future farming under ideal conditions getting eight hundred and fifty pounds of grain per acre per day and just like the desert greenhouses on the southeast shore of the Persian Gulf speed-picking tons of potatoes grown with unsupported roots — vegetables prospering on Styrofoam boards and spin-off colors spraying the roots that hang down below. We’re maximizing milk production using tomato-vine-fed goats that weigh a tenth what a cow weighs but give a quarter as much milk which will be all the sweeter if you keep the billies back on Earth and inseminate by space shuttle.

Why not scrambled messenger?

The matter-energy transit works better with two.

The two messengers.

Not to mention fish. In a weightless farm where gravity wouldn’t collapse their gills out of water, they could be raised without water. Yet since we’ve got artificial gravity, they’re raised in phosphate ponds that recreate the food chains we’ve snafu’d down here.

It all sounds possible, the woman said. And your place in it?

Mayn had to shake his head that she believed his basic report. Fantastic as his mother’s presence, that fantastically had never felt (whatever else it was) skeptical to her son.

And we in turn, like the diva, have to ask the interrogator (right back through our newly violated ear), Do you question the whereabouts of Mayn’s mother Sarah?

— and we get back not even pain through this torture device.

Do you question, we add, that she looked at him that day on the beach also to look over his shoulder at the horizon of the sea?

From a distance the interrogator does answer now, like he’s at home or at some other end of our body and he is murmuring with a lover’s assurance, a superior’s shrug: Was there ever any doubt that he turned and followed her look out to sea? knowing that come hell or high water that was the nothing she was bound to, irritated, caustic, and anemic, deeply watchful of the boys they always felt, and there on the beach that day setting sail for where her sense of humor wouldn’t have a chance to—

— You mean this came through? but to even speak of her we need more of a handle on what she’s like, I mean wasn’t she involved in the War effort? the War was going to end soon. (Yes, she played with a Coast Guard pianist at the Coast Guard station at Manasquan, some violin sonatas and some old favorites.)

So that to see what she was looking at, he had to look away from her, the younger Jim had to turn at least his head if not his sporting body one hundred eighty degrees around to look and see for himself.

So must we resist the temptation to be judgmental?

Yes, but mental even more.

Yes, our body-selves will sing to one another if we let ‘em.

So let’s stay here and see if help comes.

What if she was waiting for a fugitive submarine to come and take her south?

— trouble was that very soon afterward Sarah the mother sent — or told one she was sending — her two sons away, one to be human, one to be an animal (were these the same? the same-san?). But has a woman the right to talk like that when she won’t come right out and have a fight with her husband?

Why must to be good mean to be angry, however, dear ducat, oh why not keep your opera light and save our steam for cleaning up the neighborhood? Pursue the provenance of your text and you damn well will find yourself in some Chilean household of the last century but who cares. Are you — dee dee dee dee — inspiring me to stammer more, damned ducat, oh! — sein oder nicht sein, stubborn boy, designing boy, your music comes from my heart strangely, too — unpack my heart, Roslein, design or not design — you’ll have your Hamlet opera in your warehouse with one great voice if not the two, but I’ll keep trying. Oh it’s the neighborhoods we have to clean up, you dum-dum ducat you, blares the basso rotondo, not the true source of your stolen light masterpiece, ya little bitch, that’s why I’m moving out of the apartment. Hookers on every corner. I ask you, Roslein, asking me if I’m going out tonight, of course I am — with you—though I know they are goodhearted, those women in their hot pants, if you could scratch them. And please don’t get depressed because your opera’s sorely needed and don’t ask about One More Hamlet opera when the real question is, Let’s Have At Last a Good Hamlet opera, wherever it comes from.

The neighborhood problem (comes a voice we don’t buy or, having bought, don’t use) is potentially statistical, therefore reassuring. And it may be stated: What is the ratio of prostitutes on the job to potential prostitutes?

Let’s stay here and clean up the neighborhood.

There are more things than are dreamt of in your whore-ratio!

The moment or phenomenon of thirteen-to-fourteen-year-old Jim’s sudden sticking in the sand on the point of falling upon and perhaps doing away with his half-breed little lust-bred bro assumed by most to be his real—

— baked meat, dear ducat, bawls the basso who incognito rotondo is to sing two and only two performances, as a favor to his ducat, of an unheard-of newly resurfaced Hamlet opera in originally envisioned former bank branch converted to a darkly echoing Baths tiled with abandoned Coney Island landmark ceramics in which Hamlet Senior (father of the good news) comes back to life for love of his brother Claudius, and Hamlet-son (whose madness is supportively encouraged to work withm the system of Shakespeare’s mere working original) is reunited for whatever it is worth with his mother Gertrude both settled in Wittenberg for a season—

He heard music late that night as if his mother sang to someone. Brad had been sick on Alexander’s chowder, frowning from spoonful number one. Alexander, free as a cook after hours, did not drive home to Windrow with them but remained reading and dozing in the Mantoloking cottage as on an island content that a boat would come back, though missing his cribbage game. It hung — the music — the song — Jim’s mother’s — at the margin of Jim’s remarks to his old pal Ted in ‘63 and later they discussed the possible explanation of young Jim’s sudden down-rooting in the Mantoloking sand arresting his fall all but his shadow upon his little brother, Brad, the good little son of a bitch: it could have been psychic hesitation, you did not really want to kill him and your brain bone connected to your stomach bone and thus held you poised out there above him; it could have been sheer convergent accident, your foot found a shelf in that no-man’s land to brace your ankle, an ancient spar weighty as your all-purpose iron I-beam; it could have been a miracle, Jim—

Let’s exhaust other explanations first. He got sunstroke later in the afternoon.

I believe you, the South American woman had said in ‘62 at this same Washington bar that the creeping, odorless, lank-haired, would-be hip-Western photographer info-scavenger Spence had just appeared at the lower end of, for the place had a higher ground where Jim and Ted were, that after many drinks you might start to slide from, don’t you know: I believe you, she had said the preceding year, I’m more interested in what the place is like or is to be like than how you get to be telling me the truth about elsewhere, if you see what I mean: all right, you have come back like a cast shadow of light, she had said — and he had known that that was it — but is it that you are warning us about that future from which you are maybe a reverse reincarnation, Jeem, or are you really telling me of a place that’s fascinating, where—

for with charm to spare, he had expounded an actually wet oxidation process that heats wastes to 500 degrees at 100 times atmospheric pressure for 90 minutes to yield rich water yet a purified gas as well whose carbon dioxide will feed the space-farm plants to supplement what our compound colonists breathe out.

And the song Jim at fourteen heard late the night of the Hermit-Inventor’s last words with Margaret on the beach (if it was the Hermit) was "I Hear Music When I Think of You" as an unfettered sweeping, and as professional as on the radio Sunday night, only this was piano: and it was his mother and she might be singing to someone and so, as we say, he "stole" downstairs past the great real-copper Indian-head calendar, past the yellow sweater with the buttons, folded at the bottom of the bannister, and stood at the closed music-room door, his brother asleep, his father downtown at the paper, a sweet scent of tea-biscuit crumbs and, he could swear, iced tea — and he didn’t know what kept him from falling into the white-painted wood of the door he stared at and listened through, as if its oblong within oblong of molding directed him to his mother’s meaning; for she was alone, she had to be: until Jim, not wishing to disturb her with a knock, took hold of the doorknob and slowly turned it and let the door open, and let the knob all but silently return, until he could see her, and later knew he’d had a message for her retarded because it was inside him and could only be gotten by her not given by him, he didn’t know enough. Well, he didn’t really know at that time that she had been loving Bob Yard, who was comic and rough, but nobody (wasn’t he?)—

— maybe loved only once, because that’s all it takes—

— and the rest of the times they were. . what?. . lying side by side under the midnight sun communicating by profile—

— until she said to Jim breaking off the song alone there at one in the morning unsurprised in the music room, Are you a fox with your hair all up in the air? (for he had been sleeping) your hair’s been dreaming! so he suddenly knew all over again that, unlike other people he knew, he did not have dreams of the night variety as if knowing replaced remembering — or are you a bear standing on your hind feet? — you better go away and find out what animal you are. Jim recalled the funny small moment as making him a little too young, as if he had skipped that state or she had leaned away into another.

Which leaves room for growth. Which we know through him, but know through others. For from our own words when asked and even when not asked, we learned that we were as many things, live and other, as we were willing to divide into and be partial and patient through; be sometimes overriding yet only through leaning upon what moment’s Body-Self we could be like; or contenting us with being the marine varnish that brings up the amber grained in a plywood slab; in short we were relations, that was all, or the fork a baby playing with it above a rimmed dish of pancakes finds a use for, and upon raising a piece of pancake is praised by the whole family, oh they are all wonderfully there, and thereupon baby eschews the achievement, waves the implement above his head beaming and takes the cake off the prongs and flings it on the floor, the wide oak planks where a circle of milk stands near a toe print of banana: and these would word our presence if we needed to tell that we found being in the fork, the praise, the act of giving away the achievement which may be digesting it, assimilating it, divided by the name of the floor (which equals home) and the brown, cast shadow of the small puddle of milk-white telling us in turn all the co-laborings that gave this child room to breathe, some actual abstract, angelic disappearances into the body of a universe even Einstein plus or minus Euclid would calmly grant to be flat for purposes of love: while we, in or out of such words, knew only by being known, and became in our very own absence the tree in Central Park growing out of our thereupon absent eye or via our ear when its potential pollutions waxed shapely enough to make a tree, unless that destiny came out of us, an interrogator internalized off duty dreaming of the diva’s desert succulents and sugarless polio sundae under the eye of a woman at an adjacent table who must have known who the diva was but might well be a what-you-call-it, a tail, following them: and yet the diva feels she had been waiting for them, she for them, which the diva, if not the still green memory of her dream-tapeworm, far sidewinder gobbling where it went, great as a winter whale blowing the Chile coast, can’t understand quite, except to hang on to like a new stateless passport because she has to get through the wings of a theater that’s putting on an opera she is supposed to agree is unknown — Verdi daydreamed of it and may have felt it in his angry hand but hardly wrote it down — until if she can’t ask the internalized interrogator (for he had been that in her and he is breathing, we hear him, feel it on our silent voice) and she can’t sing, because he is dozing against her throat and they two are to be mentioned in the same breath so she can’t kill him quite, though he is what he is and his superiors or he himself may have asked her lone father far off in Chile questions that answer not words but body language such as shortened fingers or temporarily separated testicles: and so she disengages herself from his breath together with his cheek and chin, and gives in to the desire of her life and, as normally as if she were going to the bathroom to sit upon the John (though not like the new acquaintance of Clara’s at that workshop who according to Clara squats with her feet on the seat!) and as normally as if she the diva (daughter, priestess, lover, unborn mother) might "light" the refrigerator to pour herself some orange blood, instead with an art evolved by long unconscious history of need, of human hope to find the bit of courage to take the next barefoot step—

— Quit the corn, we got a funky opera to put on, and the main actor’s traveling incognita (ha! ha! ha!) Speaks aria darkly hinted to be the great man’s fragment abandoned in anger when he fell out with a librettist on how to liberate the musical nightmare from Shakespeare’s edgy depth — real fragments of reputedly Verdi’s Hamlet text — eased away then (could he care less?) from Verdi by the young friend Muzio who toured Civil War America laughing all the way until they hit him with a tax (was it, within the larger inarticulate structure, a particular logical tax on Italians?) and somewhere out there he unloaded or purloined such sheets folded and refolded of aria and scene as threatened to summon from Hamlefs gravity of relations two triangles past and present pivoting wife/sister-in-law/mother Gertrude into deep, rainy par-allelogrammatic refractions of male poetry/love/power: so in Muzio’s wake were to be found unrecorded frontier traditions of some Latin’s wild horseless yet familiar opera—Amleto? Amleto did some Mexican-Indian divisible into one Mexican and one Indian call it? — performed in a southern Colorado saloon with, the story went, a mathematician’s daughter in the lead: and these traditions dispersed themselves during a rare symmetrical tornado in Navajo country in the eighties, only to appear as folded pages in a Victorian melodrama in New York not read but used as part of the insides of a prop, to wit stuffed desert javelina, its head and shoulders crisped with blood guaranteed by the naturalist wife of a commercial saguaro-cactus exploiter to be female human blood not shed by the javelina whose hind-mounted scent glands puzzled South American zoologists and travelers for decades until one of them nurtured an idea slowly northward following the javelina hundreds and hundreds of miles till in some wonderful dependency the tracker, feeling and at last smelling that she was tracked by what preceded her, knew so surely and doubly that she was and yet was not the momentum of the sparse herd ahead of her that she foresaw a moment when she would gain traits of theirs in exchange, possibly, for some collective mind of theirs situated who knew where, outside us all maybe, for as a system like war or love marginal to one eye may to the one next it be viewed center-stage, so will one day an immigrant cook come to teach natives that desert-fried javelina chops may bear their stuffing owfside:

— chemistry that, on its way through systems able to digest its clouds and pellets, carbons bows milks and staggered scaleless explosions, so becomes its course it reincarnates mere myth into day, a coastal day in ‘94 when the sometime Princess was turned by the Hermit-Inventor of New York to an experimental mist, to be secreted in that great, once upon a time dismembered Statue carrying a torch for the elaborate harbor, the Unknown State, in which meanwhile at other places a brave lover-scientist Prince ran up the steps into Miss Liberty’s folds about the abdomen and the might of the virgin wind-cooled sun-heated breast and felt in him a touch of her as of the entire continent so prodigal in finding its way to the wrong home at last that the only memory is ahead, the only work is a change made of knowing you will never come such a distance again from your People in the West and must now only internally howl and yell for a girl who took from what he had to give, took love, then self-protection, then more love and power part pressed upon her then acquired till she flew away under her own power, not wings of a father’s loaned bird circling in the skies above the Four Corners of a universe: so the skies themselves seemed spirals feeding on species with no compass, no princess, no crystal monitor to fly it back to Choor or the whereabouts of the Princess to whom the king had entrusted the giant bird as he had entrusted her to it:

— and the diva who has her part in many operas secretly picks up a phone in her dark duplex kitch, and because her totalitarian beloved is nearby is glad it’s a pushbutton and "dials" her friend Clara to ask her what she and her exile husband know of the sexual officer still mayhap asleep in her otherwise directionless huge bed or watching from some wonderful naked limb of his equipped with sight.

For the correspondent-woman, who tried and tried to hear the bell that rang in the void of all her memory’s trained convergences, while she kept an eye on the man with gray hair and the young, intense-talking kid and, of course, the girl, who paid as much attention to the man as the boy to her, recognized in the fresh absence of the auburn-haired dramatic woman’s elegant escort none other than the man in the park last Sunday his back to a tree beside the interior road where color-fast joggers, like all the different dogs there were, came contentedly by, passed by racing bicyclists who though they passed them seemed to stay with them as if the bikes circled the same center but further out (yet speedwise further in!), while for her part the correspondent-woman had been going through (on her park bench) being stood up by a man named Spence whom she had never seen and whom she had not liked the busy, riding-falling sound of over the phone (as though it was his phone, not hers), and to whom she had given a description of herself so he would know her, assuming he would give one of himself (when he didn’t), till a whirr of glimmering spokes soared past like force sweeping the last of the joggers past — and the Latin man leaning against the tree had a visitor out of nowhere, as light had tumbled into its shadow, a loose yet tense type of man in a ponytail wearing a fringed hide jacket glazed with some substance, maybe use, who craned his neck forward (so his neck was abnormally important to some rest of him) speaking: but looking once around the tree, he never moved his hands to express his aim, so that the correspondent-woman, intrigued, forgot she had been stood up by an unknown contact named Spence who over the phone had asked her if she knew that James Mayn’s daughter had lived in the apartment house where the correspondent-woman had attended a women’s workshop run by one Grace Kimball.

Attended also by a woman named Clara, yes?. . suspected of helping to spring from a New York State prison a supposedly anti-Castro nationalist:

So that this trained agent could supposedly find sanctuary in a South American nation. But why had a man such as her phoner said so much to her on no acquaintance?

The aforementioned anti-Castro anti-Communist with cousins in New Jersey all with thunderbolt emblems on their cigarette lighters was then to operate against that very South American, junta-ruled (what else was new?) sanctuary state he was supposedly sympathetic toward, by liquidating a key general officer of the junta and abducting a famous old socialist presently under house arrest (in this case apartment house). A nation, it is learned, recently redesigned to replicate the tough-money model generated by the Chicago Institute but a nation also where the thousand-mile-long surf coast often pondered by a maverick meteorologist moves like a would-be shadow as we think about it, listening for breakers, for breakers breathing, recalling the silence of undersea boats passing or pausing like evolved creatures, silence remembering sound, bearing music.

And now, having identified in a Mexican restaurant the mustached Latin man leaning against the tree last Sunday as the departed escort of the woman with hair whose rich auburn might drip blood, the correspondent Lincoln left the place certain the gray-haired, powerful man’s eyes were on her — she would gladly have made a foursome — he had obviously had it with the kids, yet loved them.

But she did not stop, nor look back, convinced that she had figured something out only to find behind it the obstacle that had been keeping her from it.

Which was that she had reached this awful point before, like stalled full circle, nor very full, at least of love, like knowing all the souls in the world who had had this sentiment, but not knowing any of them as friends — for "full circle" (we recall In Jim) said Sarah once, and took her long hand off the lower keyboard of the piano bringing it to join her right hand in her lap, when her son, her older son who took his life as it came and didn’t need as much as little Brad, pushed open the door long after midnight. "You woke me," he said in a friendly way as if she had given him some help.

She was playing, she said — had broken into song — come full circle, Jimmy, singing to myself again.

"You…" said Ted in the bar of the Washington hotel, "let’s see— you knew—?"

"That Brad was my half-brother?" said Jim. "I don’t think I knew."

Does Bob Yard love you? asked the son like a soft pistol shot, that kept going.

Bob probably did, said the mother.

You didn’t love him, though, said Jim as in a normal talk.

Not today, came the answer challenging the boy to go on, and that further point was exactly where he directed his sense that "it" was not full circle she had come; and she seemed to decide he wasn’t saying anything else and without warmth yet in a friendly fashion not saying the obvious which was go on back to bed, she gently raised her hands from her lap — she had a very prominent beautiful nose, so she was always "created," "drawn," and she dropped her fingers upon the keyboard giving them life to play into the large Chickering piano a thing he’d heard often — his little brother would know the name of it! but well maybe he wouldn’t!

"Well, you got away," said Ted ("Clean away," said his friend), and Ted finished his highball as if by "you" he had meant "we," and she hadn’t done what she had done, which few mothers did.

But then as Ted left Jim in the Washington bar a decade and a half ago (and Jim couldn’t later recall if Spence had been in, that night, for he could be a couple places at once besides Mayn’s mind, live in a burrow economizing on oxygen while he made a few phone calls) the South American lady came in. Jim hadn’t seen her in a while. She had a son and had a snapshot of him in his scout outfit far away. He stood at parade rest, squinting, smiling up from the southern hemisphere. He wore his neckerchief tightly furled into more a tie, so it showed striped red and blue hanging down through the neckerchief holder, and he had blue tassels on his high socks. Pretty tough-looking kid. She was going back home to work in the national airline; her husband was expanding the airline’s operations and wanted her to stop being on the move all the time. Away, more than on the move.

And this time she didn’t ask Jim about the practical successes of the dream colony — the opiate-receptor molecules chemically tranced so that old ingestive habits were erased — curious enzymatic persuasions between brain and belly so that a colon ate only what he/she needed and gradually might achieve through mental concentration like a springboard diver’s single act the elimination of all waste or residues which one day would ironically reduce the water supply which had relied on recycled human waste which had itself grown such a pale tan as to be transparent like your jellyfish that’s had its sting bred out of it—

— but instead she asked if there were other space-station shapes besides this spoked life ring, this torus in the great lake of nearby space, this doughnut generated by a circle, and were there compartmentary sealer-walls — they’d have to be vast — that would drop down, that. . (she drew it in her little notebook) well, what would happen, asked the South American woman, if the pie een the sky came with its own slicer and one day it swung through the libration point in question and cut right through the life-ring torus. .?

Oh, the trouble with compartmenting (said Mayn reacting how?) is it interrupted the passage of daily life through the torus wheel but you know the doughnut’s is not going to separate into two pieces if in the event of a break you could equalize the gravity-pressure differential between outside and inside but surely the shell would crumple. But it had never happened; and anyhow, the real heavy traffic was in those equator orbits where they put the weather and earth-resources satellites.

However, when he began to speak of other shapes — the cylindrical and (on the dark side — of Earth) the boomerang that bent light and made it lurch toward it — her question got between them and he saw his mother’s so self-sufficient eyes, the musical mind of her queenly nose down which she looked upon the neck of her violin until one day Margaret his grandmother became his shield in the absence of his mother who was the shield in the Indian custom his very Margaret told him of: a shield, a painted buffalo-skin shield that he had, it seemed, against taboo heinously let touch the earth on the way to the horizon notwithstanding — the shield with deerskin cover and green turtle depicted there. But this earlier shield of his mother had seemingly left him, not he it. So you look after your mother particularly if she has left you with a leeward conundrum that takes ya breath away and is beyond you and so you set out to obtain information to outweigh your absent breath, not having seen that you had the message upon your person all the time until, having found the barside woman’s question an obstacle leading to that other woman Cleopatra’s historic nose—

But then Ted — in the thick of his idea that history lurches from one womb to the next womb by small talk and hence is written with the left hand since the right is busy handling hidden impulses which nonetheless is how you Jim partway levitated above your brother prone upon the sands of the Jersey shore, the sun casting you—

— upon the place beneath—

— beneath you where your brother lay—

Mayn saw he had had pity on his brother Brad and could not have hung at peace with gravity if he had known the pity: so he said to his friend Ted — in ‘63; no, ‘64—wishing to get on to something else, for Spence, the only other occupant, was at bar’s end watching with his ears—"I threw my shadow on him, that little bastard, instead of strangling him in person." Why was there no one else in that bar? An answer was somewhere on the way.

"But it wasn’t your responsibility to kill him," quirked Ted.

"What year?" called the vagrant tag of a man Spence from around his glassless beer bottle, missing Ted’s humor, until Spence looked older than he had ever looked — made up, perhaps, with the herb and pulverized-mineral hues of the earth down where he had his moldy little hole.

"If we knew the exact direction Brad was lying in," said Ted, "we could know the hour, given the day — or the day, given the hour."

Jim knew the day but a cold weight in his stomach worming through his brain like his brain was everywhere in his body made him know that Spence was listening with his eyes now, as if Mayn and his family were promising news.

Jim said instead that that had been the day Mel Mayn, his father, with a fresh gray brush cut, had come palely, plumply home to find them arriving from the Mantoloking shore and had proceeded to the kitchen to make himself some iced tea and a peanut-butter-and-ketchup sandwich and soon afterward addressed his sun-blushed wife Sarah (whom he would rarely and rather gently yet with faintest insult call "Sorry," which was not her middle name) on the subject of Franklin Roosevelt’s new pay-as-you-go tax plan, concluding with the curious surprise that the newspaper would have to cease publication within the next year or even few months.

Sarah for her part told her husband not to worry and to take it up with Margaret, she was the one who cared about the paper, though of course she had preferred running a family to running it.

"There’s a word for you, suspended above your little brother like magic, Jim," said good close friend Ted, who perhaps because he could not put his finger on the word at that moment interrupted himself " — oh by the way," and Jim felt something coming, "the Chilean lady we used to see here who went back home to—" "Yes. Mayga." "Why she was killed last month, I heard it from…" Ted had discovered the weight of what he was saying. He went on deliberately: he had heard it from that colored guy, covered South American trade for a wire service (who, Jim in a dazed pocket of timelessness remembered, therefore had not seemed so colored, so Negro).

Mayn would not believe it. But he would believe that this was the way you heard. He wanted to dispute her death, or pretend he had known.

She had fallen from a cliff at Valparaiso (the manner of her death not under dispute). Somewhere behind that semi-circular bay so much more fine than the foul city important in direct proportion to its ugliness (where Darwin during the latter half of 1834 having disembarked from the Beagle survived a several-weeks bout with a worming ague induced by the wine of the country). The Chilean lady had been climbing in company with her husband, who had that very day arrived back surprisingly early from a business trip to B.A., and a third person, a rich printer from the North.

A what? gets asked somewhere communally way inside Mayn, who by habit takes information as matter, as grist.

Named Morgen — with an e—a printing magnate, North American, more recently exporting paper products from Jacksonville; kept an eye on things South American; was a humble descendant, Mayn already knew, of that mythical Alsatian mathematician who in the last century arrived in Chile from the California Gold Rush. Already knew because Mayga and Jim had shared these coincidences that barter themselves sooner or later and may seem mad or silly or nothing depending on how people feel no doubt, though he did not tell Ted, who saw still the feeling in his journeyman friend and must have felt the factual coinciding, etcetera, suddenly covered the shock of sadness which itself wasn’t at all unsayable because Jim said words to Ted at once, though aware of Ted exercising discretion in what he let himself imagine had gone on between professional acquaintances, that nice woman and this fella Mayn he’d known for donkeys’ years.

Arrived in Chile from the Gold Rush — from the middle of it, you might say: though having entered an American desert and for a time found no exit from it, at last traveled on one of the steamships licensed by ten-year monopoly from the senators in Santiago to that Yankee projector William Wheelwright, who was said by the Chilean lady’s friend Morgen (the math-man’s descendant) to have inspired Wheelwright to move inland of that country’s indefinitely (and in a later fractal meteorologist-maverick’s theory mfinitely) long Pacific coast so problematic in Chile’s economy. Wheelwright, having listened to his inner ear’s itemized interest rates all converging on the number five (percent), saw drawn on a perfectly good tablecloth (in the very tavern where Darwin had drunk a toast or two to Nature out of a local bottle with a difference) a somewhat numbered design (the original lost up North but remembered) depicting with lines that angled outward, like very slight arcs generated by the Earth, lines that felt like railroads to join among others two towns one of them coastal in a desert province where the great silver mines had been discovered.

"But you knew her really well," spoke a tinhorn husk of highish voice, downbar, and it was not that current curious old meteorologist of New York no doubt (someone else must add, since Mayn would not credit such coincidence) carrying on a late uncle-counterpart’s weather work that Jim’s grandma had described the East Far Eastern Princess experiencing in 1893 or ‘4. No, the voice was the photo-info dealer Spence’s, the year no less than 1963, some soiled-pollen aura of Earth tunnels about him as if he had been reared underground. And Ted replied, "So you did," as if adding only now the known times when he had left, or found, them together, Mayn and the round-faced striking lady with the high color, Mayga from Chee-lay, who had put down in her notebook some facts of that future Mayn was convinced of. Did he remember what women said more than men? Had he drawn her to him? Of course not. Did he believe in coincidence, convergence? But what belief? He was here because of his job but also he was here because he at the moment had not tried hard enough to be somewhere else, some hundreds of miles elsewhere.

But in these fugitive, not deeply bibulous chats he and Mayga had not found out why he had happened back here out of that future that, by no principle at all consistent with his habits of mind and happily pedestrian imagination, was present to this reimagined past (which went under the name of Our Present (1962, ‘3 and so forth) than they had reached Marcus Jones (visibly clearer in the narrow shoulders and wiry torso and rapid legs than from the neck up) bicycling the locoweed circuit of Colorado and adjunct lands.

How on earth—? (Ted’s topographical question)—

That’s it: on earth, his grandmother had stressed, fact-wise, and not in (Mayn observed) the domestic sky where run-about "outboard" rockets never quite made it into the consumer economy oh the minithrust type of moderately priced spinal rudder job’s O.K. for a quick hop to a rooftop supermarket, but, when it came to it, no more competitive against the new microbattery of the late century’s mirakelectric tri-wheel automobiles than bike copters on which old heads got high: whereas lean Jones, so lean that his head at some approaches to recollection approached two dimensions, took his lumps obsessed with unknown varieties of locoweed until, the night before he found his last one — which was the night or late afternoon he ran into the woman naturalist whose white lips testified to her own devoted acquaintance with the fierce javelina —"Marcus" (as younger followers of botanical history readily called him) found the famous bike’s hard wheels at last weirdly cogged right into that grand terrain like cog-mesh teeth seeking but finding an answering surface in the land: we mean the battered but undying experience of his wheels had come to fit what they met until, with things at last adjusted, Marcus thought he didn’t have to worry any more: contemplate tomorrow’s variety, and this morning s lone sunray, an ordinary western wildflower, wasn’t it? — but, wait! with a right-angle-growing stalk! — yet same gray-green leaves and broad yellow head — but no! this ninety-degree bend in mid-stalk! So that, trusting the unlooked-for sign, Marcus altered course to roll on toward whatever the stalk and neighboring events must point to. And never gave it a thought: until in the twilight of the Four Corners’ vast vicinity, the moons of the lady animalist’s lips looked more and more particular (yet not smaller!) as he approached so smoothly that his bike sailed through the land. She called, Who was he? her white lips navigationally fixed by an unidentified ground-level glint — which could be a shard of the dying day — but only if, Marcus Jones thought, ‘The sun out here in the West sets in the east — that’s it." And she asked him who he was on that bicycle, and if he had seen a hermit of the East who on vacation out here fed animals so carelessly as to upset the natural food balance supporting the fierce javelina whose study she pursued.

Whereupon, with a glint conscious in his eye as if she had said the word, Marcus Jones leaned his vehicle ‘gainst a waiting cactus (fleshy-speared cardoon-o’choke, New World style) whose eye was the eye of an owl — which thereupon turned around and shat its guts out — an elf owl that went on shitting blue particular guts out from strength to strength yet then to weakness. Marcus humorously and like a cavalier told how he had been directed to this convergence in the middle of nowhere — the bent stalk asking for (what?) some new significant existence — the right-angle bend an unusual growth in botany—

— "A gnomon!" said Ted, out of the crossword muzzle he could tighten round his mind lest it tell his long, lumpy body, Be sad, or, Be sick, when, as now with the late Chilean journalist-woman, it captured something elusive and/or disturbing—"a gnomon!" — upon which Spence abruptly left the bar for all the world the way he left when he had a phone call in the hotel lobby. "What’s with him?" said Ted; "he cuts in and cuts out—"

"He’s a creep," said Mayn and ran his hand up his neck into his hair that he certainly wore longer than in the high-school brush-cut days: "I know him a long time. He photographed a divorce-murder once that got into a Newark paper but he had some deal that he never got called by the People when the case came to trial. He parlays and parlays. People owe him."

At Mayn’s urging, Ted explained his gnomon. He drew it on a bar napkin that ripped. The thing wasn’t quite clear anyhow except in his words. "It’s the thing on the sundial that throws the shadow, the angle iron, the thing that sticks up; there’s a word for it… do you—"

"Gnomon?" said Jim, Caribbean, and they laughed, and both looked at their watches.

"No, I mean for ‘gnomon.’ You sometimes farm out your sense of humor; how do you do dat?"

Jim wanted only to get back to his wife and kids who at that summer moment sojourned in western New Hampshire — full days without him — and whom he swiftly then left the bar to phone, as the disreputable Spence curiously reappeared, brushing him in passing, returning from the lobby and no doubt the phone, so their speeds were to be added together, Mayn’s and Spence’s, in opposing directions. Spence’s irritating voice rising with verve, greed, a deep-creep-rooted silliness re printing tycoon Morgen: for "Morgen has a brother in Philadelphia, a left-winger, a job printer whose uncle once carried a card — the brother’s just a common, garden-variety job printer and there’s his tycoon brother friendly with Mayga and her husband has the national airline, a piece of it at last word. ." as if someone’s nose would be put out of joint by whatever Spence was trying to say.

But how on earth—?

— did we get from there to there?

— Well yes; but you—how did you?

— We aren’t there yet: there’s so much in our way—

— As long as it is your own by which you get there, right?

— Leave it to us—

— Getting there your own way is all.

But you: what of you?

Indeed, adds the interrogator, what means the U in the contemporary saying "U-2"?

Don’t worry, it’s not your responsibility, anyways. We’re not up to there yet, observes your all-purpose child in the memory of men who over a series of years are always getting back to the family along a curve of more and more advanced homework until one day a girl child who swims like the wind in the summer where there is no homework reveals to her father (is it a float to be built?) a rectangle without firm braces — or with the nails coming loose— that tilts sideways in order to become. . a parallelogram! — good, good—

— while (to jump the gun) the information that a son went suddenly in search of (for himself and for his brother) after being left in that "lurch" immeasurable except in games by a mother who seemed herself (having told her sons to depart) to have been the one to go — this information has itself divided and divided like some difference between a good, strong, honorable person and a disreputable hound of a trash-purse slew-handed if not lunatic information-salesman investigator loose in the vitals of a divided history which the, well, more or less good guy all honorable and aforementioned acknowledges, with a jigger of calm and a twist of resignation, harking in his daydream and, here and there, in person to some sequence of loving his grandmother Margaret and of her love of a variety of truth — that may lead between a Princess who came imperially on a huge, pony-consuming bird from an unquestioned mountain sovereignty of the East Far Eastern Manchoor cum nee-Choor and a doughty young last-century woman named Margaret who, dispatched by her editor-dad from New Jersey to Chicago, thence sent him dispatches that by the time they reached Windrow no longer came from Chicago’s famed World’s Columbian Exposition — and to and from whom goes more due than she would claim were she alive now and not a lucid, "terminal" suicide in 1950—a superior mother making her own daughter’s life come true, we may say, jumping the gun.

So that — in 1964, in the bar of a Washington hotel whose sidewalk turning right yielded a view of the front porch of the White House — Ted, Jim’s colleague and friend, might answer Jim’s guarded sorrow for the late South American lady who had "believed" all his stories and took notes to prove it, "Why, hell, we always knew history was made up!" — in between the now serious dispute over how many runs the left-handed-hitting first baseman of the Senators batted in the summer of 1957, who for better and for worse went with comparatively light-hitting Washington when the franchise moved to Minnesota where he might have wound down his career fishing Mille Lacs with the Indian descendant of that part-Ojibway half-Sioux Thunder Dreamer who passed on to the ancient Anasazi healer the revolver he accepted from a dying white settler in southern Dakota with hope between them if not in pure form in either the prostrate owner of the blue Anglo eyes of the dying or the timeless custodian of those faceted orbs set against the brightly narrowing sky—

— So that we, on whom Mayn hardly knew he was too proud to draw, might from time to time feel blindly (if we did not actually make up) the prospect of a certain non-sweet nothing at the rough or no-man’s-land center toward which were pointed, still, many of these that we take pride in having known: the printing magnate Morgen who was at Mayga’s side when she went to her death largely without help; libration colonists each one of whom twain Earth and Moon leans like an inhumanly extensible shade back to where he or she once upon a metal plate was two; not to mention the Mayn-family founding editor of the Windrow Democrat who vainly asked Old (Seminole-and Cherokee-baiting) Hickory (who, once, in the absence of information that war had ended, ended it all over again with his wild gusto) why he had met as if in secret in a dark coffeehouse whose front was half blocked by dark kegs of flour the village girl who had followed her lover William Morgan from upstate New York where he had been imprisoned briefly for vowing to tell Masonic secrets and then on being let go escaped death by ambush; not to mention the welcoming mother of the Navajo Prince whose head was the subtly gaping issue of the Night Sing when Margaret arrived, saddle-sore but in love — and who instantly gave her an amulet and said to this visiting pale-faced princess Won’t you come in and bring the bird with you, upon which Margaret smiled and looked into the gaping but unwounded hole in the lady’s head and then quite coolly looked about her until she sensed in the periphery of her vision not right-or-left-cornered but in some higher margin a movement in the sky and she rolled her eyes upward and bent her head with the gentlest ceremony back to catch it; and not to mention Alexander either, the young man waiting in Windrow and later grandfather, who poked about in his shop where he had for sale or inspection tables and chairs and things on them such as small objects in small boxes, and had for sale also framed things and well-preserved cloth-bound tomes of travels and battles with pages you would not bend a corner of to mark your place for fear of cracking brittle paper or a rusty note inscribed, even a clef’d line of song from women we relations utilized more than once to infer an entire articulate structure even when words aren’t music, thanks be — Alexander, toward whom with his own half-forgotten gladness the family pistol from its twin source via the Anasazi ancient points, who despite rank, baggy, navy-blue, beyond-shiny worsted trousers with the cuff bottoms worn through, and a khaki shirt that must not be ironed, and a gray-green (apparently gray or green) clip-on bowtie that belongs in a fatly rounded attic trunk, walks always in a pair of size-thirteen dark burnished cordovan brogues supplied him each year by his younger grandson Brad, who keeps the haberdashery establishment and is kind enough to recall a William Heighton who in 1828 was an editor in Philadelphia and led the Cordwainers’ Union (isn’t that right, Granddad? cordovan?) but not that William Morgan, the President’s rival for favors or secrets or both, set type at Heighton’s Mechanics Free Press — a memory whose fault Jim’s life-support (luggage) system can, externalized and unbeknownst to him, supply. We and our multiples had looked into the incarnations we had so needed and curved for and found; but once in them we some of us or parts or branches felt these bloodstreams and fibers of true feeling and stomachs and eyes and bone-play to be bodies we for one had already been and left. And this was a sensation so unlike leaving one another that we or a breathing majority proved what we then saw we had known already, that we had no angels keeping our curve just and our histories and our fluid breaths pure of interruption — for we were those angels and being so we must become ourselves forever, which meant losing those incarnations in order to guard the curve of consciousness, even thought, if not pure gold. Which in turn, though we accept the truth we speak more than take time to know it, the people aforementioned such as Clara or Mayga, the physician and others, untold and unportfolio’d physicians, have learned to breathe quite regular now in the workshop where we take responsibility assez hopefully for ourselves though with baited breath and less the lung kind when naked, for except for the buttock places on the kitchen stool all the naked points are of breath, the body’s bait to whom it may concern, asleep as the fellow-countryman-lover admiral ashore-intelligence observer he’s supposed to be, and unlike the reputed anti-Castro Hispanic inmate reported scheduled to escape really is, as she presses out Clara’s phone number, the stab of current beeping in her ear, yet then as the phone begins its purr and she knows that besides asking Clara what she knows about this man who Clara just possibly might guess is with her now and growing, oh she’s thirsty for her father’s safety so what is she doing with this mine of a man reverse-mountain she doesn’t know what she feels the thorns and hot stones of something more like love than torture melt the balls of her feet in her mouth and she is thirsty for watermelon not really danger and could drink whatever the poet says, cataracts of dark blue night, could drink the South Pole even if with her feet here in New York she would be upside down, she wanted also to say certain words of poetry that she can’t just recall (though grasps) to this lover whose flesh she suddenly knows so well she knows his soft sinewy armpits have creased the night atmosphere of her flat as he moves, and the fingers of his hands are reflected in the next room in the piano’s darkness and the balls of his fine feet cross her living-room carpet where he could stand on his own feet in English while in their own tongue it is wings—to stand on one’s own feet is to fly with one’s own wings — yet his skin tracks the carpet in that next room so lightly he is almost here as Clara answers the phone and words come to the diva after all that are the most beautiful words she would give up music for and this man too, who is perhaps a terrible person whom she never imagined murdering for she is using him and, surprised, she believes he is using her (he likes to be with her) for love half understood — which is at another diameter (completely) from the love that is itself fondly half and yet is wholly understood, with her Boston-grown physician to whom she haltingly said some of these lines in English that now months later in her own tongue she doesn’t forget so that having near her the all-but-breathless yet not odorless idea of her lover all but beside her behind a threshold and not present here in New York to manage the clean seas as a young admiral should (except they cover all that he is truly doing as a visiting intelligence), she is heard to say in English to Clara, the exile-economist’s devoted wife, "Forgive me for phoning at this hour — yes, it’s Luisa — I could not sleep trying to remember the lines that come just before. . Listen, what is going on — do you know what is going on?" and, since he has followed Luisa this far, he is not in the bedroom to pick up her other phone, which she and Clara would hear, as Clara asks in Spanish why she speaks so softly, and Luisa recalls then all the lines (and then, with a suddenness, that Clara’s man visits a prison somewhere — a kind man yet with some curious purpose there) and Luisa recites, like some American or English verses,

"that on the coast scattered with wild rocks

the sea the fields come together, the waves and the pines,

petrels and eagles, meadows and foam.

Have you ever spent a whole day close to sea birds,

watching how they fly? They seem

to be carrying the letters of the world . .

. . something something. .

. . pelicans. . like ships of the wind,

other birds. . like arrows, carrying

messages from dead kings, viceroys,

buried with strands of turquoise on the Andean coasts,

. . something something . .

and seagulls, so magnificently white,

they are constantly forgetting what their messages are."

She weeps, and she hears a man’s voice near Clara, who says, "I don’t know what is going on. There is nothing between ‘las costas andinas’ and ‘las gaviotas,’ ‘made of whiteness,’ ‘of purity’—but what comes before all that?" — she asks her husband for the book that’s on a table in the room across Central Park from where Luisa sits on the kitchen stool, one hand warmly snugged between her thighs—"but I remember. .

‘Tu me preguntas donde estoy? Te contaré

— dando solo detalles utiles al Gobierno—’

por supuesto, Luisa, el no quiere decir eso…"

No indeed, details useful to the state are not the sea and the fields, petrel and the meadow or even the sun’s atrocity upon the nitrate miners, but why an (albeit officially Swiss) opera donna should permit — why, is there a Swiss opera, as there is a Swiss fleet high and cold upon an angelic peak at the upper end of the world looking for a flood to float a lone whale to give their navy sperm power? The answer, my friend, lies in some Protestant comedy night that asks the question what nationality is the Pope’s gahd? — why, that is, a Chilean opera star (to continue) with a father under house arrest in the land of her birth, the land the earth the ground, permits an agent of that Chicago-model balanced-budget economy to take from her gently her clothes (read gently tug, read peel away from the very skin of her, life within life without end, slide down the grand pout of one buttock or up the soft give of her back while a thumb along the groove of her pretty spine keeps, with the operative fingers, love’s parallel compassed and gratuitous), the Druid folds of her priestess, the spangled shirtwaist of her barmaid’s Golden West, the silver rose from the auburn abundant hair of one who took off the satin breeches long ago and the white wig and doesn’t really like her lover to undress her anyway — oh what’s doing? she has to get out of all this — but would rather find her own way to the bathroom and come back smiling partly at him, partly at Clara reporting a new archaeological massage that you don’t have to wish would go on and on because it makes you longer(!), her robe of bright toweling open to her stomach for her not him, and yet for the first time she thought in her life wanted this man half lying half sitting by her bed table, his plain, uninteresting black shoes flashing, his necktie lowered almost like some more significant garment, opening the pages of a book she rereads at night that lies upon her tiny gilt address book {libretto!), to sort of follow her toward the bathroom having removed his shoes, his socks, and, leaning on the doorway or sitting on the edge of the bathtub watch her pee, her back thoughtfully arched, her eyes in his — but he lets her go her way though stares at what he’s reading with a close attention that to her feels affectionate as she recedes— follows herself — across her bedroom to the John, all but too absorbed in him to think (except she does) that she has the great silly Ford North’s unlisted number under M for Momo (her great bell of basso rotondo, her dear stammerer who finds his tongue in song, canto bell songo, and must phone to tell him of course she will not play Horatio to his unprecedented non-tenor Hamlet in his boyfriend’s three-night-stand opera (with-some-talk) (mysterious of origin, by repute) (J… I Just want to die. . I Sometimes you are so pitee-ous and pro-found) at the one-time warehouse owned by a ritual friend of course not, por supuesto, he asked her about it at the very moment when she was considering her naval officer on bended knee backstage finding a place to impress his Japanese now ballpoint upon her satin thigh, but Amleto, Amleto, what a lousy opera the real one had often made, Boito, Hignard, ho hum — in the absence oh what an absence of the only one for the job kicked by his priest as a no doubt cute young acolyte down the altar steps into unconsciousness (during which he might have imagined the whole nineteenth-century opera of American life if he had chosen), kicked into such near-immortality that if, long past his Requiem for a novelist, he wrote Otello at seventy-three and Falstaff at eighty, why not at ninety La Mestizia del Danese if those windy young waters ‘tween Elsinore and Sweden didn’t rush too wetly neither to be nor not to be for the old field marshal’s baton (for we know in all our keen relations that death don’t either want or not want us). . if in fact some text of Hamlet was not written years before and scrapped, dispatched, appropriated. . Hamlet’s mixed-blood upon the stale promontory an angel swiftly interprets, but no—mestizia means just "sadness," or, if we will, "melancholy.") So that — so that, lengthened like malleable shadow, this moment when Diva Luisa fears again her lover’s absence more than anything else (for she can’t hear except in imagination and memory the breaths she knows are calmly being taken and absorbed by his naked chest in the darkness just beyond the dark of her duplex kitchen) comes to contain the presence of another man so briefly in Clara’s closing words that when a click occurs along the line all that is left is the man’s name.

So that for us, collecting in and around such organism, what young Jim was in fact put through, that summer night of interrupted wartime sleep, can converge upon Mayn’s naming by an exile-economist’s mujer, yielding blindly a new brief obstacle to the three who heard the name, the lithe man who had gently uncradled the bedroom phone, and the two women who felt the intervention in their very hearts and therewith said, not in the Gluten Nacht or Buonappe-notte tongues of gran’opera but in good, honest Anglo, "Goodnight," yet not by a long shot American "G’night," or, literally — with the additives restored—"Have a nice day, tonight."

So that while Mayn in ‘63 or ‘64 (no problem) insisted that Roy Sievers had batted in 114 runs for the Washington Senators in 1957 (well before Washington was, lock, stock, and barrel, moved to Minn. — which means, observes the dictatorial interrogator with an accent of the sea shadowily awash in his syntax, that Sievers subsequently did not equal that personal best because with Washington in Minnesota he was himself to his own distraction permanently within shooting distance of the famed antler’d pike-whale of Lake Superior which our own nationals matriculating in the aeronautical program near that thousandfold lac, have been warned of by an Indian with a squint valuable enough to be worth preserving who exchanges such warnings for such information as our nationals have to offer, such as relocation techniques or disappearing acts used for certain anti-Castro Cubans now variously resident in our blessed coastal economy, its sovereignty cast like a shadow by the overlapping sea, a subject Mayn had to be interested in until the involvement of another whom he could not respect returned him to those routines by which he had made his living. He preferred to judge as waste-coincidence the convergence of his own route and that of an exiled Allende economist house-ticketed to an opera one of whose principals had a long-term relation with a simple, cuff-trousered Park Avenue G.P. who had fished with a Lake Superior Ojibway Indian with the same given name Santee as a diamond-squinting aeronautical trainee who relayed information about Cubans being relocated in Chile via an underground North American route more direct than if they’d traveled overland or underground from Cuba right to Chile. If not purely coincidental, at least impurely: which however hastily inhumed in lurid likelihood Mayn would leave to others to bring to light which when it came wriggling forth might have an ageless Spence coiling and coiling around it as if it were money in the pocket more than history on the make with or without that moral "eye" or epicenter Mayn quietly eschewed to own was his.

Leave to others? Like one misled.

By what? By what had stopped his mother singing? A ringing that surrounded her voice? But then him—well — her son with the reddish hair that in one month, like overnight, a year and more later began to go very dark like dye or through that gravity between colors that bled the red away.

But misled more by words of his mother Sarah, that threatened to forget themselves but he didn’t let them as he took himself and his in-spite-of-what-that-strange-woman-said not very foxy thick shock of exploding strong-springing hair that she told him had been having a dream so he ought to go away, she said, and find out if he was fox or bear, well he hated that kind of talk, he wondered if when his father gave her a little kiss on the cheek he kissed the mole near her jaw, all Jim wanted was a bit of information because that would have been just unintense and friendly, but little Brad whom she talked music to and had a tenderness toward (out of all proportion to that little begatten nothing’s deserving) she didn’t have a respect for (that Jim did get but didn’t know what to do with) so he took it out of the music room, her strange respect, at past one in the morning and left, ten stairs at a time, to leave her where she was downstairs — that woman, his mother — and he dived into his T-shirt and kicked into his chinos with a few stiff paint stains of glossy gray porch paint on them, he touched them, and he bent to finger his moccasins back onto his bare heels, and went into the frame of his window unhooking the lower end of the screen to bank it out just far enough so it didn’t come off at the top when he slid out onto that side of the sloping shingle roof and was on the ground smelling the leaves of summer and fresh-turned earth of a flower bed that had a smothering dampness of rock about it and a sweetness of hands, of hide, of the milk of humus; and he could recall being on the roof and being on the ground, but nothing in between, except the words of his unsatisfactory mother that tried to forget themselves, like forgetting her, their utterer.

So that he was out of the house and on Throckmorton Street’s broad sidewalk of great natural slabs of slate washed and rubbed free of the blood they had attracted in falls and minor kid fights. And he ran fast through the quiet night, joying in the extent of his speed, the length of his bounding stride.

So that he was at his grandmother Margaret’s house too fast ever to have seen what he later found had seen him — his father coming home under the maples and elms and serried streetlamps of that moonless night of Throckmorton Street past the steep little cement ramps leading up to each house’s gravel or blacktop driveway, that is, had seen him come loping round the side of the house and out across the grass as if toward a football field’s sideline which is the sidewalk in tonight’s fresh opportunity to forget our life if we will because you want to run and like crazy sometimes.

And he is on his grandmother’s porch near the swing couch and the white-painted woven-wood chairs remembering that his granddad Alexander’s snore could be heard only at a distance of twenty-five or so miles because he was still at Mantoloking, he hadn’t come home with them that afternoon. Jim felt the wooden pillars supporting the porch roof luminously personal with the streetlight beyond, and his right hand was on the ornate front doorknob before he thought to raise his left to the doorbell for he didn’t call on Margaret at this hour, when he heard an angry — wasn’t it angry? — surge of words garbled from inside the house like the only sound within half a mile and he didn’t ring. He took two soft steps to the broad window where the dim light came from the little sitting room beyond the front parlor with all the furniture and the mantelpiece with Alexander’s cigars and two long bookshelves and wonderful long tubular sort of velvet cushions in the corners of the couch, he could smell it all through the window but what was going on was beyond this in the little sitting room, through the door of which Jim saw his grandmother and the wiry, shaky old man from New York who’d come to see her at Mantoloking beach that afternoon, and they were not at each other’s throats but holding each other at arm’s length laughing like before or after hugging as Jim had seen her do with her husband.

And Jim had a good look at his grandmother’s face changing, and then she seemed to turn her back to him, it was to the window. She wore a light-colored summer dress, there were beads across the back of her neck — which was the way Jim remembered.

Her legs were pale as he had never before seen them, and she seemed dimly to have said, "… may need you. . time comes" — or words to that effect, whatever it was — words with a murmured vagueness at this distance and the window between, that betokened great clarity at close range, that is for the Hermit-Inventor of New York to whom she spoke and who didn’t have his dark glasses on now but the old man’s eyes or one of them, the one that was visible, seemed to be looking at Jim and her at the same time so he felt something not terrible about what parents don’t feel they have to tell children.

So that Jim left the porch, stepped down the steps one by one, went down the walk, and heard his mother’s words and then his own eardrums pounding his brain. And turned away down the sidewalk but stopped to look back at his grandmother and grandfather’s house and a figure standing now in that window Jim had been snooping through. And the figure, just some townbody like anyone known, or on the other hand the Hermit-Inventor of New York whom Jim had always heard of but never before seen except now when (if it was one and the same and it possibly wasn’t) he was very sick but had a nephew, he’d been heard to say at the beach (though Margaret had said precious little about the funny old guy in his khakis and his sneakers with a concave chest and long white eyebrows). He was the Hermit-Inventor of New York, and after Jim with irritation stood his ground and stared back without real connection at the face he couldn’t see, he broke into a run back toward his own house but slowed up when two late cars passed slowly like Sunday up the wide street in the direction of, perhaps, the race track or beyond it Lake Rompanemus in the woods where the "piners" lived in poverty. He stopped and found himself walking as if nothing had happened, and the cars passed, and he heard his mother’s words again and looked back at Margaret’s house and then the other way at his own, which he could just make out the lights of. And he looked at one and the other, back and forth. Until he heard a slight ringing in his ears like when he drop-kicked a field goal, smelled horse manure on the cool fall air, heard pounding feet not blocked out by Ira, the Indian halfback from the other, not the race-track, end of town — and got hit in the head as if he were ball and runner by the little enemy guard who moved like crazy, the one weapon the visiting Toms River team had, but the ball was on its way, a tremendous drop-kick field goal which actually Windrow didn’t need in order to win — a day when Jim’s father stood on the sidelines and never made any response when Jim looked at him in those days before protective face masks, but when he came to, he found his father above him with the same look on his face. And so, wandering between the two houses of light in the quiet street, he got around his mother’s awful words to what it was that had first woken him. It had been the phone and he knew his mother was saying, downstairs, what he had heard her many times say but couldn’t remember what, except that it meant that his father was just leaving the newspaper and was walking home and would be home presently though some part of his home he would never reach.

And hearing his grandmother Margaret call his name down the street, for he was almost home now, he kept walking and didn’t turn back toward her and the Hermit-Inventor of New York, never guessing then that his father had phoned Margaret but assuming rather that the Hermit-Inventor had seen him at the window and Margaret had come out on the porch.

So that, understanding what had first woken him up, Jim said out loud the words that were trying to forget their utterer: his mother had said, and said to him who was the son she could depend on to look out for himself she said and whom she loved, and loved maybe more but not the way she loved Brad, her only other child: "I have to get out of all this. I just want to die sometimes. I could just disappear into the sea. You look at me as if you could kill me. Don’t worry. It’s not your fault; it’s not your responsibility; it’s not your life."

"What do you mean?" the boy asked. "Oh your grandmother said she had to talk to me tomorrow," said Sarah. "So what?" replied Jim. "You’re right," said his mother.

But the dashing, languid interrogator lest those words of a generation ago forget themselves if not their utterer asks, What wasn’t his "responsibility"? — to kill her or to keep her alive? — the words let’s make no bones about it cut two ways if we should wish to implement them, the interrogator adds with the century’s signal neutrality at his fingernails knowing that the torture he can give for fucking around in the words that we use to answer him gon’ hurt us more than him.

So that, on an evening with two young people still young enough to be "his own," Mayn spots at a resounding city intersection a foreign face that tells him what it could never guess it bore; for, a generation ago, on that night so many months before Jim’s mother did disappear into the future of the sea, the father who phoned Jim’s grandma Margaret downstreet to check that the boy racing whitely across the lawn and down West Throckmorton Street like some thief (but which one?) was headed her venerable way, had been in his slow-moving, only apparently hard-working (right?) march toward the void (not like me or any of my family, was Sarah’s line) so unlike his son Jim in Jim’s sharp eyes that Jim imagined some alter paternity; but then the returning walker saw his father watching from the porch and understood that his father had come home, as usual late, and was no doubt taking a pleasant breather thinking about things, maybe concisely separate news of other people’s lives, before penetrating the awful suspension of his own house — a reliable person, "kind of like a brother to me," Jim’s mother said; and Jim felt (though it then got thrown away — a shadow — into the future of a New York intersection and beyond) that if between two dimly lighted silent porch fronts he himself had no alternative parentage, he must have something in common with that impassive father.